The Timor Man (25 page)

“I'm so sorry, Stephen. So very, very sorry!”

Her eyes reflected the sadness she felt and, suddenly, tears trickled down her face.

He moved his hand softly over her cheek, wiping the tears away as he kissed her gently.

“What ever happened to you, Louise?” he whispered, holding her close as if she would suddenly disappear again as she had before.

“I can't,” she started, and then buried her head into his shoulder,.

“I must know,” he spoke softly, encouraging her to continue.

“No, Stephen,” she whispered, “not tonight,” and looking into his troubled eyes she promised, “we'll have enough time together, I promise. Let it be, just for tonight.”

He looked deep into her eyes, trying to understand, and silently agreed.

Suddenly she turned away from the ceremony and led him back down to the beach.

They sat quietly for awhile. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her softly, first on the eyes and then gently on her lips. She leaned back, her head resting on the white sand and he kissed her again, passionately, her response signalling her desire to continue. There, in the cool of the tropical night, accompanied only by the sounds of the sea and the mystique of a Balinese night, they made love, tender love, unlike anything he'd ever experienced before. They stayed together until morning, touching each other tenderly, caressing, and whispering endearments until the soft cool morning sea-breeze alerted them to the coming day. Together they sat on the damp sand silently admiring the beauty of the sunrise.

As the morning's first rays stole silently from below the sea into the new pale sky, dancing though the jagged peaks of Gunung Agung teasing its occasional puffs of volcanic smoke, they made their way back slowly, reluctantly, through the coconut grove. They had not spoken again of the past. But both realized they would have to do so. And soon. Louise squeezed Coleman's hand tightly as they parted without speaking, each to their unused rooms to prepare for their departure.

Full of remorse she flung herself desperately onto the bed and buried her head in the pillow.

‘Damn! Damn! Damn!' she screamed into the soft thick kapok filled cushion, hitting the bed with clenched hands. ‘You stupid, stupid woman!'

She admonished herself for permitting it to happen, again. Their relationship should not continue. It was not the same as when they had first met.

This time she knew!

 

Louise's own section head had shown her the file and advised her, no, instructed her to discontinue their relationship immediately for fear of her being compromised by Coleman. This limited brief merely contained a restricted advice to all section and department heads listing other foreigners attached to the multitude of embassies and consulates throughout the country. The confidential memorandum advised that those whose names were listed in the brief were to be treated with considerable caution. It did not elaborate.

When she scoffed at the innuendo, her chief had considered her emotional involvement sufficient to speak to his own immediate superior and the following day the young Attaché was summoned to the offices of what her friends referred to as the ‘shadow people'. At first it seemed that the security section wished to discuss her file and clearances again. This was not unusual, as often these were checked and updated at regular intervals as promotions flowed, and postings changed the government employee's domicile.

She had not expected her relationship with Stephen to demand the attention of these people. Louise was astonished at the Langley file copy which she been obliged to read while sitting directly under the close scrutiny of the Embassy in-house ‘spook' as they were referred to by the other civilian agencies. He had asked her to sign the declaration as Louise had done on many previous occasions when viewing restricted and sensitive material. This time she was surprised to see the additional marker flags on the top and sides of the folder containing the document, designating CIA-sourced intelligence.

The first photograph showed a group of young men talking together. Innocent enough, she thought at the time. The second series of photographs was taken with a telephoto lens but the clarity was enough to identify the man dressed in combat fatigues undertaking training exercises. The description was chillingly cold and brief.

Stephen Charles Coleman. Field operative Australian Security and Intelligence Forces. Active agent. Refer all CIA coded reference Top Secret 23519-68.

She listened quietly as the officer ordered her to discontinue the relationship; however, he suggested, his people would have no objections should she see Coleman casually, preferably in the company of others, as they understood that chance meetings both socially and professionally were almost unavoidable; such situations should be handled sensibly. Louise was then asked to confirm that she would accept the instructions given. The veiled threat was apparent.

Had she refused then there was no doubt in her mind that the following day someone else would be handling her official chores while she winged her way back home to the good old US of A!

She had no real choice. For days she suffered periods of depression and was bitterly distressed at not being able to explain to Stephen why they could not continue their relationship. Oh yes, she remembered, saddened by the memories, they had seen each other from time to time, at parties and receptions, but they never talked.

Louise could remember the cold look of bitterness she'd seen on Stephen's face during the first encounter, some months after she'd ceased accepting his calls. She had dated other men and had even started to see a colleague, an USAID volunteer doctor, regularly, but there just wasn't the same electricity she'd felt with Stephen and she ceased going out with him as well. At the time she felt that Stephen understood the reason for her behaviour and often wondered why he had given up so easily. She was a mature person for her age. Even as a teenager she did not accept that people could just fall in love, that quickly, so suddenly. And yet it had happened to her and Stephen!

She sat cross-legged, her favourite position when alone, her head resting thoughtfully on the palms of her hands. An hour passed. And how could she tell him that she knew? Another hour ticked away slowly.

She made her decision.

Distressed by what she was about to do but certain that there was no alternative, Louise asked the hotel operator to place a call on her behalf to Jakarta. Twenty minutes later she slowly placed the handset back in its cradle. Louise continued to sit, staring at the cream-coloured receiver. She wiped the tears away, angrily, as they blurred her vision as she started to write the message. She now knew she had made an error in judgment phoning her departmental head at his villa in Jakarta.

“Are you mad, Louise?” he had yelled down the line at her. “Even if you resign then there is no guarantee that you know who won't have your pretty little butt out of there so goddamm fast your head will still be spinning when your feet hit the ground in Washington.”

He had been furious and, although guarded when discussing her situation on the open line, he still managed to convince her. His instructions had been explicit.

She really had no choice but to obey.

 

Stephen waited in the foyer for thirty minutes. She had missed breakfast in the Barong Coffee Shop and he was becoming impatient. He phoned her room but there was no reply. Again he questioned the reception staff and they assured him that Miss Louise had not yet checked out of the hotel. He rode the lift to the seventh floor and moved quickly to her door, knocking several times, without any response. He returned to the reception and demanded that they open her door to see if she was all right, concerned that perhaps she had taken a fall in the bathroom and needed urgent assistance.

Embarrassed, a young girl dressed in the traditional
kain kebaya
, seeing the concern in his eyes, handed Stephen an envelope. He tore it open immediately, already experiencing a sensation as he read the hand written note. Louise had decided not to continue the journey to Irian. She could not give him a reason, at this time, but would when he returned to Jakarta, that is, of course, if he could forgive

her for not remaining with him for the remainder of the tour.

He couldn't believe it!

As he finished reading the brief note he noticed that most of the lobby and reception staff had been observing his reaction to the letter. Stephen was not to know that they genuinely felt saddened for him, as the entire staff had known the beautiful romantic story of their interlude on the beach, the evening before. There were no secrets on this island.

When a woman refused to meet face to face with her lover, sending a letter instead, it was always bad news.

They felt
sedih
for Stephen but their pragmatic oriental minds knew, and both the young men and female employees agreed that, as he was also young and handsome, his disappointment should not last too long.

Several of the young ladies smiled even harder, as he settled his account. Stephen ignored their kindness, engrossed in his own unfortunate affairs. Anger now displacing disappointment, he didn't answer the note, departing brusquely, almost rudely. As he believed that her refusal to continue with the journey could also affect the outcome of his own observations, Coleman permitted this aspect of her decision to distort the magnitude of her unexpected change of heart. Moody and almost belligerent, he checked out of the hotel and was driven off in the same antiquated American car as the day before.

He cursed the driver as they plunged off the narrow roads twice. It was strange for Stephen to be sitting behind a driver who steered the oversized sedan along the small partially bitumenised tracks sitting on the opposite side to what he was accustomed to. Many of these old vehicles had been brought back by former diplomats who never concerned themselves with moving the steering position to its correct side. The perilous ride helped distract his attention away from his disappointment. After nearly hitting a Brahman bull and killing several unlucky chickens, Stephen finally arrived at the airfield, just before nine o'clock.

The crew were all sitting around waiting for him. Unsmiling and resisting the temptation to unleash his foul mood on others, he mumbled the basic courtesies as he threw his baggage up before him into the old aircraft.

The crew acknowledged Coleman with a polite
selamat pagi
and quickly boarded the freighter.

Fifteen minutes later they were grinding along at eleven thousand feet. There were no clouds. Coleman was relieved. He spent most of the flight time thinking about the previous evening and, conscious of her absence, occasionally looked across to the empty seat.

He shook his head in disappointment.

It was almost as if their meeting on the beach had not happened.

A dream even.

Strange, he thought, she had just about convinced him of her sincerity and now she was gone again. Just like before. Stephen suddenly realized that he really didn't know Louise at all. The longer he thought about it the more confused he became. When two people hit it off the way they first had you would expect them to know more about each other. He tried to recall their conversations and could not remember ever discussing their families, their work or any intimate detail about each other's lives. He wasn't even sure what she did in the aid section of the American Embassy as they really hadn't had the time to discuss these things. Maybe he should have encouraged her to discuss her job, her work, and her friends.

He considered these passing thoughts and decided that had he engaged Louise in such conversations then she too may have asked the same questions of him. And he would have had difficulty with that. Not that Coleman was unsure of his work, it was the constant deceit he had difficulty with. Had Louise asked he knew he could never reveal his true function in the Embassy, covering the truth with easily practised lies. He had never been comfortable lying to close friends about the nature of his employment. Suffice to say, he was a competent journalist and carried out the responsibilities of the Information Section with considerable energy. It was the other, more secretive responsibilities that often gnawed away at his conscience. It seemed obvious, he thought, that a permanent relationship would be near impossible anyway, considering the constraints of his covert activities which, he suddenly admitted, kept him fully committed to his masters.

His mind drifted back to the previous night's love making and he smiled. She had said in her note that it was an evening she would never forget and hoped that he wouldn't either as it had been so very special to her. Yes, he agreed, permitting images of their bodies pumping urgently together in unison on the beach to occupy his mind, distracting him from the aircraft's movements. It had certainly been a special night! Alone, the only passenger, and for the first time since he could remember, Stephen slept undisturbed whilst in flight.

 

The aircraft droned on. And on. Finally, they arrived in Kupang, refuelled then continued on to Ambon. Having enjoyed the last sector, Stephen now felt slightly more comfortable with the knowledge that he was still faced with a substantial distance left to cover by air. During the break he sat away from the nauseating aviation gasoline fumes as several ground staff hand pumped the load from two hundred-litre drums. It seemed to take forever and yet, during the time required for the refuelling, their conversation was inconsequential, the exchanges stiff and awkward.