The Three Sisters (38 page)

Soon the Festivities would take place, and Father Novak began to wonder why God was letting this happen. Was God testing Father Novak through the three? Or was God humbling Father Novak who had become proud as a result of his success? After twenty years, the production of Catholic consumer goods which had been his life’s goal was within reach. All his dreams were coming true, but no matter how hard he tried, Father Novak could not forget the origin of his corporate empire. Though Father Novak had worked hard and earned his success, he was profiting from the misfortunes of others, doing the same things he had reproached others for in
the past.

Father Novak’s mental agony grew when he saw the active role Victor was playing in suggesting many of the embellishments which the Festivities had taken on (see the schedule of the Festivities below). Since the three had been sentenced, the government, the media, and corporate America had decided that the crucifixion was not to be some dismal and efficient execution conducted behind prison walls, but a grand festival with parades, floats and marching bands on national TV. The Festivities had become a national carnival for all to participate in, and the more people knew about and were involved in the Festivities, the more the profits would
roll in.

Yet, what could Father Novak do but participate in the Festivities? The more he thought about it, the more Father Novak realized how little choice was left to him. Events ran him, and not he the events. The market was responding to the demands of consumers without any concern for the consequences. The free market had tamed free will, and the arrow of time ineluctably pointed toward
Calvin’s Predestination.

Had he not helped bring the Festivities into being? Would he not be a hypocrite to condemn what he had helped to create? Besides, even were he to try and calm his conscience, Father Novak did not have the power to stop the Festivities. He could nobly resign from Virnovak Enterprises, but Victor Virga would merely take over where Father Novak had left off. Father Novak would lose sight of his life’s goal with little to compensate for his actions. There would be no Catholic consumer goods, no corporate empire, no return to solvency for the Catholic Church, nothing but doubts about what he had done. The reward for placating his conscience would be more than offset by the loss of what he had spent his life working for. He was trapped like a rat in
a cage.

During late November, Father Novak procrastinated making a decision on what to do: whether to resign or acquiesce to his own ambition. But by early December, Father Novak knew what he was going to do. He realized he lacked the willpower or the desire to forgo his life’s goal by resigning for noble reasons. He could not beat the system, only work within it. After all, it was corporations and not people that had perpetual life
on earth.

Virnovak Enterprises would survive Father Novak just as the three sisters’ souvenirs would survive their namesakes’ demise, and now that Father Novak had decided to go through with his plans to produce the souvenirs and consumer goods, he let nothing get in the way of his work, not the Pope, not Victor, not anyone. Virnovak Enterprises became his sole interest in life. If he had chosen wrong, it was God’s duty to judge him after death, and until that day of reckoning came, he would put every ounce of his being into making Virnovak
Enterprises successful.

On December
8
,
1979
, the official schedule of the Festivities was published. By then the simple crucifixion which the Supreme Court had sentenced the three to receive had become but one of the many events to surround the three’s execution. Politicians saw a chance to take a stand on an issue the (no longer silent) majority of the public supported; the media found a chance to cover a spectacular event unparalleled in recent history (to be complimented by an unparalleled number of commercials); religious leaders had a chance to condemn sin and godlessness; and the public was preparing for one of the dazzling and ostentatious entertainments which America specialized in. Victor Virga and other individuals involved in coordinating the Festivities had made sure there was something for everyone, a natural response for a democratic nation. “Cecil B. DeMille couldn’t’ve done better,”
judged Regina.

The only way to remind the reader how Victor and the rest of the nation hoped to accommodate the requests of contending interest groups is to reprint the schedule of events for the Festivities of December
25
,
1979
and the map for the parade which
accompanied it.

12
:
00
A.M. Detective Hole will appear at the three’s prison cell and accuse them of the crimes of which they have been
found guilty.

1
:
00
A.M. The three sisters will be brought to the
Capitol building.

2
:
00
A.M. The three sisters will stand before a joint session of Congress and will be cross-examined by
1
) former President Nixon
2
) former President Ford
3
) President Carter
The questions asked will test the three sisters’ feelings about America and test their willingness to reform. Later, Congress will be asked to reflect on these answers to determine whether the three should be pardoned by
President Carter.

3
:
00
A.M. The galleries will be opened to the public who will be given free rein to vilify the three. Each group of visitors will be limited to five minutes
of derision.

4
:
30
A.M. The three sisters will be placed at the mercy of Congress whom they will ask to forgive them. Congress will announce
its decision.

5
:
30
A.M. If the three sisters are not pardoned, the Justices of the Supreme Court will appear and take the three sisters to the
National Cathedral.

6
:
30
A.M. At the National Cathedral, Pope John Paul II will give a sermon and release the three into the hands of the
civil authorities.

7
:
30
A.M. Official parade festivities begin. Floats and marching bands will leave from the Capitol building and travel down the parade route
(see map).

9
:
00
A.M. The three sisters will walk their last mile.
The Supreme Court Justices will each whip one of the three sisters thirteen times (a total of thirty-nine lashes for each). After this, the three sisters will pick up the crosses on which they will be crucified and carry them down the parade route followed by the nine Justices. Walking alongside them will be Father Novak, Detective Hole, and Bishop Golias who will try and save their souls before
they die.

10
:
15
A.M. (Time approximate) The three sisters will arrive at the crucifixion site in Potomac Park. The following events will take place during the crucifixion:
1
) The three will be partially stripped before being put up on their crosses.
2
) A plaque saying “THE THREE SISTERS, QUEENS OF THE HERETICS” will be placed on their crosses.
3
) The three will be nailed to their crosses and will be put up into the air to be crucified.
4
) The three sisters will make their Seven Blasphemous Last Sayings.
5
) The general public will be given a second chance to openly mock and deride the three sisters. Again, a strict five-minute time limit must be placed upon each set
of mockers.

3
:
00
P.M. The three will be taken down from their crosses and be brought to the hill upon which the Washington Monument stands. There they will be burned at the stake in
an auto-da-fé.

7
:
00
P.M. The remains of the three will be taken down and their ashes will be scattered into
the Potomac.

8
:
00
P.M. With the Festivities over, a grand celebration will take place along the mall stretching from the Capitol building to the Lincoln Memorial. A fireworks display will be provided
for all.

12
:
00
A.M. Midnight. The Festivities officially end.

The abomination of the three sisters continued as they awaited their sentencing to be carried out. Though K & Co. may have wanted to spend their last days by themselves and in peace, the news media gave them no rest. From every state of the union and many nations of the world, reporters came, each demanding an “exclusive” interview with one or all of the three sisters. Each reporter thought he or she had different insights into the three sisters’ lives, either because of different personal and cultural backgrounds or because they had different audiences or editors to report to, and therefore deserved the personal interview.

But the questions the three were asked by the reporters were invariably the same. What did they think about being crucified? Would they convert before dying? Did they think they were being used? Were they bitter about what had happened? And so forth. When Coito was asked if she was sorry for what she had done, she replied that her only regret was that she had never gotten a chance to have an orgy in the head of the Statue of Liberty. Other personal revelations were provided, but for the most part, the three gave the same exclusive answers to the same exclusive questions day after day. “Christ, it got to where we could carry out an interview in our sleep. We got sick and tired of it all, so with three weeks left to live, we stopped the interviews altogether,” Theodora
pointed out.

“I hope God punishes all the reporters by sending them to Hell where they’ll be interviewed for the rest of eternity, or be forced to watch an outtake of one of their interviews repeatedly for all eternity,” declared K. “At one point, Victor had us doing ten interviews a day. After that torture, the prospect of being crucified seemed
a blessing.”

The ACLU came to the aid of the three sisters, and used their example as proof that the U.S. government no longer respected individual rights. The ACLU dubbed them the first Atheist Martyrs in American history, and because of that people began calling the organization the Atheists Civil Liberties Union. Although the ACLU succeeded in raising lots of money for themselves, they did nothing to help the three
sacrilegious sisters.

When the three started refusing interviews with national TV networks and weekly newsmagazines—a sin as unforgivable in the eyes of the media as would be using God’s name in vain in front of Billy Graham, praising Hitler in front of Menachem Begin, being optimistic around a French intellectual, or driving Teddy Kennedy into a lake—the media turned on the three sisters with a vengeance. “Since the media was telecasting the Festivities, we were always in the news so the public would watch the Festivities. When we stopped giving interviews, our critics took advantage of this vacuum to vilify us even more.”