I hadn’t realized that the tide would be so affected even after the storm had passed, and though I was fairly certain that the shell was safe, I didn’t want to take any chances. Concerned, I started to walk even more quickly, though I tried my best not to arouse her suspicion.
“Why the rush?” she asked me.
“Am I rushing?” I answered.
She didn’t seem satisfied with my response and finally slowed down. For a little while, until I spotted the conch, at least, I walked by myself, a few steps ahead of her. When I saw the high-water marks in the sand near the shell, I knew we had time. Not a lot, but I felt myself relax a bit.
I turned to say something to Jane, unaware that she had already stopped a little ways back. She was bending toward the sand, one arm extended, and I knew exactly what she was doing. Whenever she was at the beach, Jane had a habit of looking for tiny sand dollars. The best ones, the ones she kept, were paper-thin and translucent, no larger than a fingernail.
“Come quick!” she called out without looking up. “There’s a whole bunch right here.”
The conch with the ring was twenty yards ahead of me, Jane was twenty yards behind. Finally realizing that we’d barely said more than a few words to each other since we’d been on the beach, I decided to go to Jane. When I reached her, she held up a sand dollar before me, balancing it like a contact lens on the tip of her finger.
“Look at this one.”
It was the smallest one we’d found. After handing it to me, she bent over again to start looking for more.
I joined her in the search with the intention of gradually leading her to the conch, but Jane continued to hover in the same spot no matter how far I moved away. I had to keep glancing up every few seconds to make sure the shell was still safe.
“What are you looking at?” Jane finally asked me.
“Nothing,” I said. Still, I felt compelled to look again a few moments later, and when Jane caught me, she raised an eyebrow uncertainly.
As the tide continued to rise, I realized we were running out of time. Still, Jane hovered in the same spot. She had found two more sand dollars that were even smaller than the first and she seemed to have no intention of moving. At last, not knowing what else to do, I pretended to notice the shell in the distance.
“Is that a conch?”
She looked up.
“Why don’t you go grab it?” she said. “It looks like a nice one.” I didn’t know quite what to say. After all, I wanted her to be the one to find it. By now the waves were breaking precariously close.
“Yes, it does,” I said.
“Are you going to go get it?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Maybe you should go get it.”
“Me?” She looked puzzled.
“If you want it.”
She seemed to debate a moment before shaking her head. “We’ve got lots of them at the house. No big deal.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
This was not going well. While trying to figure out what to do next, I suddenly noticed a large swell approaching the shore. Desperate—and without a word to her—I suddenly bolted from her side, surging toward the conch.
I’ve never been noted for my quickness, but on that day I moved like an athlete.
Sprinting as hard as I could, I grabbed the shell like an outfielder retrieving a baseball, moments before the wave swept over the spot. Unfortunately, the act of reaching for it left me off balance, and I tumbled to the sand, the air escaping my lungs in a loud whumph. When I stood, I did my best to look dignified as I shook the sand and water from my soaked clothing. In the distance, I could see Jane staring wide-eyed at me.
I brought the shell back and offered it to her.
“Here,” I said, breathing hard.
She was still eyeing me with a curious expression. “Thank you,” she said.
I expected her to turn it over, I suppose, or move the shell in such a way as to hear the movement of the ring inside, but she didn’t. Instead, we simply stared at each other.
“You really wanted this shell, didn’t you?” she finally said.
“Yes.”
“It’s nice.”
“Yes.”
“Thank you again.”
“You’re welcome.”
Still, she hadn’t moved it. Growing a bit anxious, I said: “Shake it.”
She seemed to study my words.
“Shake it,” she repeated.
“Yes.”
“Are you feeling okay, Wilson?”
“Yes.” I nodded in encouragement toward the shell.
“Okay,” she said slowly.
When she did, the ring fell to the sand. I immediately dropped to one knee and began looking for it. Forgetting all of what I had intended to say, I went straight to the proposal, without even the presence of mind to look up at her.
“Will you marry me?”
When we finished cleaning the kitchen, Jane went outside to stand on the deck, leaving the door cracked open as if inviting me to join her. When I went out, I saw her leaning against the rail as she had the night that Anna had broken the news of her wedding.
The sun had set, and an orange moon was rising just over the trees like a jack-o’-lantern in the sky. I saw Jane staring at it. The heat had finally broken and a breeze had picked up.
“Do you really think you’ll be able to find a caterer?” she asked.
I leaned in beside her. “I’ll do my best.”
“Oh,” she said suddenly. “Remind me to make the reservations for Joseph tomorrow. I know we can get him into Raleigh, but hopefully we can get a connection straight to New Bern.”
“I can do that,” I volunteered. “I’ll be on the phone anyway.”
“You sure?”
“It’s no big deal,” I said. On the river, I could see a boat moving past us, a black shadow with a glowing light out front.
“So what else do you and Anna have to do?” I asked.
“More than you can imagine.”
“Still?”
“Well, there’s the dress, of course. Leslie wants to go with us, and it’s probably going to take at least a couple of days.”
“For a dress?”
“She has to find the right one, and then we have to get it fitted. We talked to a seamstress this morning, and she says that she can work it in if we can get it to her by Thursday. And then, of course, there’s the reception. If there is one, I mean. A caterer is one thing, but if you can pull that off, we still need music of some kind. And we’ll need to decorate, so you’ll have to call the rental company. . . .”
As she spoke, I let out a quiet sigh. I knew I shouldn’t have been surprised, but still . . .
“So while I’m making calls tomorrow, I take it you’ll be off dress shopping, right?”
“I can’t wait.” She shivered. “Watching her try them on, seeing what she likes.
I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since she was a little girl. It’s exciting.”
“I’m sure,” I said.
She held up her thumb and forefinger in a pinching motion. “And to think that Anna was this close to not letting me do it.”
“It’s amazing how ungrateful children can be, isn’t it.” She laughed, turning her gaze toward the water again. In the background, I could hear crickets and frogs beginning their evening song, a sound that never seems to change.
“Would you like to take a walk?” I asked suddenly.
She hesitated. “Now?”
“Why not?”
“Where do you want to go?”
“Does it matter?”
Though she seemed surprised, she answered. “Not really.” A few minutes later, we were making our way around the block. The streets were empty. From the homes on either side of us, I could see lights blazing behind curtains and shadows moving around inside. Jane and I walked on the shoulder of the road, rocks and gravel crunching beneath our feet. Above us, stratus clouds stretched across the sky, making a silver band.
“Is it this quiet in the mornings?” Jane asked. “When you walk?”
I usually leave the house before six, long before she wakes.
“Sometimes. Usually there are a few joggers out. And dogs. They like to sneak up behind you and bark suddenly.”
“Good for the heart, I’ll bet.”
“It’s like an extra workout,” I agreed. “But it keeps me on my toes.”
“I should start walking again. I used to love to walk.”
“You can always join me.”
“At five-thirty? I don’t think so.”
Her tone was a mixture of playfulness and incredulity. Though my wife was once an early riser, she hadn’t been since Leslie moved out.
“This was a good idea,” she said. “It’s beautiful tonight.” “Yes, it is,” I said, looking at her. We walked in silence for a few moments before I saw Jane glance toward a house near the corner.
“Did you hear about Glenda’s stroke?”
Glenda and her husband were our neighbors, and though we didn’t move in the same social circles, we were friendly nonetheless. In New Bern, everyone seemed to know everything about everyone.
“Yes. It’s sad.”
“She’s not much older than I am.”
“I know,” I said. “I hear she’s doing better, though.” We fell back into silence for a while, until Jane suddenly asked, “Do you ever think about your mother?”
I wasn’t sure how to respond. My mother had died in an automobile accident during our second year of marriage. Though I wasn’t as close to my parents as Jane was to hers, her death came as a terrible shock. To this day, I can’t recall making the six-hour drive to Washington to be with my father.
“Sometimes.”
“When you do, what do you remember?”
“Do you remember the last time we went to visit them?” I said. “When we first walked in the door, and Mom came out of the kitchen? She was wearing a blouse with purple flowers on it, and she looked so happy to see us. She opened her arms to give us both a hug. That’s how I always remember her. It’s an image that’s never changed, kind of like a picture. She always looks the same.” Jane nodded. “I always remember my mom in her studio, with paint on her fingers.
She was painting a portrait of our family, something she’d never done, and I remember how excited she was because she was going to give it to Dad for his birthday.” She paused. “I don’t really remember the way she looked after she started getting sick. Mom had always been so expressive. I mean, she used to wave her hands when she talked, and her face was always so animated when she told a story . . . but after the Alzheimer’s set in, she changed.” She glanced over at me. “It just wasn’t the same.”
“I know,” I said.
“I worry about that sometimes,” she said in a low voice. “Getting Alzheimer’s, I mean.”
Though I too had thought about this, I said nothing.
“I can’t imagine what it would be like,” Jane went on. “To not recognize Anna or Joseph or Leslie? To have to ask their names when they came to visit like Mom used to do with me? It breaks my heart to even think about it.” I watched her silently, in the dim glow of the houselights.
“I wonder if Mom knew how bad it was going to get,” she mused. “I mean, she said she did, but I wonder if she really knew deep down that she wouldn’t recognize her children. Or even Daddy.”
“I think she knew,” I said. “That’s why they moved to Creekside.” I thought I saw her close her eyes momentarily. When she spoke again, her voice was full of frustration. “I hate it that Daddy didn’t want to come live with us after Mom died. We have plenty of room.”
I said nothing. Though I could have explained Noah’s reasons for staying at Creekside, she didn’t want to hear them. She knew them as well as I did, but unlike me, she didn’t accept them, and I knew that trying to defend Noah would only trigger an argument.
“I hate that swan,” she added.
There is a story behind the swan, but again, I said nothing.
We circled one block, then another. Some of our neighbors had already turned out their lights, and still Jane and I moved on, neither rushing nor lagging. In time I saw our house, and knowing our walk was coming to an end, I paused and looked up at the stars.
“What is it?” she asked, following my gaze.
“Are you happy, Jane?”
Her gaze focused on me. “What brought that up?”
“I was just curious.”
As I waited for her response, I wondered if she guessed the reason behind my question. It wasn’t so much that I wondered whether she was happy in general as happy with me in particular.
She stared at me for a long moment, as if trying to read my mind.
“Well, there is one thing . . .”
“Yes?”
“It’s kind of important.”
I waited as Jane drew a long breath.
“I’ll be really happy if you can find a caterer,” she confessed.
At her words, I had to laugh.
Though I offered to make a pot of decaf, Jane shook her head wearily. The two long days had caught up to her, and after yawning a second time, she told me that she was going up to bed.
I suppose I could have followed her up, but I didn’t. Instead, I watched her head up the steps, reliving our evening.
Later, when I did at last crawl into bed, I slipped under the covers and turned to face my wife. Her breathing was steady and deep, and I could see her eyelids fluttering, letting me know that she was dreaming. Of what, I wasn’t sure, but her face was peaceful, like that of a child. I stared at her, wanting and not wanting to wake her, loving her more than life itself. Despite the darkness, I could see a lock of hair lying across her cheek, and I stretched my fingers toward it. Her skin was as soft as powder, timeless in its beauty. Tucking the strand of hair behind her ear, I blinked back the tears that had mysteriously sprung to my eyes.
Chapter Eight
Jane stared at me openmouthed the following evening, purse dangling on her arm.
“You did it?”
“So it would seem,” I said nonchalantly, doing my best to make it seem as though finding a caterer had been a simple feat. Meanwhile, I’d been pacing excitedly, waiting for her to come home.