Fucking ledgers! I hated them!
My head was pounding. Rubbing my temples, I wished I could leave. This had already taken way longer than I’d planned. One by one the staff had come to me. What I thought would be a quick introduction ended up as a list of demands. It was one thing after another: a cracked mirror in the women’s restroom; a squeaky board behind the bar; new waitress uniforms, and the list went on and on.
How the hell they had managed before I came was a fucking mystery.
It was almost six, so I shoved my chair away from the desk and stood.
I’d had enough of this shit for one day.
There was still the task of inventory, but I didn’t give a damn. I was going home; home to Miley and Sierra. In a couple of hours I’d return to start on the rest. I wanted to hurry and get everything squared away so I could spend my time making sure Miley and Sierra were safe. There was also the little order of business of tracking down Ryder Blade. I had a score to settle with him.
A knock at the door had me lifting my head.
Fuck, it was Cecil.
His big hulking frame blocked the doorway. “What do you need, Cecil?”
“We need to talk.” From the tone of his voice I could sense whatever he felt he had to say was serious. I motioned for him to take a chair and walked around to lean against the corner of the desk. I rubbed my temples again. My head was throbbing and Cecil glaring at me didn’t help.
“So talk.”
He crossed his bulging forearms over his massively wide chest. It was as plain as the nose on my face that Cecil didn’t care for me, not one damn bit.
Well, woopity fucking doo, I didn’t give a rat’s ass as to whether he liked me or not. It didn’t matter. I was still his boss.
“You want to take a seat?”
“No,” he said and after a moment of silence, whatever little patience I’d had left disappeared.
“Have you ever heard of the old saying, shit or get off the pot?” I asked him, and his eyes narrowed menacingly.
“I’ll make this short and sweet,” he growled. “If you hurt Miley, I will hurt you.”
Who the hell did he think he was coming into my office and threatening me?
“You need to back down, Cecil. This is none of your concern.”
“You heard what I said,” he taunted and then turned and walked away without giving me a chance to reply.
My blood boiled. I pushed away from the desk going after him. The sound of her name coming from his mouth was enough to make me want to knock him flat on his ass. He was already half way up the hallway. For a big man, he could get the hell out of Dodge when he wanted to.
“Cecil!” I barked. He paused and turned around to face me. With anger fueling my steps, I walked up the hall toward him. We stood toe to toe, and I looked him square in the eyes
.
I didn’t take any shit off anyone, especially not the likes of him.
“If and when there is ever anything between myself and Miley, that’s our business. None of yours, do you understand? And don’t you ever disrespect me again in my place of business, or you’ll find yourself on your ass and out of a job.”
He started to speak but must have thought better because his big mouth snapped shut. His eyes flashed angrily as he nodded his head and then disappeared into the kitchen. In the end, I may take an ass beating, but I’d be damned if I’d let that overgrown jackass come into my office and threaten me.
When I walked out front, Maggie was at the bar and glanced my way. Maggie was in her late thirties, a single mom raising two kids. She’d seemed nice enough when I’d met her earlier. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours,” I told her. She nodded and then returned to pouring the drink.
I needed to get away from The Eight Ball… to cool off and go home. Since I’d left the house, there had been no word from Miley. She hadn’t called the bar, and it made me uneasy. In my haste to take care of everything, I’d forgotten to ask for her phone number. A couple of hours ago I’d spoken with the Sheriff, and he’d assured me a patrol car was in the area. He’d said a deputy had even stopped by the house earlier. Silently, I wondered what Miley had thought about that. I bet she hadn’t liked it one bit. She still needed to press charges against Ryder. I was going to try my best to convince her to do just that.
During the drive home, the conversation or lack of one I’d had with Cecil was stuck on repeat playing over and over in my mind.
What was his deal anyway? I couldn’t figure him out.
Cecil was clearly overly protective, and I planned on discussing this with Miley as soon as possible. Cecil could either cool his heels or he’d find another place to work. End of story. Bottom line.
The sun had begun to set. The sky overhead was a muted dusky pink with violet streaks accompanied by shades of blue. When I pulled up into the driveway and parked in front of the house, a sense of calm settled over me. The welcoming signs of light shone from the windows, and for the first time in a long time, there was a sense of home… of belonging. Never mind that I was right back in the one place I’d sworn I’d never step foot in again, and, even though Miley’s situation was only temporary, it was nice to know that inside that house there were people waiting for me.
The sound of Hank’s barking had my lips curving into a grin. Despite all the shit that had happened today, I was glad to be sitting outside this old house on Hawk Mountain. When I stuck my key in the front door lock, it swung open and I found myself face to face with Miley. She was wearing a bathrobe that hit her above the knees, and I wondered to myself if she was naked underneath.
Hell, I couldn’t help it.
“I was getting ready to take a bath.”
A sudden image of her all soapy and wet came to mind. I could only imagine that the real thing would far exceed any fantasies I may have.
Leave it to Hank to ruin the moment.
He darted around Miley’s legs and barreled into me head first. After I dutifully scratched his ears and belly, he jumped from the porch and sprinted out into the yard.
Poor guy had probably been dying to piss. I’d bet she’d forgotten to let him out.
Sierra appeared behind Miley gazing curiously up at me. The pink gown she wore fell almost to her ankles. Her toenails were painted the same shade of pink as Miley’s. There was the smell of something wonderful lingering in the air, and my stomach chose that precise moment to loudly growl.
“Welcome home,” Miley said with a giggle as she moved aside allowing me to enter the house. “Sierra and I cooked dinner.”
“You two have been busy.” Sierra took me by surprise when she handed me a piece of folded up construction paper she’d had hidden behind her back.
“She wouldn’t let me see it,” Miley explained and then yelled for Hank, who upon hearing his name, dashed across the yard like his tail was on fire. He bounded up the steps and into the house heading straight for the kitchen.
While unfolding the piece of orange construction paper, I was aware of Sierra watching my every move. I don’t know what had occurred while I was gone, but the kid seemed to be warming up to me. Maybe it was because of my dog. Inside, she’d drawn a stick figure family of three, a funny looking blob with ears and a tail whom I assumed was Hank, and a house sitting in the background.
Emotion tightened my chest. If this was my family, I would treasure them — but they weren’t, and they never could be. My family had been taken away from me, and I would never allow myself to care for anyone else ever again. I couldn’t take that chance; losing Natalie and our baby had almost destroyed me.
“Thanks,” I murmured, and fought the urge to wrap my arms around the lost looking little girl standing before me, shyly watching my every move with wide eyes.
There was no way I could ever be her father; the man whom she judged others by for the rest of her life. I just didn’t have it in me, but I would try my best while they were here to chase those shadows from her eyes… and also her mother’s. I knelt down on one knee and pointed at the smallest drawn stick figure.
“Is that you?” I asked.
She inched closer to me; her tiny hand moved to rest upon my knee as her body leaned into mine. She trusted me. It hurt to breathe and when I inhaled, there was the smell of cotton candy. I realized then that Miley must have already given Sierra her bath for the night.
“That’s Hank, you, and Mommy. That’s your house,” she explained. I lifted my gaze from the paper, a timid smile graced her lips.
I didn’t know if I could handle this.
Maybe Miley and Sierra would be better off staying with Cecil. I couldn’t save Natalie or our unborn child, so why did I think this would end up any differently?
I wasn’t anyone’s hero, but when Sierra looked up at me with those big blue eyes, I found myself wishing things were different.
Miley cleared her throat, and I shook my head to clear my thoughts and flashed Sierra a brief smile before standing. The sudden sight of that bathrobe clinging to Miley’s lush curves now held my full attention.
Holy Hell, how did I miss that?
“Are you hungry?”
“Starved.”
She appeared relieved at my answer, but the husky tone of my voice had her nervously fiddling with the belt of her robe. When I looked at her, food was the last thing on my mind. Even though it wasn’t in either of our best interest, I wanted her in my bed and beneath me.
“Mommy and me made lasagna,” Sierra stated, and at hearing her speak, I snapped out of the lustful haze I’d been under. I’d completely forgotten about the kid. This was the very reason Miley was dangerous. She was a distraction I couldn’t ignore.
“We’ve already eaten,” Miley informed me. “I didn’t know when you were coming home.”
“I’m hungry again,” Sierra announced, and I couldn’t help but chuckle. Without thinking, I ruffled her hair and, when I realized what I’d done, I quickly pulled my hand away.
Don’t get too close! Keep your distance!
I reminded myself. I really wanted to, and I needed to in order to survive. The possibility of having what little remained of my heart torn from my chest again wasn’t even an option.
“Oh shit,” Miley muttered, and darted past me and Sierra.
“Mommy said a dirty word,” Sierra informed me, just in case I had missed it.
“Where’s the fire?” I called out as she ran for the stairs with her robe flapping around her shapely legs — and what a mighty fine pair of legs they were indeed.
“Go ahead and eat. I left the damn water running!”
“Little ears!” I reminded her, and was rewarded with an obscene gesture that I would love to make into a reality.
With a chuckle, I glanced down at Sierra. Her brow was scrunched in concentration. She looked up at me and held up her hand mimicking Miley’s gesture. “What does that mean?” she asked, and I chuckled. My chest shaking with laughter.
“It’s a dirty word,” I informed her, and she yanked her hand quickly behind her back staring up at me.
“Am I in trouble?”
“Nah.” The grin on my face eased away the worried expression on hers. I ruffled her hair again and she smiled back at me. “Let’s go eat lasagna, kid. That is, if Hank hasn’t already beaten us to it.”
When Miley returned downstairs, Sierra and I were sitting at the kitchen table playing cards. She’d asked for Memory. I hadn’t had a clue what that was, but after she had explained the game to me, we’d improvised by making the best of it with the playing deck I’d kept to pass the long nights, since I didn’t own a television. My gran used to say T.V. would rot your brain. She didn’t believe in them.
Sometimes after a long day’s work, my mind refused to shut down even when my body was so bone tired that I could barely move. I’d pass the time playing solitaire while trying to distract myself from my thoughts… the ones that kept me awake long into the night. If I were lucky, I didn’t dream; or on those rare occasions when I did, I dreamt of Natalie, not the nightmares of her and that day, but flashbacks of the two of us together that played out almost like a movie, except they weren’t in black and white like the old movies Natalie had always loved.
My gaze drifted over Miley. She was so different from Natalie, and yet, I still found myself drawn to her. Her lips curved into a soft sweet smile as she stood watching us. Her damp hair was straight and brushed away from her forehead, drawing my attention to her stunning face. Her cheeks were slightly flushed, making me instantly think dirty thoughts. Her skin was glowing from her recent bath, and even though the dark shadow of a bruise resided high on her cheek and a cut marred her lip, none of that managed to detract from her beauty.
She was fucking gorgeous.
“Mommy, come play,” Sierra said, flashing Miley a smile as she held up the cards in her hand.
“You did the dishes?” Miley asked as she walked over to the table, noting the empty sink, and scooted out a chair to sit down beside Sierra.
The look of amazement on her face had me chuckling. “Yeah, who do you think does mine? I didn’t let the maid have the night off, darling.”
She shook her head and smiled at me, then she stuck out her tongue. “So, how do we play this game?”
I leaned back in my chair crossing my arms over my chest as Sierra explained the rules to Miley. Underneath the table, I could hear Hank snoring softly from the aftereffects of a full belly. The pup was a bottomless pit. He’d eaten a huge plate of lasagna right along with me and Sierra.
“Are you ready?” Sierra asked, drawing my attention back to the game.
For the next forty minutes, we’d played our own homemade version of Memory and I’d listened to the giggling of Sierra and Miley along with their playful banter. I tried to keep myself here in the present instead of drifting off and focusing on a past I couldn’t change, but the sight of the two of them together left me yearning for “
what might have been
.” Life was a cruel, heartless bitch, and she’d brought me to my knees for the last time.
This wasn’t my family, and I’d do well to remember that.
Sierra was smart, and it was hard not to feel a sense of pride whenever she’d chosen the right card then looked up to see if I was watching. When she saw that I was, she’d smile triumphantly. She was just like her mom, and it would be so easy for me to let myself drown in what they could offer; the chance for a family of my own… a chance for love… a chance to belong. I shoved those thoughts aside, instantly feeling sick to my stomach at the thought of anyone ever replacing Natalie or our child. It was better to live with the ghosts of my past than to travel that road again. It could only lead to more heartache.