The Ultimate Inferior Beings (27 page)

“Very well,” said jixX
uncertainly. “It’s your decision.” He went to shake hands with her but, to his
surprise, she gave him another little kiss.

Then he and the behavioural
chemist started saying their goodbyes. They said goodbye to Chris and Bill.
They said goodbye to the Benjaminites. They called out goodbye to Randolph and
George. And they even said goodbye to Jeremy somewhere inside the pipe
although, not unexpectedly, they didn’t receive an answer. Smiling and waving,
the two of them made their way back to The Night Ripple.

*

Inside the tube, Jeremy was
flabbergasted beyond belief. He was agape with horror as his worst fears were
being realized. The Dogs were leaving. They were escaping! And no one was so
much as lifting a finger to stop them! Was he the only one who could see what
was really happening?

He pondered this last
question for a little while before realizing that that must indeed be the case.
He was, after all, the Chosen One. So only he could see how The Dogs were
duping Randolph and the others.

“It is my duty to stop them,”
he reminded himself. “I am the Chosen One. Only I can destroy The Dogs!”

But first, he would have to
get out of the tube. Realizing which, he redoubled his frantic, panic-stricken
efforts to get through the sixth of the porous membranes.

Chapter 10

“
What is it
, Randolph?” asked George when they were out of
earshot of the rest. “What’s the matter?”

Randolph
looked very serious. “Here,”
he said, taking a large book out of the depths of his green slime. “I just
happen to have The Book with me.”

He opened it and flicked
through it until he found the page he wanted. He handed the book to George.
“Read that,” he said, pointing to the appropriate paragraph.

George held The Book
reverently in his hands. It was written in the Ancient Language. Roughly
translated, the paragraph read, ‘
And thenceforth Benjamin sayeth unto the
assembled multitude at The Meeting, “Henceforth there shalt be Nine
Masters...”’
He paused and peered more closely at The Book and noticed that
the ‘Nine’ has been crossed out and ‘Ten’ written in pencil above it. He looked
up, stunned. “It’s been defaced! The Book has been vandalized! Is that what’s
worrying you, Randolph?”

“No, no,” said Randolph quickly. “That’s not it at all. I wrote the ‘Ten’ in myself, a long, long time
ago.”

“You?!?” asked George, amazed
and appalled in equal measure.

“It was when Henry came to me
pleading to join us as the Master Inferior,” explained Randolph. “He was very
insistent – and just right for the job. So I changed the ‘Nine’ to ‘Ten’. I’m
sure Benjamin would have approved.”

George raised an eyebrow, but
said nothing.

“But that’s not the point,”
continued Randolph urgently. “The point is that there are now
eleven
of
us! Yet The Book clearly states that there should be
ten
!” Randolph paused. “One of us,” he said grimly, “is an impostor!”

George gasped. “Are you
sure?”

“There’s no other
explanation.”

“But who is it? Who can it
be?”

Randolph
remained enigmatically
silent for a while. “I believe it to be the one who joined us last,” he said
significantly. “The one who joined after Henry.”

“The one who joined us last,”
repeated George thoughtfully, mulling over this clue to the impostor. “The one
who joined us last.” George wracked his brain for a while. But it was no good.
He couldn’t remember that far back. “Who was it?” he asked at last. “Tell me
who.”

Randolph
shook his head slowly. “I
don’t know. I was rather hoping you might remember. It all happened hundreds of
thousands of years ago, as you know. And my memory’s not what it used to be.”

“Hmm,” said George, giving
his memory one more go. He concentrated hard, but still with no success. He
shook his head and then said, “Is it really that important? Can’t we just cross
out the ‘Ten’ and write ‘Eleven’ above it?”

Randolph
shook his head very slowly
and very gravely. “I fear that it
is
important,” he said. “Really
important.”

George gulped at the
seriousness of Randolph’s tone and waited for further explanation.

“It’s something I’ve always
worried about,” Randolph was saying. “A nagging concern that has scarcely ever
left my mind. It’s always been there, gnawing away at me from the remotest
recesses of my brain.” Randolph stared unseeingly ahead and spoke into the
distance as though no longer aware of George’s presence. “What if,” he started.
“What if, after all, it is we who are The Dogs? It is we who are the Ultimate
Inferior Beings and it is we who will destroy the Universe?”

“We?” asked George in shock.
“Us? The Dogs?”

“What if...,” said Randolph, his voice trailing away. He turned to George. “And now this,” he said, holding
The Book up. “Do you know what it means? That all this time we have been living
a lie! All this time The Book has stated that there are to be
Ten
Masters, and all this time we have been
Eleven
!” He stared, almost
accusingly, at George.

George edged back, slightly
intimidated by Randolph’s manner. “But,” he started. “How come we never
noticed? How come this has only just come to light?”

Randolph
’s expression became even
darker. “Well, one doesn’t notice such things, does one,” he said, speaking
almost mechanically. “Not in the normal course of events.” He paused, and his
voice became lower and more sombre. “But when it does come to light, when the
lie is revealed: that, surely, is a moment of outstanding significance.”

George’s eyes widened as it
dawned on him what Randolph was getting at.

“That moment,” said Randolph, his eyes widening also, “is the Hour of The Lie!”

*

jixX and fluX waved goodbye
to everyone as they entered The Night Ripple. jixX glanced a worried glance at
sylX, hoping she would change her mind and come with them, but she just smiled
reassuringly back at him.

Then a thought occurred to
jixX. “Where’s Henry? He’s not under the ship by any chance, is he?”

The Benjaminites exchanged a
few words with one another and then one of them slithered forward, looking
under the glistening hull of The Night Ripple. “Come out from under there,
Henry, you miserable wretch,” he shouted.

Another slid forward and
shouted, “You dolt, you oaf, you blockhead.”

One by one the Benjaminites
came forward and, before long, they were all directing insults and abuse under
the glistening hull of The Night Ripple. And eventually a small, cowering,
slimy green blob emerged from beneath the ship and made a dash for freedom. Its
appearance was greeted by a rapturous hail of abuse.

The small blob cringed and
smiled ecstatically as it ran off into the distance – closely pursued by the
jeering mass of Benjaminites.

PART THE FIFTH: THE DOGS

Chapter 1

jixX
finished watering
his dwarf Alberta spruce before dropping into the anti-inertial command couch
in the main control room. He closed his eyes. He tried to recall the last time
he had slept – some long, long time ago back on Tenalp. The other crewmembers
had gone to their cabins, presumably to bed, and he envied them. He strapped
himself in, ready for lift-off.

“Pity about your date” said
LEP, starting a conversation jixX could do without.

“Hello?” asked jixX,
wondering what he was on about.

“Sorry to see she stood you
up,” continued LEP. “sylX the stowaway.”

“She was not my date,” said
jixX wearily.

“Preferred to stay with a
bunch of slimy green blobs rather than coming back with you, cap’n,” continued
LEP relentlessly. “I wonder what that says about you.”

jixX yawned.

“Of course,
my
date,
is still on board,” said LEP with a lovelorn sigh. “She is so gorgeous.”

jixX rolled his eyes. “Just
tell me which buttons to press, will you LEP.”

*

As they prepared for
take-off, jixX remembered something. “Wait!” he said suddenly. “I nearly
forgot! What about twaX the carpenter?”

“twaX the deserter, you
mean,” said LEP.

“Whatever,” said jixX. “We
can’t just abandon him.”

“We can,” said LEP, “because
he’s gone.”

“How do you mean... gone?”

“I’ve been tracking him with
my infra-violet scanners,” explained LEP. “It seems he left the planet some
time ago.”

“But that’s impossible!”

“That’s what I thought,” said
LEP. “I increased the sensitivity of the scanners, but nothing.”

“Is he dead?”

“I don’t think so. Just
gone.”

“How?”

“No idea. It’s a mystery.”

jixX stared ahead, blinking,
puzzling over how the carpenter could have just disappeared. “Well, you’re
right, LEP,” he said after a while. “It is a mystery. I guess we go without
him.”

“Pity, really,” said LEP. “We
could do with a few more mahogany window-frames about the place.”

*

When The Night Ripple had
finally lifted off Ground, jixX made his way to his cabin. He undressed as
quickly as he could and slid into bed between the cold sheets. He laid his head
gently on the pillow and felt a blissful release of tension.

It lasted a full ten seconds.

There was a knock on his
door.

“Go away,” he said, turning
to face the wall.

The knock came again.

And then again.

“Someone’s knocking on your
door,” said LEP helpfully.

“Oh really,” said jixX,
dragging himself reluctantly into a sitting position. “Who is it?”

“I can’t see. It’s too dark,”
lied LEP.

jixX put his head in his
hands and sighed a frustrated sigh. He swung his legs out of bed and started
putting on his trousers. All the time the knocking on his door continued, with
ever more urgency.

“Okay, okay,” he said as he
finally opened the door.

As he did so, his jaw dropped
open in shock. He blinked several times.

For there, standing in front
of him, was sylX.

“Come!” said sylX beckoning
him. “I have something to show you.”

“But...” said jixX, still not
believing what, or rather who, he was seeing.

“Quickly!” she snapped as she
turned to lead the way.

jixX followed her, jogging a
little to catch up.

“What are you doing here?” he
asked as he neared her.

“Stowing away,” she answered
simply without turning around.

jixX frowned a puzzled frown.
“But why? Why didn’t you come aboard with us when we left? Instead of sneaking
on afterwards?”