The Suicide Project (Rebirth Book 1) (34 page)

One thing was for damn sure—I decided right then and there that I would try my hardest not to get terminated from the program. I rather liked my new life here on the base, and the new extended family that came along with it. Seeking to banish the dark thoughts from my mind, I decided to change the topic to one I had originally wanted to discuss in the first place.

“So…new topic change!” My smile was bright and cheery as I looked around the room. “Let’s talk about this Friday’s test already!!” Naturally, since I wanted answers, I began an obnoxious chant that the other girls quickly picked up on in hopes that our chaperones would buckle under the pressure and spill the beans regarding this Friday’s plans for us.

“Details! Details! Details! Details!” We pumped our fists in the air as we half-laughed, half-chanted until finally Sergeant Kami raised her hands in the air, signaling for quiet as she struggled to keep a straight face. Shaking her head at me, she sighed, “Teagan….you’re a bad influence on the others.”

Pleased, I gave her my most charming smile. “Why, thank you!”

Jamie snorted, and started to choke on the gummy bears she had just popped in her mouth. I reached over and gave her a couple of good thumps on the back, laughing at her as I did so. Once she got her breath back, I shot a sheepish look at Sergeant Kami. “It’s okay, I know the Heimlich. Although—-I wouldn’t put it past one of the guys watching the monitors to come rushing in here so they could give her mouth-to-mouth.” I waggled my eyebrows at Jamie as everyone else erupted in laughter.

“Oh geez! I forgot all about the monitors!” Harper took her towel and wrapped it around her body so that it covered her from chest to upper thigh. I just laughed as I shook my head at her.

Turning my attention back to Sergeant Kami, I stated, “Come on already! I won’t be swayed! I’m tenacious like that. Can’t you give us just a little hint?”

“Hmm… let me see if I can shed some light on the test without giving it away.” There was a brief pause as she folded her arms across her chest and thought about it. You could hear a pin drop in the sudden quiet, I was sure. Finally she said, “It’s kind of like a test of physical endurance. You’ll be tested on upper body strength and balance. For some of you, it’ll be a test of courage. For the majority of you, it will be a test of perseverance because you might not pass the test on the first try, but we will give you the opportunity to re-test every Friday until you
do
pass.”

What the heck. It was like a riddle. I felt my brow furrow as I pondered Sergeant Kami’s cryptic clues. A quick glance around the room showed I wasn’t the only one confused. I chewed on my lower lip for a second before blurting out, “How bout another clue?”

There was no hesitation on Sergeant Kami’s part when she answered, “No.”

“Oh, come on!” I needled.

“Nope!”

“POOP!” I swore.

Kyrie giggled at me as she echoed, “Poop?”

“The ‘s’ word is a swear word and since you’re here, I have to improvise.” I explained offhandedly.

There was another brief pause before what I said finally registered to Marisol, and she threw back her head and let loose great peals of laughter. Her laughter was contagious, and we all started laughing along with her.

“You don’t understand what a sacrifice it is though,” I complained. “The ‘s’ word has always been my favorite swear word.” Oh well. I knew it was a bad habit to cuss in front of the young ones, but at least I could still cuss up a storm in my head.

As the laughter died down, I said, “Okay! Topic change! What should we talk about next?”

Harper, Allegra, Marisol, and Kyrie all grinned impishly at each other before turning their sights on me. All at once, they chorused, “Boys!!!”

Oh yeah… Isn’t this the whole reason why you wanted Girls Night in the first place, Teagan?
However, looking around at all the grinning faces aimed my way, I couldn’t help but feel slightly alarmed. Especially when they continued to smirk knowingly at me, as if they knew some big juicy secret that I didn’t. Even Jamie and Sergeant Kami were beaming at me like a couple of goobers.

When I couldn’t stand it anymore, I finally mumbled, “What?!”

“Pfft! What do you mean,
what?
Let’s talk about guys already! You get the ball rolling, Teagan!” Harper, the most boy-crazy of the bunch, was smiling so big I swear the guys watching the monitors would know exactly what we were talking about, even without being able to listen in. Knowing part of the dilemma, Jamie finally took pity on me and decided to fill the girls in on Sergeant Quartermaine’s secret unit. She even went so far as to explain how I had run into two of the guys the other night when I was on my way back to my room for the night.

Harper latched on to the information with glee and demanded, “Well? What did you think of them, Teagan?”

How did I begin to describe the masculine essence that was Wyatt, without selling him short? I chewed on my bottom lip as I confessed, “One of them kissed my hand, and the other one just stood there staring at me and smiling. It was all very confusing.”

“What did they look like?” Harper asked.

“Well, they were both good looking,” I admitted. “But Wyatt was a level 10 on the Sex Appeal Scale of Hotness.”

“Whoooo! I can’t wait to get a peek at them!” Allegra gushed. “So…he’s interested in you…and you think he’s hot. What exactly is the problem here?”

I rolled my eyes at her teasingly as Kyrie and Marisol giggled in the background. “It’s not that simple. You see, Wyatt started paying attention to me right around the same time that Gideon did, which was like….a couple days ago.” I could feel my face burning as we were talking, and it startled me when both Harper and Allegra simultaneously pointed at me and hooted in laughter.

“No, no, no. Gideon has had the major hots for you since the beginning. Like, as soon as you arrived on base.” Harper pointed out.

I shook my head and stated, “No… it was just a little crush. But now he’s trying to turn it into something more.”

Marisol cleared her throat as if she wanted to say something. I looked at her and prompted her with a bob of my eyebrows to go ahead and speak her mind. “Teagan, we watched you on the live camera feeds every day that you were in boot camp. We were able to see things that you didn’t or couldn’t see, including the way that Gideon always looked at you.”

Jamie was quick to interject, “It’s true, Teagan. And it’s very plain to see that it has morphed into more than just a simple crush.”

Flabbergasted, I just sat there and mulled it over. Could it be true? Why didn’t I see it sooner? Were the signs there all along and I had just been completely oblivious?

Sergeant Kami butted into my private thoughts as she inquired, “Just out of curiosity…what exactly is your objection to Gideon’s interest in you?”

“Yeah. I wanna hear your answer because Gideon is
seriously
hot.” Allegra pointed out. “I mean, he didn’t look that way when he got here, but 6 months of boot camp did his body good. Come on, have you
seen
his muscles?” She bit her lip as she let loose a dreamy sigh.

I blew out a breath as I considered the question. “Well….he’s only 19. I’m four years older than him.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized how incredibly lame it sounded, even to my own ears.

“Are you kidding? That seems to be the trend these days, especially in the celebrity world. And besides…he’s over 18! That means he’s legal.” Harper grinned at me as she dismissed my excuse. “What else? What other objections about Gideon do you have?”

As I pictured him in my mind’s eye, I honestly was coming up blank. If I were being truthful with myself, I couldn’t come up with any other reason why I shouldn’t consider a romantic relationship with Gideon. After all, I already cared a lot about him. The question was, what happened if we gave it a try and it didn’t work out? Would the fallout forever ruin our friendship? I couldn’t bear the thought of losing the close bond I already shared with him.

Sergeant Kami seemed to read my mind as she smiled tenderly at me and said, “Don’t stress too hard about this. No one expects you to come to a decision tonight. If a love match between you and Gideon was meant to be, then I sincerely believe that things will work themselves out in the end. As for Wyatt, you’ll just have to come to your own conclusions about him. You’re still young and life is nothing but one big lesson. So…you know…live and learn!” I nodded my head in understanding as I decided to follow her advice and stop stressing about it.

Leaning over, I gently nudged Kyrie and asked, “Why so quiet, Squirt? What are you thinking about?”

Kyrie tilted her head to the side as she tried to put her thoughts into words. “Thinking about Gideon makes me think of a butterfly emerging from its cocoon. He looks nothing now like he did when he first got here. Especially after you gave him a haircut and shaved off his beard. Who knew a stud was hiding beneath all that hair?”

Amused, I smiled at her in response. “Those are some pretty deep thoughts. Anything else you wanna share?”

“Mmm… well. I wanted to say that Sam is also a butterfly, and he’s very good looking too. It’s too bad that he’s gay.”

I burst out laughing at her observation, along with the others. “I’m sure he’d consider it the highest compliment if he knew what you were thinking.”

Letting out a gasp, she worried, “You’re not going to tell him, are you?”

Winking at her, I replied, “Tell him what?”

She released a relieved sigh, which made me laugh again. “Okay mademoiselle’s, who’s next on the pedestal? What guy problems do you want to discuss?”

As the night wore on, I discovered that nearly
everyone
adored Gideon but no one wanted to bother engaging his interest, since apparently he only had eyes for me. Harper and Allegra both liked Logan, but since Logan was never alone and always had Cassidy and Gabe by his side, it made it hard to get to know him better.

To my surprise, Jamie was happily dating Doc Duffy and they had been together for just over a year. I learned that Sergeant Kami had a huge crush on Sergeant Flynn but was too chicken-shit to make a move. Teasingly, Harper, Allegra, and I started brainstorming ways to covertly bring them together. I started to get a cramp in my side from laughing so hard from some of the scenarios we concocted.

When asked if they had any secret crushes, both Kyrie and Marisol denied having any feelings for anyone. Slinging my arms around each one of their shoulders, I replied, “Good! You guys should stay away from boys…they’re nothing but trouble!”

When the others heard my comment, they doubled over in laughter claiming I was so contradictory. Suddenly, a loud snore resonated from behind us and I laughed when I saw that Mercer was deeply asleep. He had been so quiet, I had forgotten he was with us. Glancing at the clock on the wall, I was shocked to see that it was already half past midnight.

Jamie beat me to it when she suggested, “As fun as Ladies Night was, I think it’s time to call it a night and turn in for bed. We all have to get up pretty early in the morning for training.”

With sleepy smiles, we all scrambled to our feet and started packing up all the snacks to take back with us to the kitchen in the Mess Hall. I made a mental note to thank Amos for the wonderful spread he had laid out for us. As soon as we stood up, Mercer automatically awoke at the sound of our rustling and padded over to my side.

One by one, we exited the building and walked single file towards the direction of the main building. When Kyrie stumbled once, Harper snagged her arm to prevent her from doing a face-plant in the grass and I let loose a quiet chuckle. Kyrie sure lost her steam pretty fast, but then again she was the youngest of the bunch, so I’m sure she didn’t get the chance to stay up this late very often.

When all the leftover snacks had been dropped off in the kitchen, I squatted in front of Kyrie and ordered, “Hop on Squirt.” In the corridor, we all whispered “goodbyes” to one another, and retired to our respective rooms for the night.

In our own room, Kyrie stayed awake long enough to change into her pajamas and brush her teeth before shuffling to her bed like a zombie, and falling face first into her pillows with her ankles hanging over the edge of the mattress. She didn’t even take the time to wiggle beneath her comforter. I stared at her, amazed as a soft snore emerged from her lips. Shaking my head and laughing quietly, I walked over to her side of the room and managed to maneuver her beneath the sheets without waking her up.

In the bathroom, I debated washing my hair as I stood at the sink brushing my teeth. The pungent smell of chlorine was nearly overwhelming to my sensitive nose, but my hair was already nearly dry and I hated the idea of going to bed with wet hair. In any case, I reasoned to myself, I’d only be getting up again in a few short hours to shower for the new day ahead.

Settling down beneath my own comforter, I closed my eyes and tried to relax. Half an hour later after doing nothing but tossing and turning, I sat up in bed, frustrated that I couldn’t turn my mind off. Inwardly I groaned, dreading another night of insomnia. Rolling over to my other side, I hugged my pillow and tried to find the most comfortable position. Still sleep eluded me, and after another 30 minutes of restlessness, I decided to go to the Mess Hall in search of something hot to drink.

Being as quiet as possible, I donned my bunny slippers and pulled a green hooded sweatshirt over my thin tank top. Looking down at my mismatched purple pajama bottoms, I shrugged thinking the odds of running into anyone at this time of the night would be highly unlikely. The slight tinkle of Mercer’s dog tag sounded, and I looked down to see that he had suddenly become alert the moment I got out of bed. Reaching down to rub his soft head, I whispered, “Mercer, stay!” He licked my hand before laying back down on his bed like the good obedient puppy that he was.

Smiling, I let myself out and started heading towards the Mess Hall. About halfway down the corridor, I thought I heard something. Stopping in the middle of the hallway, I closed my eyes and focused on the voices coming from the direction of the Mess Hall.