The Truth About Fairy Tales (25 page)

             
“Maggie, I’m crazy about him and so is Lee. So, do I even need to ask when you’re going to get married? If I know you, it will take you a while to get used to the idea.”

             
She understood my silence for what it was. She’d hit the nail on the head.

             
“I know Jackson understands how hard it is for you, honey. He can read you like a book. My only advice is, don’t wait too long. He deserves the best you have to give him.”

             
My best friends, Genna and Serena, were harder to face. After all, I was the one who made fun of marriage and all that sappy sweet stuff growing up. I’d given poor old Genna nothing but grief and now it was payback time. They were going to have a field day with this.

             
I’d actually tossed and turned the night before facing them so much that I’d kept both Jackson and myself awake for hours.

             
“Okay, what’s up with you, little bit? These are your friends we’re talking about. You know they’ll be happy for you, so why are you so worried?”

             
I’d never really told him just how mean I’d been to my best friends growing up, but now I found myself confessing everything and much to my surprise, Jackson’s response was to laugh, actually laugh at my dilemma.

             
“Well, sounds like you’re about to get your just desserts.”

             
“And you’re not being very supportive.” I felt more grumpy than usual because well, he was right.

             
He gathered me close, but still didn’t give in. “Sorry, little bit, but this is something that you’re going have to face. Stop worrying, they love you even though you were mean to them. Just march right in there and tell them the truth. Get it over with.”

             
Long after my soul mate slept, I was still searching for comfort. If I was being honest with myself, and I really should be at three in the morning, it wasn’t just facing my friends that were bothering me. It was accepting that I was worthy of this much happiness. Most of my life I’d felt undeserving and usually the disaster that I was excepting to come never disappointed me. Even now, through all my happiness, I still believed something terrible was waiting for me. It was just letting me get my hopes up, feel safe, and secure before it knocked my feet right out from under me.

             
When I walked into our usual restaurant at precisely the right time, my dear friend, Mr. Bad Feeling was right there beside me.

             
Genna always ten minutes early and Serena prompt as usual were both there waiting on me who was, as always, late. I think the second I walked in they knew, but neither said a word until they spotted the ring.

             
“Oh my gosh…Maggie!” This was Genna. I should have known she would be the first to catch that diamond glitter. She could probably tell me exactly what store it came from and its appraised cost. “You’re getting married!” This was exclaimed so loud that I think just about everyone in the restaurant heard and had stopped talking to stare at us.

             
“Gen…Shh.” I spotted her hurt expression. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so…”

             
“Nasty?” Serena came to Genna’s defense. “Well, you did and I know why. So, just sit down and take your medicine, Miss Monroe. You’ve been bullying us and poking fun at poor old Genna for years now. I think it’s your turn.”

             
I did exactly what my friend suggested. I sat there politely giving them all the details and yes, I was crying right there along with Genna while Serena gave it her best shot at getting even.

             
“So, when are you going to do it?” Both Genna and Serena wanted to know.

             
“I'm not sure. We haven’t set a date. I want to go slow.”

             
“Uh huh, and what does Jackson want? I don’t see him as the ‘go slow’ kind of guy in
my
mind.”

             
“He’s given me a year.”

             
“Is it going take you that long to realize just how lucky you are? Gees I hope not. Just don’t blow it with him, okay? Because he’s willing to put up with all your little quirks, not to mention that mean streak in you, and let me tell you those types don’t come along very often.”

             
“Serena’s right. Jackson is perfect for you in every single way. Don’t screw it up.”

             
My good friends here were so sure I would be the one to screw up my love affair with Jackson. What about him? He had his own quirks too. Deep down, I realized he was gold. I just couldn’t admit that to them yet. “Well thanks a lot guys. So, it will be my fault if things go bad? Thanks a lot for that vote of confidence.”

             
“Oh course it will,” Serena told me just as matter of fact as anything. “Are you crazy? He's perfect. You aren’t.”

             
Boy, with friends like these you didn’t really need enemies.

             
“Okay, Miss Perfect, I get the point. What about you? When are you going to marry Jeff?”

             
That got her to shut up and made me smile. “We’re talking about June. Can you believe it? How cliché is that anyway? Me a June bride. I think I want to throw up.” Serena smiled at the both of us, but we weren’t fooled. She was crazy about Jeff. “But I love him and I don’t want to lose him so if he wants a June wedding, he’s getting one.”

             
“Oh, a June wedding. That’s so sweet,” Genna gushed. Almost seven months pregnant now, she practically glowed. She was having a little girl and she and her husband were positively in heaven because of it. It was everything she talked about. Part of me was actually jealous. To have a tiny little baby, a part of both of you, to bring happiness into your life…well, nothing seemed more natural to me or more unnatural for the old sarcastic Maggie to understand.

             
Serena and I were busy secretly planning a baby shower for Genna the following day. We’d managed to get a list from Genna’s husband of all her friends. Serena, who lived in an apartment, asked if Jackson would mind if we had the shower at his house. When I’d asked him, I felt a little strange. After all, I was living with him but I still didn’t really consider it my house. He seemed surprised that I felt it necessary to ask.

             
“Why are you asking me? This is your house, too. You don’t need to ask my permission to have your friend’s baby shower in your own house. Don’t you realize that? Why won’t you trust me, Maggie?”

             
I could tell that I’d hurt him and I hated myself for that. I loved Jackson, but it was hard to let go of old doubts. I tried to make him understand.

             
“I love you and I
do
trust you, but I’m still afraid something is going to come along and take it all away. I’m afraid I’ll wake up and be that old frightened unhappy girl again.”

             
At my honest admission, I saw some of his disappointment melt away. “Maggie, there’s always going to be things to happen that will be hard to get through. Life isn’t always perfect, but I’m not going anywhere and I’m going to do my best to make sure I don’t ever do anything to hurt you. That’s all any of us can do, isn’t it? Sometimes you just have to take it all on faith and step out on the limb—hope for the best. There are no guarantees.”

             
“I know and I’m trying Jackson, really I am.” I just needed guarantees. I wanted him to promise me that everything would work out perfectly for us, for me—for our future. I didn’t want to be that frightened little girl again.

             
“That’s all I can ask of you, little bit. That and that you don’t make me attend the shower. The thought of all those women scares the hell out of me.”

             
I looked at this guy whom all of my friends and family thought was perfect for me and I realized it wasn’t him I was worried about. I was expecting me to do something wrong to screw things up. Jackson was my knight if ever I’d needed one. He was perfect.

             
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

             
I could only shake my head, but I reached for him and threw my arms around him. “Nothing, only that I must be the luckiest girl alive.”

****

              Even as Serena and my plans for the perfect baby shower for our friend took on a feverish pitch, my studies for the bar exam took over most of my life.

             
I had exactly one month to get everything down and I was so sure that I would never be able to remember any of the things I was studying.

             
Jessie and Rich were wonderful support for me. They allowed me as much time as possible to study at work, which was proving to be a miracle. Their little family practice was turning out to be the perfect learning environment for me. This was what I’d wanted all along. To be able to help those who really needed helping. To make a difference in the world and in people’s lives.

             
There were so many cases that broke my heart and made me aware of just how lucky I’d been to have someone like my grandmother in my life. Some of the kids that came through our doors were not nearly so lucky.

             
Jessie allowed me to take on a lot of legwork for those cases, which meant I was getting everything trial ready. As tough as I thought I was, and no matter how much I tried to tell myself to not show emotion, I was seeing those kids that were in similar circumstances as what I had gone through and it was all brought home to me again. There were days that I’d spend the whole drive home crying. It was hard to relive life through their eyes.

             
Though my happiness and my sense of security with Jackson only grew, the nightmares of my childhood increased. Maybe it was because of my work, I don’t know, but it was almost like having an alter ego at times. My happy self was there during the day, living life and loving every bit of my life; but at night, my frightened personality came out terrifying me.

             
One night after I awakened from my sleep crying, Jackson held me and tried to talk to me about my mother.

             
“Maggie, you know you need to face this, don’t you? As long as you keep running from your past, it will always haunt you. You need to face your mother—talk to her. Who knows, it might even help.”

             
“I can’t. Jackson, you don’t understand. I can’t even think about her without remembering all those horrible things I lived through. I just can’t.”

             
He’d let it go for the moment, but I couldn’t help but wonder how much longer. I knew he was right, of course. I’d have to face my childhood, or it was going to destroy me. For the life of me, I just couldn’t bring myself to consider it. In my mind, I still held out hope that once the exam was over and I’d passed then my life would settle down and the dreams would simply go away.

             
The day that I took the bar exam was the worst day of my life. I woke up sick, vomiting from fear. Jackson knew better than to try to talk me out of going, but I could see the concern in his eyes as I left that morning.

             
“Call me when you’re done, okay?” That was all he’d said in that perfect knight fashion of his and I’d wanted to cry. I didn’t deserve this man.

             
When I was finished, I pretty much knew I’d passed it, although I wasn’t going to jinx anything by saying that aloud.

             
With one weight lifted from my life, I felt almost lighthearted again, when I called Jackson.

             
“Done…all done.”

             
“How was it?” he asked me tentatively.

             
“Good…I think. But I don’t want to talk about it. I’ll know soon enough.”

             
“You feel up to having lunch with me?”

             
That was my prince charming. Just let the matter drop and on to safer ground. I might not have come with a manual, as he’d told me once before, but he was certainly good at winging it.

             
With that milestone lightened from me, it was on to the next subject on my list of things to do. Genna’s baby shower.

             
Serena and I were busy trading calls and secretly meeting over lunch to polish off the rest of the plans and we were set for the big day. Genna didn’t have a clue. She would love it. She loved surprises.

             
Everything was all set. Serena was bringing Genna over around ten the following Saturday. We’d told her we were taking her out to a movie.

             
The caterer arrived promptly and all the decorations started showing up, which my sweet Jackson helped me put up. When we were finished having made plans of his own for that day, he took himself off at the arrival of our first guests, a group of five or so ladies from one of Genna’s women’s groups.