The Wedding (37 page)

There was an endless pause, and then finally Sam nodded. She had no recourse, no other way to turn, and she trusted them. They were telling her that she owed it to the baby to give it up, and she believed them. The hard thing for her was that she had no one else to talk to, no one else to lean on, or cry with. She didn't want to tell her friends at school; she didn't even have a boyfriend at the moment. All she had were her parents and Allegra, and they were all telling her to give the baby up, and she knew they wanted the best thing for her, and the baby.

Allegra promised to call the attorney the next day, and Sam went to her room to lie down. She felt sick and exhausted. After she left, Blaire started to cry, and Allegra sat and consoled her. Simon looked like someone had died, and the entire house seemed to be under a pall. Even the wedding was forgotten.

Poor kid, Simon said, and then shook his head miserably. How could she be so stupid?

I'd like to kill the little sonofabitch who did it, Blaire said. Good for him he's in Japan, screwing someone else, and her whole life is ruined.

It doesn't have to be, Allegra reminded her, but her mother knew better.

She'll never forget this. She'll never forget carrying that baby and giving birth to it, and holding it, and then giving it up forever. It wasn't the same thing, but she was thinking of Paddy. Twenty-five years after his death, she still missed him. She knew she would till her dying day. And Sam would never forget the firstborn she gave up to strangers. There's just no other way to do it.

You don't think she should keep it, Mom? Allegra asked cautiously. In her own mind, she wasn't convinced that giving it up was the perfect answer. As Sam said, other people had babies at eighteen and survived it. Some of them even turned out to be decent parents.

No, I don't think she should keep it, Blaire said sadly. I think it would just be compounding the stupidity. And in today's world, where there are so many decent people dying to adopt, with all the infertility there is, I think it's wrong for her to ruin her life, and deprive someone else in the process. How is she supposed to take care of it? Take it to the dorm with her? Not go to school at all? Leave it home with me? What am I supposed to do with a baby at this point in our lives? We're too old to take care of it, and she's too young.

Allegra smiled ruefully. You haven't been reading the tabloids. Plenty of women your age are getting donor eggs and donor sperm, and in vitro and Lord only knows what else, and having babies. You're not too old, you know.

Blaire almost shuddered. Some women may be doing all that, but I'm not. I had four kids. I was fortunate. But I'm not going to bring up another baby at my age. I'd be in my seventies when it was in its teens that would definitely be enough to kill me. They all smiled ruefully, and they all agreed the best solution for all concerned was to give it up, especially for Sam's sake. She needed a clean slate, and then she could go to college in the fall and start over. It was just a shame that she couldn't go to graduation. Blaire said she'd have to go to Sam's school and discuss the situation discreetly with the headmaster. It was certainly not the first time something like it had happened. Sam was a good student, and the school year was almost over. In that way at least, she was lucky.

I'll call Suzanne Pearlman tomorrow. She's the lawyer I was talking about. We went to law school together, and I see her every once in a while. She's good at this stuff, and she is very picky about her clients. I always give her a bad time about the baby mill she runs. I never thought I'd be calling her as a client. I left her a message today, and I'll call her again tomorrow morning.

Thanks, Allie, Simon said gratefully. The sooner we can get this behind us the better. Maybe it's a blessing that she's so far along. In four months it'll be over, and she can forget it. If she ever does, Allegra thought to herself sadly.

It was after nine o'clock when she finally left them and drove back to Malibu where Jeff was waiting to hear how it had gone. He felt desperately sorry for Sam, and he looked sadly at Allegra when she told him everything that had happened.

Poor thing. She must feel like her life is about to end. What a rotten way to start out. I got a girl pregnant in college once, he said, looking miserable remembering it fifteen years later. It was awful. She got an abortion, but the whole thing was incredibly traumatic. She was Catholic, from Boston, and her parents didn't know, of course, and she practically had a nervous breakdown over it. We both ended up in counseling, and needless to say, the relationship didn't survive, but we almost didn't either. Maybe what you're doing with Sam is a better way to go. I don't think that girl I knew ever forgave herself for the abortion.

I'm not sure this is any better, Allegra said. There was a gnawing feeling deep inside her that told her it was almost worse, or that they were both too high a price to pay for a mistake. Any way she went, she would pay for it forever. I feel so sorry for her, Allegra said, and he agreed. She called her later that night and Sam sounded just awful. She said she had felt sick all night, and for once she couldn't even eat dinner. Allegra urged her to take care of herself and try to calm down. Blaire had already said she was taking her to her doctor the next day, to make sure everything was in order. There was no ignoring it anymore. Now that it was out in the open, Sam had to face the fact that she was having a baby. She was having it and giving it away, and she had to do what everyone else thought was right for her. She felt as though she had given up her life to all of them, but she didn't want to be mean to them and say so. She knew they had her best interests at heart, and all things considered, her family had been incredibly supportive, but she still felt awful.

Allegra called her attorney friend at eight o'clock the next day, and Suzanne agreed to see her at nine before her first appointment.

Don't tell me you want to adopt, Suzanne said, looking surprised when Allegra arrived at her office. She wasn't wearing a wedding ring, and Suzanne knew she wasn't married, but stranger things had happened.

No, I'm kind of at the other end of things, I'm afraid. Allegra seemed pained as she looked at her old friend. Suzanne was small and delicate, with short dark hair and a warm smile all her clients loved her. She also got great results for them, and somehow, through doctors and individuals and other attorneys she knew, babies just seemed to find her. Allegra got right to the point. My seventeen-year-old sister is pregnant.

Oh, God. I'm sorry. That's awful. What a miserable decision to have to make. Is it too late for an abortion?

Much. She found out last week, and she's five months' pregnant.

That's not unusual, you know, Suzanne explained, as they sat on the couch in her office. I guess their periods are often irregular at that age, so they never even seem to suspect until it's too late. And their bodies are in such good shape that nothing shows. I've had kids come in here at seven months, and never suspected they were pregnant. Then, of course, there's always denial. This can't be happening to me.' It can't happen on the first date,' first time, last date, whatever. She sighed. It was a business built on grief and joy; the secret of her success was knowing how to mix it. Does she want to give it up? she asked Allegra very directly.

I don't think she knows what she wants, to be honest, but she knows it's the best thing to do at her age.

Not necessarily. I've seen fifteen year olds turn into terrific mothers. And I've seen women our age give them up because they know they just can't take care of anyone else, and don't want to. What does she want? That's really the key here.

I think a part of her would probably like to keep it. That's probably sheer instinct. But I think she also knows she can't take care of it. She's willing to give it up.

But does she want to?

Does anyone? Allegra asked honestly, and Suzanne nodded. She was good at what she did, and Allegra respected her for it. She had always liked her.

Some. Some women, or even girls, just have no maternal instinct at all. Others do, but make decisions based on practical motives. That's the hard part. I'd want to talk to your sister myself, to make sure that she's committed to giving the baby up. I don't like breaking hearts here. I don't want to offer the baby to some couple who've been trying to get pregnant for ten years, and have finally figured out it won't work for them, and then have your sister, or anyone for that matter, change their mind at the last minute. It happens sometimes, and you can never completely predict how someone will feel when they see their baby, but most of the time you can tell if someone's serious about relinquishing a baby.

I honestly think she will, Allegra said sincerely. It seemed to be the only answer for her.

Why don't you bring her in to see me.

They made an appointment for later that week, and Allegra called her mother at the office. She thanked Allegra profusely for taking care of it, and then reminded her that she had to start thinking about things like a wedding dress and bridesmaids.

Oh, Mom, Allegra said, from the sublime to the ridiculous. How can you think about that now?

We have to. Thank God, the baby business will be behind us by the time you get married. The next few months are going to be a nightmare. Especially for Sam, they both agreed. Her mother wasn't even angry at her, they just felt desperately sorry for her. And then Allegra told her that she was definite, and proper or not, she did not want her father on her wedding invitation. She would agree to let him come to the wedding, if he wanted to, but not announce it. It seemed a fair compromise to both of them, and Allegra promised to go shopping for a wedding dress as soon as she got Sam squared away with the attorney.

Allegra and Sam went to see Suzanne later that week. Blaire couldn't come, she had an appointment at the network. And Sam said she'd rather go with Allegra anyway. She really liked the young attorney. They talked to each other alone for a while, while Allegra waited in the waiting room and made calls on her cellular phone. Eventually Suzanne invited her back in, and announced that Sam had decided to give the baby up for adoption. She explained some of the conditions to both of them, what would be required of her, and what some of the adopting parents would expect of her. But she also told them that Sam would have a choice as to which couple she chose. Suzanne had seven excellent couples waiting at the moment locally, one in Florida, and two in New York, all of whom were candidates she felt sure the Steinbergs would approve of. But to Sam, it was all so confusing, and Allegra noticed that her sister looked a little dazed. Emotionally, it was all too much for her. But she had no choice now, no matter how miserable it made her. She seemed resigned to giving the baby up now, and she didn't ask any more questions about what would happen if she kept it.

After she left the attorney's office, she turned the music up in Allegra's car, and she played it so loud she almost deafened them on the way home. But it was as though she didn't want to hear anything anymore. She'd had all she could stand of real life for the moment. She was on independent study now, so she no longer had to go to school. She just had to send in papers, and do her exams in a special room at school. But she had a feeling that eventually everyone would know why she'd dropped out anyway. She'd only told two of her closest friends, and she'd sworn them to secrecy. But neither of them had come to visit her all week, and no one had called, except Jimmy Mazzoleri, a boy she had known since third grade, and used to go out with, but they were just friends now. Jimmy had called a couple of times, but she hadn't returned his calls. She didn't want to talk to anyone. And Sam and Allegra were both surprised to see him standing in the driveway when they got home. He had just come by to see if she was there, and he was about to leave as Allegra pulled in to drop Sam off.

I've been calling you all week, he said plaintively. You have my science book, and they said you weren't coming back, he said, eyeing her cautiously, as Allegra watched them. They were both so young and so innocent. It was heartbreaking that Sam would have to go through so much now. And as Allegra waved and drove away, she realized they reminded her of Alan and her at that age. They seemed to have that kind of comfortable friendship that, in her case, had lasted for sixteen years.

But Sam was looking kind of cool as she answered.

I was going to send the book back to you, she explained, looking embarrassed suddenly, hoping he hadn't heard why she had dropped out of school. He was a nice boy, and she liked him, but she had no intention of telling him she was pregnant.

So what happened?

I didn't get around to it yet, she said, walking slowly back to her house as he joined her.

I don't mean the book. I mean why are you out of school for the rest of the year? She groped for an answer and then thought of a good one.

Family problems, she said; it was perfect. My parents are getting divorced. I got really depressed over it, and I have to take a lot of medication ' you know, like Prozac. My mom was afraid I might kill someone at school or something, she thinks I get pretty erratic on that stuff, and ' She had gone too far and he was smiling at her. Even he recognized her tale as nonsense.

Knock it off, will you please? You don't have to tell me why. Everyone knew, or had guessed anyway. It was the only reason anyone ever dropped out, except to go to rehab. And Sam had never been a druggie. But he didn't tell her what he suspected, and besides, she didn't look it at all, so maybe they were all wrong. Maybe she had some other kind of problem. He had just wanted to be sure that she didn't have anything really awful, like leukemia. They had all lost a friend sophomore year, and he had panicked when he heard she wasn't coming back. That was how it had started with Maria. Are you okay? That's all I wanted to know, he said gently. He'd been seeing someone for a while, but he'd always had a soft spot for Sam, and she knew it.