Read The Undead That Saved Christmas Vol. 2 Online
Authors: ed. Lyle Perez-Tinics
And their end was rather grim
On that cold and horrible day
The zombie plague did spread
Rudy, with blood upon his lips
Started the zombie apocalypse
Now we will need a marksman
To shoot Rudy in the head
Then, Rudy, the un-live zombie
Finally will be re-dead
The Sambling Song
“The Wassilling Song” is another traditional madrigal-type carol. Like the original, our version is easy to sing along with once you hear the tune.
Here they come a-shambling
With gnashing teeth so mean
Pure zomnambulation
As far as can be seen.
Zombie horde comes at you
Grabbing, scratching, biting, too
May your planning have yielded a
Sturdy stronghold
And companions all able, skilled and bold
We are not simple crosshairs
That beg you lend a hand
But we are strong survivors
Who’ve come to join your band
Zombie horde comes at you
Grabbing, scratching, biting, too
May your planning have yielded a
Sturdy stronghold
And companions all able, skilled and bold
Good leader of this stronghold fine
Your help we do require
So please instruct your sentries
To kindly hold their fire
Zombie horde comes at you
Grabbing, scratching, biting, too
May your planning have yielded a
Sturdy stronghold
And companions all able, skilled and bold
We have managed through our efforts here
To clear the zoms away
And promise you that none of us
Has got the ZTA
Zombie horde comes at you
Grabbing, scratching, biting, too
May your planning have yielded a
Sturdy stronghold
And companions all able, skilled and bold
So open up your stronghold door
And please do let us in
If we may add our force to yours
Against the zoms we’ll win
Zombie horde comes at you
Grabbing, scratching, biting, too
May your planning have yielded a
Sturdy stronghold
And companions all able, skilled and bold
We thank you for admitting us
To earn your trust we’ll strive
With guns and shovels in our hands
We’ll battle the un-live
Zombie horde comes at you
Grabbing, scratching, biting, too
May your planning have yielded a
Sturdy stronghold
And companions all able, skilled and bold
The ZTA is Coming to Town
Forget about Santa! Watch out for zombies!
Well, start watching the news
And keep a sharp eye
Start seeing the clues
I’m telling you why
The ZTA is coming to town
Start making your plans
Preparing is key
Know when to stay put
and when you should flee
The ZTA is coming to town
When zombies come a’creeping
They’ll hear your every sound
So you’d better learn to keep it quiet
Or you surely will be found
Well, start watching the news
And keep a sharp eye
Start seeing the clues
I’m telling you why
The ZTA is coming to town
Get your SUV prepped
Add a heavy snow plow
Chain link over the glass
Start doing it now
The ZTA is coming to town
Get a trusty side arm
And a rifle with scope
A machete or sword
And your shovel we hope
The ZTA is coming to town
Now once you pick your stronghold
Choose companions carefully
You don’t want many crosshairs there
‘Cause they’re not good company
So, start watching the news
And keep a sharp eye
Start seeing the clues
I’m telling you why
The ZTA is coming to town
The Twelve Days Surviving
“The Twelve Days of Christmas” is a fun song to sing. If only it weren’t so bloody long…
On the first day surviving, my
Companions gave to me
A copy of the DIY Guide
On the second day surviving, my
Companions gave to me
Two radios
And, a copy of the DIY Guide
On the third day surviving, my
Companions gave to me
Three hand guns
Two radios
And, a copy of the DIY Guide
On the fourth day surviving, my
Companions gave to me
Four sharpened blades
Three hand guns
Two radios
And, a copy of the DIY Guide
On the fifth day surviving, my
Companions gave to me
Five MREs
Four sharpened blades
Three hand guns
Two radios
And, a copy of the DIY Guide
On the sixth day surviving, my
Companions gave to me
Six ten-inch shovels
Five MREs
Four sharpened blades
Three hand guns
Two radios
And, a copy of the DIY Guide
On the seventh day surviving, my
Companions gave to me
Seven pounds of C4
Six ten-inch shovels
Five MREs
Four sharpened blades
Three hand guns
Two radios
And, a copy of the DIY Guide
On the eighth day surviving, my
Companions gave to me
Eight sniper scopes
Seven pounds of C4
Six ten-inch shovels
Five MREs
Four sharpened blades
Three hand guns
Two radios
And, a copy of the DIY Guide
On the ninth day surviving, my
Companions gave to me
Nine long range rifles
Eight sniper scopes
Seven pounds of C4
Six ten-inch shovels
Five MREs
Four sharpened blades
Three hand guns
Two radios
And, a copy of the DIY Guide
On the tenth day surviving, my
Companions gave to me
Ten cases ammo
Nine long range rifles
Eight sniper scopes
Seven pounds of C4
Six ten-inch shovels
Five MREs
Four sharpened blades
Three hand guns
Two radios
And, a copy of the DIY Guide
On the eleventh day surviving, my
Companions gave to me
Eleven Molotov cocktails
Ten cases ammo
Nine long range rifles
Eight sniper scopes
Seven pounds of C4
Six ten-inch shovels
Five MREs
Four sharpened blades
Three hand guns
Two radios
And, a copy of the DIY Guide
On the twelfth day surviving, my
Companions gave to me
Twelve drums of fuel
Eleven Molotov cocktails
Ten cases ammo
Nine long range rifles
Eight sniper scopes
Seven pounds of C4
Six ten-inch shovels
Five MREs
Four sharpened blades
Three hand guns
Two radios
And, a copy of the DIY Guide
Zombie Brains
Like its inspiration, “Jingle Bells” this song is a lot of fun. It’s peppy, up-beat and great for group singing.
My rifle’s cleaned and oiled
The barrel’s shining bright
I see a zombie horde
Thru my telescopic sight
I shoot ’em thru the eye
With steel jacketed lead
I’ll shoot until my mag runs dry
Or the zoms are all re-dead
Oh, zombie brains, zombie brains
Mixing with the snow
Shooting zoms is easy
Just because they move so slow
Zombie brains, zombie brains
Mixing with the snow
Shooting zoms is easy
Just because they move so slow
I thought I’d set a trap
In a quarry deep and wide
Playin’ music, rock and rap
So the zoms wander inside
The walls lined with C4
And drums of gasoline
The plunger evens up the score
Ka-boom! I’ll clear the scene
Oh, zombie brains, zombie brains
Mixing with the snow
Shooting zoms is easy
Just because they move so slow
Zombie brains, zombie brains
Mixing with the snow
Shooting zoms is easy
Just because they move so slow
Now just a few are left
I shoot them one-by-one
Who ever would’ve thought
Re-killing zombies was fun
They shamble to-and-fro
Don’t even try to hide
And since they have nowhere to go
Bang, bang, they’ve all re-died
Oh, zombie brains, zombie brains
Mixing with the snow
Shooting zoms is easy
Just because they move so slow
Zombie brains, zombie brains
Mixing with the snow
Shooting zoms is easy
Just because they move so slow
Oh, zombie brains, zombie brains
Mixing with the snow
Shooting zoms is easy
Just because they move so slow
Zombie brains, zombie brains
Mixing with the snow
Shooting zoms is easy
Just because they move so slow, yeah
Zombies Go Away
No one is spared from our satire. In this tune, Alvin and the Chipmunks’ “Christmas Don’t be Late” gets the zombie treatment. In this version the Chipmunks are replaced by the authors and illustrator of the “
Do-it-yourself Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse
” (John, Bud, and Mark)
(Dave:) Alright DIY creators, ready to sing your song?
(John:) We sure are
(Mark:) Yeah, let’s sing it now!
(Dave:) Okay, Bud?
(Bud:) Okay
(Dave:) Okay, Mark?
(Mark:) Okay
(Dave:) Okay John?... John?... JOHN!!!
(John:) OKAY!!
(Creators:)
Zombies, zombies, at our door
They’re not people anymore
All alone we cannot win
Zombies, zombies, don’t come in
Want a gun to shoot each head
(John:) I just want them all re-dead
(Creators:)
We don’t want the ZTA
Please, zombies, go away
(Dave:) Okay fellas, you ready?
That was very good, Bud.
(Bud:) Of course it was!
(Dave:) Very good Mark
(Mark:) He He He He
(Dave:) Uh John, You were a little flat
So, watch it. John… John?... JOHN!!!
(John:) OKAY!!
(Creators:)
Want a gun to shoot each head
(John:) I still want them all re-dead
(Creators:)
We don’t want the ZTA
Please, zombies, go away
We don’t want the ZTA
Please, zombies, go away
Zombie Hordes
In our version of
Silver Bells
, the presence of zombies adds a whole new dimension to Christmas shopping.
Bloody sidewalks panicked crosswalks
Zombies crowding the scene
In the air
There's a feeling
of chaos
People gasping
Zombies gnashing
Biting limb after limb
And on ev'ry street corner you'll see
Zombie hordes, zombie hordes
They’re running loose in the city
Victims’ die, hear them cry
Soon they will be zombified
See the dead stares
In my crosshairs
As the zoms mill around
And I’m joined in
The fight by companions
Make ev’ry shot matter
Watch the brains splatter
While the zombies re-die
From above the commotion we'll see
Zombie hordes, zombie hordes
They’re running loose in the city
Victims’ die, hear them cry
Soon they will be zombified