The Truth About Fairy Tales (27 page)

Jessie came into my office later to congratulate me and spotted my puffy eyes. She knew the reason behind it.

              “It's hard sometimes to separate your heart from a case you’re working on, but you have to. You can’t save them all. Sometimes all you can do is win your case.”               

             
“When I first started out, I had this one case that will haunt me for the rest of my life. It was a custody battle, but it was a wealthy guy that had married this sweet young thing and decided she wasn’t quite up to his social standards. He wanted a divorce and he wanted custody of their son. I took the girl’s case. She told me terrible things about what it was like being married to that guy. He was abusive physically as well as emotionally. I had no doubt if the boy were given over to his father he’d hurt him, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t win out over all that man’s money and influence. The guy won full custody, took the boy and left the state. Two years later, I got a letter from the mother letting me know her son was dead. The father snapped one day, went off on him…killed his own son.

“I cried for weeks after that and almost gave up on the law altogether. Rich wouldn’t let me. He forced me to take on another case, which I lost.
He wouldn’t let me quit. He forced me to keep going, take another, and another. Eventually I won, and by doing so I’d made just a small amount of difference in someone’s life. It helped—knowing that. I learned the hard way, that sometimes you can’t fight with your heart and be effective. You have to get them with your knowledge of the law. Sometimes you do. Keep that in mind when you lose the next one and you will. The odds are stacked against us from the start. But sometimes we win one that matters and that’s what keeps us coming back.”

             
That was hard advice to take. In all the times that I worked with Lee, I’d only been on the outside looking in. I never really saw all the heartache attached to losing a case that really got under your skin. One where someone’s life hung in the balance. Especially, when it was a child’s.

             
Now I understood what he must have gone through every single day. I wondered, had he felt this lost when he’d won a case? Had he felt this way over me?

             
I called Lee then and there to thank him for all of those things, but mostly for caring about me. I think he was a little taken aback and more than a little moved. This tough guy had been my first knight in shining armor before I realized I needed one. It was all there in his voice.

             
“I just tried my first case. My first win, but it didn’t really feel like one. Now I finally understand why you do what you do. I just wanted you to know just how much I’ve looked up to you through the years and I’m sorry I didn’t take the job working with you. I hope that I didn’t hurt you. I owe you so much. Thank you for helping me chose this career. It may be tough and it’s certainly kicked my butt enough times already, but I think I love it.”

             
Lee understood all of this. There was no need for either of us to say anything more. He knew.

             
“The wedding is in two weeks. I’m as nervous as a cat.” I smiled, picturing him pacing the office. I loved him so much.

             
This was Lee’s first marriage, well at least to a woman. He’d been married to the law for more years than I’d been alive.

             
Years ago, Lee had confessed the truth to me. Family law had not been his first choice. Lee had been a hotshot divorce attorney in Dallas raking in the big bucks and catching all the big glamorous high profile cases. He’d earned more money than anyone had and he had women hanging all over him. But Lee had a dark secret. One that could ruin a life and a career and had come close to doing both to him. Lee was an alcoholic. He’d started drinking before he was a teenager. The wealth and prestige that had come his way had only made it more acceptable and more available and certainly more destructive. Working long hours, living a lifestyle that was almost as dangerous as the booze he was consuming, just about destroyed him. It was after one too many high profile divorce cases and one too many drinking binges that he’d woke up in an alley bleeding. Not even sure where he was, Lee had come as close to death as anyone possibly could and lived to tell about it.

             
It had been enough for him to turn his life around completely and ask for help. There in that alley, alone and bleeding, he’d asked God to let him live. He’d promised that he would dedicate his life and his career to helping others.

             
God had kept up His end of the bargain. A stranger had wandered out into the alley, after hearing Lee’s prayers and called for help. So far, Lee had kept his promise, too. He’d never once touched another drink, but he’d told me how hard that had been for him.

             
He’d found God in that alley, left the city and moved to the small town of Santa Anna to open a family practice and join a church. Many years later, my grandmother, his future wife, had walked into that practice and asked for his help.

             
“You love her, don’t you? I can see that in everything you do. My grandmother doesn’t know how lucky she is to have a guy like you.”

             
He’d laughed a little, embarrassed by my words. Lee believed he was the lucky one.

             
“So, everything’s set then? Jackson and I will be down at the beginning of the week. I made it a point to tell Jessie and Rich I’d be gone that whole week before I took the job, so they’re okay with it. You should see Jackson. He’s so excited. You know I don’t think he’s ever been part of a wedding before. Thank you for asking him to be your best man.”

             
My thirty-eight year old boyfriend confessed that little secret to me after Lee had called him one night to ask him to be his best man. This was quite a shock to me since most of Jackson’s friends, with the exception of Sam, were married.

             
“I think they always just assumed I was too busy running the business to do it. I’m actually looking forward to being a best man—that is, until I can be a groom.”

             
He was like a little kid that night. So happy and making plans to be the best, best man. Gran had asked me before we came home from Christmas to be her maid of honor. It was only going to be a small affair. Just a few friends and the two of us, her only family at the church.

             
“I want to get them something special. After all, how often do your grandmother and your mentor get married?”

             
He’d laughed, but agreed with me. “I was thinking since you and Sarah never got to take that trip of yours that maybe we could give them a trip to Europe for their honeymoon?”

             
I loved the idea the second I heard it. Gran had wanted to go to Europe for as long as I could remember.

             
“That’s a wonderful idea.” Of course, he was all set to pay for the whole thing on his own, but I couldn’t allow him to do that. This was my grandmother and mentor; I was paying my fair share.

             
Talking to Lee, I finally remembered the one question Jackson had been telling me to ask them for a while. “Jackson wanted to know if there’s anyplace else in Europe that you guys want to visit other than the usual. I mean, I know what Gran wants, but what about you? This is your honeymoon, too.”

             
“Are you kidding? You and Jackson have been so generous to us. We’re thrilled and frankly, I can’t think of any place that I want to see that isn’t on the list already. It’s perfect.”

             
And so was their wedding day. On a perfect early spring day in the church that I’d grown up in, my grandmother married her best friend and my mentor became my new grandfather. I couldn’t have been happier.

             
That was until I left the church and I spotted my mother in the back row seat. I just about stopped dead in my tracks, walking down the aisle at Jackson’s side. I’d never once considered that Rachel might show, but there she sat with someone I'd never seen before. I couldn't tell you what the guy looked like because my eyes were on the woman who’d been a part of my nightmares for most of my life. Part of my troubled childhood.

             
Jackson caught my hesitation and saw what I was looking at. “It’s okay, just keep walking.”

             
She was still a slightly faded version of myself. Much older and definitely a reflection of her lifestyle. The years of hard living and drugs were there on her face. She looked ten years older than the forty odd years I knew her to be.

             
Her gaze found mine for just a moment, pleading before I looked away. Somehow, I managed to focus on my grandmother and Lee straight ahead.

             
I’m not sure why it had never once occurred to me that Rachel might choose to attend her mother’s wedding. After all, I knew Gran had long ago made peace with her and they kept in touch. Gran had been trying for years to get me to see my mother.

             
Rachel didn’t attend the reception. I think she’d seen how angry I was and chose not to ruin my grandmother’s day. For me, the happiness of the day was over.

             
“That was her, wasn’t it, little bit?” Jackson asked the moment we were alone.

             
“Yes. I can’t believe she had the nerve to show up here today.” I was so angry with her, even though I knew that she had just as much right to be there as myself. It was her mother, after all.

             
“Maggie, Sarah is her family as well.” Jackson tried to reason with me, but I didn’t want to be reasonable. I was dead set on hating my mother for the rest of my life.

             
The rest of the day, although I tried not to show my grandmother, was sheer torture to get through. I half expected my mother to show up either at the reception or later on at the house, so I spent most of the day looking back over my shoulder.

             
When the couple left for the airport, Jackson and I went back to my grandmother’s house where we were going to stay a few more days before heading back to Austin.

             
That night, my past came back to me, this time clearer than ever before. My mother was there as always, but she was the woman that I had seen today, not the woman she’d been all those years ago.

             
I woke covered in sweat and shivering from the cold. It was a long time before I realized it was not that time anymore. I wasn’t that little girl; I was a grown woman completely in control of her life. The little girl that still existed in me from that past was always close by to remind me just how fragile my happiness really was.

             
I lay perfectly still, trying to calm my frantically beating pulse while praying that I wouldn’t wake Jackson. After I was certain he was still sleeping, I got out of bed and made the all too familiar trek out to my secret hiding place.

             
The night was dark around me. There was no moon. Nothing but the stars, but I could find my way here by heart. I’d certainly done it enough.

             
I wasn’t sure how long I sat there shivering, more from the past than from the coolness of the night, when Jackson found me. I was curled up tight into a little ball against the memories, trying not to think about the woman that was my mother and finding it hard not to.

             
“Hey, I thought I would find you here,” he said quietly, accepting my eccentricity. He sat down next to me and brought me close in his arms.

             
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to wake you tonight.”

             
He understood before I’d said a word. Jackson had known I would be out here tonight. It was as clear to him as everything I did. He knew me that well.

             
“I’ve been expecting it, little bit. Why don’t you come inside and let’s put some coffee on. It’s a whole lot warmer in the kitchen?”

             
I sat debating with myself for a second longer. I’d been running out here for most of my life and mostly alone. I was so tired of running to this hiding place. I wanted to stop, but I’d need help accomplishing it. Jackson offered me all of that. Help without judgment. A shoulder to lean on without giving up my stubborn independence.

             
Just like that, I gave up my hiding place along with all its secrets. At least, for that night.

             
We didn’t talk about what was on my mind. Instead, we talked about the wedding and how happy my grandmother and Lee had been. I knew Jackson wanted to ask me when I was going to be ready to face my childhood, but he didn’t. He let all of those things alone tonight. He knew when the time was right I’d talk to him about them.

****

              “Why don’t we go for a drive?” Jackson asked the following afternoon after we’d spent the morning sleeping late and being terribly lazy.

             
I willingly agreed. I figured Mr. Fabulous was probably getting a little bit of cabin fever.

             
We drove around the town for a while, but as usual, in a town that small it doesn’t take long to reach your limits. When Jackson left the city, I didn’t care where he wanted to go; I was just happy to be there with him.

             
When we reached the edge of the town that was only too familiar to me and after Jackson turned onto the street where I knew my mother lived, I realized I’d been had. He’d planned this all along.

             
“How could you do this to me?” I turned to him just as he stopped the car a few houses away from my mother's. “I trusted you.”

             
“Because it’s time. You know it and so do I. It’s time to face this.”

             
“You’ve talked to her?” I knew it was true before he ever chose to answer that question. He’d spoken to my mother. Suddenly, I remembered the times that he’d taken calls at our house and seemed almost anxious. And the time more recently where he’d made some excuse to leave me alone for a second. Now I knew the truth. He’d planned this whole thing.

             
“Yes. Several times in fact. I spoke to your mother at your grandmother’s request. She wanted me to get to know her. The person she is today, not the woman you remember. I spoke to her on the phone and she’s told me how much she wants to talk to you. How desperate she is to ask your forgiveness. It’s time, Maggie.”

             
“I’m not going in there. I can’t face her after all that she’s done. I certainly can’t forgive her.”

             
“Yes, you can. Because I’ll be right there beside you through it all. You need to do this for yourself.”

             
I looked into those beautiful sincere eyes of his and knew he was right however hard it was for me to accept. I needed to find some closure to my past. At least understand why it had taken place in the first place.

             
I couldn’t speak, but Jackson understood. He touched my hair and kissed me before he drove me to my mother’s house.

             
Jackson got out, opened my door, and took my hand and he never let go of it. He held it on the short walk to her door that took all of my strength to make. He held it throughout my time there with my mother.

             
I couldn’t move. I stood rooted in place on her tiny little porch while Jackson rang the bell. It’s funny the things you notice when your terrified. I noticed the hanging plants that looked real—so green and full of life, so unlike my impression of my mother. I noticed that her little yellow house was showing signs of aging. The paint was chipping away in spots and several of the window seals were decaying. All of this seemed to take hours, but the second she opened the door, I forgot all of those things.

             
My mother stood before me, a faded, aged image of her former self. Blond hair so much like mine now held touches of gray in it. Her brown eyes were faded. She had dull gray skin, full of lines, further evidence of the life she’d led. She doesn’t look well, I thought.

             
“Mrs. Alexander?” Jackson asked, even though we both knew.

             
“Yes. You must be Jackson? I recognized your voice from the phone. Thank you so much for coming and for giving me this chance.” Although she spoke directly to Jackson, I knew she was addressing that to me. I realized she’d been capturing little glimpses of me, because she couldn’t look me in the eye, either.

             
“Please come in. The both of you…please. I’m so glad you’re here.”

             
We stepped inside her tiny cramped living room with worn and faded furniture, much like my mother.

             
I let me eyes drift around the room, rather than to the woman in front of me. Nothing about the place reminded me of her. This wasn’t the same woman I’d known.

             
“Please, sit down, Jackson…Mary Margaret.” I couldn’t stop my reaction to her use of my name. I’d almost forgotten how much I hated that name. It sounded different coming from Jackson somehow.

             
“It’s Maggie, now.” I wasn’t able to keep the hard edge from my voice.

             
I didn’t miss Jackson’s disapproving glance, but I chose to ignore it. Too bad. I didn’t really care if either of them liked my anger or not. In my opinion, it was justified.

             
“I’m sorry…Maggie.”

             
I wanted to run then, as far away as possible, back to my hiding place at the only familiar thing about her. The sound of her voice. But instead, I let Jackson lead me to the sofa that had seen better days and all but force me down to it.

             
I knew he wasn’t happy with my behavior so far, but I just couldn’t stop it. Just being here with her brought back all the pain and the terror, no little child should ever have to endure.

             
“Would you like something to drink? I called my husband when I saw you drive up. He should be here soon. Fred’s wanted to meet you both for a while.”

             
We sat with that awkward silence around us of people who didn’t know what to say to each other. I felt sorry for Jackson most of all. The poor man was trying so hard to do the right thing by me and I was making it as hard as I could for him. Because of Jackson, I tried.

             
“Look, Jackson told me you wanted to see me, so I’m here. I wouldn’t be if it weren’t for him, so why don’t we just get it over with.”

             
Okay, not the best opening line, but it at least broke the ice.

             
“Mary…Maggie, I know how much you hate me and I can’t blame you for that. Trust me, you couldn’t possibly hate me any more than I did myself at one time, but I’ve tried so hard to overcome that.”

             
“If you want forgiveness, you’ve come to the wrong place. I’m sorry, but all I remember about my childhood is being frightened and hungry and alone. You weren’t there to help me understand any of that. I remember being alone for days on end without anything to eat. I remember living on the streets. I don’t remember anything—anything good about that time! So, I’m sorry, but I can’t. I just can’t do this.”

             
I pulled out of Jackson’s grasp and walked out the door. I was almost to the car when he caught me.

             
“I can’t make you go back in there, but I’m telling you right now if you don’t you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life. You’ll always be that little frightened girl. If you don’t face this now, you’ll never overcome it.”

             
I was crying at the hard edge in his voice. “You’re supposed to be on my side.” I all but yelled that at him, feeling betrayed by Jackson.

             
“I am on your side, Maggie,” he told me quietly, not giving in to my tears. “That’s why I’m not letting you walk away from this.”

             
I looked up at him standing there in front of me and even through my tears I could see his determination. “Will you go back in there with me?”

             
“No, I think you need to sort this through without me. Just you and your mother.”