Read The Taming of the Shrew Online
Authors: William Shakespeare
Enter Curtis
CURTIS
Who is that calls so
coldly
10
?
GRUMIO
A piece of ice: if thou doubt it, thou mayst slide
from my shoulder to my heel with no greater a
run
12
but my
head and my neck. A fire, good Curtis.
CURTIS
Is my master and his wife coming, Grumio?
GRUMIO
O, ay, Curtis, ay, and therefore
fire, fire, cast on no water
15
.
CURTIS
Is she so
hot
16
a shrew as she’s reported?
GRUMIO
She was, good Curtis, before this frost. But, thou
know’st,
winter tames man, woman and beast
18
, for it hath
tamed my old master and my new mistress and myself, fellow
Curtis.
CURTIS
Away, you three-inch fool! I am no
beast
21
.
GRUMIO
Am I but three inches? Why, thy
horn
22
is a foot, and
so long am I at the least
23
. But wilt thou make a fire, or shall I
complain on thee to our mistress, whose hand, she being
now at hand, thou shalt soon feel, to thy cold comfort, for
being slow in thy
hot office
26
?
CURTIS
I prithee, good Grumio, tell me how goes the world?
GRUMIO
A cold world, Curtis, in every office but thine, and
therefore fire:
do thy duty
29
, and have thy duty, for my master
and mistress are almost frozen to death.
CURTIS
There’s fire ready, and therefore, good Grumio, the
news.
GRUMIO
Why, ‘
Jack, boy! Ho, boy!’ and as much news
33
as wilt
thou.
CURTIS
Come, you are so full of
cony-catching
35
!
GRUMIO
Why, therefore fire, for I have caught extreme cold.
Where’s the cook? Is supper ready, the house
trimmed
37
,
rushes
strewed
38
, cobwebs swept, the servingmen in their new
fustian
39
, the white stockings, and every officer his wedding-
garment on? Be the
jacks
40
fair within, the jills fair without,
the carpets
laid
41
, and everything in order?
CURTIS
All ready, and therefore, I pray thee, news.
GRUMIO
First know my horse is tired, my master and mistress
fallen out.
CURTIS
How?
GRUMIO
Out of their saddles into the dirt, and thereby hangs
a tale.
CURTIS
Let’s
ha’t
48
, good Grumio.
GRUMIO
Lend thine ear.
CURTIS
Here.
GRUMIO
There.
Strikes him
CURTIS
This ’tis to feel a tale, not to hear a tale.
GRUMIO
And therefore ’tis called a
sensible
53
tale, and this cuff
was but to knock at your ear, and beseech listening. Now I
begin:
Imprimis
55
, we came down a foul hill, my master riding
behind my mistress—
CURTIS
Both
of
57
one horse?
GRUMIO
What’s that to thee?
CURTIS
Why, a horse.
GRUMIO
Tell thou the tale. But hadst thou not
crossed
60
me,
thou shouldst have heard how her horse fell and she under
her horse: thou shouldst have heard in how
miry
62
a place,
how she was
bemoiled
63
, how he left her with the horse upon
her, how he beat me because her horse stumbled, how she
waded through the dirt to pluck him off me, how he swore,
how she prayed that never prayed before, how I cried, how
the horses ran away, how her bridle was
burst
67
, how I lost my
crupper, with many things of
worthy memory
68
, which now
shall die in oblivion and thou return
unexperienced
69
to thy
grave.
CURTIS
By this reckoning he is more shrew than she.
GRUMIO
Ay, and that thou and the
proudest
72
of you all shall
find when he comes home. But
what
73
talk I of this? Call forth
Nathaniel, Joseph, Nicholas, Philip, Walter, Sugarsop and
the rest. Let their heads be slickly combed, their
blue
75
coats
brushed and their garters of an
indifferent knit
76
. Let them
curtsy
77
with their left legs and not presume to touch a hair of
my master’s horsetail till they
kiss their hands
78
. Are they all
ready?
CURTIS
They are.
GRUMIO
Call them forth.
CURTIS
Do you hear, ho? You must meet my master to
countenance
83
my mistress.
GRUMIO
Why, she hath a face of her own.
CURTIS
Who knows not that?
GRUMIO
Thou, it seems, that calls for company to
countenance her.
CURTIS
I call them forth to
credit
88
her.
Enter four or five Servingmen
GRUMIO
Why, she comes to borrow nothing of them.
NATHANIEL
Welcome home, Grumio!
PHILIP
How now, Grumio!
JOSEPH
What, Grumio!
NICHOLAS
Fellow Grumio!
NATHANIEL
How now, old lad?
GRUMIO
Welcome, you.— How now, you?—
Greets each Servingman
What, you?— Fellow, you.— And thus much for
greeting. Now, my
spruce
97
companions, is all ready, and all
things
neat
98
?
NATHANIEL
All things is ready. How near is our master?
GRUMIO
E’en at hand, alighted by
this
100
, and therefore be not—
Cock’s passion
101
, silence! I hear my master.
Enter Petruchio and Kate
PETRUCHIO
Where be these knaves? What, no man at door
To hold my stirrup nor to take my horse?
Where is Nathaniel, Gregory, Philip?
ALL SERVINGMEN
Here, here, sir, here, sir.
PETRUCHIO
Here, sir, here, sir, here, sir, here, sir!
You
logger-headed
107
and unpolished grooms!
What, no attendance? No regard? No duty?
Where is the foolish knave I sent before?
GRUMIO
Here, sir, as foolish as I was before.
PETRUCHIO
You peasant
swain
111
. You whoreson malt-horse drudge.
Did I not bid thee meet me in the
park
112
,
And bring along these rascal knaves with thee?
GRUMIO
Nathaniel’s coat, sir, was not fully
made
114
,
And Gabriel’s pumps were all
unpinked
115
i’th’heel.
There was no
link
116
to colour Peter’s hat,
And Walter’s dagger was not
come from sheathing
117
.
There were none
fine
118
but Adam, Rafe and Gregory,
The rest were ragged, old, and beggarly.
Yet, as they are, here are they come to meet you.
PETRUCHIO
Go, rascals, go, and fetch my supper in.
Exeunt Servingmen
‘Where is the life that late I led?
Where are those
122
—’
Sings
Sit down, Kate, and welcome.—
Soud
124
, soud, soud, soud!
They sit
Enter Servants with supper
Why, when, I say? Nay, good sweet Kate, be merry.—
Off with my boots, you rogues! You villains,
when
126
?
A Servant takes off his boots
‘It was the friar of orders grey,
As he forth walkèd on his way
127
—’
Sings
Out
129
, you rogue! You pluck my foot awry.
Take that, and
mend
130
the plucking of the other.
Kicks him
Be merry, Kate.— Some
water
131
, here. What, ho!
Enter one with water
Where’s my spaniel
Troilus
132
? Sirrah, get you hence,
And bid my cousin
Ferdinand
133
come hither.—
One, Kate, that you must kiss, and be acquainted with.—
Where are my slippers? Shall I have some water?
Come, Kate, and wash, and welcome heartily.—
Servant spills water
You whoreson villain, will you let it fall?
Strikes the Servant
KATE
Patience, I pray you. ’Twas a fault unwilling.
PETRUCHIO
A whoreson
beetle-headed
139
, flap-eared knave!—
Come, Kate, sit down, I know you have a
stomach
140
.
Will you
give thanks
141
, sweet Kate, or else shall I?
What’s this? Mutton?
FIRST SERVANT
Ay.
PETRUCHIO
Who brought it?
PETER
I.
PETRUCHIO
’Tis burnt, and so is all the meat.
What dogs are these? Where is the rascal cook?
How durst you, villains, bring it from the
dresser
148
And serve it thus to me that love it not?
There, take it to you,
trenchers
150
, cups, and all.
Throws the meat and dishes at them
You heedless
joltheads
151
and unmannered slaves!
What, do you grumble? I’ll
be with you straight
152
.
KATE
I pray you, husband, be not so disquiet.
The meat was
well
154
, if you were so contented.
PETRUCHIO
I tell thee, Kate, ’twas burnt and dried away,
And I expressly am forbid to touch it,
For it engenders
choler
157
, planteth anger,
And better ’twere that both of us did fast,
Since,
of ourselves
159
, ourselves are choleric,
Than feed it with such over-roasted flesh.
Be patient, tomorrow’t shall be mended,
And for this night we’ll fast
for company
162
.
Come, I will bring thee to thy bridal chamber.
Exeunt
Enter Servants severally
NATHANIEL
Peter, didst ever see the like?
PETER
He
kills her in her own humour
165
.
GRUMIO
Where is he?
Enter Curtis, a servant
CURTIS
In her chamber, making a sermon of
continency
167
to her,
And rails and swears and
rates
169
that she, poor soul,
Knows not which way to stand, to look, to speak,
And sits as one
new-risen
171
from a dream.
Away, away, for he is coming hither.
[
Exeunt
]
Enter Petruchio
PETRUCHIO
Thus have I
politicly
173
begun my reign,
And ’tis my hope to end successfully.
My
falcon
175
now is sharp and passing empty,
And till she
stoop
176
she must not be full-gorged,
For then she never
looks upon
177
her lure.
Another way I have to
man
178
my haggard,
To make her come and know her keeper’s call,
That is, to
watch her
180
, as we watch these kites
That
bate and beat
181
and will not be obedient.
She
eat
182
no meat today, nor none shall eat.
Last night she slept not, nor tonight she shall not.
As with the meat, some undeservèd fault
I’ll find about the making of the bed,
And here I’ll fling the pillow, there the bolster,
This way the coverlet, another way the sheets.
Ay, and amid this
hurly
188
I intend
That all is done in reverend care of her.
And in conclusion she shall
watch
190
all night,
And if she chance to nod I’ll rail and brawl
And with the clamour keep her still awake.
This is a way to kill a wife with kindness,
And thus I’ll curb her mad and headstrong humour.
He that knows better how to tame a shrew,
Now let him speak. ’Tis
charity to show
196
.