The Three Sisters (27 page)

In the confessional, Coito was frenetic. She unbosomed herself with pell-mell diatribes, strung together in no chronological or logical order, and detailed the numerous exploits which she claimed to have proudly perpetrated. Mixed with the fanfaronading descriptions of her mischievous and ingenious actions and sexual adventures were Pantagruellian tales of her excesses. Explicit to the point of Lawrencian candor, hers were the most scandalous confessions among the priests, and she often had her confessors captivated by her cynical wit.

Every time K released a particularly quotable quip, the priests relayed her remark to others, producing laughter and subtle snickering which spread through the Cathedral like waves approaching the seashore. But thanks to K’s explicit and sacrilegious comments, her confessions were the least popular with the TV networks which had to edit her remarks even after employees of Virnovak Enterprises had removed K’s most offensive statements and most graphic descriptions. “Have to let the audience use its imagination, K. Give them opportunity to think for a change.”

The censors also removed Coito’s most damning attacks on the Catholic Church and her most perverted and sacrilegious deeds, some of which “would have shocked Madame O’Hara,” according to a priest from Chicago. Since her tales were the most lively of the three’s, she often had to retell her stories in a revised fashion the next day so a better “take” could be distributed to the public. Too much editing detracted from the stories’ naturalness and might have made the public think the full truth was being kept from them. When Coito first learned she would have to regularly re-record some of her confessions, she did not take the deception lightly. “If God’s servants can hear me out, I don’t see why the American people can’t,” she complained to Victor. “They should be allowed to hear the whole truth and nothing but
the truth.”

“True, K, but God’s more liberal and understanding than the American people,” admonished
Father Novak.

Theodora, the favorite among the Jesuits, was more exacting in the “exomologesis” of her life and concentrated more on the meaning of what had happened to her than the details of her past. Hardly as lively as Coito, Thea’s main advantage was being able to organize beforehand the autobiographical facts she provided at her confessions. Theodora’s narrative contained a single crimson thread which ran through her entire set of confessions: that her willingness to let others control her life (whether it had been her parents, her college friends, Coito, or Victor) and their influence were responsible for many of the sins she had committed. Consciously she was confessing her sins, but unconsciously she was faulting herself for lacking initiative by blaming others for leading her astray.

Though Theodora told her life story with enough meticulous care to please a Scholastic, her style was not attuned to the interests of the television audience. Realizing this, Victor told Theodora that the exacting nature of her confessions was not being well-received by the American people. “Aren’t there to teach, there to entertain, Thea.” Her theorizing forbidden, she concentrated on developing her storytelling abilities, and began producing narratives which improved her image overnight. This change was also noticed by the plethora of priests who listened to her. Though at times Theodora had her confessor bored stiff whenever she enumerated too many details, she could also have the confessor on the edge of his seat while she carefully provided the calculated revelation of each detail leading up to the conclusion of her story. Once purged of any intellectual pretentions, Thea’s stories were transmitted to
the public.

Regina used the confessions as an opportunity to exercise her histrionic talents, and often acted out her experiences both to the delight and horror of her attending priests. Mixed in with these demonstrative displays were her comments on contemporary culture, its lack of idealism and optimism, and how she would change things if she had the opportunity. She talked about the men, movies, and music of her life in “a cheerful, upbeat account of her wonderful past,” as one blurb phrased it. Hardly mentioned was her stay in Central America or the events which took place down there. She mentioned her year’s visit the first day out, but once she had gotten it out of the way, she referred to it no more. “Bad enough people reading about Commies in Nicaragua without you reminding them,” Victor had
admonished her.

Regina concentrated on her years in high school, at college, and after she had quit her career as a nun, and enjoyed the Confessions immensely. She ably transmitted her zest to the cameras and quickly became the most popular of the confessors among the public. Regina’s particular charm was being able to confess her innumerable sins and sexual encounters while maintaining a breezy and carefree attitude. She enticed her viewers effortlessly and made them wish she was their own. Regina realized how popular she had become when she started receiving fan mail, some containing less than honorable requests, from men who faithfully followed her confessions. Some fans even promised to spring Regina from jail, though
none did.

An even more exciting development for Regina was the interest which fashion photographers, magazine editors, and agents began to show in her. They contacted Father Novak and Victor hoping to skirt the law and have Victor make Regina available for photographic sessions or for taping commercials. Victor weighed each offer, counted his possible profits, and then cursed the government for not allowing Regina more freedom. Though he had succeeded in freeing the three for a seemingly noble cause like the Confessions, Victor knew the public and the Justice Department might have lesser thoughts about releasing the three for purely pecuniary reasons. Any photos of Regina which magazines obtained would have to be taken from the three’s files back at the Kennedy Center, and several magazines willingly accepted these when no others could
be taken.

“Victor, did you ever hear back from
Playboy
?” Regina asked him
one evening.

“Oh yes. Slipped my mind. Sorry. Said best they could do is February issue, but full centerfold, pictures and all. Showed them your portfolio and everything. Really impressed. Said they could use those pictures if I can’t get you out of here for a photo session. Actually, wanted to do whole
Playboy
on prison women. Done school conferences, cops, cheerleaders, and other professions. Why
not convicts?”

“We’re not convicts, Victor,” said
Theodora pointedly.

“Been arrested and charged,
at least.”

“Victor, didn’t they want me for the centerfold?”
asked K.

“Not really. Nice body and all that. Said so themselves. Might give you honorable mention if they do prison
photo essay.”

“Well what’s the matter with me, then?” asked Coito, offended by
her rejection.

“Answers to personality questions. First off, too headstrong. Supposed to comfort men, not threaten them. Also, answers too esoteric. Not what average reader’d associate with. Bunch of foreign names in answers as well. Too un-American. Know you like all that tacky avant-garde anti-establishment stuff, K, but
Playboy
doesn’t.”

“So just what didn’t they like?” Coito demanded. “Come on, give me
some specifics.”

“Take one question. Good music you like. God, bunch of funny names there. Lutos
ł
awski, Penderecki, Anthill or something like that, Cage, Skalkottas, Nono, Carter. Weirdest group of names I’ve ever heard. Bet you none of them has ever had a gold record, much
less platinum.”

“Victor, you listen to the music, not the names. You’re talking about some of the greatest composers since World
War II.”

“So? Who’d buy albums by people with names like that? Should shorten them. Make Skalkottas Skull, Penderecki Penn. Lutosawski Lust. What’s that one? Nono? Too pessimistic. Sisi would sound better. Didn’t know the President was a composer. Cage—good punk
band name.”

“They’re trying to write music, not
make money.”

“Obviously.”

“Believe it or not, I’ve used some of their music for productions at the
Kennedy Center.”

“Anyone
like it?”

“Well, people who understood
it did.”

“Anyway, other answers on movies, books, so forth, just as bad. Regina’s answers just what they wanted. Personable and
appealing. Perfect.”

When six o’clock rolled around each day, the Confessions were stopped and each of the three sisters was given absolution. When they returned to the air force base, the three were supposed to do penance for their confessed sins, but instead they spent their nights discussing the day’s events with each other, Victor and Father Novak while preparing for the morrow’s confessions. They were usually coached by Victor on how their confessions were being received by the public, what sins were the most popular, and thus what sins to concentrate on, as well as how to tell them about their deeds. In this way, supply met demand, and the three were able to keep the public’s attention for well over
a month.

Even before Father Novak saw the success of the Confessions, he found no reason to wait ’till after the three sisters had finished with their storytelling to begin capitalizing on them. The week before the Confessions began, he sold the radio rights for broadcasting highlights of the Confessions throughout the nation. Though it was no easy task condensing nearly thirty hours of tantalizing material into a one-hour nightly show which had not been censored or edited beyond recognition, under the direction of Jeremy Bottoms and Don McGee, the shows were made to be interesting, but not condescending. Though the quality of the confessions depended principally upon the three sisters, the superb editing which skirted the lines of decency every night brought a growing audience to the radio for the first time since the advent of rock and roll. Everything was suggested by the programs, but little
was divulged.

As for TV, Father Novak and Victor Virga kept the networks from obtaining rights to the Confessions for over a week after the July
9
announcement, working diligently to get the best terms possible. TV producers clamored to get a special program on their stations using material chosen by Father Novak from the Confessions. Everyone knew the three sisters were being filmed since Virnovak Enterprises had released brief clips of the Confessions to the networks’ news departments to whet the executives’ appetites and guarantee nightly news coverage. Though Father Novak and Victor Virga could not stop nightly news reports on TV from reviewing the day’s activities (priests leaked the day’s confessions without compunction), Father Novak was able to keep the all-essential network camera outside the National Cathedral’s
holy sanctuary.

Network executives used every means they knew, honest and dishonest, to obtain rights to the confessions. After a week it was clear that Father Novak’s consent to any of the networks’ requests would line the Church’s coffers full of copper. By the time Father Novak finally announced the successful contracting of TV rights to the three sisters’ confessions on July
19
, Virnovak Enterprises was promised more than enough seed capital to begin distributing Catholic consumer goods once the mania for the three sisters
had subsided.

Father Novak and Victor announced that ABC would begin broadcasting a twenty-minute roundup of the confessions after the local news at
11
:
30
Eastern (
10
:
30
Central) on weekdays and a thirty-minute weekly review on Saturday afternoons beginning on July
23
. Regina and other media followers thought the spot for the twenty-minute roundups was ill-chosen since it would directly compete with Johnny Carson’s monologues, but ABC was willing to take the risk. It quickly paid off, and by the second week, it was an
hour-long program.

The first Confessions Father Novak released to the public were purposely unsophisticated so Virnovak Enterprises could gradually improve on the roundups’ quality to ensure the programs would seem to improve no matter what the three sisters confessed. In the beginning, the Confessions were presented with little artifice and showed nothing but edited tapes of the three confessing their sins. By the end of the week, artists’ drawings accompanied by brief summaries were added to elucidate events which could not be adequately covered by the three’s narratives. On August
1
, videotaped re-enactments by actors and actresses were provided to recreate the less offensive sins. Consequently, the three sisters were often left to providing descriptions of their actions for the background voiceover. Almost nightly, new techniques for presenting the three’s confessions were subtly introduced, and by August
6
the confessions had turned into a razzle-dazzle combination of videotaped confessions, artists’ drawings, and edited narrations. When Theodora saw these final shows, she was disgusted by their commerciality, but Coito and Regina enjoyed
them immensely.