Authors: György Dragomán
Comrade Principal let Iron Fist borrow his car, so we went in that, and Iron Fist let me sit up front, never in my life had I sat up front in a car, but I wasn't able to enjoy it, not now, because I kept thinking more and more about Feri, and Iron Fist kept smoking the whole way, and he didn't say a thing.
School No. 16, where they were holding the competition,
wasn't far, so we got there fast, but before we got out of the car Iron Fist showed me the valve one more time, not that I was about to say anything if I could help it, and then we went into the school and out to the yard, which was decorated with pine boughs and panels of red felt with pictures and all sorts of quotations on them about the armed forces and about the nation's youth and about the Party General Secretary and about peace, and we got there just in time because the woman commander of the school's Young Pioneers was already greeting "all those assembled here today," she even gave a little speech, not that I paid much attention, no, I had my eyes on the firing positions. Judging from the blankets that had been laid out, it looked like we'd have to shoot lying down, but the targets hadn't been put out yet, and so I couldn't estimate the distance, and in the meantime the Young Pioneers commander was saying something about solidarity and peace, and then all of a sudden her speech ended and everyone saluted, and then we sang the national anthem, not only the first stanza and the last, as usual, but all the way through, I didn't even know the middle stanzas so well, they said something about some plows and, I think, some swords, but then that ended too, and then the school principal wished everyone much success, and then the competition really did begin.
First we drew lots for the weapons, all of us had to pull a number from out of a gas mask to decide which weapon we'd get to fire with and in which half, I pulled the number thirteen, but that didn't worry me because thirteen always brought me luck, besides, it now meant I'd be shooting in the second half with rifle number three. There were ten air rifles and ten ranges in all, and on purpose I didn't look to see how the person using rifle number three in the first half shot, although that would have given me an idea of how accurate that rifle was and which way it would take my hand, but I figured, what the hell, it didn't matter anyway, and so I
didn't look there at all, no, instead I just walked around the yard and took a good look at the Corner of Peace, the word
peace
was written there in a whole bunch of languages, and it also said that the world's children wanted peace, and at the top were the pictures of the Party General Secretary and the commander in chief of the armed forces, and underneath there were pictures of war heroes and generals, and a couple of pictures of tanks and airplanes and of the armed forces' May Day parade, of all those tanks and mortars and missiles passing by the grandstand, the picture of the generals seemed strange, and when I took a better look, I noticed that it had been cut to pieces and taped back together again, which was pretty obvious because of how the wall behind the generals looked, and then it occurred to me that I knew this picture because it was in the appendix at the end of our fifth-grade textbook, but back then the picture still had seven generals on it, and now there were only five, meaning two generals had disappeared from the picture, and it wasn't like I'd even heard anything about them being traitors, and in the meantime I saw that everyone had just about stood up already at their firing positions, which meant that they were done shooting and our round was coming right up, so I began moseying back there, and I noticed the teachers standing around and chatting away by the school entrance, Iron Fist was there too, he was still smoking, and he must have sensed it when I looked that way because he turned toward me and gave a smile and a wave of the hand, with the same hand that was holding the cigarette, and the whole time his other hand was in his pocket, and I knew he was holding the valve, and then all of a sudden I felt this heat surge through me, and as I stood there someone behind me said, "Horáciú," and I got really scared, but I turned around all the same and saw that it was the woman commander of the Young Pioneers, and when I noticed that she was reading my name from a sheet of paper I calmed down a bit because I figured she didn't know the real Horáciú, and so it wouldn't turn out that I wasn't really him, so I said, "Yes, that's me," and then she asked me what I'd been looking at in the Corner of Peace, and I said, "Nothing, Comrade Commander, it's just that before competitions I always look at the picture of the commander in chief of the armed forces, to bring me luck, I mean, because he's my role model," and then the commander of the Young Pioneers nodded and said, "It's just such patriotic thoughts that take the country forward on the path of peace," and then she jotted something down on a notepad and wished me much success, and I went over to my firing position and got down on the blanket.
One of the competition officials quickly handed out the three practice pellets because by then the practice targets had been set up, and I took the rifle, it was Czechoslovak, sure enough, but in really good condition, it was really easy to close, and on purpose I didn't aim for the center of the target but for the white line between the circles worth five points and six points, and as I squeezed the butt of the rifle to my shoulder, the rifle's weight was enough to calm me down, and when I aimed I didn't even need to pay attention to my breathing because everything just took care of itself, I fired the shot right when I exhaled, and when the competition officials then handed out the twelve competition pellets and gave us the practice targets to look at, I saw that every one of my shots really had gone right where I'd aimed it, so I knew I really could shoot a perfect score if I wanted, and then the other competition official set up the official targets, and I was really surprised because never before had I seen any like them, they were much bigger than plain targets, and each one looked like a human torso, and you had to aim for the left side, where the heart is, and I thought of the plastic model of the heart behind the glass, and it seemed to me that the bull's-eye, all ten points, was right between the two arteries, between the red and the blue blood vessels, and as I then took aim, somehow all I saw before me was that plastic model, and it did no good trying to aim at the circle worth six points because all I saw were those two holes, the red hole and the blue hole, and somehow it seemed like those two holes were Iron Fist's eyes, and then as I pulled the trigger for the first time, I knew the pellet would go there, right between Iron Fist's eyes, and that if I was in the Wild West, he'd drop dead just like that, and then I could also make out the tiny black hole in the middle of the bull's-eye, it looked only as big as a pinprick from where I was, but I shot there a second time, right into the circle worth ten points, and a third time and a fourth too, and even without looking at the target I knew that my every shot was there inside the bull's-eye, all ten points each time, and at the end I looked at the target, after all, and I saw that they really were all there, right beside one another, I'd shot 120 points, or 119, and as I set down the rifle I knew that meant big trouble, and I thought of the generals and I thought that Mother and I would now also disappear, and I would be removed from our class picture.
I was all dizzy when I stood up, luckily we couldn't look at the targets because I didn't want to see the shot-up bull's-eye close up, the judges took every target away immediately for evaluation, and then as we waited for the results Iron Fist came over and said all right, judging from how pale I looked he could tell I'd done what must be done. "Such is life," he said. "Smart people go with the flow," and then he reached into his pocket and took out the valve and put it in my hand, and he said, "Here, go ahead and put it away, you worked for it, you did," and as I took the valve it felt really hot, like it was burning my palm, and then the woman commander of the Young Pioneers called out, "Comrades, the results are about to be announced," and everyone went over to hear them, and when they got to our school, Iron Fist put an arm around my shoulder and just held me there like that, and I had my eyes on the mouth of the Young Pioneers commander, it was as if I saw that mouth in slow motion as it formed the words, and I didn't even hear the sound of her voice, I only read her lips saying "Sixty-three points," and I wanted to cry out, "That's a lie, that's cheating, I shot a perfect score," but that piece of metal was still heating up my hand, it felt like a real bullet, and then for some reason the names of the mountain ranges came to my mind, both the old names and the new ones, and I didn't say a thing, all I did was swallow, and meanwhile I heard them say that School No. 3 had won the shooting competition with 107 points, and then Iron Fist again pounded my back and said, "Don't be down about it now, you need to know how to lose."
E
VERY TIME
I saw my grandfather, his chest was covered with medals, he had so many that they didn't even fit on his coat, and besides the ones he wore, he had at least twice as many at home in a china cabinet where he kept his old sport-shooting trophy cups, but those medals on his chest sure did jangle when he leaned down to peck me on the cheeks. I didn't like it when he kissed me, his face was all oily from this cream he made himself, and he was always spreading it all over me too, and for days afterward I smelled that disgusting lavender smell, true, we didn't meet often to begin with, and practically never since my father was taken to the Danube Canal because my grandfather and grandmother didn't like my mother too much, they called her a screwed-up slut who couldn't get it through her head what a good world we lived in and that she was the one who made my father lose his senses, that this whole big affair with the Party was because of her, yes, he wound up at the Danube Canal because of her, and so they didn't even talk to my mother, and when they passed her on the street, even then it was like they didn't know her at all, they looked right through her and didn't even say hi, and if I was with her at such times, they were just the same with me, but twice a year I got to go visit them after all, on my birthday and my name day.
On those occasions my grandfather used to come by in his car to pick me up, he would wait for me down in front of our building in his sparkling black car, and when he saw me coming he always got out and opened the car door, but he didn't say hi and he didn't kiss me either, no, all he said was, "Do get in," and then all the way to my grandparents' place he didn't say a thing, just as if he was a genuine chauffeur, and only after we arrived and got out of the car did he say how glad he was I'd come, and only then did he peck me on the cheeks, as if the drive there didn't count, as if we'd met only there, in front of their house. My grandfather always sent the invitation a month ahead of time, and he always wrote the same words with his snaky handwriting, "I await you with love for a pleasant afternoon on the occasion of our mutual name day," that's exactly how he wrote it, he had the same name as my father and I, but I was not allowed to call him by his first name, and never Grandfather either, only Comrade Secretary, everyone except my grandmother called him that, though I think my grandfather was already retired, so he couldn't have been a secretary anyway.
That year the invitation came only two days before my name day, I was already thinking that my grandfather had forgotten all about it, but then I found the usual cream-colored envelope in our mailbox, just like always, addressed to me, and I told Mother right away and asked her if she'd let me go, and Mother broke into a sad smile and nodded the way she did when I asked her something she wasn't happy about, and she said, sure, she'd let me go, but like always, on one condition, of course it was nice of my grandfather the way he remembered me at least twice a year, and then she asked me if I still remembered what the condition was, and I nodded, and I said right away that I wasn't allowed to accept the gift I would receive, meaning I was allowed to accept it but not to keep it, I could play with it there as much as I wanted, but I'd have to give it back at the end, I couldn't bring it home because there was nothing in our home from my grandfather, and if it was up to my mother then there wouldn't ever be anything either, and then Mother said she knew how hard this was for me, that this was really a very strict rule, but once I got bigger I'd understand that it was the right thing to do, and I'd see, I'll even be glad, and of course I nodded, but I didn't say a thing because I thought of that electric train I got three years earlier for my birthday and how I wasn't able to try it out properly ever since, and I knew that Mother couldn't be right.
Mother also insisted that on these occasions I had to dress up, that no matter how hot it was, I couldn't go in plain shorts and a T-shirt, I had to get on those scratchy wool trousers she made from one of father's suits, plus a white shirt and a knit sweater and my Young Pioneers cravat, luckily I'd just grown out of those disgusting high-legged patent-leather shoes, so it was only my boots I had to shine, and I was done too when of course Mother then told me to comb my hair, but at least she didn't mat my hair down with a wet hand like the other times, and then she looked me over one more time, adjusted my cravat so it would be right in the middle, pecked me on the cheeks, and I was free to go.
Sure enough, there was that black car out front as soon as I stepped outside our apartment block, my grandfather was never late, he was always telling me that punctuality was extremely important, and as soon as he saw me he smiled, but he didn't get out of the car this time, no, he just reached back and lifted up the latch on the rear door, so I even had to open the door, but this time when I sat down inside he said, "Hey there," which really surprised me because he never said that sort of thing, he was much more formal, but as usual I said right away, "I kiss your hand, Comrade Secretary," and my grandfather nodded and started the car, and we hadn't even turned out of Long Street when he spoke again, he told me how big I'd grown since the last time he saw me, pretty soon I'd be a regular grownup, not that I knew what to say to that, only when we reached the church everyone just called Small Church did it occur to me that I should have said, "And you don't look a day older, Comrade Secretary," but by then it was too late, so instead I kept quiet, I could just barely see my grandfather's mouth in the rearview mirror, there was a little wound above his lips on one side, he must have cut himself while shaving, and it must have hurt because he licked it more than once, and through the whole ride I kept looking at his mouth because I wanted to know beforehand when he was about to say something, but my grandfather kept quiet for a long time, but when I saw him break into a grin I noticed that his mouth was exactly like Father's, and I almost told him so too, but luckily I remembered in time that I wasn't allowed to mention Father at all, and so I cupped my hand quickly over my mouth as if I'd only yawned, and then my grandfather spoke again, he said he could tell I was uneasy about talking to him the way I used to, it seemed I'd grown up, addressing him in formal terms didn't come naturally to me anymore, but I shouldn't let it get to me because before long we'd have ourselves a toast to celebrate finally being on friendly, grown-up terms. Well, that surprised me even more, and when he asked me if that would be all right, I said, "Quite all right, Comrade Secretary," but my grandfather didn't say a thing, he just frowned and shook his head. Meanwhile we drove through the main square and turned onto Heroes' Avenue, which was lined with great big trees, and finally we reached the side street where my grandparents lived.