‘I can’t.’
I strode towards him. ‘Yes you can. You need to stop running away from the carnage that woman causes. Trust me, Henry.’
Henry placed a tentative foot over the threshold.
Finn glared at him from my bed. ‘You’re lucky I’m fucked, little man, otherwise you’d be dead.’
This time I was ready, and caught Henry by the wrist before he could go anywhere. ‘Trust me,’ I repeated.
‘Is there anything I can do?’ he finally asked, clearly praying for a negative response so he could bolt back to his shelter.
‘Actually there is. I’ve got to see
Blaine
in half an hour – you can stay with Finn.’
‘The fuck he can,’ Finn spat.
‘Non-negotiable. If you want a couple of my codeine on top of whatever else is flowing through your veins right now, you’re going to need a babysitter. No arguments.’
Finn didn’t even look at Henry. ‘In that case he sits in the corner and he doesn’t even
attempt
to speak to me. And if the little shit thinks that this lets him off any kind of hook, he can go and get fucked.’
I perched on a chair in the primrose-painted hell of
Blaine
’s study whilst she finished an email. I remained quiet until she addressed me; above all else, I needed her to observe my new-found obedience.
At quarter past eleven she looked away from her computer screen. ‘I must say I’m delighted that you finally feel you can be honest with me, Lilith. So, what is it that you need to discuss that’s so terribly private?’
I cleared my throat, suggesting my trepidation. ‘I have two requests.’
‘I’m listening.’
‘Firstly, I’d like you to allow me to spend some time with Finn again, as long as it doesn’t interfere with the completion of your portrait. He’s hardly in a condition to work at the moment, and I think you’ll agree that he’s sufficiently broken; much more and any damage might be irreparable.’ I forced the next words out. ‘I’m sure that wouldn’t be good for business.’
‘Well, that certainly is an acknowledgement, coming from you.’
‘I’ve had quite some time to think, recently.’
Blaine
appraised me for any sign of guile, but she would find none. This was my game now. ‘And the second request?’
I leant forward slightly, inviting her confidence, and she mirrored my move. ‘I wondered if we could discuss a... long-term arrangement regarding Finn.’
‘Oh, at
last
,’
Blaine
smiled, as though this whole ordeal had been part of her matchmaking. ‘And what might that be?’
‘To be truthful, I don’t know yet – I didn’t even dare think about it until I’d discussed it with you. But I’m prepared to make certain compromises if I can be assured of regular, exclusive contact. I’m sure we can negotiate.’
‘That’s quite a request.’
‘I know.’
‘Certainly more than any other guest has ever asked for.’
‘I imagined it might be,’ I concurred.
‘And what are you prepared to bring to the table if I agree?’
This was it. I looked her straight in the eye and said, ‘I’m afraid I have absolutely no idea whatsoever.’
‘Are you trying to be funny, Lilith? Because if you are, I’m afraid you’re failing miserably.’
‘No, not at all. But I needed to check that my requests were within the realms of possibility. Judging by your reaction, they might be, so now I’m going to have to go away and see what I can offer in return.’
‘If I discover that this is bluff...’
‘I’m not stupid enough to think that I have that luxury. Believe me.’ I needed a timescale that suggested I was serious, but unused to surrendering to anyone’s will. ‘If you give me... say, five days? I promise you, you’ll have a deal that proves my loyalty. And if my offer turns out to be inadequate, we’re at your mercy.’
We stared at each other across the desk. Silence filled the room and I welcomed it; wrapped it around me and relaxed in the knowledge that I was still in control.
Finally,
Blaine
responded. ‘Very well.’ She spoke with the good grace of the victorious. ‘I have to go away for the weekend – a meeting in
Paris
– so that gives you your five days. Naturally you and Finn will be confined to the island, and Coyle will be looking after the Hall in my absence, but I’ll make sure he understands that there are certain boundaries in place as long as you maintain this behaviour.’
‘Thank you.’ I stood and bowed my head in subtle deference.
She smiled her dismissal. ‘And Lilith? I expect your offer to be spectacular.’
*****
Finn was still asleep. He lay curled on his side with his back to Henry, who hadn’t moved an inch in his bedside vigil.
‘Was everything all right?’ he asked. ‘I mean,
nothing’s
all right, but...’
‘Everything was fine, Henry. Pretty much word-for-word how I’d expected it to be,’ I assured him. ‘What about here?’
‘He’s just slept, for the most part. He stirred about ten minutes ago – just long enough to tell me to eff off – then he went straight back over.’ He looked at Finn’s battered, sleeping form. ‘This was me, wasn’t it? The poor boy, ending up in this mess, and that dreadful business for you. If I’d have kept my mouth shut...’
I shook my head. ‘It would have happened anyway. Maybe not last night, but one night, and then another, until there was nothing of us left.’
‘Fuckin’ optimist,’ Finn mumbled from beneath the duvet. He emerged from its folds to speak to me, steadfastly ignoring Henry. ‘So. What the hell happens now?’
‘I don’t know about you, but I’m going to grab a blanket from under my bed, and sleep until I wake up. Probably in about three days’ time, judging by how I feel right now.’
Hands groped for me in the darkness and I yelled out and woke and hurt, all in one go. My sheet was wrapped around me, sweat-soaked and tight as a shroud.
Lilith’s dishevelled head appeared over the horizon of the bed. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and checked her watch. ‘One hour and forty-two minutes. We have a new record.’
‘Go me,’ I panted as I attempted to unravel myself. ‘What about you?’
Lilith looked at her watch again. ‘I dozed off about ten minutes after you. Let’s call it an hour and a half, give or take a minute.’
This had been the pattern for the last two days, since I had failed in my attempt to be dead. Lilith hadn’t moved from my side; she just bunked down on a camp bed that Henry had hauled into the room for her, and slept when I slept.
I swung my legs off the bed and stood to grab my hooded sweater from the nearest chair. The room started spinning like a merry-go-round and I slumped back down, trying to look nonchalant and hoping that Lilith wasn’t watching me. Fat chance. ‘So when are you going to share this amazing plan for the Great Escape?’ I asked in a sorry attempt at distraction.
‘When you decide to start eating again,’ Lilith replied.
‘Ah. That.’
‘Yes, that.’
‘I was kinda hoping you hadn’t noticed.’
‘What, that you’re existing on fresh air and tea?’ She sat down next to me. ‘When
did
you last eat, Finn?’
I tried to count backwards. ‘When did you get back from
London
?’
‘You’ve got to be joking. That’s twelve days, Finn.’
‘Is it? Jesus. Guess I’ll be back in that bikini by summer.’
‘It’s not bloody funny.’
‘I know. I know it’s not. And I’m not doing it to be awkward, I swear. But I had Coyle gobbin’ into everything he brought for me when I was banged up in the cellar, and to be honest with you, food’s never been up there on my list of priorities in the first place. Now I’ve got Henry throwing stuff together for me like he’s going for his next Michelin star, and I can’t stomach a mouthful from the traitorous little fucker.’
‘Well, this is the deal. You eat, I tell you the plan. Surely there’s something you could manage?’
‘Lili, my system’s fucked to all hell – Junkie’s legacy, probably. I couldn’t face the shite that Henry’s trying to force down my neck at the best of times, but right now I’m feeling sick just at the sight of food.’
‘I need you stronger than this, Finn. I know it’s hard for you, but there’s one hell of a fight to come. You’re going to have to think of it as fuel.’
So I thought about it. I could only conjure up one thing, from when I was a kid in
Dublin
with nothing in the cupboards but dust and mouse-shit, and two little sisters screeching for food. Then I imagined Henry having to prepare it, and I knew what I fancied for breakfast. I smiled for the first time in days.
‘Well, there might just be something.’
Finn’s request for dinner broke Henry’s heart, and if that wasn’t the major reason for his choice, it certainly played a major part. It was like watching the final act of a condemned man as Henry spooned half an inch of condensed milk onto white bread and sprinkled it liberally with sugar.
‘This is
disgusting
,’ he said as he carried the tray into my room. ‘A travesty.’
‘Not half as disgusting as the shite you’ve been serving me for the last three years.’ Finn took the plate from Henry without even looking at him. ‘Like those fuckin’ eggs with bits of grass in ‘em that you did yesterday.’
‘That was an
omelette aux fines herbes
,’ Henry retorted.
‘No, it was shite.’
I tried not to hold my breath as Finn broke off a morsel of bread and placed it tentatively in his mouth. He swallowed. ‘Right, that’s my side of the bargain upheld. So, how the fuck do you intend to bring this empire of evil crashing down?’
‘I need to make a private phonecall.’
‘That’s impossible,’ Henry interjected, defeated before we had even begun. ‘
Blaine
has every telephone around here tapped. Even the public box in the resort, I think, for pure amusement – but there’s no way of using that one anyway: the boat’s kept on the mainland now, and I have to wait for Coyle to pick me up before I can do the shopping. ’
I shrugged. ‘I guessed as much.’
‘So I really don’t see how a private call would be possible.’ Henry explained gently.
‘She hasn’t tapped my mobile though, has she?’
‘No, I would assume she hasn’t,’ Finn said through a mouthful of condensed-milk sandwich. ‘But unless you came over here with a Motorola bunged up your arse, I would say that’s not especially helpful.’
‘Actually, I would hope that it’s still safely where I left it, in the glove compartment of my Jag.’
Finn smiled. ‘Oh, your
Jag
.
Of course. That’ll be the Jag that’s on the other side of the bloody lake, is it?’
That’s the one.’
Finn shook his head. ‘And how the fuck do you intend to get hold of it? Fuckin’
swim
?’
The three of us sat in complete silence. Floorboards creaked and expanded as they began to warm with the sparse heat of the day, the grandfather clock in the dining hall chimed a muffled half-hour, and Finn and Henry both stared at me as if I had lost my wits.
Finally, Finn spoke. ‘Jesus, you’re serious.’
The day
Blaine
left for
Paris
, winter came to Albermarle. It launched its assault straight from
Siberia
, bringing a ferocious storm that uprooted a dozen ancient trees across the estate and scattered slate tiles and a chimney stack from the roof of the hall. Finn and I spent a sleepless night listening to the gale wreak its devastation, and the next day we emerged from our beds to ice on the insides of the windows and a chill that cut us both to the marrow. This new landscape was bleak and frost-blasted, but
Blaine
had left, and now at last I could act.
*****
‘I’ve never seen the lake like this,’ Finn said.
It was two o’clock in the morning. Blaine was in Paris and Coyle O’ Halloran – never one to learn a lesson, we hoped – was holed up in a guestroom, near-comatose on dope, cheap whiskey and barley wine, foolishly confident that his charges wouldn’t dare deceive him a second time.
Finn and I hid in the island boatshed and gazed out into the darkness as foam-topped waves rushed to the shingle and broken branches floated and tossed in the churning water. I wore a swimming costume and child’s wetsuit that had once belonged to
Blaine
’s daughter, and a down-filled jacket wrapped around my shoulders, yet I could still feel the north wind bore into my skin.