The Wanted (13 page)

I scowled. “Yes, Mother.”

He grinned in the dark. “Give it up; that attitude won’t work with me.” Sitting next to me, he chucked his jacket over my legs.

“Thanks, man.”

“No, thank you. You didn’t have to come back for me,” he said, talking to the opposite wall, his face stiffly turned away from mine.

I replied to the wall. “Yes, I did. Hessa needed you too.”

Desh sighed sadly, his shoulders slumping. “He won’t remember me, Joe. It’s been so long. I don’t even know what he looks like now.”

I fumbled around in my pack and pulled out Rosa’s handheld. “Here, she took these just before we left because she knew you’d want to see him.” I flipped through to a photo of Hessa standing in front of a fire. Rosa’s hand was on his small shoulder, steadying him while she took the photo. I traced the curve of her dark thumb pressed into his knitted jumper. I remembered her touch with such an ache I thought I might be splitting apart.

Desh took the handheld from me. “Oh wow. He’s so big and is he… walking?”

I nodded, a sad smile trying to move my lips, my feelings trying to claw their way out and seek comfort. Somewhere, my son was learning, taking steps and viewing the world without her or me in it.

“I miss him so much, and I miss her, God, I miss her, Desh,” I let slip with some agony and pain I really didn’t want to share.

“I miss her too,” he said to the wall.

“I don’t just miss her, Desh. I’m dying without her,” I whispered.

He let out an exasperated sigh. “It might feel like that, Joe, but you’re not. You’ll go on. Eventually for yourself, but for now, keep living for Orry and for her, for what she did for you.”

I knew he was right but it was hard to do when all I wished, all the time, was that she hadn’t done it.

Putting a hand on my shoulder, he patted it once. He gave me back the handheld, rested his elbows on his knees, and stared at the cave wall with me.

ROSA

Sometimes a moment can steel you. It needs to be strong, something memorable. This moment I would catch and hold to sustain me. Keep it protected in my locked up palms.

The feel, the taste, the touch. It was like fresh air. Delicious.

Harry’s hand on my shoulder guided me down the hallway like a blind person. It was a strong, yet gentle touch. I got the sense that Harry wasn’t really a bad man… just a man forced to do bad things. He wouldn’t hurt me unless I gave him reason to.

My eyes rolled to the bright, ceiling-high windows, the frost gathering in the corners of the glass like frozen breaths. Outside, the snow fought with the trees and plants, and was losing, with the sun as their back up. Thin sprinklings clung to the edges but slipped like melted icing. I tried to stop and look closer, but Harry steered me away. My hand crept up, trying to snatch a piece of the view and hold it. The air looked fresh, and I licked my lips at the imagined taste of it.

“Come on, Miss Rosa,” Harry urged quietly. “We have to keep moving.”

I sighed and shifted in my pajama pants and cardigan, my bare feet completely covered by the wide legs.

“Forgive me if I’m not in a rush to return to the torture room, Harry.” I said his name warmly, like I’d laid it out on the table and smoothed its wrinkles lovingly. It was accidental.

His eyes were regretful as he turned me away from him and continued to march me forward. I walked as slowly as he would allow.

Wheels tearing up carpet didn’t make much noise, but the huffing and puffing of the person pushing did.

“Move!” Grant barked as he stubbornly pushed his wheels while a soldier dressed in the black and gold uniform jogged next to him. Harry put out his arm and slammed me against the wall before Grant ran me over. I clamped my teeth together before I laughed. They looked like they were racing. I had the insane urge to declare a winner when they got to the end of the hall and had to stop to wait for the lift.

“Where?” Grant roared at the soldier, who jumped back a little. Grant’s face was crimson, sweaty, and his hair flopped over his brow. I enjoyed seeing him rattled more than I could have imagined. A little smile started to tug and encourage my mouth.

“Birchton, Sir,” the soldier replied, standing to attention.

“What?” His voice was a swinging trumpet that rose to a crescendo in disbelief. “Are you sure you’re information is correct?” Grant’s control slipped from him like rain over plastic. He was shining with beads of rage that sprayed from him as he screamed.

“Over three hundred escapees and at least twenty buildings destroyed, so far, sir.” The poor soldier looked like he might wet himself.

My mouth danced happily. Who cared if he saw it? A smile spread across my face so wide that it was tipping off my head and flying into the air. Harry’s arm still lay across my chest like a restraining bar and he turned his head towards me, warning me with his eyes.

“Stop smiling, Miss,” he said through large, gritted teeth.

Harry’s whispering caught Grant’s attention. He turned his upper body to us and glared. It was too late to suppress. My smile wafted over to Grant and slapped him squarely in the face so hard I could almost see his head whip back.

He would have loved to have stormed over here and slapped me back, but he couldn’t. My grin spread wider.

“So far?” His voice dropped low, but we could still hear him. “Close your stupid mouth, soldier. Do you want the whole compound to hear your lies?”

Too late.

The lift opened, and they entered. Grant turned to face us, his expression muddled. Smiling one second, menace the next. His world was changing without his authority, and it had unearthed him, roots bare and begging for water.

My face stayed the same, a grin slung ear to ear.

It was working. My idea, my plan, was working.

And even if I couldn’t see it, I could feel its effect rolling over us like a wave, flooding the Superiors’ compound and bringing their worst fears to the surface like lost treasures.

JOSEPH

The problem is, I can’t die. I can’t let my feelings win. I have my son to get back to. I have to make sure Rosa’s plans go ahead. I have to rise above the bodies. There are no choices that are my own now.

My dressings peeled back to reveal a scarred, scabby chest. But I was whole. I would heal. Physically anyway. There was no infection, just a lot of deep scratches. They would still hurt but getting up and moving was the best thing for my body. And my mind. Now I could get away.

“Looks good, Joe,” Elise said, shaking her pixie hair. “You’ve healed surprisingly well.”

“I always was a high achiever,” I quipped. She laughed. She seemed nice enough, and I thought maybe I should give her a chance.

Rash sniggered near the cave opening. “Yeah, a high-achieving asshole.”

I ignored him because I was in a better mood today. I stood up and rotated my torso, stretching.

“What’s his problem?” Elise asked, narrowing her eyes in his direction.

I lied. “He’s not a morning person.”

Rash snorted and spat on the ground by his feet.

Gus gathered the group in the entrance and said, “We need to vote on Elise’s suggestion. Who is in favor of detonating the bomb first, then playing the video near the outer wall of the compound?”

Almost every hand shot up except Gus’s. He shook his head. “I think it’s unwise but majority rules.”

Matt and a Spider would head down to Radiata soon. It would be a slow, steep descent over loose gravel. They donned grey camouflage over their jackets.

I stood and tugged the grey plastic over Matt’s pack to cover it properly. “Be careful,” I said, not that it meant anything really. Everything we did was pretty far onto the opposite side of careful.

They left us mid-morning. We packed our gear, ready to run if we needed, and waited in the cave entrance for the explosion.

I couldn’t see them, which was a good sign. The clouds were forming a gang over Radiata and the mountain. It had started to rain icy sleet that forced you to be alert.

After a lunch of more straggly birds Gus caught, we all went to our respective corners. I slammed a few things into a pack. I wanted to find a good spot to watch the show where I could be alone.

“I’m just heading up behind the cave, Gus.” I waved as I stepped out of the entrance. Gus acknowledged me with a nod and a spit on the ground as he picked a feather from between his teeth. I laughed inside—that would have made Rosa giggle.

Desh’s head poked up. “You want company?”

I smiled at him. “No thanks.” The anger was easing now. I could see him for the friend and father he was. None of this was his fault. But I needed to be alone with her.

I stepped out, and the cold hit me with a blast. It felt good on my sore, itchy chest. Behind the cave were the remnants of a large landslide. Giant boulders leaned against each other, wedged in and hopefully stable. I pushed on them. Solid. So I started climbing.

My muscles were remembering what they were for. They flexed and burned as I heaved myself up, as I skidded on the loose stones and caught myself.

What are you doing now? Are you thinking of me?

I pulled myself to the crest of a large boulder that was split in half with one part lower than the other, making a perfect seat. The rain had eased but the clouds hung around, which was perfect. It would make her image clearer.

I sat back with my knees up and rested my arms across, hanging my head between my legs. I listened to my breathing. Fog poured from my mouth and joined the air.

Somewhere, Orry was probably being laid down to sleep. He would fight it. Like his mother. I reassured myself Alexei would be watchful over both the boys. Pietre and Careen would be doing their best. But it should have been us, Rosa and me.

I sighed and my back fell deeper against the rock. I wanted to blame her for our distance, but we made the decision together this time.

The sun was sinking below the level of the mountain now. Sunset lit up the clouds in a brilliant, bursting way. Violent strokes of red slashed through the purples, like internal bleeding under a bruise.

The sun fell and the lights flickered on.

I searched for movement, but I could see none. My eyes squinted and strained, staring at the side of the concrete wall. Smooth, dull, and perfectly curved.

A puff of dust pushed out from the wall like a hard cough. A few moments later, a small, popping sound followed.

Then sirens wailed thinly as if mildly displeased. The only indication of how serious the situation was seemed to be the way all the lights swung around to focus on the explosion site.

The screen opened in the sky minutes later like daylight had cut through the night accidentally. The clouds were the perfect backdrop for the show. I waited, barely breathing, as the video began.

I didn’t notice Elise until she sat down with a thump next to me. “Great view,” she said breathlessly, pulling her sleeves over her hands.

I wondered why she’d followed me up here, but I tried to hide my annoyance.

“Yes, it is,” I replied absently. We were silent as the video played through.

She started talking just as Rosa appeared in the lines of pregnant girls. “How are you feeling? Should I check…?”

“Sh…” I said, putting my hand up to her face.

She crossed her arms over her chest and pouted like a child. “That was really rude,” she muttered.

I groaned, pulling my hair back with my hands and froze, my hands fixed over my head. There she was. I stared into the clouds, trying to will them closer.

“Rosa,” I whispered before I could stop myself. She blinked back at me, sad, disappointed.
How could you leave me?
she seemed to say.

“I’m sorry,” I told the clouds and the image of her from two years ago.
That
Rosa loved a different Joseph. I tried not to think about the Rosa of now and what was happening to her at this exact moment, because my mind conjured horrible things.

Elise played with her fingers. “It’s ok… you’re obviously stressed about something.”

“What? No.” I wasn’t talking to her.

God, she sounded like a doctor when she talked.

“Wow, look at that girl with heterochromia. Amazing eyes. She’s beautiful.” Elise said, pointing in the sky.

You don’t even know.

I should have told her,
that’s Rosa
, but I didn’t. I was hoarding her memory. I didn’t want to share it with anyone.

The image faded.

She was gone.

This was torture.