The Tome of Bill Compendium Vol. 1 (Books 1-4) (68 page)

* * *

The center of my undead “empire” is a place we simply refer to as the office. My coven rents out a few floors in a building close to NYU. We have lots of places both in and under SoHo (
sewers may stink, but they tend to be free of pesky things like sunlight
). Albeit currently a lot of that space is empty. A while back, half of my coven ended up permanently dead thanks to a combo of the Khan’s assassins and this little spat we had with another coven from Queens. Since then, despite Sally’s constant nagging, I’d been hemming and hawing my way out of replenishing our ranks.

I’m sorry, but I have a conscience about these things. For starters, I had no desire to refill my coven with the current types that dominated it. When I first “joined” the ranks of the undead, Village Coven was entirely populated by two types: uber-hot, but entirely vacuous, females, and pretty-boy douchebags. Sally was the lone exception. She was as hot as they come, but could think circles around the rest. Hell, I’m not exactly an idiot myself, and I’d still think twice before going against her in a battle of wits.

As for recruiting people more like me, well that had its own problems. I had little doubt I’d be able to find a small army of comic book geeks who would gladly join the ranks of us night stalkers. But, did the city really need a population of dorks suddenly thinking they’re superheroes? Trust me, I’ve been there. Vampire powers or not, it doesn’t work out well.

I pushed all those thoughts out of my mind as I arrived at the office. As much fun as it might be to imagine myself as the leader of a group of vampiric
X-Men
, it wasn’t the time for such distractions.

I took the stairs. I might not be much to look at, but being a vampire has its advantages for
anyone,
regardless of whether they look like they’re allergic to exercise equipment. As usual, the stairwell was empty so I was able to run up to our floor at a pace that would have left an Olympic sprinter wheezing. Just for the record, not all parts of being a vampire suck.

Also, as was typical, I felt a shudder of revulsion pass through me as I walked through the doors. The desks up front were manned and going full force. Rather than let the coven hunt for prey openly, Sally had instituted a half-assed suicide hotline to lure in victims. It kept the coven’s larders full while ensuring that most of the humans we harvested were those who wouldn’t be missed. Sorry, her words, not mine. Personally, I found the whole thing to be so evil that Satan himself would probably step back and say, “Whoa!”

At that moment, though, I had other things with which to occupy my mind. I strode past the rows of desks and went straight toward the back corner where Sally had commandeered an over-sized executive suite. She definitely didn’t believe in suffering for the cause.

Seated at a desk outside of her office, was Starlight. She was a strikingly beautiful African-American woman. Though in her forties, she was eternally stuck in the body of a twenty-one-year-old fashion model, but what a body it was. Unfortunately for her, Starlight was a genuine sweetheart, just not an overly bright one. Both of these traits meant she was easy prey for manipulation, and Sally was a grade-A manipulator. She had continually coerced Starlight into acting as her personal secretary...so much so, that I had given up trying to do anything about it. There were far worse fates.

“Hey, Bill,” she said, seeing me approach. “You can go right in, Sally’s expecting you.”

I smirked. Technically speaking, I was in charge. I could go wherever and whenever I pleased...at least as far as the rest of the coven were concerned. To them I was this fearsome predator, a beast of legend even amongst vampire-kind. They all afforded me respect that far outweighed what I deserved. Sally, however, knew the truth, and though she kept up appearances for the others, I had to tread more lightly around her.

“Thanks, Star.” I walked in, shutting the door behind me.

I half expected the room to be full of hooded figures hissing at me to kneel while they proceeded to dole out my punishment.

Instead, I found myself alone with Sally...and she was
naked
.

Well, okay, she was only naked in my mind. But then, she always was. In actually she was seated behind her desk (
fully clothed, sadly
) where she dismissively motioned for me to sit while she continued chatting on the phone.

“Wednesday? Sorry, mornings don’t work for me,” she said casually into the receiver. “How about the evening? That’ll work. No, it doesn’t have to be here. We can do this over drinks. Great. I can’t wait to see the layout. You, too. Talk to you soon,” she finished in a chipper tone before hanging up.

She turned to me as I just sat there looking at her expectantly. “Sorry about that.
The Village Voice
is running a story on the hotline and wanted to know if I was available for an interview.”

“I’m so happy for you,” I replied coldly.

“I know, isn’t it great?”

“Oh, yeah, killing off the city’s poor and defenseless...real great.”

“You have no head for business, you know that?” she sniffed.

“I could care less as long as I get to keep mine.” I looked around. “So what’s going on?”

“You’re early, I guess. Nobody’s here yet.”

“Great. I love getting extra time to stew in my juices right before being executed.”

“They’re not going to execute you...at least I don’t
think
they’re going to.”

“How reassuring.”

“Listen,” she leaned over the desk toward me. Her new angle afforded me a generous view of her ample cleavage. Noticing where my eyes were headed, she quickly added, “They don’t talk back...especially not to you. Eyes up here while you still have them.”

“Sorry.”

“Bullshit,” she replied offhandedly. “As I was saying, I doubt execution is on their minds.”

“I got one of the Draculas killed.”

“
Supposedly
got one of the Draculas killed,” she corrected. “There’s been no proof, at least none that I’ve heard of. The Khan is missing until proven otherwise. Besides, you didn’t do it on purpose. Stupidity is not as serious a crime as treachery.”

“Thanks...sorta.”

“What I mean is, the Draculas aren’t known for dicking around. If they had wanted you dead, that would have been it. You would have been dusted before we ever got a chance to talk about it. Trust me. These guys are big on making examples of people.”

“Maybe because of this Freewill crap, they...”

“It wouldn’t matter. Legends or not, if they wanted you dead that would be it. Think about it. The Khan’s people gave you tons of ‘chosen one’ bullshit, right?”

“True.”

“And yet it still didn’t stop him from ordering your death just because his little bitch of a daughter decided she wanted to elope with you.”

I winced a little at the memory of Gan. I had no doubt there was still unfinished business there, at least as far as she was concerned. “Gan aside, I think I get what you’re saying. Prophecies or not, the Draculas are the big dogs in the room.”

“Yep, and they’ll piss all over you without a second thought.”

“I’ve noticed.”

“Which means,” she went on, “that they have something else in mind.”

I couldn’t help but visibly shudder at the implication. It might be something else other than death, but I had little doubt it would prove to be equally unpleasant.

Sally and I bantered back and forth for about an hour, at the end of which I didn’t feel any better. She had a ton of useful skills, but her pep talks left a lot to be desired. She was in the middle of trying to give me an update on the hotline when she suddenly stopped mid-sentence. She raised her head and sniffed the air.

“No way,” she gasped.

Since Sally’s older, her senses were more finely attuned than mine. I had barely enough time to spurt out a quick, “What?” before the door to her office was pushed open from the outside. In strode a very familiar face - one I had been convinced I would never see again.

“Holy shit, James!” I said, rising to my feet.

“Dr. Death,” he replied with a quick grin, using my old coven name - the one I’d been given by our old leader, Jeff AKA Night Razor. If James was pissed over what had gone down in China, he was doing a good job of hiding it so far.

I didn’t know what to think. On the one hand, James had my eternal gratitude. He was the reason I was still walking around, as opposed to lining the bottom of an ashtray. The flipside was that he was over six hundred years old. That put him at a power level that far eclipsed mine. If he suddenly decided that a little revenge was in order, my options would be limited to whining and taking it like a bitch.

For the moment, though, he didn’t seem interested in bouncing me off solid objects. He met Sally as she came around her desk and gave her a quick hug.

“A pleasure as always, Sally.”

“It’s great to see you,” she replied with a genuine smile. Sally had been James’s confidant during my early days, which had eventually led to my rise as coven master. “We all thought you were...”

“Dead? Yes I know,” he finished for her.

“Guess that explains why Colin was so pissy on the phone,” she said.

“Ah yes. My overly ambitious assistant. Well, he may yet get what he desires,” he cryptically stated. As far as I was aware, Colin wanted James’s job, i.e. jurisdiction over all of the Northeastern covens. However, now that James was back that would mean things would return to the way they should be. Wouldn’t it?

I didn’t get a chance to ask, though, as he then said, “We have much to discuss. But, perhaps we should find more suitable surroundings. Sally, my dear, would you happen to know if that café I favor is still open? I could very much go for one of their marvelous espressos.”

* * *

To say that I felt a little surreal would be an understatement. It felt like déjà vu. Less than a year earlier, I had been seated at that very same café with the very same company and the conversation, though of a different nature, had been of the same gist: namely my fate. At the time, I had gradually come to learn that both of them had been in favor of my continued existence - despite my initial reluctance to believe Sally. Since then, I had come to trust...well okay,
mostly
trust, her. James was now the X-factor, though. Something nasty had gone down in Asia and I was the one he was most likely to blame.

Still, it was hard to feel too condemned sitting there watching him down his third espresso.

“Absolutely fantastic,” he sighed. “While the selection of tea in China, forgive my pun, is absolutely superior to what can be found here, they simply don’t have anything that can hold a candle to this.” He held up his cup. “Alas, it was one point on which my sire and I could never see eye to eye.”

“You mean the Khan?” I asked, testing the waters.

“Yes,” he replied, his eyes somewhat distant.

“How is he?” Sally asked conversationally. She could afford to be casual. It wasn’t her ass on the line. Bitch!

“Sadly, I shall never get a chance to convince him otherwise.” He placed his cup down on the table. “The Khan fell in battle with our enemies.”

“The Alma?” I blurted out.

“They go by many names,” he replied. “Some of which are not to be used lightly. Names carry power, even collective ones.”

“Uh okay,” I said, having no idea what he meant. “Listen, James, I’m really sorry about what happened. I had no clue Gan...” He held up a hand to cut me off before I could start rambling.

“Be at ease, my friend. I don’t blame you for what occurred. Gansetseg may be impulsive, but she gets it from her bloodline. My sire over-reacted, and I even told him such. The Khan, however, was not one to be swayed once his mind was made up.”

“But still...”

“But still,
nothing
. Our enemies attacked us en masse. Nergui’s presence would not have made much of a difference,” he said, referring to the chief assassin the Khan had sent. “They had a specific goal in mind: to get our attention. In killing a member of the Draculas, they have most certainly gotten it.”

“Goddamn, the war against the feet,” Sally sighed.

I looked up. I had heard that phrase before, months back. Sally had been specifically coy about it at the time. “What about it?” I asked.

“Ah yes,” James replied. “It’s a vulgar simplification that many of our stateside brethren use.”

“Maybe, but it fits,” she said and then turned to me. “In case you haven’t figured it out yet, Bill, and since you’re a little slow on the uptake, I’ll assume that’s the case...”

“Get to the point, Sally,” I snarled.

“Bigfoot, or Bigfeet if you prefer the plural. I don’t know much, I am a city girl after all, but I know we’ve been locked in a cold war with them for like forever.”

“Forever is not too far from the truth,” James added.

“Okay, let’s back up for a second,” I said. “I figured out the Bigfoot part already. Ed googled Alma and that’s what popped up. But you’ll forgive me if I say that makes no fucking sense.”

“Oh, please,” Sally gave me one of her trademarked eye-rolls. “Like you have any clue as to what makes sense.”

“Maybe not,” I shot back, “but I do know that vampires versus Bigfoot...” I sputtered to a halt as James shot me a warning glance. I turned my head to see our waitress approaching. Thinking quick, I added, “would be a hell of a movie to see on the SyFy channel. I hear Roger Corman is producing it.”

* * *

Once our waitress had walked away, taking with her an order for yet another espresso, I continued. “I’m not following. Why the hell are vampires in a war against a bunch of giant smelly apes?”

“Like you’re one to talk about hygiene,” Sally quipped.

“Children, please,” James said, once again echoing the conversation from nearly a year ago. “I’m sorry, Dr. Death, but you are greatly over-simplifying matters. Were these Bigfeet, as you seem insistent on calling them, merely apes then there wouldn’t be an issue. You don’t see us warring against the mountain gorillas of Uganda, now do you?”