Christine glanced over at Jimmy and Felicity. She could tell by Felicity’s creased brow that she was worried. And Christine knew that all this talk about changing the will had been upsetting to her. Suddenly Christine wished that she could just disappear. She had no idea what her grandmother was up to, but she was worried that her own presence had been the catalyst behind it.
“Rather than wait for my timely or untimely demise, I’ve decided to make my wishes known while I’m still around to make sure no bickering occurs after I’m gone.” She turned and looked directly at Felicity. “Because despite what I’ve said about money all these years, I know as well as anyone that it will never buy you happiness. Just the same, I know that’s a whole lot easier to say when money’s not an issue.” She cleared her throat, then glanced over at Aunt Hattie. “Sorry you have to hear all this again, Hattie.”
“That’s perfectly all right, dear. You go right ahead.”
“So what I have decided to do is to disburse some of your inheritance now,” Grandmother said. “Not all of it, mind you. Some things are better left until the end. But I have decided that it makes no sense for an old woman like me to sit on a pile of money while some folks are struggling to make ends meet.”
“Oh, Mom,” Jimmy began. “You don’t need to – ”
“You just hush now, Jimmy. You’re a good boy, and I love you like my own, but when it comes to money sense you don’t always get it.” She shook her finger at him, then smiled. “Anyway, as I was saying . . . I want everything to be perfectly clear. I know how easy it is to get confused when families and wealth merge in marriages. I want all my cards laid out on the table. You see, when Christine’s mother left home more than twenty years ago, she had a good-size savings account that her father had started for her for college when she was just an infant. This was an account that I continued to add to over the years, hoping that someday she would come home and I would – ” She choked slightly, and Aunt Hattie patted her hand.
“Anyway, at first I just wanted to change my will to reflect that this savings is to go to Christine. Because that seems only fair. But that’s when I decided that it’s usually the very times when kids need money that they don’t have it. And that’s when I decided to do a little disbursing this Christmas.” She held out two envelopes. One she pointed in Christine’s direction, the other in Jimmy’s. “Well, come on, here you go. Merry Christmas.”
Jimmy got up and got his envelope, but Christine felt like she couldn’t move. Then Jimmy got hers and handed it to her. “Come on, Christine, don’t be upsetting your grandma on Christmas Eve.”
“That’s right,” said Grandmother. “And like I said, that’s your inheritance for now. I plan to keep my house and enough to live comfortably on for . . . well, at least until I see those grandchildren grow up.” She looked at Christine. “And perhaps see some great-grandchildren from you. In due time, that is. No hurry.”
Christine felt her cheeks blushing. Then without looking inside the envelope, she got up and went over to hug her grandmother. “Thanks,” she whispered.
“Thank
you
,” Grandmother said.
When Christine stepped back she could see her grandmother’s blue eyes glistening with tears, but for a change they seemed like tears of joy.
Just then the bell on the mantle clock began to ring.
“Look, everyone, it’s midnight now,” Jimmy said. “Merry Christmas, everyone!”
“Happy birthday, Christine,” Grandmother said.
“No way,” said Jimmy. “You’re a Christmas baby?”
She nodded with embarrassment.
“Happy birthday, dear,” Aunt Hattie said with a smile.
“Happy birthday,” Felicity said. “Just wait’ll Jamie hears about this. He thought it was bad being born the week before Christmas.”
Christine nodded. “Yeah, it always made having parties a little awkward. But it was kind of fun too.”
“Her parents called her their Christmas present,” Grandmother said with a bright smile.
“That makes me think of something,” Aunt Hattie said as she held up her cocoa cup. “I’d like to propose a Christmas toast.”
Everyone else held up their cups and waited.
“Here’s to Christmas Past,” began Aunt Hattie. “The gift we keep with us forever. And here’s to Christmas Future.” She glanced at the children peacefully snoozing beneath the Christmas tree. “The gift that is yet to come. And here’s to Christmas Present.” Aunt Hattie nodded to Christine and smiled. “The gift we open today!”
1
The isolation felt complete now. Snowflakes tumbled nonstop from a pewter sky, silently encompassing her like a living, moving fortress. Claire experienced a strange sense of comfort in being cut off from the rest of the world with such cold totality. She glanced over at her cell phone still securely plugged into the electrical outlet to recharge its battery, her only link to civilization if she were to be snowed in.
“It could happen,” Jeannie, her art rep, had warned with her usual sage type of wisdom. “You’ve got to be ready for anything up there in the mountains. We always keep the cabin stocked with nonperishables, candles, matches, and whatever you might need until you can be dug out, or the snow melts, whichever comes first. And either one might not be for weeks. So don’t let that November sunshine fool you, honey; you could get a blizzard at the drop of a hat.”
Claire dropped her black felt walking hat onto the old maple table by the window and sighed deeply. Hopefully this change in weather wouldn’t put a damper on her daily walks. Her hike through the woods seemed the only part of her day that she actually looked forward to, and she wasn’t about to give it up to bad weather.
She looked again at her cell phone, this time even picking it up and fingering the small buttons. It wasn’t too late to change her mind about all this. Maybe it was too extreme, or just plumb crazy, as her father had said from his home down in sunny Palm Springs. She quickly dialed Jeannie’s number then waited impatiently for the assistant to put her on the line.
“Oh, Jeannie, I’m glad I caught you,” she said finally, trying to disguise the tight feeling of unease that had crept inside her chest.
“Claire!” exclaimed Jeannie. “How’s it going? Produced any masterpieces yet? I saw Henri just yesterday and promised him you’d have something very special for him in time for his holiday exhibition.”
Claire groaned. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“Oh, come on, kiddo. You’ve got to break free from this little slump of yours.”
“
Little
slump?” Claire sighed deeply. “And, please, don’t start another pep talk – ”
“It’s not a pep talk. It’s just the facts. You know that I, of all people, hate to appear insensitive to the delicate nature of a talented
arteest
, but it’s been over a year. You’ve got to move on, honey. Remember,
you
weren’t the one who died in that accident. You’ve got to keep living, kiddo. What would Scott think if he knew you’d quit your art like this. Or Jeremy for that matter – ”
“Oh, stop, Jeannie!” The tightness in her chest exploded into hot, red sparks, and her pulse began to pound against her temples. “I don’t even know why I listen to you!”
“Okay, okay.” The voice on the other end instantly became calm and soothing. “I’m sorry, Claire, I really don’t want to push you too hard. It’s a good sign that you’re actually getting angry with me – a healthy emotion, as my shrink would say. Now, listen to me. I want you to walk over to your easel right now – it is set up, isn’t it?”
“Sure,” lied Claire as she stared at her still unpacked art supplies lying heaped against the wall by the door, right where she had dropped them several days before.
“Okay, now go over and pick up a tube of paint –
any
color.” Jeannie paused as if allowing time for Claire to follow her simple directions, although Claire did not. “Okay, now,” continued Jeannie as if speaking to a small child, “just squirt a little paint onto your palette. . . . Now then, pick up a brush –
any
brush – and just start wiping that paint around on the canvas. Don’t even bother trying to make it look like anything, Claire. Just start brushing it on – just swish-swish, free as the breeze. . . . You can even pretend that you’re painting the side of a barn if you like, as long as you keep moving that brush. Like the Nike ad says,
just do it!
Okay, honey?”
Completely ignoring Jeannie’s directions, Claire stared blankly out the front window, watching as white flakes floated down, filtering through pine trees, barely distinguishable against the sky. “It’s snowing here,” she said without emotion.
“Great. Perfect reflective light for painting. Now, you’ve got plenty of firewood and lots of provisions. Even if the electricity should go out you’ll be absolutely fine; just remember to bundle up and keep that woodstove stoked up during the night.”
Claire tried to remember why she’d called Jeannie in the first place. Certainly not for this. “Thanks, Jeannie,” she said flatly. “I’ll get right to work.”
“Good girl.” Jeannie paused. “And someday you’ll thank me for this.”
Claire sighed. “I sure hope so.” She hung up and walked over to her art supplies, trying to remember exactly what it was that Jeannie had told her to do. It wasn’t that Claire wanted to be difficult – and she knew that Jeannie
believed
she had her best interest at heart – it was just that Claire couldn’t help it. But she would give it a try.
Mechanically, she released the bands from her easel, unfolded its spindly legs, then set it at an angle by the south window. Then she set up a small card table and slowly unpacked her art supplies, handling each single item as if she’d never seen such a thing before. She carefully arranged all her materials, lining up the brushes by width and size, fanning the tubes of acrylic paint into a perfect color wheel. She hadn’t brought her oils with her. Perhaps it was laziness, or maybe she just wasn’t ready to face that smell again. She stacked the clean palettes and folded her rags and set her water containers in a neat row, until the card table looked like an ad for an art supply store. With everything meticulously arranged, she stepped back and surveyed her work, nodding her head in grim satisfaction.
“Very nice, Claire,” she said in a sarcastic tone. Never had she been so meticulous about her supplies. Usually caught up in the flurry of the creative process, she had been one to work like a chaotic whirlwind, surrounded by an incredible mess of squinched-up paint tubes, smelly rags, and dirty brushes soaking in grimy jars of mud-colored linseed oil. She remembered how Scott would step cautiously into her studio with a look of mock horror on his face.
“Oh, no, it looks like Hurricane Claire has struck again,” he would tease. But then he would peer over her shoulder and praise – no, almost worship – her work. Never a critic, Scott had always believed her infallible as an artist and as a human. As a housekeeper, well now, that was another story.
Determined to obey her rep’s directives, Claire opened a fresh tube of paint. Cobalt blue. She squeezed a generous amount onto her clean white palette. It was a harsh, cold, sterile shade of blue, and she knew nothing in nature that was exactly that color – other than her heart perhaps. Then randomly she selected a brush, “any brush,” as Jeannie had instructed. And like a machine, she began to work the fresh paint back and forth across the clean palette. Swish-swish, swish-swish. Perfect consistency. Then she lifted the filled and ready brush, holding it just inches from the clean white canvas. And there her hand stopped as if her elbow joint had been flash frozen. She took a deep steadying breath and even closed her eyes, willing herself to move her hand forward, to make just one brush stroke.
“Do like Jeannie said,” she told herself through clenched teeth. “Just pretend you’re painting the side of a barn!” But her fingers locked themselves like a vise around the wooden brush handle, and the frozen arm refused to move. How long she stood there with her arm poised in midair she did not know, but finally she realized that the little cabin had grown dark and cold inside, and long, dusky shadows now stretched over the thin blanket of snow that had covered the ground outside. After cleaning the brush, she went to rescue the few small embers still glowing in the woodstove, throwing on some thin sticks of kindling and blowing fiercely until a tiny flame began to flicker at last. She warmed her hands over the tiny fire, then quickly added more logs, filling the stove and closing the door with a loud empty clang.
Without eating, she went to bed, pulling the thick eiderdown comforter up to her nose. And once again she dreamed of them. They were walking just ahead of her, close enough that she could recognize their straight backs and nicely squared shoulders; both had curly brown hair, the color of burnt sienna. And, although the boy’s head didn’t even reach the man’s shoulder, they both walked with that same loose-jointed gait that told you they were related. Father and son. But as close as they seemed to her, they were always just out of reach – out of earshot. And no matter how hard she ran after them, screaming and yelling their names, they never turned to see her, they did not heed her voice. Only this dream was slightly altered from her usual one; in this dream they weren’t walking on the beach, they were walking through the freshly fallen snow.
2
Claire awoke while it was still dark and wondered where she was, then realized by the chill in the air that this was the cabin. Too quiet and still and dark to be her loft apartment in the city. And far too cold. Across the room, she saw the small red embers, burned down low again, staring back at her like animal eyes. Hungry eyes. The fire craved more wood. She crawled out of bed, her bare feet cringing at the touch of the cold wood floor. Dragging the comforter along with her like a robe, she stuffed more wood into the woodstove, closing the door with a clank. Then she pulled the one easy chair over to the east window and, wrapping the comforter all around her, pulled her knees up to her chin and waited for morning to come.
At last she saw a sliver of golden light cutting through the dark silhouettes of evergreen trees. More snow had fallen during the night. It now looked to be several inches deep but not enough to prevent her from taking her daily trek to the little footbridge and back again. It was the one actual pleasure in her day. But she held it out for herself like a reward, her proverbial carrot for getting through what needed to be done.