A far more plausible explanation than that you fell in with a band of desperate men, one of whom is so gallant that he is going to let you live awhile ... if you deserve to.”
“It pleases you to joke about this matter.”
“It pleases me because I am so happy to be here with you.”
He took hold of me then and held me powerless in his arms.
“Presumably,” I said, “you are displaying your superior strength.”
“Rather unnecessary, is it not? One should never stress the obvious. I find you most desirable.”
“I am sorry I cannot return the compliment.”
“You will change your mind.”
“So you saved my life ... for this.”
“A worthy cause,” he said.
“You are ... wicked.”
“I know. But you are not so very virtuous yourself, are you, Carlotta?”
“I don’t think you know anything about me.”
“You’d be surprised how much I do know.”
“You know my family. That should be enough to tell you they will not stand aside and allow me to be treated like this.”
“I could take you very easily, you know ... now ... this moment. You are looking round for means of escape. You could scream. Who would care? In fact that might bring Durrell with his sword. You are trapped, sweet Carlotta. At the mercy of your ravisher.
There is nothing to be done in such circumstances but to submit. It saves a great deal of trouble.”
I wrenched myself away from him and ran to the door. I pummelled on it with my fists.
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“Now that,” he said, “is an action scarcely worthy of you. Who in this house is coming to your rescue? Save your energies for more worthy purposes.”
He had taken me by the shoulders and led me back into the room.
“You are irresistible and we shall be lovers this night,” he said. “It is what I wanted from the moment I saw you. You are such an attractive creature, Carlotta.
You invite. You promise. You are meant for love ... our sort of love.”
“Love,” I cried. “I should think that is a subject you know nothing about. You mean lust, do you not? I am at your mercy. You are intent on rape-a very gentlemanly activity, I believe, and I have no doubt you are well versed in it. It is easy, is it not, to seek out helpless women who are unable to fight against you. Oh, very gallant.
I despise you ... Field ... Hessenfield, whatever your name is. You haven’t even the courage to own up to that and have to masquerade under a false name. Let me tell you this, if ever I get out of this place I shall not forget you.”
“I hope not,” he said. “I intend to make you remember me for the rest of your life.”
“With a shudder ... with loathing.... Yes, you are probably right. That is how I shall remember you.”
“No,” he said, “perhaps otherwise.”
His arm was about my shoulder and there was a curious gentleness in his touch. He forced me onto the stool and knelt at my feet and taking my hands in his smiled up at me. His eyes were shining. I noticed that they were golden coloured. Again he reminded me of Beau. He had looked like that before we made love.
He kissed my hands just as Beau used to and he said: “Carlotta, you have been very unhappy. I am going to change that.”
I tried to snatch my hands away. “You know nothing about me,” I cried.
“I know a great deal,” he answered. “I knew Beaumont Granville
• . well.”
I closed my eyes. There was something unreal about this scene. If he had taken me by force, roughly, crudely, it would have seemed the natural outcome and in any case I had been expecting it. But this talk about Beau was unnerving.
“He was a friend of my father,’ he said. “He often came to our
81house. He took a fancy to me. He used to talk a great deal to me.”
“Did he talk of me?”
“He talked of all his women.”
“All his women!”
“They were legion. There had been women in his life since he was fourteen. He was very frank with me. He said he would undertake my education. What aspect of that education I don’t need to explain.”
“I don’t want to hear any more.”
“My dear, it is for me to say what shall and shall not be. I know you still think of him, don’t you? How long is it since he disappeared? Three years. Four years.
What happened to him do you think?”
“Perhaps he was killed as you intend to kill me.”
He was thoughtful. “He had many enemies. A man like Beaumont Granville would. It is generally thought that he went abroad ... in search of higher game. It was not unusual for him to disappear for periods at a time. Usually creditors or having involved himself in some affair that was giving him trouble was the cause.”
“Why are you telling me all this?”
“Because you must get him out of your mind. You have set up a great memorial to him.
He is not worth it, Carlotta.”
“Another quality I have discovered in you. Such loyalty to your friends.”
“Yes, he was a friend in a way but you mean more to me.”
I laughed. “This time yesterday I saw you for the first time. I wish to God I never had.”
“I do not think that is exactly true.” He laid a hand on my wrist. “I can feel your heart beating fast, Carlotta. Oh, it is going to be wonderful between us. I know it. But I want you to stop comparing me with Beaumont Granville.”
“I did nothing of the sort “
“You should keep to the truth, Carlotta. The truth is so much more interesting than lies.”
“Oh, let me out of here. I promise I will not say a word of what I have seen. Give me a horse. Let me go. I will find my way to Eyot Abbass. I will say I lost my way.
I will make up some plausible tale. I promise you, you and your band shall not be the worse for anything I shall say.”
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“Too late,” he said. “You are here, Carlotta, in the trap. A most delightful trap, I promise you.”
“With death at the end ... ?” I asked.
“It will depend on you. You will entertain me and each night I shall look forward to more shared joys. Have you heard of Scheherazade? She told stories and for her skill was allowed to live through another day. You are a Scheherazade of sorts, Carlotta, and I am your sultan.”
I put my hands over my face. I did not want him to see my expression. His talk of Beau had brought back so many memories of the room in Enderby Hall. This room was not unlike it. He reminded me more and more of Beau. I was afraid of myself. I felt that if this man touched me I should not be able to fight off the fantasy. I should let myself slip into the dream.
“Stop regretting Beaumont Granville,” he was saying. ‘You would have been wretched with him. Your people were right to try to stop the marriage. Beaumont could never be faithful to one woman for more than a week. He was completely cynical about them.
He talked of them to me ... to others too, I don’t doubt. He talked of you, Carlotta.”
I repeated blankly: “He talked of me!”
“He was going to marry you because of your fortune. Solely because of your fortune, Carlotta. He wasn’t in the least reluctant, though. A nice fortune and a loving little wife. He told me how it was with you. He described those times you spent together in Enderby Hall, wasn’t it? He talked about women like that. He used to talk about Naturals. They were born for it, he said. Lovely passionate creatures. They are as eager as you are. Carlotta, he said, is like that. He was glad, he said. One grew tired of the shrinking kind who had no heart in the romp.”
“Be silent,” I cried. “How can you? I hate you. I hate you. If I could I would ...”
“I know. If you had a sword here you’d run it through me as Durrell would have run it through you this morning. You owe me your life, Carlotta.”
I could not explain my feelings. There was shame there, shame for what Beau had said of me. I never wanted to see that room at
82
Enderby again. My mother had done everything she could to stop me and she had been right. I could not bear to think of him-discussing me and my emotions and my reactions to this ... disciple of his.
His fingers were on my coat. “Come, dear Carlotta,” he said. “Forget him. He is past.
Perhaps he lies mouldering in some grave. Perhaps he is at this moment lying with someone who can give him more than you could. Forget him. I know you and love you already. You are no stranger to me, Carlotta.”
He had taken off my coat. He was undressing me with unexpectedly tender hands.
I wrenched myself free suddenly. I looked about the room. He took my face in his hands and said: “Caught. Trapped, like a little bird in a net. Sweet Carlotta, life is fleeting. Who knows, perhaps this very night men will come to this place and take me. Perhaps in a week, a month, my head and shoulders will have parted. Life is short.
It has always been my motto. Enjoy it while we can. That should be yours, too. Who shall say what tomorrow shall bring to either of us? But there is tonight.”
Then he picked me up and carried me to the bed.
He laid me there and I closed my eyes.
Resistance was useless. I was completely in his power. I knew the sort of man he was. Beau’s sort. He was moving about the room. Then he blew out the candle and was beside me.
I wanted to cry out in protest. But cries, as he had pointed out, were useless. I was in his power.
I heard him laugh in the darkness. I think he knew me better than I knew myself.
It is difficult to understand myself. I suppose I should have felt degraded and humiliated; and in a v/ay I did, and yet. ... It is hard to explain except to say that I am a woman who was meant to experience physical passion and I was beginning to understand that it was not so much Beau himself that I had missed as the opportunity to match my physical needs with one with whom I was in complete bodily harmony. This was how it was with Hessenfield. We were as one flesh; I forgot the reason for my being where I was and although I brought out all my pride-and that was considerable in ordinary 83circumstances-I could not hide the fact that I found pleasure in this encounter.
Hessenfield knew it; he exulted in it, and he was by no means a rough or uncouth lover as might have been expected in the circumstances. He behaved as though his great desire was to please me and he made no secret of his delight in me.
He told me that I was wonderful; that he had never enjoyed such an experience as much as he had with me.
In the darkness he whispered to me: “I could so easily fall in love with you.”
I did not jeer at him; I remained silent. I was overcome by a mixture of shame and ecstasy.
We were as suited as lovers as Beau and I had been. There was an overpowering sensuality in us both which gave us a rare appreciation of the sensations we could evoke in each other. Whatever happened to me, I could not wholeheartedly regret this adventure.
He knew it even as I did. He certainly behaved like a lover after that first onslaught.
It was as though he was telling me that he was sorry it had happened in this way.
When the first streaks of light were in the sky he was at the window. He was looking for the ship.
“There is nothing there,” he said; and there was almost a relief in his voice.
Another day passed. A long day it seemed. They were all watching for the arrival of the ship. I dressed the General’s wound. I seemed to be more adept at nursing than any of the others and they Jet me do it. They seemed glad that I could.
The General was not quite sure where he was, so he did not question my presence.
I was glad of that. Later I went down to the kitchen and prepared the food for them.
It was only a matter of setting it out on the table for whoever this house belonged to had left it well stocked with food.
I was embarrassed to meet Hessenfield’s gaze during that morning. He was so knowledgeable; he would know exactly how I was feeling, and I could scarcely pretend to be as outraged as I should be. He had been fully aware of the passion in me which had matched his own.
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He was too experienced not to understand my nature. At one time he came up behind me, caught me and held me against him; I felt his lips on my ear. He was behaving as a true lover might. It was disconcerting.
I felt ashamed to face the others, for they all knew what had happened. Hessenfield undoubtedly had a reputation for his amorous adventures. Beau’s pupil, I thought.
He had taught me something. It was that it was not so much Beau whom I wanted but a man who could satisfy me in the way Beau had.
The night came and we were alone again. As he held me tightly against him he said:
“I am glad the ship did not come today.”
“You are a fool,” I said. “Every day your danger grows.”
“It’s worth it,” he answered, “for a night with you.”
We lay together in the big four-poster bed just as I had lain in that other with Beau.
He said: “I believe you love me a little.”
I did not answer and he went on: “At least you do not hate me. Oh, Carlotta, who would have thought this would have turned out so. Since I saw you in the inn I wanted this. I wouldn’t have anything changed. ...”
Then he kissed me and I tried to ward off the desire which he knew so well how to kindle.
“You should never pretend, sweetheart,” he said. “There is nothing wrong in being a vibrant woman. Oh, God, how I wish that things were not as they are. I like to think that these traitors had not arisen, that you and I had met perhaps at some court function. And I saw you and loved you and asked for your hand in honourable marriage. Think of that, Carlotta.”
“I should have to agree, you know,” I reminded him.
“You would. There would have been no objection from your family, I promise you, and if there had been from you I should have brought you to some place like this and proved to you how necessary I was in yOur life. You would have accepted me then, Carlotta, would you not?”
“I suppose if you had seduced me I should have to,” I retorted.
“Sweet Carlotta. I shall pray that the ship does not come tomorrow.”
85I said nothing. I was afraid to betray my feelings with words as I in other ways.