“We need everyone
to be on their guard, watching for anything that might be suspicious,” Grandma
added.
I looked over at
Vance in concern. He instinctively reached out and grabbed my hand.
“It’s all right,
baby. I’m okay,” he whispered softly in my head, trying to reassure me. “Don’t
worry. I’m not going anywhere.”
I squeezed his
hand back. “Please be careful,” I replied.
We spent the rest
of the evening chanting several protection spells over the whole group before
releasing the circle to head home. When we were walking out of the house, Vance
turned to Marsha.
“Aunt Marsha, I’m
going to spend the night at Portia’s house tonight. I don’t want to leave her
alone,” he said, inviting himself over.
Marsha just
laughed. “So how’s that different from any other night of the week?”
“You knew?” he
replied in surprise. “You never said anything.”
“I knew,” she
said, smiling. “It’s my job to keep an eye on you. Don’t you think that would
look bad, if I didn’t know where you were?”
Vance had the
decency to look semi-repentant. “I’m sorry. I should’ve confided in you sooner
about this.”
“It’s okay.” Marsha
smiled. “I remember what being young and in love felt like. Go on, and please
be safe.” She gave him a quick peck on the cheek.
He hugged her back
and led me over to his motorcycle. He helped me on, and we were soon headed off
down the road to my house.
Several minutes
later we were lying next to each other on my bed, the ever-present quilt tucked
carefully in between us once again.
“Why do you always
do that?” I asked him curiously.
“Do what?”
“Sleep with the
blankets in between us. It’s like you’re afraid to be next to me.”
“You know why. I’m
protecting your virtue,” he said matter-of-factly, and I almost choked.
“My virtue?”
He chuckled softly.
“I guess I’m protecting mine too.”
“You know, there
are an awful lot of stories about you and all the girls you’ve deflowered in
your lifetime floating around the school.” I watched him carefully for his
reaction.
“And that’s
exactly what they are—stories,” he replied, moving in to nuzzle my chin with
his nose.
I pondered this
for a moment. “So you’re saying you’ve never been with a girl, like that,
before?” My pulse raced because I was afraid of what his answer would be.
He stared at me,
his expression soft. “That’s what I’m saying,” he answered, and I released the
breath I’d been holding.
“Doesn’t it bother
you that people think things about you that aren’t true?”
“Why should I
care?” he asked, giving a shrug of his shoulder. “I know who I am. That’s all
that matters.”
“Well, I’m sure
people are thinking the same thing about the two of us.”
“Let them think
it.” He propped up onto his elbow to look at me better. “Does it bother you?”
His eyes drilled into mine.
“No,” I said,
considering my next words carefully. “I wish it were true, sometimes.”
This time he
sighed deeply and closed his eyes, as if searching for control. When he opened
them again he looked at me for a long moment.
“You’ve got to
know I want you more than anything in this world, Portia. Emotionally,
physically, magically, mentally, I want it all—to possess every inch of your
being,” he answered honestly.
He caressed my
face with his fingers, stroking them down the side of it, and instantly I was
overcome with the feeling of his desire. His need washed completely through me.
The force of it took me by complete surprise, and I gasped out loud at the
connection, but he didn’t stop. Instead he leaned over me and placed his lips
softly on mine.
His touch only
increased my reaction to him, and I reached out to pull him closer to me,
enveloping him in a deep kiss, opening my mouth to his invasion.
I released
everything I had pent up inside me back into him. He wrapped his arms tightly
around me, answering my intensity, his hands sliding up to tangle in my hair. His
mouth pressed even harder against my lips, and he continued to devour them.
My pulse was
racing, on fire, and I could feel the same emanating from him. It was like
someone had lit a match to gasoline, causing an explosion we had no control
over, and I could think of only one thing. I wanted more.
I didn’t even know
how it had happened, but somehow that infernal quilt separating us finally got
pushed out of the way, and he moved, laying his body over the top of mine. I
welcomed his heated weight against me, and my hands found their way up under
his shirt. I ran them feverishly over his hard muscled back, pressing him even
closer.
His lips left my
mouth, sliding over my face to the skin of my neck, and he bit me lightly,
trailing little love bites down to my collarbone. I couldn’t help letting out a
soft moan, my body naturally arching up against him when his tongue flicked
out, licking a sensitive spot there.
He pulled back
then, and I heard him suck in a tortured breath.
“No,” he said, but
I reached out to bring him back to me, kissing his mouth.
He kissed me back,
but he reached up to untangle my hands from him, pinning them back to the bed. He
moved away to look at me again, breathing heavily, and I squirmed slightly
beneath him, trying to maintain contact with his body.
“Portia! Stop!” He
released me as he fell over to his side, rolling off both me and the bed. He
moved quickly to stand near the window.
I pushed up on my
elbows, my chest heaving, and looked at him.
“What’s the
matter?” I asked, my body trembling, confused by his departure. I raked my gaze
over his wrinkled shirt and at the hard body beneath.
“Don’t look at me
like that,” he said, turning away from me toward the window, breathing hard. He
lifted the sash and leaned out into the night air.
I sighed pitifully
and looked away from him. That was when I caught my reflection in the dresser
mirror.
I was completely
disheveled. My hair in tangled masses and my pajama top had a little rip in the
seam of my shoulder from where he’d pulled on it. My lips were swollen and
bruised looking, and pink bite marks trailed brightly down my neck, proof that
he’d been there. I looked like one of those sexy pin-up models in a magazine.
“Oh!” I said
softly, running my fingers through my hair while I looked at my flushed skin
for a moment. I got up and walked over to the window to join him. I reached a
hand out and place it on his shoulder.
“Don’t touch me,”
he said brusquely, without turning and I felt a tinge of hurt course through me.
He sighed heavily at that, and I could see his body was trembling slightly.
“Portia, I love
you more than anything in the world, but if you know what’s best for you, then
I suggest you get back into the bed and cover up.”
I just stood there
staring at his back for a moment, feeling injured because he wouldn’t look at
me.
“Now!” he added,
through gritted teeth, every muscle in his body tense.
I dutifully turned
around and went back to the bed, crawled in and covered up like he asked me to
do. Jinx hopped up on the bed, nuzzling my chin, while I patiently waited for
Vance to say something.
Several minutes
passed by before he turned to face me. He leaned his hips back against the
windowsill, folding his arms across his chest over his wrinkled shirt.
“I’m sorry,” he
said, his expression somewhat guarded. “I didn’t mean to lose control like
that.”
“I’m sorrier then.
I wanted to lose control like that.” I stared straight into his eyes. “I’m even
more sorry you stopped.”
“Portia, I’d like
nothing better than to give you what you want. You don’t understand.” He shook
his head, a tortured laugh escaping him.
“Then enlighten me
please,” I replied, wondering what I’d done wrong.
He stared hard at
me, silent for what seemed like an hour, clenching and unclenching his jaw
before he finally spoke.
“The reason’s
two-fold,” he began, his eyes never leaving me. “The first one being I just
pledged myself to you in a binding ceremony where I promised to keep you pure
and never lure you into evil.”
“You think making
love to me would be evil?” I asked in amazement, unable to believe what I was
hearing.
“No. Never.” He
left the window and came to sit on the edge of the bed, reaching out to take
both of my hands in his. “I just want to do it right,” he explained with a sigh.
“I want to share something with you, okay?”
He didn’t continue
until I nodded.
“When I was on the
run, I never knew from one moment to the next if I was even going to be in the
same place at the same time the next day. I never had the time to cultivate
real relationships with the people I met. But there was one time when we’d been
able to stay put for a few months, and I started making some friends. I even
had a steady girlfriend.”
My body flared
with jealousy at the mention of another girl, but I tried to rein it in so I
could hear what he was trying to say.
“One night we were
at a bonfire party on this beach. This girl and I, we snuck off together out
into the dark. We made out with each other in the sand, for what seemed like
hours, until my body was so on fire I thought I wouldn’t be able to control
myself a minute longer. I decided right then I was going to sleep with her. She
was more than willing, and so was I.”
The more he spoke,
the more I wanted to cry. I couldn’t stand hearing about him being with another
girl. I kept trying to tell myself he hadn’t cheated, but my heart wasn’t
listening very well.
“It was at that
moment my phone rang,” he said. “I don’t even know what made me stop to answer
it, but it was Marsha telling me my dad had found us again.” I saw a pained
emotion run through his eyes. “I got up off that girl and I ran, never even
looking back at her once. I hopped on my motorcycle and followed the escape
plan Marsha and I set up precisely for such an occasion.”
He lifted one of
his hands, dragging it through his hair, before he leaned forward, resting his
elbows on his knees.
“Marsha and I
didn’t stop until the next night. And when I collapsed onto my bed in the
hotel, I finally let myself think about what nearly happened. I was horrified.”
He looked up at me
then.
“Do you realize if
Marsha would’ve called a few minutes later it would’ve been too late? I
would’ve already been physically intimate with that girl and then got up off
her and ran, never to see her again.”
He shook his head,
and I could see the self-loathing in his eyes.
“I didn’t have any
protection with me. I could’ve gotten her pregnant and left her alone with a
child, to deal with the circumstances all by herself. And I could’ve ended up
with a child I knew nothing about. Could you imagine if that had happened? My
kid would’ve been growing up out there without me, magical blood flowing
through its veins with a mom who doesn’t have a clue about our kind. It would
be a disaster waiting to happen.”
“But it didn’t
happen, Vance,” I reminded him, trying to help him feel better. “Everything
turned out okay.”
“No, Portia. It’s
not okay,” he argued. “I abused that girl when I got up off her and left her
without saying one word. I left her in the heat of passion wondering what she
did wrong. I didn’t stop when I heard her calling after me. I didn’t give her
any explanation. I just left. She probably wonders to this day what the heck
happened that night because no one there has ever seen me again. I just
disappeared.”
I suddenly felt
very sorry for this girl, whoever she was. My heart ached for her because I
realized she’d actually lived my biggest fear, which was waking up one morning
and finding Vance gone. I couldn’t help the involuntary shudder that coursed
through me while he continued to speak.
“I made up my mind
in that moment I wasn’t going to have sex until I was married. If I was married
to someone, then it meant I’d be able to be in a real relationship with someone
I really loved, not some poor one-night stand who happened to be an unfortunate
victim of my circumstances.
“This is precisely
why it’s so hard for me to be with you. You’re the person I want to have all
that with. I realize now, everything I’ve ever felt about anybody else in my
past was just the result of meaningless hormones coursing through my adolescent
male brain.
“It’s different
with you, though. I love you, and I want to be with you because I love you. But
I’m still in the same turmoil too. Even now my dad is still threatening me, and
I have to start worrying about the safety of everyone around me.
“I don’t want to
put you in any kind of position that could leave you in a bad place. And I
don’t want to have some cheap fling with you either. I want to give you your
first time at the right time, and I want it to be crazy special—not because we
lost control for a moment. Call me old-fashioned if you want, but I can’t think
of a better time to celebrate the joining of our bodies than after the legal
joining of our hearts. It’s the most intimate gift I can give you.”
He looked deeply
into my eyes, searching for some type of reassurance from me, and I pulled him
into a tender embrace.
“Thank you, Vance,
for sharing this with me. I do understand better now that you’re explaining it.”
My eyes got teary when I considered all the trauma this poor guy had been
through in his past. He hugged me back, but we didn’t hold each other for very
long since there was still a strong undercurrent passing between us. It was
hard to stop whatever this was.
“You said the
reason was two-fold,” I probed, letting go of him so he could continue to
explain the things in his heart to me.