The Surgeon's Favorite Nurse (13 page)

Behind her she heard the rattle of silverware and the refrigerator door slamming. She wasn’t particularly hungry but figured this was less about food preparation and more about giving her space.

Suddenly space seemed highly overrated. She’d been alone for a long time and could hardly remember what it felt like to have someone take care of her. It was nice. A pathetic word for the care, support and attention Jake had just given her, but the best she could come up with. For reasons unclear to her, the words and scene a short while ago in her office had lifted the burden of regret and sorrow from her heart.

The problem was that fear had moved in and taken its place. Letting go of the guilt felt a lot like flying, but a crash landing could follow and the thought of that was terrifying. Loneliness was sad, but safe. She just wasn’t sure she could pick herself up and go on if fate smacked her down again.

“Are you a fan of mustard?” Jake called from the kitchen.

She shifted on the couch and tucked her bare feet up beside her as she turned toward his deep voice. Her heart skipped and twisted at the sight of him. His dress shirt was unbuttoned at the neck and the long sleeves rolled up to
midforearm. A lock of dark hair fell over his forehead and the gleam in his eyes lit a fire inside her as real as the trail of heat from the brandy. He was looking at her expectantly, clearly waiting for an answer to the question.

For the life of her, she couldn’t remember what he’d asked.

“Mustard?” he said.

Right. A yellow condiment. Huh? “For what?”

“Ham sandwich.”

“Do you need some help? I’ve just been sitting here like a lump. Someone could use me for third base.”

He shook his head. “You’ve been regrouping.”

“Is that your official diagnosis?”

“It is. And brandy is the official prescription. Have you finished?”

She looked at the small amount in the snifter and drained it, then looked at him as fire spread through her for an entirely different reason. “Yes.”

“A model patient.” He rested his palms on the kitchen granite as he looked at her. “So…mustard or mayonnaise?”

“Mayo.”

“Cheese?”

“No.”

He finished up in the kitchen, then carried two paper plates into the room and handed both of them to her. Then he went back for napkins and a beer before joining her again. When he sat close to her, his thigh somehow ended up beneath her knees. She craved the closeness but also feared it.

She gave back one of the plates after he set his drink on the coffee table. “Thanks for cooking.”

“Yeah, a regular gourmet feast.”

She took one of the triangles and bit into it, then realized how hungry she was. It didn’t take her long to finish.

One of Jake’s dark eyebrows arched. “Do you want another one?”

“I’m not ruling it out until after the first one hits bottom.”

He chewed thoughtfully and finished his sandwich before saying, “I’m sorry it’s not champagne and celebration.”

“That was my fault,” she said.

“Honest emotion isn’t something to apologize for.”

“Still, I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“I’m not,” he said, all hint of teasing gone. “In fact I’ve been trying to figure out what to say to get through to you.”

“About?”

“The fact that you didn’t die and it’s okay to be alive.”

She sucked in a breath at the blunt statement. “You don’t think I know that?”

“You have a room at the Residence Inn and drive a rented car.”

“My job is temporary.”

“Because you won’t let it be permanent. All the better to run away from life.”

“That’s not what I’m doing,” she protested.

“You think I don’t know what living looks like?” He stared at her, intensity crackling in his gray eyes. “I’m a surgeon. I do invasive procedures to fix people fighting for as many days on this earth as they can get. Quite literally I hold life and death in my hands. Sometimes a patient slips through my fingers for no apparent reason, even though I’ve done everything right, everything in my power to save them. You think that doesn’t piss me off?”

“I’m not your patient,” she snapped. “This isn’t surgery. It’s my life—”

“And I’m trying like hell to save it. Because I know that the patients I lose would have given anything for just one more shot at a life. And you’re wasting yours. I hate waste. It pisses me off, too.”

She threw the afghan aside, slid her legs off the couch and shot to her feet. “How dare you? Why do you care?”

He stood, too, staring down at her. “I just do.”

“Not my problem.” She started to turn away, not sure where she’d go, anywhere away from him. But he stopped her with a hand on her arm.

“You’re wrong about that. When are you going to get it that your problem
is
my problem?”

Hope glared at him. “Why did you bring me here?”

“That’s a good question.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “To talk this through. Privacy.”

“What do you want from me?”

“What do you think I want?” he shot back.

She searched his eyes and her soul. A shudder ran through her. “A chance,” she whispered.

“What are you afraid of?”

She dragged in a breath. “I’m afraid that taking the next step means that I care more than I want to. If I let myself go there, it could destroy me. Because if I get knocked down again, I’m not sure I’ll be able to get back up.”

Jake slid his fingers into her hair and cupped her face in his hands. She tilted her cheek into his palm, unable to pull away from his touch.

“No one knows what’s going to happen tomorrow. I can’t promise to make your future perfect. But I want to make you see what I see.”

“What?”

“You’re stronger than you can possibly know. Hope—” The single word vibrated with intensity. “It means belief in
something with the expectation of fulfillment. Even your name is about moving on.”

His gaze skipped over her face for several moments before he dipped his head and gently kissed her. The soft, sweet touch was like an explosive charge that punched a hole in the dam of her feelings and brought them surging out. She cupped his face in her hands, savoring the scruffy roughness on his cheeks and jaw. He needed a shave and she didn’t care if he scraped her raw. She wanted to laugh at the sheer joy of that thought.

Somehow the words and tears had washed everything away, leaving her bright and shiny. She felt brand-new. A clean slate. The first day of the rest of her life.

Jake pulled back, breathing hard. “This isn’t why I brought you here.”

“I know.” She stood on tiptoe and kissed him again.

He stopped her. “I just don’t want you to get the wrong idea—”

“Every idea I have feels exactly right.” She slid her fingers into the hair at his neck.

“You’re sure about this?”

She smiled. “Very.”

A heartbeat later they were devouring each other while closures, snaps and belts were feverishly undone. Jake pulled her sweater over her head and flung it somewhere. As soon as her arms were free, she went to work on the buttons marching up the front of his white dress shirt, but her hands were shaking and it was taking too long. He grabbed the bottom and dragged it over his head.

Then his gaze dropped to her breasts and the prim white bra holding them. He reached behind her to unhook it and the thin nylon dropped between them. “For Valentine’s Day I’m buying you lace.”

Her heart caught as she let herself look ahead and
anticipate the future, something she hadn’t done for a very long time. The exhilaration made her feel bold and sassy. “That’s a waste of money. It will just end up on the floor.”

He grinned a whole lot of wicked. “But the vision of you wearing it will stay in my head forever. You can’t put a price on that.”

And then they came together, bare from the waist up. Soft to hard; skin to skin. The dusting of hair on his chest teased her breasts, sending liquid desire coursing through her. She tugged him toward the couch, desperate to be horizontal in his arms, but he held her fast, much stronger than she was.

He lifted his mouth from hers and dragged in a breath. “No. Bedroom.”

She’d single-handedly rendered him incapable of anything but one-word sentences. How awesome was that? But his mouth on her neck produced the same result.

“Here. Now—”

“I want you in my bed.” He brushed strands of hair from her face and met her gaze. “I’ve spent too many nights remembering you there with me. Too many dreams of you in my arms only to wake up empty and alone.”

If anyone knew that feeling, it was her. It was awful. She’d been heading for this emotional cliff for a while, but the achingly sweet words sent her tumbling over.

“Okay,” she whispered.

He swung her easily into his arms and carried her down the hall to his room. Light from the backyard illuminated the bed with sheets, blanket and comforter at the foot. She had the fleeting thought that just once she might like to see his bed made.

Possibilities.

It felt good to think about what could be.

He set her down and took his time removing her slacks and panties, trailing kisses over her breasts, belly and the inside of her thigh. She couldn’t remember wanting the way she wanted him now and simply couldn’t wait any longer.

She reached for his hand as she backed toward the bed. When their gazes locked, his eyes caught fire. Desire poured through her until there was no room for anything else, including fear.

As they tumbled to the sheets together, Hope was breathing so hard she could barely draw in air. “Now, Jake. Please—”

“I know.” He was already pulling a condom out of the nightstand. “Me, too—”

He ripped open the packet and covered himself. Then he rolled over her and nudged her thighs apart with his knee. The gentle thrust belied the frenzy of movement moments ago. He entered her slowly, tenderly, as he framed her face with his hands and kissed her until she wanted to weep from the sweetness of it. When he traced her lips with his tongue, she opened to him and he plundered her until their breathing was ragged.

The tempo of his hips increased and he drove into her until the knot of need inside her tightened, then exploded in a fireball of heat and light. Tremors of pleasure rolled through her for what seemed like an eternity and Jake held her until it stopped. Then he started to move slowly again, but quickly picked up momentum until he groaned and went still. Hope held him until his body went lax and she felt his smile against her neck.

“Awesome,” he mumbled.

“That goes double for me.”

He chuckled as he rolled out of bed and disappeared into the bathroom. She drifted in a haze of happiness
until the mattress dipped and he was back, pulling her into his arms.

“I’m sorry about the champagne and flowers.” He kissed her temple.

“There weren’t any,” she reminded him.

“That’s what I’m sorry about. Next time I’ll take you to a fancy restaurant first for food, flowers and expensive bubbly. I owe you.”

“It sounds lovely. Count me in. But you don’t owe me. You’ve given me more than I could ever have imagined.”

Joy welled up inside her because for the first time in a long time she wasn’t looking back. And when the future stretched out in front of her, the past wasn’t standing in her way.

A
fter waking up beside Jake and a repeat of the night before, Hope’s day had started the best possible way. After that, he’d given her his house key and told her to meet him there after work. It was nearly time to leave the hospital after a long day and just thinking about him made her want to hum. That felt like a miracle.

Condolence cards had told her that time would heal her heart. That one day she would wake up, remember Kevin and not hurt. She’d never believed that until today. Somehow she knew that her husband was happy because
she
was moving forward again.

Happiness was possible and nothing could stand in her way. But when she looked up from the computer and saw the beautiful woman standing in the doorway of her office, the urge to hum disappeared…

“I’m Blair Havens.”

It was like someone poked a pin in her bliss balloon and let all the happy air out.

Hope stood behind her desk, then walked around it and held out her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Blair. I’m Hope Carmichael.”

“I know who you are.” The other woman ignored the outstretched hand.

Hope held her own in the hospital world with employees, administration and doctors who had a God complex. But this woman intimidated her and not just because she was stunningly gorgeous and incredibly sexy. She was a tall, slim, blue-eyed brunette. If she wasn’t a fashion model, it was a loss for the advertising world. A face and body like that could sell anything.

None of that made Hope especially comfortable, but she could deal with it. What flustered her most was that Blair had a history with Jake.

Hope folded her arms over her chest and leaned a hip against the corner of her desk. “Since you know who I am, you probably didn’t wander into my office because you’re lost and looking for directions.”

“Actually I’m here to give you some directions,” she said with a sexy shake of her head that showed off all the high-priced highlights in her long brown hair. “Do you mind if I sit?”

Let me count the ways, Hope thought, watching the woman shimmy into the chair without waiting for an answer. She crossed one bare leg over the other as her black pencil skirt slid up her shapely thigh. Four-inch designer pumps covered her feet and a cashmere sweater the exact shade of her eyes completed the ensemble.

Hope had never felt quite so short, squat and insignificant in her life. “What can I do for you?”

“As I said, I’m actually going to do you a favor.”

It might be small-minded and judgmental, but Hope was pretty sure this woman didn’t do anything for anyone unless there was every chance of sizable personal gratification.

“Really? A favor?”

Good comeback, Carmichael. Way to go, she thought.

“I heard about your little thing with Jake Andrews, Hope.”

Just the mention of his name had her heart racing. “Little thing?”

“I’m not judging,” Blair said, in a tone that made it clear she was actually doing just that.

And if by some chance that was the truth, she’s a bigger person than I am, Hope thought. In fact, she was bigger—taller and incredibly statuesque.

“What little thing are you talking about?” She wasn’t proud about the stall tactic.

“Affair is such an unattractive word.” Blair wrinkled her perfect nose in distaste.

Hope desperately wanted to ask the name of her plastic surgeon, but held back. “An affair? With Dr. Andrews?”

“Hospital gossip,” Blair said, shrugging.

It wasn’t gossip if Jake told her exactly what was going on with Hope. But she was right about the word
affair
. It was unflattering.

“Let me get this straight,” Hope said. “Are you asking me if Jake and I are seeing each other?”

“Oh, sweetie—” Blair shook her head. “I’m saying that everyone knows you’re Jake’s flavor of the month.”

“That implies he’ll be moving on.” Hope was seething and barely kept her tone level.

“Am I being too subtle?” She tapped a long, pink-lacquered nail against her lips, never letting her gaze wander. “As I said, I’m here to do you a favor. Warn you,
really. Because you seem like a very nice woman. If you’re looking for something permanent, Jake isn’t your guy.”

“Really?”

“Sad but true.” Blair’s pouty lips thinned. “A fling is all you’ll get from him.”

“Isn’t that ironic?” Hope made herself laugh.

“What?”

“I was the one who told Jake that he was wasting his time because a long-term relationship wasn’t something I wanted. And that didn’t discourage him.”

A glare heated Blair’s ice-blue eyes. “Because you’re a widow.”

She froze. There was no way for Blair Havens to know that unless she’d been asking around. Hope would think about why she’d done that later. “My reasons are personal.”

“So are mine. And you’re playing games.”

“It’s called honesty,” Hope said. “Maybe you’ve heard of it?”

Blair shot to her feet. “I tried to be nice.”

If that was her being nice, Hope wanted body armor when Blair went into bitch mode. “Nice is always appreciated when sincere.”

“Here’s the advice,” Blair snapped. “If you really care about him, end it. In the long run you’ll just hold him back.”

“Really?” Hope straightened to her full height away from the desk. She still had to look up. “Jake is a successful surgeon with an impeccable reputation. His services are in demand all over the valley. I don’t see that who he socializes with can impact his career in a negative way.”

“That’s where you’re wrong.” Blair tossed her head and flipped her long hair over her shoulder. “I can help him go places.”

“So can a travel agent.”

“Aren’t you clever.” The beautiful mouth twisted. “People with power can do things for Jake that truly make the sky the limit. I can introduce him to those people. What can you do for him?”

Make him laugh, Hope wanted to say, but somehow it didn’t seem to be enough. “That’s something you’ll have to ask Jake, isn’t it?”

“He’ll get bored. You’re nothing more than a distraction.”

“And you’re not?”

“I’m his future,” Blair affirmed.

What she wanted to retort was that Jake had broken it off with Blair because Hope had refused to see him otherwise. Instead she chose her words carefully. “Look, Blair, Jake’s actions in no way support your statement.”

“You don’t believe me?” Blair rested her hands on slender hips. “Look in his armoire. Top drawer, right-hand side.”

“And why would I do that, even if I didn’t think it was a violation of his space?” she added.

“Oh, please. We both know you’re sleeping with him. If you want proof that what I’m saying is true, look for the diamond engagement ring. He bought it for me. A big, square-cut diamond set in platinum. Just the one I wanted. And I know it cost him a bundle. But his intentions are crystal clear. He’s going to ask me to marry him.”

“Why would you want to? One of two things is going on. Either he’s moved on or he’s cheating on you. That doesn’t sound like a successful relationship.”

“Jake and I are two of a kind. We both want power. He wants to have it and I want to be with a man who does. We can help each other get there. He
needs
me.” Blair was adamant.

Not once had this woman declared that she couldn’t live without him. It was all about control and pushing him toward success. Not once had Blair mentioned the most important thing.

“What about love?” Hope asked.

“It doesn’t buy dinner at exclusive, expensive restaurants. Or million-dollar homes in Vegas, Vail and the Hamptons.” Blair laughed. “Jake doesn’t talk about it, but he grew up poor. Marrying the right woman will guarantee a successful future and that’s what he’ll always care most about. I understand him. Money and success will always come first and I can make both of those things happen for him.”

“Okay, then.” Hope’s hands were shaking. She’d had just about enough of Blair the bitch. “Thanks for stopping by. It’s been fun. We’ll have to do this again sometime.”

Blair slid the strap of her pricey purse more securely on her slender shoulder and walked to the doorway before turning back. “If you care about him, you’ll walk away and let him get what he wants most.”

When she was gone, Hope dropped into the chair. Her legs were trembling and she was so mad she could spit. What had Jake ever seen in that woman, besides the obvious? Then she went cold inside as another thought slipped in.

What if Blair was telling the truth?

Was Jake just having a fling and Hope was handy? A challenge? When he got tired of her, would he drop her like a hot rock?

She glanced at the doorway where that woman had stood just moments ago. Hope disliked her with the same intensity with which she cared about Jake. Maybe more than care. The last time she’d felt like this she’d been in love.

Her gaze settled on the key he’d given her sitting on
her desk and the doubts crept in as she picked it up. She had to know whether or not Blair Havens was yanking her chain.

Hope pulled into Jake’s driveway and was really upset when she didn’t see his car. She needed answers only he could give her and the sooner he confirmed that Blair was lying through her beautiful, straight white teeth, the better.

He’d given her the code to the security system along with the key and said to make herself at home until he got there. She accomplished the first two steps without a problem, but number three was harder to pull off. She couldn’t forget Blair’s words.

If you don’t believe me look in his armoire.

It was wrong to go snooping through someone’s things, even someone you’d been intimate with. Was that how Blair had found the ring? After sleeping with Jake?

After a ten-minute argument with herself about what to do, Hope was no closer to getting answers because Jake still hadn’t arrived. But on her own she could find out whether or not Blair would lie to hang on to Jake.

Hope walked into the master bedroom, turned on the light, then stopped in front of the armoire. Her hand was shaking as she grabbed the shiny gold circular knob and pulled out the top drawer. Reaching inside, her fingers closed around a small velvet jeweler’s box, the kind that would hold a ring.

“I so wanted her to be lying,” Hope whispered.

But when she lifted the lid on the black box, a very big diamond caught the light and winked at her. So, it was true. While he’d been with Blair, Jake had acquired an expensive ring that could signify a marriage proposal.

This hurt so much more than she wanted it to. As a
nurse, she knew pain was an indication of healing or a warning that something was wrong. Sometimes the problem couldn’t be fixed. Or it was just a matter of changing a behavior. Like pulling your hand away from a hot stove to stop the burning.

She’d gotten too close to the flame this time. The searing in her chest was proof of that.

“Hope?”

She jumped at the sound of Jake’s voice. “I didn’t hear you.”

“I saw your car, then couldn’t find you. Don’t take this the wrong way—” He’d moved closer, was standing behind her, his big hands curving around her upper arms. “But I sort of hoped you’d be in bed. Naked.”

His warm breath tickled the back of her neck and Hope shivered. “I never thought of that.”

It was the truth. The scene with Blair playing over and over in her mind didn’t leave much room for seduction plans. Blair had told the truth about this engagement ring. Was it also the truth that Jake belonged to Blair?

Hope slid away from him and turned. He wasn’t in a suit because he’d been in scrubs for surgery all day. He was wearing jeans and a long-sleeved navy cotton shirt. The effect was just as potent to her senses as his Dr. GQ look. The clothes didn’t make the man. It was all about the man himself and she needed to find out who Jake Andrews really was.

“I need to talk to you.”

“Okay.” There was an uneasy look in his eyes when he said, “What about?”

She held out her hand with the open jewelry box resting on her palm. “This.”

He looked down, then dragged his fingers through his
hair. “Isn’t it a violation of something to go through a person’s things?”

“I didn’t go through anything. Blair told me exactly where it would be.”

There was bitterness in the gaze he lifted to hers. “That was low even for her.”

“She told me you’re going to ask her to marry you and if I didn’t believe that, I could find the ring here. Fifty percent of what she told me is true. What about the other half, Jake?”

“I don’t plan on proposing to Blair,” he said firmly, snapping the lid closed on the exquisite ring.

“All evidence to the contrary.” Her voice was so empty and cold it made her shiver.

“The truth is I came close to asking her,” he admitted.

The words pierced Hope’s heart. “So you’re in love with her.”

“That’s not what I said.”

“I don’t understand. Love is the only reason to get married.”

“In a perfect romantic world,” he said grimly. “Not in mine.”

“That needs a little more explanation.”

“Yeah.” He met her gaze. “My partners were settling down. Mitch and Cal got married and started families—not necessarily in that order. I’m not getting any younger. It seemed like as good a time as any. Blair is beautiful and fun. We got along well. But there was something that drew me in deeper. Something bigger than all of that.”

“What?” she asked, unable to look away from the intensity in his eyes.

“I came damn close to proposing to Blair, but it had nothing to do with love. It was all about my pride. My past.”

“But you triumphed over adversity. Poverty doesn’t define a man. You’re a perfect example of that.”

“It doesn’t define me on the outside. I can afford the car, house and clothes.” His voice was low, harsh. “But on the inside I’ll always be the poor kid who doesn’t have jeans without holes, shoes that aren’t too small or too big, or a roof over his head. I’ll never be good enough.”

She wanted to put her arms around him but didn’t dare. “That’s not true, Jake.”

“I was in love once. In college.” His gaze burned into hers. “I’d never been happy like that. Ever. Graduation was coming up and I’d been accepted to medical school. I couldn’t stand the thought of being separated from her, so I asked her to marry me. I knew better than anyone how to survive on practically nothing.”