The Texas Billionaire's Baby (6 page)

After he started for the doorway, he debated with himself. Turning back to her, he asked, “Would you like to go for a ride after I put him to bed? I don’t think Hannah would mind sitting with him for a while.”

Gina looked torn. “You need to clear the cobwebs from a long day?”

“I do. Silence isn’t always the best way to do that, and the horses won’t always make conversation with me.”

She smiled, and this time the sparkle was there, even though they weren’t talking about Daniel.

She pointed to her shoes. “I only have my sneakers.”

“You know there are always spare boots in the barn. I’m sure there will be a pair there that will fit.”

Her expression told him she did indeed remember the spare boots…and she remembered other things, too.

So did he.

He had the sudden urge to ask her to put Daniel to bed with him, but that was a bonding time with his son. He didn’t want Gina that involved with his life. He nodded to the flat-screen TV and the magazines on the coffee table.

“Make yourself at home.”

Although she nodded, she looked a bit lost. That was the way he felt now that he’d invited her for a ride. What did he really expect to come of it?

A half hour later, Gina walked beside Logan to the barn, well aware they’d taken this walk together before—almost fourteen years to the day. His silence told her he must have been conscious of it, too. Their romance had begun on a night like this—when the air was fragrant with damp grass, a three-quarter moon glowing in the twilight sky, begging their gazes to linger on it. His father had been away so often that summer they’d pretty much had the run of the place—swum in the pool, gone riding and made love in a vacant stall. She could still remember the scent of clean hay, the roughness of a wool blanket on her skin, Logan’s passionate kisses and tender touches.

The scent of roses wafted to her on the breeze and she noticed the yellow roses alongside the barn were in full bloom.

Years ago the stable at the Barnes estate had been stone and wood. Now it had been modernized and weatherized and was relatively maintenance-free. The decades-old stone facing had been cleaned and preserved and the door Logan opened for her didn’t squeak as the old one had.

As they passed the tack room, Logan stayed a few strides ahead of her, out of touching distance. No chance of elbows grazing as their steps slowed in unison, no conversation. Turning to look around, she saw that only four of the stalls were occupied now.

Logan suddenly stopped and faced Gina. “I’m going to give you Aquarius to ride. She’s sure-footed and intuitive. Do you still remember how to saddle up?”

“That’s something a rider never forgets. I saddle my own horse at Francesca and Grady’s, and at Vince and Tessa’s.”

“Good. Then I don’t have to worry about the saddle sliding around to the side after you’re in the paddock.”

His suddenly lighter tone gave her hope. “When I love to do something, I become an expert at it.”

“That always was one of your qualities I admired.”

Immediately a conversation vividly played in her mind. It had taken place in this barn…in a vacant stall. They’d made love for the second time, a week after the first. Logan’s father had been home at the estate during that week. Gina’s parents had disapproved of her dating Logan and had kept her at home with chores and babysitting most days. But on Friday night, Logan’s dad had gone out of town and her parents hadn’t found another excuse to keep her at home. After all, she
was
eighteen.

Eighteen, in love and confused about what her future could be. Eighteen and uncertain about everything from her looks to her intelligence to her capabilities. Logan had lain beside her on the blanket in that stall, stroking the curls around her face. She’d been bolder with him that night, touching him more, reacting to every one of his caresses.

Holding her chin in his hand, he leaned forward and took another deep, wet kiss. She surprised him by wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him down to her, returning each stroke of his tongue
.

When he broke away, he laughed. “You catch on fast
.”

They were still naked and she took advantage of that, running her hands down his chest, over his stomach…and lower. “You’re a wonderful teacher. When I’m really interested in a subject, I can become an expert in no time
.”

“An expert, huh? In the art of loving me?
”

She panicked when he’d asked her that. After all, her love for Logan was new and frightening—because it had the power to change her life. She’d already committed herself to a future her parents approved of, to helping her younger sister through college, then working in a field where she could make a difference.

Still, she couldn’t ignore her heart. “I’d like to become an expert in the art of loving you.”

She’d been living in the moment, wanting to feel Logan’s arms around her again, needing his approval, too. And she had loved him. She just hadn’t realized how much until it was too late.

Now she saw him looking at her and knew he was remembering that night, too. What could she say? “I meant it, but I was so young and naive”? “I didn’t
know what love meant until your father warned me away from you”? “Until my heart broke when I left”? “Because I felt unworthy of you and unable to tell you what had happened”?

Logan stepped toward her, his hand raised as if to reach for her. But then he abruptly turned and unlocked Aquarius’s stall door.

Gina felt shaken, wanting to get close to Logan again at least in friendship—but not knowing how. She placed her hand on his arm. “Logan.”

He acted as if she wasn’t touching him. “She’ll read your slightest signal,” he said. “The easiest touch on the reins is all she needs.”

“Logan,” she repeated. “Maybe we should talk about—”

“I don’t want to talk, Gina. Not now. Let’s just saddle up and get out on the trail. That’s the only place I seem to find peace these days.”

She dropped her hand from his arm, not wanting to stir the cauldron of emotions that wouldn’t help either of them.

A few minutes later, they’d left the safety of the paddock and were headed along the marked trail by the white fence line. Thought and planning had gone into the trails that wound through the trees as if they were a natural route rather than a groomed one. The canopy of live oaks made their ride quiet and intimate, the last lingering light spilling through the leaves, dappling their path.

“Do you have time to ride as far as the lake?” he asked.

The Barnes property held a natural lake of its own. It was surrounded by cottonwoods and willows and was one of Gina’s favorite places, day or night.

She answered softly, “I have time.”

They rode side by side and Gina felt a companionship in that, as if they were gaining some footing, finding that common ground from so many years ago. But Logan must have been thinking of
other
things.

As they drew up to the cottonwoods on the shore of the lake, he said, “Amy and I didn’t come here much.”

Gina went still, then she asked conversationally, “Did your wife like to ride?”

“No, she didn’t. I mean, she would ride because
I
liked to. It was a pleasant way to spend a Sunday afternoon when she wasn’t showing properties. But she didn’t have a real yearning for it. It was a pastime, like golf.” He looked over his shoulder at Gina. “And I think she preferred golf.”

Their legs almost brushed as Gina drew up beside him. “Did
you
learn to prefer golf?” She’d seen her friends’ lives change with marriage and maybe Logan’s had, too.

“Actually, I hate golf. I’m not bad at it. I learned the game for business reasons as well as social ones after I met Amy. The idea of chasing a ball from hole to hole doesn’t hold much interest for me. I’d rather be on a horse, learning his nature, learning his habits, learning how we can communicate. Do you know what I mean?”

“You’re talking to a believer. I know exactly what you mean. I enjoyed skiing in New England. It’s challenging in its own way. But it’s not part of me like riding is, like horses are. Are you going to buy Daniel a pony?”

“Maybe. Do you think it’s a good idea?”

“Sure. Under the right supervision, horseback riding can teach children balance in a way not much else can. In fact, I’ve often thought about organizing a horseback
riding camp for developmentally challenged children.” She shrugged, a bit embarrassed by sharing that with him. “It’s just one of my dreams.”

“Do you have a lot of them?”

She laughed. “An assortment. I’ve considered volunteering in Appalachia, too. The children and families there need so much help. I’ve also considered writing a book for parents, and I would love to tour Alaska someday.”

“You have a lot of dreams left.”

“Don’t you?” She hated to think his dreams had died with his wife.

“My dreams now are for Daniel. Will he want to become a world leader, an economist, a soccer player? Should I let him take piano lessons as well as try out for a football team? How soon should he learn Spanish, climb a tree, have a pet other than a horse? Small dreams and big ones.”

“You still need your own dreams, too.”

“No,” he said quickly. “Not anymore. Raising a child and running a business can keep a man busy for a lifetime.”

She could hear what he wasn’t saying. That his dreams had gotten crushed and he wasn’t going to invest in them again.

“Do you believe in fate?” she asked.

“Fate or coincidence?” he asked with a sideways glance.

“I think fate brought Daniel’s chart to my desk.”

“Or coincidence.”

“Maybe I was meant to work with Daniel so that I could make up for the hurt I caused you.”

He brought his horse closer to hers so the animals’ noses were almost touching. He leaned forward and
looked into her eyes. His were shaded by the brim of his Stetson and she couldn’t see them clearly.

But she definitely heard the vehemence in his voice. “The past can’t be fixed. You can just try to move it aside and go on. After you left, I got over it. Amy died, and I’m trying to get over that. Fate has
nothing
to do with Daniel’s chart landing on your desk. This really
is
a small world, Gina,” he returned. “You know Tessa. She’s Daniel’s pediatrician. We all link together, one way or another.”

He made the coincidence sound so reasonable. But she felt she’d come back here, not only to be with her family, but to mend fences with Logan. Fate had made that a little easier.

That was what she believed but she also knew she was the one who had to choose the next step. She wasn’t sure what that step was going to be.

“Enough of the lake?” Logan asked.

She could never get enough of the lake—or enough of him. But his the-past-can’t-be-fixed attitude proved that he didn’t forget or forgive easily.

And she didn’t know how she was going to change that.

G
ina glanced at the sky with its thousand tiny twinkles of light, the moon softly brilliant and illuminating their return path. This could be a romantic ride if only—

If only what? As far as she could tell, Logan didn’t even want to be friends. Why would he? Telling him what had happened to her wouldn’t change the fact that he’d felt deserted by her.

When they reached the paddock, Logan dismounted to unhitch the gate. In jeans, boots, snap-button shirt and a Stetson, he was every inch a Texan, every inch a strong, compelling, virile man. He had more confidence now than he’d had at twenty-two. He was quieter and more introspective, but then so was she.

He walked and she rode until they reached the exterior doors to the barn. There she stopped Aquarius, intending to dismount.

But distracted by memories of the past and the tension of the present, she caught her foot in the stirrup and almost landed on the ground.

Logan was quick and caught her around the waist, holding her snugly until she pulled her boot free. She felt tossed back into a time when being in his arms like this had been right. Now she felt awkward and embarrassed, afraid to face him and see nothing in his expression. But she had to do it.

The brim of his Stetson might have hidden his eyes but as he set her back on her feet, the barn light lit the angles of his face. They were standing close, much closer than they should. She held her breath, not knowing what he might say, not knowing what to expect. The night air drifted across them, but she wasn’t chilled, not when she was standing this near to Logan, feeling the heat of his body. He reached out and slid his hand under the hair at the back of her neck. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak. She just stared into his eyes, hoping to see a glimmer of the gentleness she once knew.

“Gina?” His voice was rough.

The desire she saw in his gaze made her tremble. He wanted her. That was obvious in the tension in his fingers, the tightening of his jaw, the tautness of his stance.

The anticipation of another kiss brewed and ripened between them. Yet she knew what she had to do…until they could find an emotional bond once more.

She stepped away from him before anything could happen, before the desire in his eyes became another kiss they couldn’t undo.

His expression changed, becoming remote, guarded.

“Logan—”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking, or I guess I wasn’t. For a minute old memories made things seem different than they are.”

“So many things have changed,” she murmured.

“For both of us,” he agreed.

She could tell him now. She could just open her mouth and let it all come pouring out. But the timing seemed off. They didn’t even have a friendship to lead them to share.

Yet if she wasn’t honest with him, they’d never be able to share anything substantial. “Logan, I didn’t back away because I didn’t want you to kiss me again. I backed away because I thought it was the right thing to do.”

At her words, he studied her with deepening determination, looking behind them and underneath them. “Right for you, or right for me?”

“For both of us. We have enough regrets between us. I didn’t want to add to them.”

“You have regrets? You did what you had to do.”

“It isn’t that simple.”

“Nothing in life is simple, not even what seems right. I found that out when you left. I found that out when Amy died.”

He stiffly handed her the reins and led his horse into the barn, saying, “We’d better groom them.”

Grooming horses together felt familiar, too, yet she knew familiar wouldn’t be comfortable. Nothing was comfortable between her and Logan now. She’d been right to back away from another kiss.

Yet she knew she’d dream about it tonight.

After keeping his distance for a couple of days, Logan called Gina and asked her to his office on Thursday to examine the revised day-care plans.

This wasn’t complicated, he told himself as he ushered her in to his office. But the perfume she wore, some kind of fruity floral scent, had already distracted him.

Gina had never dressed provocatively—she’d dressed practically. In summer she’d worn mostly jeans and T-shirts, or a pair of shorts when they weren’t going riding. She’d never needed clothes to enhance her beauty. Now, however, it was as if she chose clothes that would hide her womanly curves.

This evening, she wore a shapeless navy pantsuit—a boxy jacket, slacks with wide legs—and navy ballet flats. As always, though, his attention went directly to her face, to her huge dark eyes, to the full mouth that he’d almost made the mistake of kissing again. He was still attracted to her, damn it, whether they were on a night ride, or in his office. So he’d better be careful.

“Hi,” she said brightly, as if the other night hadn’t happened at all.

Just wipe it off the slate?
he wondered. The same way she’d wiped him out of her life for the past fourteen years?

How could he be angry with her when he’d done the same? No point asking, really—he still was. Even though he’d met, fallen in love with and married Amy, he’d never forgotten Gina’s betrayal because she’d been the first woman he’d really cared about.

He pulled one of the burgundy leather captain’s chairs from in front of his desk around the corner, next to his own. “I think you’re going to like these. James took all of your suggestions seriously.”

Setting her purse on his desk, she came around the corner. Instead of sitting, she studied him. “You didn’t need me to look at these plans. If this is about the other night—”

“This is about the day-care center, Gina. I asked for your ideas because I thought they’d be valuable. If you don’t want to see what the architect has done, just say so.”

After another long look at him, she turned the chair slightly toward his and slid into it. “Okay, show me.”

Those words—
show me
—thrust him into the past, into the pool house after an evening swim. “
Show me how you want me to touch you
,” she’d requested. “
Show me how to make you satisfied, too. Show me what passion is all about
.”

He could hear her voice in his head now, as he sometimes did in his dreams.

“Logan?”

He had to get a grip. After all, this was a business meeting of sorts. Blueprints carried a serious message—Job in Progress. They were going to focus on that job.

They had to sit close together or they couldn’t see the plans. His arm brushed against hers as he leaned forward. The tension between them was already ratcheting up and he knew talking about it would only make it worse. So he acted as if sitting with her like this was the most common occurrence in his world.

He pointed to the blueprint of the day-care center. “That’s a small kitchenette. Great idea so the personnel can deal with snacks. We’ll be feeding the kids from the cafeteria. Those meals can be wheeled in on individual trays or we can keep the food hot with warmers. We have either option. And James divided the larger space into two with observation windows in both.”

Gina pointed to the outside space. “I like the shape of the area with the jungle gym and the swing sets.”

“The equipment and ground covers are made of the latest materials. Safety is a major issue.”

“This really looks perfect, Logan,” she said enthusiastically. “If your personnel are as great as the facilities, I wouldn’t hesitate to send my child there.”

“Are you as good at furnishing day-care centers as you are at planning them? I also need a list of equipment that might be useful.”

She glanced down at the plans and then back at him, and he knew what was coming.

“Are you sure you want me to help you with this? Wouldn’t you be more comfortable with a professional?”

“You
are
a professional.”

“Logan, you know what I mean. Whether we want to admit it or not, everything is still awkward between us. Do you want that interfering with planning the day-care center?”

She was so damn honest. She always had been. It was one of the qualities he’d liked about her. Amy had always softened her opinion when she knew he might disagree, but Gina had never done that. But he shouldn’t be comparing his wife with Gina.

“We’re adults. Working together doesn’t have to be awkward.”

“The other night was awkward.”

Moving his hand through his hair, he thought about what his reply should be, then decided to be as honest as she was. “I don’t know what got into me. Probably memories. We spent a lot of time in that barn and outside it. I almost felt as if I were twenty-two again.”

She ducked her head for a minute, then returned her gaze to his. “I know what you mean. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could escape that easily?”

What did Gina have to escape from? Was she running from something in New England? Or was she trying to escape into the past instead of looking for a future? He knew all about that.

They were still sitting very close, almost leaning into each other. He knew he should move his chair, get up and walk around the room, anything to be away from her perfume, her softness, the understanding in her eyes. That understanding twisted a knife in his gut.

“More than anything else, Logan, I want to be friends again.”

Friends. Could he do that? Could he relegate Gina to that category? Even in friendship, there had to be loyalty. His rational mind told him she’d been young. She’d had a future ahead of her. She’d been afraid to risk believing in them. Yet another part of him wondered about that loyalty and if she’d break it again.

However, risking friendship was a hell of a lot easier than risking more.

He had no intention of risking more ever again.

“I don’t know, Gina. It can’t be forced.”

Sadness clouded her eyes as if she knew the trust she’d broken with him was going to affect them for the rest of their lives. Still, she forced the clouds away and smiled. “I won’t force anything. That would make us both uncomfortable, but—”

She looked pensive and uncertain for a few moments. Finally she said, “My family is having a picnic by the lake on Sunday. We’ll probably play softball, eat hamburgers. Would you and Daniel like to come? There will be children for him to play with.” She stopped. “You probably already have plans.”

He imagined extending this invitation hadn’t been
easy for her. They still weren’t from the same side of the tracks. Their lifestyles were very different. That didn’t matter to him—but did she feel the same way?

“What about your parents? They weren’t fans of mine.”

“My dad respects what you’ve done with your father’s company. And my mother knows we’re not young and naive anymore.”

He couldn’t keep from touching Gina. He just couldn’t. He held her chin gently and asked, “When did you stop being naive?”

Something flickered in Gina’s eyes that almost made his breath hitch. For that moment, he thought he glimpsed excruciating pain. But from what? Another breakup? Was that her MO? Love ’em and leave ’em?

She recovered quickly, all expression dropping from her face.

She responded, “College was a learning experience for me. I lost my naïveté there.”

Partial truth? Complete truth? Just when in college had she lost that naïveté? He had the feeling it had to do with a boy and it had to do with sex. That was an old story. But he didn’t press her for more.

Suddenly emotion flickered in her eyes and he could see she was worried that asking him to the picnic had crossed a line. Maybe it had. Long ago he’d told himself that if she ever came back to Sagebrush, he’d avoid her. So why had he asked her to become involved in the day-care center? Why continue Daniel’s care with her?

Why continue thinking about her night and day?

Because Gina was a puzzle to him now, one he wanted to unlock, to understand. Maybe he never would but he had to try. Maybe if he tried and succeeded, some of his own shadows would finally vanish.

“All right,” he decided. “I’ll come to your picnic. I’m sure Daniel will find it a lot more fun than crawling around his playroom with me. Hannah will be gone for the weekend and it will be just the two of us.”

“Gone?”

“She does have a life,” he said with a smile. “She’s made us her family, but she has a son in college as well as a sister and nieces and nephews in the area.”

“You trust her, don’t you?”

“Implicitly. She was our housekeeper before everything turned…serious. She was wonderful with Amy and when Daniel came home, she mothered him when he needed it most.”

Gina’s eyes grew shiny.

“What are you thinking?” he asked, leaning closer, reaching out and twirling one of her curls around his finger. “Everything’s in your eyes, no matter how you try to hide it.”

“You’ve had a tough road,” she murmured, her voice catching.

She was obviously feeling compassion for what he’d gone through and that touched him in a way a woman hadn’t in a long time. Maybe that was why he revealed, “When Amy died, I wanted to—” He halted, then went on. “There’s that old saying,
Fake it until you make it
. So I did, for my sake and Daniel’s. About six months ago, I stepped outside one morning, took a deep breath of fresh Texas air, stared up at that blue, blue sky, and realized I was glad I was still here.”

“And how do you feel about Daniel?”

He withdrew his hand, wondering why she could possibly be questioning his feelings for his son. “I love Daniel.”

“I don’t doubt that, Logan, but after Daniel was born, how did you feel then?”

“I told you, I faked it. I put one foot in front of the other and got through each day. I spent most of my hours at the hospital, watching over him.”

“But how did you
feel?”

His jaw tightened. He could feel the muscle in his cheek jump. Finally he gave in to her question. “I felt nothing. Amy died so he could survive. I couldn’t absorb it. All I knew was that she was gone and I had a son who might not live, either. How do you
think
I felt?”

She studied him with huge, dark, sympathetic eyes. “Have you ever talked about this with anyone?”