She tried to look natural, not guilty of eavesdropping, wondering if they knew she had. If so, neither said a word.
Out of courtesy, she turned to greet Haydon, but the greeting never left her lips. His appearance was that of a person who had not slept for weeks. Her heart broke for him.
“Can I get you some breakfast?”
Rainee diverted her attention to Katherine. “Yes, that would be lovely, thank you.”
Rainee did not know if she would offend her host by offering to help. In the society she came from it would be a huge social gaffe to do so because the wealthy had servants to do that. But Rainee preferred helping—it made her feel useful, instead of like some ornament
waiting to be handpicked by an acceptable suitor. Another rigid rule she loathed.
Just because her family had money, she did not believe that she or they were above anyone else. If her father knew she felt that way and had ever caught her helping, he would have been appalled. Back home, even though she had failed miserably, she had always tried to behave in a way befitting their social status. But here, she did not know the proper thing to do.
Should she offer to help, or should she sit down and allow her host to wait on her?
And did she really want to sit at the table with Haydon after overhearing the conversation with his mother?
His eyes that spoke of his confusion and discomfort locked onto hers. Rainee could not blame him for being uncomfortable. After all, this most perplexing situation was no fault of his. But then again, it was no fault of hers either. She thought the man who had sent for her wanted her—otherwise she would have never come.
He broke eye contact, rose and came to where she stood. He pulled the chair out and held it as she sat.
Haydon went back, sat in his chair and became engrossed in his untouched food.
Katherine grabbed a covered plate from the oven. She lifted the towel, revealing a mountain of thick bacon slices, scrambled eggs and biscuits and set them on the table, along with an empty cup. She filled Rainee’s cup with steaming coffee and sat in the chair next to her. “Go ahead and eat before it gets cold.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Rainee nodded, then bowed her head and said a silent prayer. When she opened her eyes, Haydon was staring at her as was Katherine.
“You’re a Christian?” Katherine’s blue eyes beamed,
and wrinkles gathered around her eyes and mouth when she smiled.
“Yes, ma’am. I am.”
“Perfect.” Katherine clasped her hands.
Perfect for what? Instead of inquiring, she picked up a piece of bacon with her fingers and bit off a piece.
Realizing her gaffe, her gaze flew to Katherine, who appeared as if nothing was amiss. Her mother would have noticed her blunder immediately and given her a lecture on fine table manners. She stopped chewing the piece in her mouth and stared at her plate, missing her mother until her heart bled tears.
“Are you okay?”
Rainee looked over at Haydon. She started to nod her head but then thought better of it when she noticed his genuine concern. “No. Not really. I was thinking about my mother.”
“What about your mother?” His gaze never left his plate.
“When I was five, my mother scolded me for eating bacon with my fingers. She insisted I cut it into pieces instead. It took me forever to saw through one of those thick slices. When I had finally managed to do so, my fork slipped across the plate and the bacon went flying. It landed in the flower arrangement in the center of the table.”
Haydon and Katherine chuckled. When Rainee looked over at him, his smile dropped with his gaze. Perplexed by his sudden aloofness, Rainee fought to fill the ensuing silence, but she did not know if she should continue. The decision was made for her when Katherine said, “And then what happened?”
“I waited for my mother’s rebuke, but it never came. I could tell by her look she wanted to laugh, but with
Father in the room, she dared not. Formality was everything to my father, and such things were not acceptable. That was why Mother was such a strict disciplinarian and followed the rules of etiquette. Father demanded it.
“So, Mother showed me how the British use their butter knives to cut their food and gather it onto their fork. After about four or five tries, I finally succeeded in properly cutting the bacon, and my mother’s praise was most generous.”
Although that precious memory of her mother brought a smile to Rainee’s face, it also quenched her appetite.
“How long have your parents been gone?” Katherine asked.
Rainee glanced at her. “Two years.” She looked away and stared at nothing in particular. “I now understand what my mother meant.”
“What do you mean, what she meant?” Haydon still did not look at her, but instead drank his coffee.
Surprised by his interest, she decided to continue. “Shortly after my grandmother died, I saw my mother sitting in her chair. I knelt beside her and noticed tears in her eyes. I could not imagine what was wrong, so I asked if she was unwell. She assured me she was not ill, but she had been thinking about her mother, and how much she missed her.”
The image of her mother dabbing at her eyes with her hanky distressed Rainee further. Perhaps because she knew only too well the cruel pain her mother had suffered.
She could not look at anyone in the room as she relayed the heartfelt words her mother had spoken. “Mother said, ‘You know, Rainelle, if I knew my mother
was at the end of the earth, I would crawl through thistles and thorns to see her again.’ As a child I never really understood because I never really knew my grandmother. But now,” she sniffed, “I understand those words only too well. I, too, would crawl through thistles and thorns to see my mother again. I miss her more than words can say.”
Tears slipped over her eyelids, and she quickly brushed them away before continuing. “Any time I was sad or hurting, mother would comfort me. We spent many hours going for long walks. Mother would regale me with tales of her childhood. She constantly helped me, protected me and defended me. She always put her family’s needs before her own.”
With a clatter of his fork, Haydon rose. “I need to get my chores done. Thank you for breakfast, Mother.” He gave Rainee a quick nod and headed out the door, and she immediately felt the loss of his presence.
“Your mother sounds like a wonderful person.” Katherine’s voice snagged her attention away from Haydon’s retreating form.
Rainee slid her gaze toward Katherine. “Yes, she was.”
“Listen, why don’t you eat your breakfast and then go for a nice long walk? It will do you good.”
A long walk did sound good. “Thank you. I would like that.” She picked up her knife, cut a bite-size piece of bacon and put it in her mouth.
She knew she was about to do something that would not be deemed acceptable back home, but this was not home, and she wanted to help. She finished chewing and swallowed. “Katherine, is there anything you would like me to help with around here? I would love to help you and earn my keep until the stagecoach comes back
through.” Then what would she do? She had no money in which to purchase a ticket. Those thoughts picked the worst moments to spring their unhappiness on her. She squared her shoulders in the face of them. With God’s help, she would figure something out. The Lord did not bring her this far only to abandon her.
“Don’t you worry about that. You’re my guest.”
Her hostess’s kind hospitality flooded Rainee. However, she would not trespass on the woman’s kindness. When she got back from her walk, she would pitch in and help with chores. “Thank you.” Rainee finished her meal, put her plate in the water and headed outside.
Warm sunshine greeted her when she stepped off the porch. She tilted her face toward the sun, relishing the feel of it on her face. For now she was free. And freedom had never felt so good.
Haydon backed Lulu and Sally up to the wagon. He needed to head into town for a few supplies and to think. After hearing Rainee talk about her mother and seeing her tears, he had to get away. He had always been powerless in the face of tears, tears he couldn’t dry.
“Mr. Bowen.”
He pressed his eyes together before standing and turning around. “Haydon.”
She nodded. “Are you going into town, Haydon?”
He went back to strapping the horses. “Yes. Is there something I can get for you?”
“Would you mind if I go along?”
His hands froze mid-air. Yes, he minded. So many emotions were running through his head, he just wanted to get away and think. But seeing her standing there with her hands clutched and her eyes downcast, he knew what how hard it was for her to ask. He would not be
rude, no matter how much she reminded him of Melanie, especially dressed in her fancy attire. “Are you sure you’re up to traveling so soon?”
“Yes. Yes, I am.”
“Very well then. Can you be ready to go in a few minutes? I have a lot to do today.”
“Yes. Just let me run in and grab my satchel.” She whirled and scurried to the house.
Dear God, give me the grace to get through this with my sanity intact.
By the time he fastened the last strap, Rainee had appeared at the wagon holding her satchel and a letter. He wondered who the letter was to but figured it was her business, not his.
He helped her into the wagon and they headed down the road.
The first mile was filled with a much-needed silence, giving him time to think about his mother’s words.
“Haydon.”
Holding the reins loosely in his hands, he glanced at her, then back at the road. “Yes.”
“Have you always lived here?”
“No. We moved here about four years ago.”
“Where did you move from?” She tilted the parasol to her right, and he got a full view of her face.
He turned his attention back to the road. “Back East.”
“Where from back East?”
“New York.”
“I have never been to New York. They say it is a delight to see. What is it like?”
“Like any other big city.”
“Did you enjoy it?”
“Some aspects of it, yes. But mostly no. I like it here much better.”
“Why is that?”
“The people here are friendlier, and they’re genuine. You can trust them to do what they say they will. It’s a nice change from New York.”
“Do you regret moving here?”
“Only because I lost my father.” An ache for his loss poked into his heart. “I keep thinking if we had not moved to Paradise Haven, he might still be alive. I understand only too well about the thistles and thorns.”
She turned almost sideways to look at him, and his heart sped up. “What was your father like?”
Haydon wasn’t sure if it was the question, her soft voice or her soft face, but he was having definite problems keeping himself in check. “He was one of the kindest, most generous men you would ever meet. He had a real zest for life and an adventurous spirit. In a lot of ways, I’m just like him.” He glanced over at her again. “Well, I used to be anyway.”
“It is hard on the oldest son to have a father die. That is for certain.”
Haydon yanked his gaze her way, but she had her face forward.
“Back home, there is a young man whose parents passed away. At four and twenty, James knew it was up to him to be strong and to keep his family together. To provide for them. To be their protector. It was quite vexing for James to watch his mother and siblings suffer. His burden was great. And he, too, changed after his father’s death. It was as if the real James had been buried with his father.”
Rainee’s words of understanding tunneled through Haydon with a gentleness he couldn’t ignore. No one had
ever seemed to understand what he had gone through—and still went through. As the oldest, everything fell on his shoulders. And yet he wasn’t complaining. He couldn’t. He loved his family. But he could also relate to this James fellow. “I can relate,” he whispered, then looked at her.
The softness in her eyes and the compassion on her face encouraged him to continue.
“The first year was the hardest. My heart bled every time I watched or heard my family crying. I wanted to take their pain so they wouldn’t have to suffer. But there was no way to do that. And it tore me up inside.”
She laid her hand on his arm, and he glanced down at it, feeling it clear to the inner depths of his soul. “Your family seems very well cared for and happy. You have obviously done a splendid job.”
Her words were like a healing salve, as was her touch, and he desperately needed them both. “Thank you.”
They both fell silent the rest of the way. When they arrived in town, people stared, but no one asked any questions. He helped her down from the wagon and into the general store.
He watched as Rainee headed over to the post office section. She removed a letter from her satchel, handed it to the postmaster along with a coin, then turned and walked over to where he stood. “Well, you will not have to trouble yourself with me for much longer. I sent my post to Mr. Bettes, one of the other gentlemen who answered my advertisement. Soon, I will be gone, and that will be one less burden for you to bear.” She smiled at him, but no smile reached his lips.
“Rainee, I—”
“You do not have to say a word, Haydon.” She
interrupted him, but there was no animosity in her tone. “I want you to know I understand the position you and I have been placed in. You need not feel badly. God will take care of me, of that I am certain.”
He nodded through the lump in his throat and pulled his gaze away from her. After he loaded the wagon, they headed out of town.
All the way back to the ranch his heart played tug of war with his mind. He wanted to reassure Rainee she wasn’t a burden, but he didn’t want to give her the wrong impression. No matter how easy she was to talk to or how sweet she seemed, she was a woman. Personal experience had taught him women caused nothing but heartache. Heartache he could do without.
Back at the ranch, Rainee deposited her satchel in the house. All alone with two hours to go before the noon meal, she decided to take a walk. Her legs were in need of a good stretching.
Her mind replayed the conversations with Haydon on their way to town and back. Haydon was a man who loved his family and would do anything for them. A very tenderhearted man, whose eyes had glistened with unshed tears when he spoke of his father.