The Way We Were (32 page)

Ben sang in the shower. He felt good, really good. He’d killed that surgery. He was back on top of his game. It felt wonderful. His colleagues had actually applauded when the transplant was completed. What a day. He wanted to shout from the rooftops, ‘I’m
baaaaaack
.’

He needed a drink to celebrate. The others were already over in the Swan. He’d stayed back to talk to the family and reassure them that the transplant had gone well and things were looking very positive.

Ben put on the dark blue shirt Alice had bought him for Christmas. He felt good in it. He slapped on some aftershave and headed out through the hospital’s reception area to the pub.

The air was cold against his face. He opened the door to loud chatter and laughter. Looking around, he saw a long, thin, tanned arm. Sarah was patting a stool beside her at the bar. ‘I kept this for you.’

‘Thanks.’

‘Gin and tonic, right?’ She handed him a drink.

‘You’re a wonder. Thanks, I need this.’ Ben knocked the drink back in three big gulps.

‘Whoa, steady on. You’ll be drunk soon.’

Ben pushed back his wet hair. ‘You know what? I feel like getting drunk. It’s been a good day.’

‘Sounds like a plan to me,’ Sarah said, smiling at him.

They ordered another round, then another and another. Ben felt fantastic. The drinks were giving him a nice buzz.

Sarah was good company – smart, funny, charming, flirty. He liked her. He liked her a lot.

She leant forward and laid her hand on Ben’s thigh. ‘I think I’m a little drunk.’ She giggled.

Ben smiled through his happy alcohol haze. ‘Me too.’

‘We deserved a drink, though. That was one hell of an operation. You rocked it, Ben. You were on fire today. Awesome job.’ Sarah raised her glass to clink with his.

They both drank deeply and then Sarah put her hand higher up on Ben’s thigh. It felt good, too good. Ben knew he had to move. He stood up and said he was going to pop out for a cigarette.

Sarah followed him. It was dark and they were tucked away behind some beer kegs. Ben lit his cigarette and Sarah reached in to have a puff.

As she handed the cigarette back to him, she looked into Ben’s eyes, then slowly moved towards him and kissed him. Ben didn’t resist. He closed his eyes and kissed her back. Softly at first, then more passionately. Sarah’s hand reached inside his trousers. God, it felt so good.

She leant her body against his, turning him on.

Alice, thought Ben, through his foggy haze. Alice.

‘I want you,’ Sarah whispered.

Ben groaned, and then, using every ounce of willpower in his body, he pulled away. ‘Sarah, I’m sorry.’

‘Oh, come on, don’t stop now. I’m horny as hell.’ She kissed his neck.

‘I can’t … I’m –’

‘Married. Yeah, I know. But I won’t tell anyone.’

Ben pushed her back. ‘It’s very, very tempting, but I can’t.’

Sarah put her hands on her hips and stared at him. ‘Are you kidding me? I need a cold shower now! Your wife’s a lucky woman. I hope she appreciates what she has.’

Ben smiled. ‘I’m the lucky one.’

‘Oh, please, don’t tell me how great she is. I’ll barf.’

Ben laughed.

Sarah ran a hand across his chest. ‘You’re missing out, Ben. I’m sensational in bed.’

Ben exhaled deeply. ‘I have no doubt you are. So I’m going to use every single scrap of resolve that I have to force myself to leave.’

‘I’m going to stay here and get drunker,’ Sarah said, as she walked back inside. ‘I’m sure someone else will find me irresistible.’

‘Every man in there.’

‘Except you,’ she said, shaking her head as she pulled the door open.

On the way home, Ben rang Declan. He needed to talk to him, to hear his voice.

‘You sound a bit pissed, Benji.’

‘I am.’

‘Great! You need to loosen up and have some fun. Good night?’

‘Yes, but I got into a bit of a situation with Sarah.’

‘The American anaesthetist?’

‘The very one.’

Declan whistled. ‘Kudos, mate, she is one hot bird.’

‘I know.’

‘So what was the situation?’

‘Bit of kissing and groping outside the pub.’

‘No way. Did you shag her?’

‘No. I managed to stop it going too far.’

‘Jesus, Ben, maybe you should have just shagged her. No one would have known.’

‘I’d know.’

‘You’d get over it.’

‘I love Alice.’

‘We’re not talking about love, we’re talking about sex, and you’re not getting any at home. We men have our needs.’

‘Christ, it was bloody hard to walk away. But it was the right thing to do.’

‘She really is hot.’

‘She certainly is!’ Ben said, remembering her body pressed against his.

‘Jesus, I’m horny just thinking about her. Alice is a lucky woman. You’re a better man than me.’

Ben laughed. ‘Things are better with Alice. We’re making progress, getting closer. I don’t want to mess it up.’

‘But you’re not getting any action, are you?’

‘No.’

‘You know what? Maybe you need to stop waiting for it to happen and just go for it,’ Declan suggested. ‘Birds like it when men take control.’

Ben took out his front-door key and leant against the porch. ‘You might be right.’

‘Is everything set up for Paris?’ Declan asked.

‘Yes. The girls have been wonderful. They’ve helped me plan it all. Kevin’s been great too.’

‘Good luck, mate. I’ll be thinking of you.’

‘Thanks. Better go. I’m outside the door now.’

‘Get in there and screw your wife’s brains out.’

Ben laughed and hung up. The house was quiet. It was late and the girls were in bed. He went to the bedroom. Alice wasn’t there, but he heard music from the bathroom.

Ben walked in. Alice was lying in the bath. It was dark except for the flickering light of a candle. She was leaning back, listening to music. She opened her eyes. They stared at each other, saying nothing.

Ben didn’t hesitate. He kicked off his shoes and climbed into the bath fully clothed.

‘Oh, my God, what are you doing?’ Alice gasped.

Ben pulled her to him. ‘Making love to my wife.’

They lay on the bathroom floor, side by side, their chests rising and falling with their breathing as it slowed. The tiles were wet. Ben’s soaking clothes were strewn around them.

‘Wow,’ Alice said. ‘That was –’

‘Amazing,’ Ben finished, with a grin.

‘I was going to say unexpected.’ She smiled. ‘But, yes, it was pretty amazing too.’

‘Maybe we should hang out in the bathroom more often.’ Ben kissed her shoulder.

Alice didn’t pull away. She seemed at ease for the first time. Ben wanted to punch the air. The sex had been good, really good. He hadn’t been gentle or hesitant or apologetic, he had taken complete control and Alice had responded to him as she used to, with passion. Their bodies had moved in rhythm, like the old days. It had been fantastic.

Alice sat up and reached for her robe. ‘I fancy a drink and a cigarette after that.’

‘You don’t smoke.’

‘I know, but I feel like sharing one with you tonight.’

‘Sounds good.’

‘Come on, then.’

Ben lay where he was. ‘I’ll follow you down.’

‘Okay. I’ll get the wine.’

As he watched his wife pad barefoot out of the bathroom, Ben smiled and whispered, ‘Yes!’ Declan had been right: what he’d needed to do was take control. Bring on Paris.

Jools and Rupert are doing a science project together. Nora said it’s a bit like the blind leading the blind – not in front of Jools obviously. Nora would never hurt Jools’s feelings. Even though she tells her off sometimes, she adores her.

When Daddy was away, Nora was constantly saying how great we were, but now that he’s home she’s gone back to grumbling at us, a bit more like the old days.

She said she doesn’t need to compliment us now because Daddy does it every second of every day. It’s true: he tells us how amazing we are all the time. He’s always saying how he feels so lucky to have such fantastic daughters. It’s really nice. It makes me feel brilliant inside and I know Jools loves it too, although she told him he’s not allowed to cuddle her in front of her friends because it’s just ‘not cool’ and she’s an adult now and he needs to respect that.

Jools and Rupert’s project is on ‘How to Make the World Safer’. When Daddy asked them what they were going to do, Rupert looked all pleased with himself.

‘We’re testing the safety of scrum caps.’

‘What?’ Daddy looked as surprised as I felt.

‘It was Rupert’s idea and it’s totally genius,’ Jools gushed.

‘Thanks, babe.’

‘Do you mean the scrum caps you wear when you play rugby?’ Mummy asked.

‘Totally,’ Rupert said.

‘How exactly are you going to test them?’ Daddy asked. I saw him winking at Mummy, who tried to keep a straight face.

‘Well, at first Rupert wanted to put on the different caps and run into a wall, but I thought it could be dangerous. I mean, if one of the caps wasn’t good quality, he could get concussed or brain-damaged,’ Jools said.

‘Would this be something you’ve tried before?’ Daddy asked, hiding his smile behind his coffee cup. Mummy snorted into her laptop, then pretended to cough.

‘No,’ Rupert said. ‘But I realized Jools was right and it could be dangerous. I could, like, fry my brain doing it. So we’ve decided to put watermelons into the four different types of scrum cap and drop them from Jools’s bedroom window and see which gets more smashed up.’

‘I was wondering what all the watermelons were for,’ Nora said, pointing to the four big fruits sitting on the kitchen counter. ‘I thought you were on some new mad diet.’

‘Well, it’s certainly an original concept, but I’m not sure how scientific it will be,’ Daddy said.

Jools tapped her sparkly nails on the kitchen table. ‘It’s fine, Dad. We don’t need to spend a month becoming expert scientists, staring at stuff through microscopes in pee-wee dishes. It’s just a boring project and we’ve got our idea and we’re doing it. Don’t start being all Mr Surgeon and suggesting hard things to do. Science is your thing, not ours.’

Daddy laughed. ‘I won’t interfere.’

Jools stood up. ‘Come on, Rupert, let’s go. I’ll throw them out of the window and you stand below and take videos and photos.’

‘Cool.’

‘Hold it right there, missy.’ Nora blocked their exit. ‘Who exactly is going to clean up the smashed watermelons?’

Jools and Rupert looked at each other.

‘You hadn’t thought about that, had you? Well, it’s a good thing I have a brush, a pan and mop here for you. Now, off you go.’

They left carrying watermelons and scrum caps.

‘Make sure you stand back, Rupert,’ Daddy called after them. ‘You don’t want a flying watermelon landing on your head.’

Mummy started to laugh. Daddy, Nora and I joined in. It was kind of funny. Jools is bonkers.

Daddy has been planning a big surprise for Mummy for ages. He asked Kevin, me and Jools to help. He wants it to be perfect. He’s taking her to Paris, where they went when he proposed to her. I think it’s really romantic, but I’m worried. We were all talking about it together when Mummy was out running one night, and Kevin said, ‘I’ve been thinking about it and maybe you should wait a bit and ease Alice into it.’

Daddy did not agree. ‘No, Kevin. I realize now that I’ve been too passive. I’ve spent six months tiptoeing around. It’s time for action. I need to remind her of what was and what can be. She’s in a kind of life-limbo. I want to push her out of it and back into the real world.’

‘I understand, but she might need more time, Ben. It’s been a very difficult few years for her.’

‘It hasn’t been easy for Daddy either.’ Jools sounded cross.

I didn’t say anything. My stomach hurt. I was really worried that Paris might not go well and Daddy would be so disappointed.

‘I know,’ Kevin said. ‘Ben, you’ve been brilliant since you got back. I can see how hard you’re trying to make things perfect for everyone, but Alice has had so much shock and
pain to deal with, I just think it’s going to take her longer to get back to normal.’

‘But that’s just it. I don’t want her to get back to normal. I want her to see that we have a new life, a different life – possibly a better one. I know this guy Dan was a multi-millionaire and he spoilt her and treated her like a princess, but I’m going to look after her now. I want her to see that I’m back, I’m here and I’m going to take care of things.’

‘She’s just scared. It’s hard for her to let go. She’s been looking after everything on her own,’ I said. I wanted Daddy not to rush things. He needed to give Mummy time.

‘I understand, sweetie.’ Daddy reached out and held my hand. ‘But she needs to let go if we’re to have any chance of moving forward. I love her. I love my family. I want us to be together for life. I want to be a better husband, father and friend. I know what I want to do.’

‘I admire you for it,’ Kevin said. ‘To be honest, I prefer you now. Maybe Eritrea wasn’t such a bad thing after all.’

‘Kevin!’ Jools shouted. I gasped.

Daddy threw back his head and laughed. ‘Only you would say that, Kevin. I wouldn’t go quite that far but I’ll take the compliment.’

‘I’m serious. You’re like a nicer version of yourself. I really want things to work out for you. I’m on your side, Ben. I’m rooting for you.’

‘I should think so!’ Jools said.

Daddy looked a bit emotional then. ‘Thanks, Kevin, that means a lot to me.’

Kevin took a sip of his coffee. ‘Right. Change the subject before I get all gay and weepy and you stop liking me again.’ He asked Jools about Rupert and she talked a lot about how great he is.

The conversation about Mummy made me worry. What if
Kevin’s right? What if Daddy is pushing Mummy too soon? What if she doesn’t like the trip? What if she wishes it was Dan taking her to Paris on a private jet and staying in the most expensive hotels and all that? What if it all goes wrong?

I’m scared that if it doesn’t go well, Daddy will be heartbroken. He’s put so much work and thought into it. I’m praying every night that Mummy sees … that she gets how much Daddy loves her and how much he wants her back.