The Wedding Gift (7 page)

She was quiet for several minutes. When she spoke again, it was the most I had heard her say in a while. “Mama told me it’s so hard when they take your boy. She said you think you going to die from the pain. When they sold my brothers, Mama and me think we never go on. But like Mama said, it’s much harder when they take your girl. Belle’s father said to me, ‘If they sell me, I’m going to take care of myself. But not our girl. Do what you got to to keep them from selling her.’

“When they take your man or your son you know he’s going to get beat. But they ain’t going to do to your man or your boy what they going to do to your girl.” She rocked back and forth for a few minutes.

“After you was born, I kept going to him, not just because he told me to but because I thought, ‘It going to keep my girls with me.’ But then, he said he wasn’t going to free us and you was so sad when Mrs. Allen said you had to stop going to lessons with Miss Clarissa.

“Sarah, from now on, you know you can’t be sad when I leave you at night. You understand me? But it’s going to be worse for me this time because I hate him more than I hated him before.”

She put her arm around me and told me to close my eyes. We knelt.

“Lord, I don’t know the right way to pray, and I know that a sinner like me got no right asking you for nothing. But, Lord, please keep my girl safe.

“Lord, wherever she is, please don’t let them hurt her. Lord, bring her back and don’t punish her for my sins. And, Lord, please keep Sarah safe with me. Lord, thank you. Amen.”

We held each other then, held each other until we fell asleep a few hours before we had to rise to work the next day.

CHAPTER FOUR

THEODORA ALLEN

THEIR CLOTHES, THE BLANKET, AND A PILLOW WERE scattered on the floor. An empty bottle of wine and two glasses were on a table. I could not stop staring at them; his open hand was on the small of her back and his face rested on her shoulder. My husband and Emmeline awoke when I could not hold in a cry. When they realized that I was there, they pulled the linens over their bodies. Emmeline sat up, gripped the sheet close, and bowed her head.

“Theodora, return to your room. I will see you there shortly,” my husband said.

I stayed.

“I said…leave…now.”

My mind told me to flee, but my feet were stuck to the floor.

“Theodora, if you do not leave this moment, I will get out of this bed and escort you out.”

I managed to make my feet move and went to my bedroom, where I dismissed Dottie and sent her for Aunt Lucretia and Eliza. When they arrived I told them what had transpired. Auntie embraced me and made the same comforting noises that Mum had when I was a child and something had caused me pain. Eliza wiped the tears from my face.

“My sweet, Mr. Allen is only with her to protect you and your child,” my aunt said.

I said that I wanted to be alone.

“Are you certain, dear?”

I got in bed and closed my eyes. An hour later, I heard footsteps and my husband entered.

“Theodora, darling, look at me.”

I ignored him.

“Darling, I regret not having said this to you earlier. My mother lost two children before they were born. I do not want the same to happen to you. I promise you that, when we have our baby and you are healthy, I will return to you.”

I did not reply.

“Theodora, you are acting like a child, not like the mistress of a plantation. Please, I beg of you, answer me. Tell me that you know that I’m only doing this for you.”

I cried and he held me. He smelled of soap and cologne.

“I was going to your rooms to tell you that I felt pain in my abdomen and that I was bleeding,” I said.

“What? Did anyone send for Dr. Atlas?”

“I have sent the overseers instructions to bring the doctor.”

There was a knock on the door. It was Bessie, who said that Davis had left for town to get Dr. Atlas. My husband dismissed her and told her to sleep on a cot in the adjacent room in the event that I needed her during the night. He closed the door.

“I will sleep with you until Dr. Atlas arrives,” he said.

He got in the bed with me.

“When you are able to travel after the baby is born, we can ask your family to stay with him, and I will take you to Charleston and New York.”

I pushed him away from me. “Do you really think that because you promise me a journey that I am going to condone what you are doing, that I actually believe that you are with her for my benefit?”

“Theodora, I am the master here, not you or anyone else. I decide what is best for you and everyone on this estate. You will keep these insubordinate thoughts to yourself. If you cannot abide by my rules, when my son is born, you will leave him here and you will return to your family.”

I was silent. He put his hand on my shoulder and applied pressure.

“Do you understand me?”

“Yes, I do.”

The physician arrived at about seven in the morning, and my husband went to his apartment. Dr. Atlas, with Bessie present, performed an examination.

“Ma’am, I will speak with you and Mr. Allen when you are ready.”

“No, you will not. You will speak to me first. What is your finding?”

“Mr. Allen instructed me to speak to him first…”

“I do not care what he has said to you. If you do not tell me your conclusion now, I will have you dismissed and we will retain a physician from Montgomery or Talladega.”

“Mrs. Allen, it appears that all is normal. However, I prescribe bed rest. If Mr. Allen concurs, I will establish residence until I am assured that you are well.”

The doctor’s daily examinations made me uncomfortable, but I believed that he knew what he was doing. One day, during my afternoon nap, I felt a pain stronger than the prior time and called Bessie to run for the doctor. By the time he arrived, I had expelled two thick clots of blood. He ordered Bessie to get hot water and cloths and to tell the overseer to send for my husband, who was in the fields. Dr. Atlas said that there was nothing he could do because he had to wait for the bleeding to end before he could examine me. Cornelius came to see me that evening.

“I am worried about you. What may I do for you, darling?”

At my request, he read Keats to me until I went to sleep. When I awoke in the morning, I realized that he had stayed with me. The bleeding did not end until the next day, and when it did, I closed my eyes and said a brief prayer. Then I summoned Dr. Atlas.

“It is obvious that I have lost my child. Do you confirm that?”

“Yes, I do, Mrs. Allen.”

“Why did you not tell me before?”

“I wanted to be certain by examining you first.”

“Or perhaps you wanted to remain on retainer.”

“Madam, that is not true. I…”

“That is all that I require from you. Your services are no longer needed. Please take your leave and speak to my husband about your compensation.”

“Mrs. Allen, you are in the midst of a grave event and you are not thinking clearly….”

“My mind is functioning well, and I will not engage in further discourse with you. Good day.”

“Mrs. Allen, perhaps….”

“I said that you are dismissed, Dr. Atlas.”

When he had departed, Bessie asked if she should call for my husband.

“No. Not at this time. Mr. Allen is in the fields, and I do not want him to be disturbed. Bessie, do the field hands and servants trust Mary, the midwife?”

“Yes, ma’am. They say she never lose no babies or mothers.”

“Without telling anyone else, I want you to go to the fields and tell Mary that I need to see her. Do not tell anyone else that you are going to get her. If an overseer asks, say that we need remedies for one of the servants. Dottie can stay here with me.”

“Yes, ma’am. But, ma’am, can I say something?”

“Of course.”

“Ma’am, Miss…uh…Emmeline…everybody say she know a lot about women’s troubles. Miss…uh…Mary teach her all about medicines and such. Since it’s going to be some time before I can come back with Miss Mary, maybe you can talk to Miss Emmeline.”

Bessie was loyal and knew me at least as well as my family. With regard to my well-being, I decided to accept her counsel and to disregard my husband’s illicit conduct with Emmeline.

“Yes, Bessie, that is good thinking. Dottie can call Emmeline and you go to the fields to bring Mary.”

Emmeline arrived in about ten minutes.

“Emmeline, Bessie tells me that you know about women’s problems, that the midwife has taught you about herbal remedies.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“I have lost my child. Dr. Atlas has recommended that I take tansy to expel the rest of the blood. What do you think?”

“Ma’am, I can’t say I know nowhere as much as the doctor, and I don’t want to go against his advice.”

“I’m asking you to do so.”

“Well, ma’am, tansy is too strong. And it make your stomach sick so you don’t want to eat. You need to eat right because you lost so much blood and must get your strength back.”

“Is there something else that you think I should take?”

“Yes, a tea of black and blue cohosh.”

“Why?”

“They’re going to make you push out the rest of the blood and make your womb strong again. You take these teas, day and night, for about seven days. You take ginger tea too to calm your stomach and make you want to eat. After the seven days, you take more teas to make your womb strong again, like raspberry leaf, blue vervain, dandelion root, and rose hips.”

“Do you have those herbs?”

“Yes, ma’am. I have them dried.”

“I would like those teas, Emmeline.”

“Yes, ma’am. I’ll make them now.”

“Thank you, Emmeline.”

She curtsied and left, and Dottie helped me to wash and changed the bed linens. Emmeline returned with the teas, which I drank as soon as they cooled, and she said that she would visit me periodically. I asked Dottie to call Eliza and my aunt. When they arrived and Dottie was gone from the room, I related to them what I had done and about my conversation with Emmeline.

“Angel, do you really believe that taking counsel from her was wise?”