The Texas Billionaire's Baby (9 page)

“Logan, I can bow out of your life. I can have one of my therapists work with Daniel and you won’t ever have to see me.”

Already Logan was shaking his head. “That’s the thing, Gina. If we do that, nothing’s resolved. Do you understand?”

Oh, she understood. She’d returned to Sagebrush to resolve something in her life, something that had to do with Logan. “Maybe what happened between us and what happened afterward will never be resolved.”

She touched his arm, her fingertips aware of the strong sinew of his muscles, strength in Logan that he also used as a defense mechanism. “You miss Daniel’s mother. I do understand that. You not only miss her, but you miss the life you would have had together…you
should
have had together. Nothing I can say will change that.”

In the silence, Gina could hear Daniel’s little sighing noises as he slept. He was becoming dear to her, maybe too dear. Maybe in trying to reconcile the past with Logan, she was setting herself up for another world of hurt.

Releasing Logan’s arm, she wasn’t sure what to do. She sensed he’d said everything he was going to say.
Maybe they’d had enough of talking and they were both better off if they kept a lid on the emotions they considered private and too painful to share.

She unfastened her seat belt. “I’d better go in. You have to get home and put Daniel to bed.”

He didn’t protest or argue, and she knew she was right. Daniel’s next appointment was scheduled for tomorrow evening. “If you want me to find another therapist for him, just let me know.”

“I’d walk you to the door, but I don’t want to leave Daniel alone in the car.”

“I know. I don’t have far to go,” she said lightly, hoping Logan would at least look at her.

“I’ll wait until you’re inside.” He did glance at her then. It was only a glance. She understood why he didn’t make eye contact. If he looked at her, they’d both feel more than they already did—more regret, more sadness, more uncertainty about the future.

She opened the car door and climbed out. When she closed it, she felt as if she were shutting the door on a chapter in her life. She looked over her shoulder, wishing she could give Daniel a kiss, wishing she and Logan could wipe the slate clean.

With her heart hurting, she hurried up the walk to the Victorian, unlocked the door and stepped inside. As the door clicked shut, she heard Logan backing out of the driveway.

Raina called, “How was the carnival?”

Gina had left a note on the refrigerator so her housemate would know where she was. When she walked into the living room, Raina took one look at her and from the easy chair used the remote to turn off the TV. “What’s wrong?”

Gina shook her head and dropped down onto the sofa. “It can’t be so obvious.”

“You sat in the driveway for a long time, so either you were making out or having an intense discussion.”

“We could have just been talking about the weather,” Gina tried to joke.

“When I was married, Gina, my husband and I had a few of those in-the-driveway talks and make-out sessions. Young love was wonderful—all highs and lows and not much room for anything in between.”

“I remember,” Gina said solemnly. “I made the biggest mistake of my life when I left and turned my back on Logan.”

“Why didn’t you return to Sagebrush sooner?” Raina asked, reaching for a hair band on the end table, sliding it into her hair.

Gina knew it was time that she started letting go of the past, too. A part of her letting-go process had to be talking about it.

“When I left Logan, I told myself I was doing the best thing for both of us. I tried to forget about him and throw myself into my studies and into college life in general. About two months into the semester—”

She revealed to Raina what had happened to her at that frat party.

As soon as she was finished talking, Raina came over to her and gave her a hug. Sitting beside her on the sofa, she said, “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

“I told Logan about it today. I wanted him to know why when he called, I couldn’t talk to him, why I couldn’t make contact afterward. I’ve never talked to anyone about it but my counselor. Now you and Logan in the same night.”

“I’m glad you confided in me.”

“We haven’t known each other long, but I feel I can trust you.”

“I feel the same way,” Raina agreed. “I couldn’t have moved in with just anyone.” She patted Gina’s hand. “How did you and Logan leave it tonight? What was the discussion about?”

“It was about everything, although a lot went unsaid. Do you know what I mean?”

“Oh, yeah. I know exactly what you mean.”

“I think Logan believed he was ready to move on with his life. But when he sees me with Daniel, he misses his wife.”

“I don’t doubt that. But there’s got to be a reason he also wants to spend some time with you. If everything he felt for you was in the past, he wouldn’t feel the need to be with you now.”

Gina could only hope that was true, because she was falling for Logan all over again. This time, the fall could be even more devastating than the last time.

The knock on Logan’s home-office door was a welcome intrusion. He’d been distracted for the past week and not very productive in whatever he’d tried to accomplish.

“Come in.”

Hannah did and asked, “Got a few minutes?”

Logan checked his watch and the video monitor on his desk where he could see Daniel sleeping. “Shouldn’t you be hand-deep into a bowl of popcorn, watching your favorite detective show?”

Hannah smiled broadly. “I will be in about ten minutes. I just wondered if you’re going to make an appointment with Gina this week.”

Logan’s back stiffened and he told himself not to be defensive. Yet he was. He’d canceled this week’s appointment, knowing it
wasn’t
the best thing to do. But he’d needed some time to think. “I’m not sure yet, why?”

“Because he misses her and because I think he’s right on the verge of walking. She might be the motivation he needs.”

“
We
aren’t enough?”

“Apparently not, or he’d be walking by now, don’t you think? Logan, I don’t know what happened between you and Gina, but don’t let Daniel suffer for it.”

“It’s one session,” he muttered.

“One session right now could make a difference. Besides that, he needs another woman in his life, one who cares about him as much as Gina does.”

“And just how do you know she does?”

“Don’t play games with me. I can see it whenever she’s with him, and she cares about
you
, too.”

“Hannah—”

“I know. I should stay out of your personal life.” She glared at him. “Not that you really have one. Don’t you think Amy would be glad if you found someone to look after you and Daniel?”

“
You
do that.”

Hannah just rolled her eyes and shook her head. “You need more than work and you need more than Daniel, whether you’ll admit it or not.”

Logan leaned back in his chair and studied his housekeeper/nanny. “So your reason for interrupting me tonight is…”

“Make an appointment for Daniel and keep it. Or better yet, make a date with Gina and keep it.”

“You’re overstepping,” he grumbled.

“No, I’m not. I’ve been with you long enough to express my opinion.”

When he didn’t respond, she came toward his desk, put her hands on it and leaned forward toward him. “You need to start living your life again, Logan. There’s no point being here if you’re just going through the motions.” Then she straightened, smiled, said, “You know where I’ll be if you need me,” and left his office.

Logan stood and paced across the room. He went to the back window and stared at the outside floodlights illuminating the pool area. So much…and so little.

After a few moments, he shifted his gaze again to the monitor on his desk where he could see Daniel. His son appeared to be so peaceful, so caught up in baby dreams.

Dreams. Logan had told Gina he didn’t have them anymore. Should he dream, or should he just take what came, day by day?

Gina had dropped into his life on one of those days and she’d shaken up his universe. Denying his attraction to her was absolutely useless, especially when it seemed to be mutual.

What could come of it?

Didn’t they both deserve the chance to find out?

He checked his watch again. Ten-thirty. Too late or not too late?

Again he studied his sleeping son, then he picked up the phone on his desk. It rang three times and he was almost ready to hang up when Gina answered. “Hello?”

“It’s Logan.”

“I know. Caller ID.”

“Right.” There was an awkward pause and he knew
he had to be the one to fill it. “I shouldn’t have canceled Daniel’s appointment.”

“I see,” she said slowly. “You want to schedule another one now?”

He had to smile. “Yes…and no.”

“I have my appointment book downstairs.” Her voice was still filled with puzzlement.

“Gina, I called because I’d like you to spend some time with me on Saturday. I thought Hannah could pack a picnic lunch and we could take it to the lake. I still have a rowboat and…” He felt at a total loss for words. “And there’s a family of baby ducklings you might want to watch.”

She laughed. “Baby ducklings.”

He swore. “I’m not doing this very well. I’d like to spend some time with you, just you and me. What do you think?”

Her answer seemed forever in coming, but finally she answered him. “I’d like that. What time should I come over?”

“Around noon.”

“I’ll see you then.”

When Logan hung up the phone, he wasn’t sure if he’d done the right thing. He’d find out on Saturday.

L
ogan balanced on his feet in the rowboat beside the cooler, holding his hand out to Gina, who was standing on the dock.

Gina thought he looked too tall for the rowboat. Too muscled, too broad-shouldered, too ruggedly ready for rowing. This was a different boat from the one they’d taken out on the lake fourteen years ago. Thank goodness. As it was, a memory of the night they’d kissed under a full moon while floating in the middle of the water slid before her eyes as if it had happened yesterday. Was Logan remembering, too?

Since she’d arrived, his expression had been unreadable. She wasn’t sure exactly how to act or what to think. Was this a
date?

When she stepped down into the boat, Logan held her hand a little longer than he had to. The warmth
around her fingers made her feel safe, though the boat teetered a little.

“Do you want to have lunch on the lake, or should we just row for a while?”

“Let’s just row. We have the cooler. If we get hungry, we can eat.” She didn’t know whether to sit beside Logan or across from him. Across from him, she could see his eyes and look at his face. Maybe at that vantage point, she could interpret glimmers of what he felt.

Logan settled himself with the oars and began rowing.

“Do you want me to help?”

“I’m good. I’ve been coming out and rowing around the lake for exercise. It helps work off frustration.” As soon as the words came out, he looked sorry he’d said them.

“Frustration from work? Or frustration from having me back in your life?”

He grinned ruefully. “You always did see too much.”

“I don’t think I saw enough. I’m only four years younger than you, but back then, those four years meant a lot. I hadn’t broken my ties with my parents yet, definitely not with my family.”

“I didn’t know about the kind of ties you had with your parents,” he said. “After my mother died, my father really started earning his fortune. He was never home. We lost a lot of years until he was interested in me because I was growing up and could be groomed to take over the business.”

She heard his father’s voice echo again.
If he marries you, I’ll disinherit him
.

“Did you
want
to take over the business?”

“I don’t think I ever thought about it. To me it was expected. On the other hand, it did interest me. I knew the business here could lead to a wider range of oppor
tunities. I’ve invested in condos in Sydney, a winery in the Loire Valley, and I even have an interest in a high-rise in Hong Kong. Not that I’m trying to impress you,” he said with a grimace. “I’m just saying my father didn’t have the curiosity I do for the world at large.”

Would Logan have developed those interests if she hadn’t left? Did she want to tackle that subject, too? Maybe in a roundabout way. “How do you feel about the rest now that you have Daniel?”

He continued rowing slowly, his Stetson shading his face so she really couldn’t see his eyes.

“Now my world revolves around Daniel,” Logan responded. “That means when I’m working, I think about leaving him a legacy like my father left me. It means I make time away from work to be with him. It means nothing is more important than
his
welfare.”

“You can’t give him a perfect world,” she warned.

“No, but I can do my best to make sure it is in every way possible.”

Suddenly Logan stopped rowing. He was looking over her shoulder and he patted the seat next to him. “Come here.”

She wasn’t sure what he wanted her to see, but she gingerly managed to step over the cooler to sit beside him on his seat.

He pointed to the edge of the lake under the willows and she had to smile.

“Ducklings!” There were five of them all swimming after their mama. “You weren’t kidding,” she said, laughing again.

“No, I wasn’t.” The gravel in his voice turned her head toward him and their gazes locked.

In that moment, everything he’d been through and
everything she’d been through fell into the background of their lives. She was close enough to him that she could feel the restrained desire in his body, the kiss that was brewing in his thoughts. If he kissed her again, what would it mean? More than the fact that he was still attracted to her?

“The last time I kissed you, afterward you said a kiss has to mean something. I understand that better now. So I have to ask how you feel…about being close to a man. Being intimate.”

She took a deep breath, stared at the diamond sparkles on the water and considered his question carefully.

“Gina?”

When she looked at him, she wanted to tell him desire was a good thing. It was healthy. She’d felt it once more when he’d kissed her. But it was a complicated issue. “I can’t give you a simple answer to that. I had counseling, Logan. Yet, faced with a man’s desire, that’s a different thing than talking about it, analyzing it or even wishing for it. I’ve dated since the rape. I’ve been kissed and I didn’t panick. But I don’t know how much I was there for it, either. I didn’t respond very well and I guess that’s why the relationships didn’t go any further. Maybe I just wouldn’t let them.”

He was studying her, trying to figure out what was behind the quiver in her voice, the emotions she still kept in check. “What do you mean, you weren’t
there?
”

“Do you know what dissociation is?”

“I’ve heard the term, but tell me what it means for you.”

“When he started violating me, I went away in my mind. He was strong and big and I couldn’t escape, at least not physically. But I disappeared mentally and
emotionally. I closed down because I didn’t want to feel anything that was happening.”

“Gina,” Logan murmured, his voice filled with tenderness as he took her hands.

“It took a couple of years to let myself feel in the moment because afterward I filtered everything, everybody. I just wanted to be alone and study and focus on the print in a textbook because there wasn’t any danger there. I kept my apartment door dead-bolted and chain-locked. I had a can of mace in my purse and kept it under my pillow. When the counseling began to have some effect, I became more proactive. I took several self-defense courses and then finally I started getting ‘me’ back. I found my people-radar was darn good and I had absolutely nothing to fear from children. They were honest and innocent and responded to love. I could totally be there for them. They didn’t question motives or agenda. I just wanted to help them develop into healthy adults.”

She felt unsettled by everything that had poured out. “That’s more information than you wanted to know, I guess.”

He squeezed her hands and his thumbs moved over her palms in soothing circles. “It’s hard to hear. But I want to know, Gina.”

“I think that’s enough for now,” she said with a small laugh, wanting to cut the tension that had coiled around them.

“You were
here
during our kiss, unless I’m totally off the mark.”

“Yes, I was. I don’t know if it was because the kiss was a surprise or because of what we once had, or because I’m not afraid of you.”

“I hope that’s the reason,” he said with heartfelt sincerity.

“I haven’t talked about this with anyone because I don’t want them to walk on eggshells around me. I don’t want
you
to walk on eggshells.”

“I suppose all we can do is be honest with each other.” He brushed a tendril of hair from her cheek and she wanted to curl into him, lie against his chest, feel his strong arms around her. But that might never happen for lots of reasons. Today, the most she could hope for, was that they would finally begin to reestablish a real friendship again.

Beside Logan now, she helped him row to the other side of the lake. There was no dock there so they paddled as fast as they could into the shore and pushed with the oars to find a secure mooring. As they climbed out, mud squished around their feet. Gina’s foot slipped and Logan caught her. His arm held her securely around the waist, and she reached to his shoulder for support. The willow branches seemed to stop swaying, the birdcalls faded, the sun’s heat mingled with theirs.

“I don’t know how to treat you,” Logan said huskily.

“How do you want to treat me?”

He shook his head. “I’m not sure.”

“Then we shouldn’t do anything we’ll regret,” she decided reasonably, not feeling reasonable at all.

His gaze lingered on her lips, then his hands released her as he mumbled, “Right.”

After he fetched the cooler, he carried it through some brush and over grass laced with tiny blue and white wildflowers. The quilt Logan had brought for the occasion looked brand-new.

“We’ll get it dirty,” Gina protested as he spread it over the grass near a cottonwood.

“Hannah says it will wash. I use it on the ground for Daniel when I take him outside.”

“Do you do that much?”

“Not enough. I’ve had too many conference calls lately. This week I’ve been discussing foundation work with the governor.”

“You’re trying to find more funding?”

“That and we’re planning activities that go statewide—coordinated walk-a-thons, bike races, that kind of thing.”

As they lowered themselves to the quilt, she and Logan settled their backs against the same tree trunk.

“I’ve been thinking about the day-care center,” Gina said.

Logan seemed to be relieved at that subject. “What about it?”

When she didn’t respond quickly, he opened the cooler and took out two wrapped sandwiches.

“Do you have a name yet?”

He shrugged. “I hadn’t thought beyond getting it built. What’s your suggestion?”

“How about the Amy Barnes Day-Care Center?”

His hand with the sandwiches stopped in midair.

“It’s just a suggestion, Logan. I wasn’t sure if it would be a good one or a bad one. How do you feel about it?” She knew “how do you feel” was a very different question than “what do you think?” Would she get either answer?

“I didn’t consider that. Naming the center after her would be a tribute to her, wouldn’t it…a tribute for what she did for Daniel.”

“And you.”

“Right. And me.”

He laid one of the thick roast-turkey sandwiches in front of her on the quilt. “As Daniel grows older, he’d understand better what his mother did for him.” Logan seemed to be warming to the thought. “Thank you, Gina, it really is a wonderful idea. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it.”

Gina knew suggesting his wife’s name had been the right thing to do. She also knew that the day-care center would be a huge reminder of the life Logan had shared with Amy.

She picked up her sandwich, unwrapped it and began to eat. But she had no appetite.

Later, as Logan drove back to the house, Gina sat quietly, staring out into the cotton fields.

“Are you up to a game of tennis?” he asked.

Her attention veered from the rows of green leaves to his profile as he drove.

“You don’t have to entertain me, Logan. If you’d like to look in on Daniel, we can do that.”

She’d always had the damnable habit of reading him too well. Amy had never even attempted to read his thoughts. She expected him just to tell her if he had something important to say.

Don’t compare
, he told himself sternly.

“I’d like to look in on Daniel,” he said. “But tennis might be good afterward. I haven’t had anyone challenge me in a while. Have you kept your game?”

He’d taught her how to play and she’d been good.

“I still play now and then, but I doubt if I’m as good as you are.”

A recognizable tune played somewhere in Gina’s
vicinity. She said, “Sorry,” and dug in her purse. She brought out her cell phone and checked the caller ID. “It’s my mom. I’d better take this.”

Logan knew Gina’s family came first. She’d proven that. When he glanced at her, their gazes held, and he suspected she knew what he was thinking once again.

Her cheeks became a little brighter as she answered. “Hi, Mom. What’s up?” There was a pause. “Sure I’ll be there tomorrow. I wouldn’t miss Josie’s birthday…I can pick up the balloons. Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Gina closed her phone.

“A birthday party?” he asked.

“My older sister’s. My mom wanted to make sure I’d be there.”

“You’re not as close to your family as you once were.”

“It was hard to stay connected when I was so far away.”

“But now you’re back.” After a pause, he added, “Maybe you should tell them what happened.”

“I can’t do that!” The idea really seemed to horrify her.

“Why?”

She sighed. “I think my parents are still fairly naive. They were sending me to a good college where I’d study hard and find a brilliant future. They would never even imagine something like that could happen there.”

“But it did. Don’t you think your mom and dad have worried about the changes they see in you?”

“I always acted perfectly normal when I called, and it was almost a year afterward until I came home for a visit. They didn’t suspect anything.”

“Oh, I’m sure they
did
. They just couldn’t put their finger on what it was. Even my father, as remote as he was sometimes, could read me better than I liked.”

“Tell me what happened after he recovered.”

He knew what Gina was doing—switching the focus from her to him. “I’d taken a semester off to help with his rehabilitation. At the start of the new year, he insisted I go back and get my MBA. He had a valet who was with him twenty-four hours a day. He also had a physical therapist and a nurse when necessary. I knew he was well taken care of so I got my MBA at Texas Tech instead of going back to Texas A&M. I was around as much as he wanted me to be around. Since I’d taken over most of his business dealings during those first few months, I kept my hand in. After I earned my degree, I started some ventures of my own. He didn’t approve of condos in Sydney or even of the golf courses in Arizona. But I wanted to build, and I felt I had the foundation to do it. After a while, he stopped protesting. He had some memory problems after the stroke. Because of the weakness on his left side, he’d stopped riding and hated that. He hated having someone help him do anything.”