Finn’s face contorted in agony as a clenched hand was shoved deep into him, and when Ellis pulled his fingers away blood and shit glistened across his knuckles. He must have deemed him ready, because without any further ceremony he began to fuck Finn with lethal savagery.
From there on in, the two men simply took it in turns to rip their prey apart as
Blaine
and I looked on. She calmly sipped her wine, alternating her approving gaze between the assault and my reaction to it.
Chester was the first to roll away from Finn’s battered body, spent and happy, as Ellis brought himself to one last heaving climax above their plaything’s bowed and insensible head. He grinned with obscene joy as he came, leaving viscous strings of semen to drip over Finn’s hair and shoulders.
When it was all over,
Chester
and Ellis lay back on the opulent bed with its bank of cushions and pillows and opened a bottle of champagne, giggling as bubbles cascaded from the bottle and over their naked thighs and flaccid cocks. I watched in silence as they embraced and raised their glasses to each other, congratulating themselves on living out their sordid fantasy.
They left Finn slumped across the foot of the bed; he had fulfilled his use. His head was tilted back and turned towards the two-way mirror, and his glazed eyes were open, the left one stained crimson from a burst blood vessel, staring straight at me in blank despair. His arms were outstretched as if in supplication and his fingers twitched against the sheets.
I was watching a man shutting down, and I was terrified.
It wasn’t just the drugs, or the violence he’d endured; there was something far worse pulling Finn away. I turned to
Blaine
. ‘Let me take him with me tonight. Please.’
She gave me an indulgent smile. ‘My, you
do
like him emasculated, don’t you? I can’t see him being of much use.’
‘He can’t stay there. Not like that.’
‘And what would I get in return?’
This is what it came down to.
Blaine
had no further need for Finn, but she knew that I did. We needed to arrive at a price. ‘What do you want?’
‘A kiss?’ she suggested, because this was only ever going to be a token, proof that I could finally be bought.
So I faced the woman who had recently ordered that my fingers be snapped like twigs and I kissed her as though she were my first love.
‘Thank you,’ she smiled, and I knew I was dismissed.
*****
I knocked softly on the door of the guest room and stepped in with a tray balanced on my palm.
Chester
sat up, a look of delight on his face. ‘My
God
! Ellis, it’s Lilith Bresson!’ A
Maine
accent.
Vermont
. He pulled the quilt over his naked torso in a belated attempt to cover his modesty. ‘Ellis and I are such fans,’ he explained, and Ellis gave me a casual wave from his side of the bed. ‘What the hell are you doing at Albermarle Hall? Are you a guest?’
I sat the tray, carrying two glasses, down on the bedside table. ‘I’m... on a kind of sabbatical.’
‘I suppose this is the ideal place for you,’
Chester
said. ‘Some wonderful erotic inspiration.’
I forced myself not to glance at Finn. ‘I thought you both might want a brandy whilst I ran you a bath.’
‘All this fun and Lilith Bresson on room service. Aren’t we lucky?’ Ellis finally spoke.
California
via
Louisiana
. He gave a knowing wink that suggested my lifelong goal had been to play chambermaid to a couple of predatory paedophiles.
I forced myself to smile. ‘If you don’t mind, I’ll take Finn with me when I leave. I don’t think this bed’s quite big enough for three, is it?’
‘We managed,’
Chester
grinned.
‘I’m sure you did, but if you have any intention of getting under the covers after your bath, it might be a good idea for me to move him back to his own room, don’t you think?’
Ellis gave Finn a cursory glance. ‘You want us to clean him up first? We
were
kinda energetic with the kid...’
‘We’ll be fine. Goodness, he’s out for the count,’ I said brightly, sounding alarmingly like a nanny I’d had when I was three. ‘What on earth did you give him?’
‘Lorazepam,’
Chester
replied. ‘We’re lucky to have a friendly MD. Seems to have taken him a little deeper than expected, but I reckon he’ll be fine after a good night’s sleep.’
‘I’m sure he will,’ I said.
*****
Once I was satisfied that bathtime was well underway, I checked that the bathroom door was firmly shut, then knelt at the foot of the bed.
‘Finn?’ I whispered. ‘Finn, sweetheart, it’s Lili. Come on, wake up and talk to me.’
He raised his head to gaze at me with eyes that were the muted grey of a storm-hit sea. ‘Lili’s gone.’ He slumped back onto the bed.
Now I knew. As far as Finn was aware, I was no longer there and there was nothing left for him to do but surrender. I took his cold hand in mine. ‘
Please
keep moving, Finn. Come on, let’s go.’
‘Need to sleep.’
‘No. Not here. Not with them.’ I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and hauled him upright. He may have looked skeletal, but he was a dead weight. Muffled laughter from the bathroom spurred me on. ‘Let’s get you out of here, and you can sleep in my bed. You’ll be safe there, I promise,’ which was the biggest lie I’d ever told, but at least Finn’s eyes opened again. He stared at me as though I had just landed from another planet as I grabbed a bathrobe from the dresser and draped it over his shoulders. I had to pull his hands through the sleeves one at a time, but although it cost precious minutes I was determined to afford him some dignity in the short journey to my room.
*****
I was glad I’d stepped up my workouts, because it took a strength I hadn’t known I possessed to drag that man down the corridor and onto my bed.
Finn stank like something already dead; the cloying musk of stale sex, sweat, and tainted breath combined to cling to his exhausted frame. His face was deathly pale, save for an angry amyl rash that was beginning to scab around his nose and mouth.
More than anything, I wanted him clean. I would have immersed him in cool water to kill his fever and wash away the filth, but instead I had to settle for a crystal fruit bowl filled from my bathroom and a pile of towels.
In the pale glow of the oil lamp I began my task. I bathed away every trace of shit and blood and semen from his face, his back, his thighs. Only days ago we had shared this bed and risked everything, and now it was as if I were preparing his corpse for burial. When I had finished, I heaved him over onto his side, settled into the chair next to the bed and waited.
The crisis came at four o’clock in the morning. As I watched, what little colour he had left in his moon-pale face drained away, leaving him with a waxen death mask. He gave a succession of choking grunts and, still unconscious, threw up across the pillow. I thought back to how Ellis and
Chester
had left him; on his back with his head lolling over the edge of the bed, and knew this would have been the moment of his death. Just another junkie choking on his own vomit.
Finn didn’t stir as I pulled the sodden bedding from under his head. I used a damp flannel to wipe his mouth clear, replaced the pillow, and continued my vigil. I was almost glad that I couldn’t leave him: I was capable of doing real harm to the two sick bastards who were now no doubt sleeping peacefully just yards away.
Instead I sat back and watched Finn as he slept, as if I could keep his chest rising and falling simply by watching it.
The first surprise of the day was that I could open my eyes at all, given my plans to be dead at this point. There was something particularly fitting about the fact that I had even managed to screw that up.
As consciousness began to thaw the numbness in my limbs, I discovered that I had the mother and father of all headaches; my temples throbbed in time to my heartbeat and as I forced my eyelids to open another millimetre I saw a changed world diffused with a sick, green light.
I had fuck all idea as to where I was – I’d have been struggling to say
who
I was right at that moment – but a haze of terror smothered me as a disjointed memory of men’s voices and hands shimmered at the back of my febrile skull. The only thing in the entire world that I knew for certain was that I wasn’t safe and I attempted to push myself up from the bed.
As I sat up I puked. I had a bizarre vision of Lilith standing there with some fancy glass bowl, which was ridiculous, because she was gone from my life, and then I had the thought that maybe I was dead after all and Coyle must have murdered her and she was dead as well. The tricky bit was figuring out where we were because I couldn’t imagine anyone, God included, daring to send Lilith Bresson to hell.
Then I had to stop thinking in order to puke again.
‘Good morning,’ Lilith said.
‘You’re not meant to be here.’ My throat felt as though it had been sandblasted.
‘Apparently not.’ She placed a cool damp flannel over my forehead. ‘Fucking hell, I can’t leave you alone for five minutes, can I, Strachan?’
I finally let myself acknowledge that this was real. Lilith was here and I was in her bed, and I had believed Coyle and let myself be taken when there was still a need to fight. Any joy I had felt at her presence was smothered in a wave of white-hot guilt. ‘I’m sorry,’ I began, but another wave of hollow retching cut short my apology.
Lilith handed me glass of water, but my hands were shaking so much that I couldn’t take a drink without spilling half the contents across the sheets.
She took the glass from me and held it to my mouth with one hand and supported the back of my head with the other. ‘Steady – just take a couple of sips for now.’
‘Bad?’ I dared ask, and she nodded.
I shifted to look at her properly, and winced. ‘Fuck, I hurt. Must’ve been hardcore.’
‘It was.’
The realisation made me want to throw up again. ‘She made you watch.’
Lilith nodded. ‘Part of my re-education. And the final part, believe me.’
‘Oh God, Lili, I’m so sorry.’ That useless, empty word again, for everything I had let happen to her. ‘I can’t stay here...’ I made to get out of bed again, but the world shimmered and shifted around me and I had to swallow a mouthful of bile. I wondered when my stomach was going to catch on that there was nothing left to bring up.
I shut my eyes and forced everything back behind a wall that was harder to maintain with every second I remained in this room. I didn’t dare speak or move or even breathe for fear of everything crumbling away and leaving me entirely destroyed. I couldn’t show her that, for both our sakes.
The knock at the door threatened to tip the balance, even though I knew Coyle wouldn’t see the need for such manners.
‘It’s
Blaine
,’ Lilith said. ‘It’s fine, Finn. I’ve been expecting this; it’s part of it. It’s what she does, remember? She wants to gloat.’ She tied her hair back from her face and strode to the door.
‘Good morning, Lilith.’
Blaine
stepped into my room, dressed for a day at the office. She appraised me, still in my pyjamas with my hair messily scraped back from my face and smiled.
‘Good morning.’ She wouldn’t have been able to resist a trip to view the damage, and part of me was surprised that she’d stayed away for this long. She would want to gaze upon the wreckage of her own making, and prolong the pleasure for as long as possible. I was ready for it, but I feared for Finn.
‘You look exhausted,’ she said.
‘It’s been a long night.’
She almost looked maternal. ‘You should rest today. Our agreement still stands and you seem to be remarkably ahead of schedule – I’m sure you can spare yourself a few hours to recharge.’ It was as if Finn was invisible.
‘I wasn’t aware there
was
a schedule, other than completing the commission.’
‘Ah.’ She took the chair I had used for my vigil and turned it so she was facing me. ‘I’m so sorry; I thought I’d mentioned it. My birthday – it’s in a little less than four weeks; the tenth of December. I usually have a small gathering, just my closest friends, nothing too formal. I thought that might be a fantastic opportunity for the great unveiling. What do you think?’
‘It sounds ideal.’ The very moment I spoke, an embryonic light glinted in the furthest recesses of my mind. I didn’t dare acknowledge its presence for fear that I might extinguish it, or that
Blaine
might read the scrap of hope in my features. I promised myself that I would revisit it the moment I got the opportunity, and returned to the business in hand: getting
Blaine
where I wanted her. ‘There are a few finishing touches, but nothing that’ll take more than a few days.’