The Siren (39 page)

“Akinli?” she asked, almost like she was guessing, as if Akinli was in the same league as Timmy or Brian or Jake.

“Yes! Yes, I’m Akinli. Do you remember… we had lobster? And I bought you a book? And that necklace— that’s from me. You were staying with me.” My words were tumbling over one another to get out of my mouth, jockeying for position. I wondered if she could even untangle those mumbles. She was quiet for a moment, thinking. I just wanted to hear her voice again.

“I… I don’t remember any of that. But I know you. How do I know you?” she asked.

“Well, we were kind of together. For a little while. And then you left.”

“Together?”

“Yeah, together. Like a couple,” I explained.

“Oh.” She lowered her face a little bit, and it looked like she was blushing. I forgot how modest she had been. I couldn’t imagine how that side of her would handle an inexplicable ex-boyfriend. She giggled a bit. It sounded like light.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, I just… I’m sorry. I’m just surprised is all.” There was definitely a blush.

“Yeah. Sorry I’m not more attractive.” Was now really the time to crack jokes?

She laughed again.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” She smiled at me. I felt that same warmth from waking up with her next to me. I knew I was finally coming out of the night. I had to shake my head in wonder. Our eyes locked in the moment, but then her expression faded back into confusion. “Wait. Why did I leave? What happened?”

“I’m not sure. It was either because you were mad at me, which is understandable, or someone took you. Do you remember if you were kidnapped at all?”

She thought. I could tell she was searching hard for something. It seemed like she was digging deeper than last time, but coming up just as blank. I wondered if it would always be like that for her, if no memories stayed for very long. Then again, she did remember me.

“I don’t know. But I feel… I feel… free?” she asked me, like I would be able to name the feeling for her. Of course, I was just as lost as she was. “Something is over. It feels bittersweet.” Her little forehead creased, and she kept thinking.

“Did anyone hurt you? Are you okay?”

“My lungs hurt a bit. I think I swallowed some water. And these scratches burn a little. It feels… I don’t know… painful? I don’t know anything else.” She looked disappointed, like she wished she could offer me more. She started to shiver a bit from the breeze. It was starting to get dark, and the warmth was leaving with the sun. “Why would I be mad at you?”

“Oh.” I didn’t want to explain this. “Well, while you and I were sort of together, an ex-girlfriend showed up. She wasn’t invited; I didn’t know she was coming. She made some waves, and then you were gone.”

She got quiet and thoughtful. “If
she
made waves, then it doesn’t seem like I should be mad at
you
.”

“Well, I really should have asked her to go. I didn’t really want her back… it was… she was part of my past that I missed. Not so much
her
, but the time itself. I didn’t know how to separate them at that moment. Does that make any sense?”

“A lot, actually.” Her face was clear, as if she’d felt it all with me.

“I should have known you would get it. I could always tell you understood things. Even when you couldn’t say so, I could tell.” I could barely take in this moment. It seemed too good. First, that she was here. Second, that she wasn’t even upset with me. Third, that she didn’t seem to have any need or desire to go away.

We watched each other in silence for a moment.

I saw her shiver again, and I took off my shirt to give to her. She looked so tiny when she wore my things; it was adorable. She ducked her head with a blush, but glanced at my chest more than once. I think she might have caught me grinning at that, but I couldn’t help it. Maybe now wasn’t the moment to hope she still felt that way about me, but… who the hell cares?

I committed her to memory there… her hair dripping down her cheeks, the shining black dress clinging to her, the warm look on her face, and the complete comfort I felt with her wearing my clothes. Her smile was small when she spoke.

“Where am I exactly?”

“Port Clyde, Maine.”

“But I’m not from here?”

“I have no idea. This is the second time I’ve found you with no memory of what you’ve been through or where you’ve been. I’m guessing you have to be from somewhere close by to end up here twice. Last time you wore a dress a lot like this one— just as fancy but a different color. But last time you couldn’t talk. We thought you were in shock or something.”

“We?” she asked.

“Oh, yeah. You stayed with me and my cousin Ben and his wife Julie.”

“Julie…” she whispered, like maybe she remembered her, too. If she did, she didn’t say so. It looked like she was going a little crazy trying to think. “I don’t know what to do now.” She was so confused. I had a few thoughts about what she could do now, but I didn’t think a marriage proposal would go over too well at the moment.

“Well, you have some options.” I didn’t really want to give them to her, but it all had to be her choice this time. “We can go to my house and call the police— they were very helpful the last time. They can take you and set you up in a home with other women and get you a job. They had said last time that maybe that would be good for you.”

She took this in quietly, not bothered by the idea of shipping her off. So calm.

“Or… you could come and stay with me again.” Did I imagine the tiny smile? “Last time… well, last time I think you were happy there. And Ben and Julie would be glad to have you back.” I lowered my eyes. “
I
would be glad to have you back. Ben and Julie have a baby now, so it’s a bit crowded, but if you don’t mind that,” I looked up to her, “consider yourself at home.”

She closed her eyes. She looked like she was searching for some important piece of information in her head. Like she was trying to solve a puzzle.

“I have to be with you,” she finally said, though her forehead was still creased. She made the decision, but didn’t seem to know why. I didn’t care. I was happy. I knew I had a stupid look on my face, but I couldn’t help it. I’m a weird guy. I checked myself before I got too excited.

“Great,” I said. “Perfect.”

We held a smile between us for a moment. But before I could settle into this being real, I had to know something.

“Listen, could you do me a favor? If you want to leave again, that’s alright. I just need you to tell me, okay? Will you promise me you won’t just disappear again?” I had to know that if she changed her mind, I’d at least get a solid good-bye. I didn’t think I’d survive a second round of that worry.

She looked at me with unending tenderness in her eyes. It was a familiar sight, as if she had unknown amounts of patience. She put a hand to my cheek and stared into me. If she was trying to make sure I was paying attention, she didn’t have to go that far.

“Akinli… you are the only thing in this world that is familiar to me. You’ve opened your home to me. Twice now, right? And I think I’ve hurt you before. I see the hurt, but you’re the one doing the apologizing here. I don’t remember anything you did from before, but you’re being more than generous to me now. Why would I ever leave?” I think my breathing went a little haywire. I couldn’t focus for a moment. “I’m sorry I hurt you,” she whispered.

And she meant that. Kahlen didn’t really have it in her to lie. She was sorry she had hurt me, and she wasn’t planning on leaving.

Maybe I could hope for her. Maybe I could finally have some peace in my life. The hope filled me up, and I had to share it with someone. I had to get her to Ben and Julie. Now!

“Let’s go home,” I said. Her eyes lit up at the word. She nodded her head, and we started to move.

She was very unstable as I helped her up. I shouldn’t be glad for that, but it gave me an excuse to hold her closer than maybe I should have. I had one arm around her back and the other held her hand as we took uniform steps across the rocks. At one point, I just couldn’t hold it back any longer, and I kissed her on the top of her head. I wanted to do so much more, but I kept reminding myself that she didn’t remember all of that… and she probably almost drowned today. But she didn’t seem put off by it. Instead, she made a tiny, happy gasp when I got close to her. I tried to look down and read her face, but she had buried her head into my chest. I didn’t mind that.

“I remember your smell! I know your smell!” She was beyond excited.

I looked forward and walked. And smiled. And a damn tear got out anyway.

 
CHAPTER
19

Luckiest man on earth. If she said yes, there would be no one who could deny it.

I couldn’t stop wringing my hands and tugging on my clothes. I just had to stay calm. How was I supposed to stay calm?

Kahlen.

The whole day spun around her, but the only thing that could stop my world from shaking was Kahlen. So I settled on the couch, pretending to watch TV, and gazed at her.

It worked like magic. I felt an immediate peacefulness in my body when she was near me. It never failed. Even now.

She wasn’t doing anything special. Bex had fallen asleep on her blanket, surrounded by toys in the middle of the living room floor. Kahlen was hovering over her, hair tucked behind her ear, but still almost brushing the baby’s face. Kahlen was gently stroking Bex’s face over and over, completely content. Though she had no memory of a family, she must have had an amazing mother— it came to her so naturally.

Natural. That was a good way of describing Kahlen’s fit into the family. Ever since she came back, it was as if she was always meant to be here. I couldn’t believe how simple it had been.

I thought I had lost her trust forever after the huge mistake of not immediately turning Casey away. But Kahlen refused to hold anything against me that she couldn’t remember. She said, as far as she and I were concerned, we were starting our friendship on a clean slate. I was a little discouraged that she used the word “friendship” instead of “relationship.” I thought I had made it clear in our first conversation on the rocks that she was much more than a friend to me.

But I was a determined man. I knew I loved her. I had spent a year without her, and that wasn’t ever going to happen again. So I got to work. Every day was an opportunity to prove to Kahlen that I could deserve her one day. That was my mission.

She moved in again, but this time I wanted to make it more permanent. We essentially shared my room, but at night she got the bed while I took the couch. She kept insisting I should keep the bed because it was my room. I assured her that it was
our
room now, and it would personally offend me if she took the couch. That settled it; she was such a lady she couldn’t bring herself to bother anyone. But it sucked for a couple of reasons.

First of all, I wanted her. All the time. Every freaking night I was wishing she’d ask me to stay with her and just say we could share the bed. I dreamed it up a hundred ways. But, in almost all of those dreams, she ended up naked. And I was determined to be a gentleman with her.
This
was the girl I was going to keep. Second, it’s hard to get comfortable on the couch. It’s not bad, but my body’s too long for it. So I slept less, which was a pain; I really love sleep. But if it meant that Kahlen could sense that I cared about her, I would have slept on the rocks outside. Besides, it was much better than the sleep I’d had while she was gone.

I also helped her get clothes so she could get a job. It was hard to get a job in a prom dress, and she couldn’t buy non-prom clothes without a job, so someone needed to start the process. Once Kahlen was employed, she insisted on paying me back. I couldn’t stop her, so I just spent the money she gave me on her. She kept saying I was ridiculously lucky around the third or fourth time I told her I found a twenty on the street and she should let me take her out to dinner. I wouldn’t deny my luck, not with her around, and she was much too innocent to question me. I really loved that about her— that she was just sweet. Not obnoxiously sweet, but kind in a way that she saw the best in everyone. In her eyes, I was above lying. If it had been any other circumstance, I don’t think I could have lied to her. I loved Kahlen too much to hurt her.

When she was finally normally clothed, I helped her start job hunting. It was hard because she wanted a job before all the legal identity stuff was done, but she managed to get in at the library just outside of town. She was absolutely perfect for it. Kahlen loved stories, had a mysterious tolerance for silence, and really liked having a job. Kahlen started some story time programs for kids, bringing some fresh ideas to the old ladies at the branch, and they genuinely appreciated her energy. It was great. I tried not to laugh when she dressed up as a bunny for story time, or covered her head in green yarn when she chose to read
The Giving Tree
. Her enthusiasm was contagious, so I found myself helping out a lot.

I prided myself in being pretty macho, but one day Kahlen did a handful of princess books, and I ended up wearing a green sweat suit and these cheesy looking horns pretending to be a dragon. This was before I realized that the parents usually stayed for story time… and that I knew a lot of them from high school and living in such a small town. Some of the guys razzed me for the whole dragon thing. But I looked over and realized that I was doing this for the girl in the tiara. The girl in the tiara was going home with me. The girl in the tiara might love me back one day. I’d dress up however she wanted me to.