The Ten Year Affair (13 page)

John Marshall had been Creighton County’s Head Prosecutor now for nearly
twenty-five years. It had always been speculated that when he stepped down he
would support Ian’s candidacy and there was never any doubt that Ian would of
course be willing to run for the office. From the look on his face now it was
obvious he was upset that she was there.
“Probably afraid I’ll tell about
his impending fatherhood and hurt his image as the squeaky clean good guy,”
Alex
thought.

John ushered her over to Ian and she saw the look of dread in his eyes.
His eyes right now told her all she needed to know. He didn’t want her or the
baby. He was ashamed of them both and worried what they might mean to his
candidacy. She had nothing to say to him any more because he’d said it all with
the look he was giving her now.

She swallowed hard and gave him her best wishes.

“Well congratulations Ian. I’m very pleased for you. I know you’ll do a
fine job heading up this motley crew.” Everyone laughed and jeered at her. “I
wish you all the best.” Tom Jensen came forward and placed his arm around Alex
and smiled.

“The only news I could think of that would possibly be better than this
is finding out that Alexandra would be our new boss!” Tom teased and everyone
cheered.

“Gee thanks a lot guys,” Ian said. “It’s reassuring to know that I’m your
second choice. But just so you know, if I win this election, my first priority
as your head prosecutor will be to sway Alexandra McKinney Morgan over to our
side.” Everyone cheered again at Ian’s words and Alex blushed as Ian walked
towards her.

“You guys are all a bunch of sweet talkers. It’s a good thing there are
no women judges on the bench right now in Creighton County or I’m afraid I’d
never get any decisions to go my way.”

Ian stopped in front of her and she thought she would faint dead away if
she didn’t get out of there...NOW.

“I assume you came to see me Alex. Is Jacobs ready to deal?”

“Oh please Ian. You wish! No, it’s nothing that important. It can wait. I
don’t want to throw a damper on your little celebration here. Why don’t you
call me when you get the chance?” Ha! She was sure it’d be a cold day in hell
before he’d ever call her.

“Actually Alex we were about to end this little impromptu,
early
celebration and get ourselves back to work weren’t we guys?” Everyone mumbled
and started to make their way back to their offices. Tom came over and put his
arm around Alex again and whispered to her. “You look great girl. I hope you’re
happy. Don’t take any crap from him. If he gives you a hard time come see me.”

Alex smiled up at Tom. “Thanks Tommy. It’s good to know I can count on
you for support.” She really did have some wonderful friends. Even in the enemy
camp. Tom was Ian’s best friend. If she couldn’t get Ian to be straight with
her maybe Tom could shed some light on Ian’s strange behavior. Did Tom know she
was carrying Ian’s baby? Had Ian told him?

“Tom would you quit flirting with Alex and go get some work done. Come on
Alex. My office is back this way. You’ve never been here before have you?”

Tom winked at Alex. “Bye darlin’. Remember what I said.”

Ian guided her by her elbow back to his office. Please god why did he
have to touch her! His familiar scent was driving her crazy. She had missed him
so much. She wanted to get out of here before she lost every bit of pride she
had left but she was here now and she might as well go through with what she
had set out to do.

Ian shut his office door behind them and locked it. Alex turned quickly
to face Ian.

“Why did you lock the door? That’s not really necessary.” What the hell
was he thinking?

“Don’t worry babe,” he said with that knowing smirk. “I’m not planning on
making love to you on my office desk. Though I’ve fantasized about it on
occasion. I know you’re here to talk. I’ve missed you Alex.”

He slowly approached her intent to take her in his arms but Alex dodged
out of his reach.
“I
can’t let him touch me. Not if I want to think
straight,”
thought Alex.

“Forgive me Ian if I have a hard time believing that. If you missed me
you would have called when you said you would. If you missed me you would have
shown up to my Grandmother’s for dinner like you said you would. Oh, by the
way, Grandmother sends her best and her best happens to be that she wishes you
would rot in hell. Missing me would be finding a way to speak to me for maybe
five minutes when we’re in the same courtroom. What in the hell is going on
with you Ian? I need to know. You’re ashamed of me aren’t you? You’re afraid
and ashamed of the baby and me. I could see it on your face when I walked in
here this morning. You were afraid people would guess you’re the father of my
baby. You’re ashamed you got your girlfriend…forgive me I mean your mistress…pregnant
and you’re afraid of what that could mean to your damn campaign! I’m tired Ian.
I love you but I’m so tired of trying to figure you out and I’m through
trying.” Alex turned to leave but Ian grabbed her by the arm.

“Alex wait. Don’t ever talk about yourself that way. I don’t think of you
as my mistress Alex. You must know that. Are you going to let me answer you
before you storm out?”

“Why should I? I saw everything I needed to see when I walked into this
office this morning and saw the look on your face.”

“I don’t know what you thought you saw on my face this morning Alex but
it wasn’t shame. I’m not ashamed of you and the baby Alex. I was surprised when
you walked in wearing that….those maternity clothes. You just took me by
surprise that’s all. This is all moving so fast.”

Ian drug his hands through his hair and shook his head.

“Everything is just happening so fast. The baby, this prosecutor thing.
I’m feeling a little overwhelmed.”

“Overwhelmed? You’re feeling overwhelmed and because you’re overwhelmed
you can’t see why it might break my heart not to see or hear from you in over a
week? For you to stand me up and make me look like a fool in front of my
grandmother of all people! Especially after I’d assured her---- I know what I’m
doing Grandmother. You don’t have to worry about me Grandmother. Please get off
his case Grandmother!”

“Alex I’m sorry. I’m very sorry. I don’t know what else to say. What do
you want me to say?”

“What do I want you to say Ian? I want you to say that you love me; that
you love our baby; that you want to get married and be with me and only me for
the rest of your life. I want you to run around town and tell everyone that
you’re going to be a father and how happy I’ve made you. That’s what I want Ian
but I know it’s asking too much of you. For some reason you don’t want me to
love you and you won’t let yourself love anyone. All you care about is your
career and you know what? That’s okay with me now. It’s your life and if you
want to miss out on everything else that can bring you happiness it’s your
choice. I only hope that when you’re a lonely, bitter, old man you remember how
you could have had a family who loved you and cared for you. I’m through Ian. I’m
the one breaking it off this time. We’re through.”

She couldn’t hold back the tears any longer but she refused to get
hysterical until she could get the hell out of there.

It broke Ian’s heart to watch the tears trickle down her cheeks. He
wanted to kiss them away and tell her all the things she wanted him to but he
just couldn’t. She was right. He was afraid. Afraid to have anyone depend on
him. Afraid that if they did he would let them down because of his desire to
further his career.

“Alex. I care about you deeply. I’ve come as close as I possibly could to
loving someone with you. But believe me. If I married you I know I’d let you
down. I wasn’t meant to be a husband or a father but Alex I promise you I’ll do
my best with the baby. You and the baby will never want for anything. I’ll take
care of you both I promise.”

“I can’t begin to tell you how insulting that is to me Ian. We don’t need
you to take care of us with your money. What we need is for you to love us.”

Her voice was trembling now and she could barely get the words out.

“We’ll never want for anything, huh?”
Except maybe your love.
“For
once I’m going to quit being selfish thinking of only my own needs. I have a
baby to think of now and I plan to bring my baby up in a normal, healthy family
full of love. After the Jacobs trial I’m going away for a bit. I’m giving Don
and Peter my notice because I never want to set foot in a courthouse again if
there’s even a small chance you would be there too. I never want to see you if
I can help it ever again once this trial is over and I will spend the rest of
my life trying not to hate my baby’s father. If you dare tell people that this
baby is yours I’ll deny it so if you don’t want to look like a fool you better
keep it to yourself.”

“Alex you don’t mean that! You can’t mean that! I want to be a part of my
baby’s life. I want...”

“Stop it Ian. Do you think I care what you want when you haven’t ever
during our whole relationship ever considered what I wanted? You want to be a
part of our life? You want it all with no strings attached Ian. I understand
that now. Well guess what? I don’t want to be a part of your life any more and
if I can help it neither will
my
baby.”

Ian couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He knew everything she said was
true so he had nothing to say to reason with her. He had to let her go. He had
to respect her wishes and let her go.

“I’m sorry you feel that way Alex. I had hoped we could make this work for
the baby’s sake but everything you’ve said is true Alex except that I’m not
ashamed of you and I’m not ashamed of the baby. I’ll respect your wishes and
keep our baby’s parentage a secret but I will be a part of the baby’s life
whether you like it or not. I won’t run out on my child.”

“Well I won’t have you break my child’s heart over and over again like
you have mine because you’re unable to love anyone. You can fight me on this
Ian but it’ll get ugly and then what might happen to your candidacy? What if
the headlines read, “
Foster Sires Illegitimate Child
”? I want you out of
my life Ian and I dare you to try to claim this child. It would give me great
pleasure to ruin your precious career.”

The tears were flowing freely now and Alex found a tissue and took a seat
to try to pull herself together before she left the office. Ian continued to
look at her with an astonished look on his face. There was no mistaking that
she was mad as hell but he’d done some reading on pregnancy and how hormones
affected a woman’s mood and he knew that Alex couldn’t mean anything she was
saying. The woman he knew would not keep him out of his child’s life. She
wouldn’t take pleasure in ruining his career. She was just upset. She would
calm down and once she was thinking clearly she would realize how unreasonable
she was being.

“Alex if you don’t want me to tell anyone I’m your baby’s father I’ll
respect your wishes for now. When you have a chance to calm down we’ll discuss
this again. Right now I’ve got to get to court.”

What he needed to do was get the hell out of there before he took her in
his arms and told her how much he loved her, how he’d always loved her. She was
giving him his out and he should take it. It would be best for her and their
baby. Ian grabbed his brief case and without giving her another look headed for
the door.

Ian said, “You can let yourself out Alex.” Then he was gone.

Alex lay in bed that night rehashing the harsh words she had spoken to
Ian that day. She was so ashamed. So ashamed of how she had spoken to Ian. She
had been so hurt and gotten way out of control. She would never keep Ian from
his baby. Why had she said such a thing? Even though Ian couldn’t bring himself
to love her she knew that he would not be that way with his own child. Ian was
a good, decent man. He’d be a wonderful father. He’d be a wonderful husband too
if he wanted to. He just had to want to. Her words had been so hasty and
hateful. She owed him an apology but writing off their relationship had been
the best thing to do. It would be especially hard to walk away from him now. She
would see him all the time because of their child and in the courtroom. She
couldn’t walk away from a job she loved just because he didn’t want her. How
would she ever be able to move on and enjoy a normal life?

Peter. Peter was offering her the normal life she longed for. If she
really tried she could learn to love Peter the way she loved Ian. One thing she
knew was that she had to get her life in order. All this worrying and emotional
turmoil was not good for the baby. The baby she loved so much already. She had
to break the news of her pregnancy yet to her parents and grandparents before
they heard from someone else. Alex drifted off to sleep thinking of how eager
she was for her baby to be born and how she hoped she would know how to be a
good mother.

***

Alex awoke the next morning with a start and immediately knew something
was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. She felt dampness between her legs and
when she lifted back the bed covers she saw that her nightgown was stained with
blood. Panic rushed through her. She had slight cramps in her abdomen and she
felt dizzy. She reached for the phone on her nightstand and dialed her
grandmother’s number. She was afraid to move. Afraid of what harm she might
cause to the baby. She tried to remain calm but the pain and the fear were too
much to contain. This couldn’t be happening. God please don’t let me lose my
baby...Ian’s baby. I love them both so much. Grandmother’s butler Thomas
answered the phone.

“Thomas? This is Alex I need to speak to Grandmother right away. Please
hurry.”

“I’m sorry Ms. Morgan but your grandmother is already out this morning.”