“And your uncle? What was he like?”
She took another sip of coffee.
“Uncle Henry was a little strange. He never married. He didn’t know what to do with me, or say to me. Never had to deal with kids before, not that I was a kid, I turned eighteen after being with him a couple of months. Legally, I was an adult. I could’ve left, but I had no place to go.”
Veronica digested the information. Unwanted and unloved by his own family. Such an upbringing would affect a person right into their adulthood. Could explain why he sometimes seemed detached from emotions even while they had sex, though he obviously enjoyed it. Did a protection mechanism kick in if he felt too much? Who was she to judge? She tried to keep emotion out of this equation as well. Maybe that was a mistake. Or maybe she deluded herself, for she felt plenty here. Why deny it? Simple, she was scared to death of being hurt. Nick made it plain he wasn’t the settling down type.
“And when you were sent to jail, where was your uncle?”
Nick popped a green grape in his mouth.
“He left me there to rot and to teach me a lesson. He could’ve bailed me out; instead he left me there for six months.”
Veronica gasped, how could his uncle do that?
“I’m so sorry, Nick.”
“Tough love, he called it. There was no love involved. He contacted my parents. My father picked that moment to wash his hands of me. Mom? She sent a couple of letters. She had her own life to lead. She made it plain that this rancher wouldn’t want her jailbird son anywhere near, so there was no invite to Nebraska, not that I would’ve gone.”
Veronica laid her hand on top of his. He looked up at her, his eyes glazed with anger and hurt, it was painful for him to talk about this. Maybe she shouldn’t have brought it up, but it explained so much. It also raised new questions. Questions that were best left for another day, perhaps.
“You can ask me anything you like, Nick. Only fair.”
Nick threaded his long fingers through hers, the contact seared.
“Tell me about your marriage.”
Yow, he went right for the jugular.
“Big mistake. I used to work at a consulting firm in San Francisco. William Titus was a real estate mogul and I had been assigned to his account. He was handsome, rich, smart, and I fell for him. Before William, I had very little sexual experience. William opened up a whole new world to me. We wound up going to Las Vegas for a wild weekend. At the end of the trip, we found ourselves at one of those cheesy chapels on the strip and wound up married. I imagined myself in love, thought William felt the same, and then he sobered up. He was mortified to find we were married. His blue-blood parents wouldn’t stand for it. He told me in no uncertain terms he didn’t love me. He wanted my body, nothing more. He accused me of coercing him to the Elvis altar. The whole experience was horrible.” Veronica drew in a tight breath. “His family started divorce proceedings. They threw in a large settlement to sweeten the pot. I took it. I used some of the money to buy the bakery. The rest is in the bank. I swore from that day forward, no man would ever hurt me again.”
• • •
Nick’s thumb stilled, he stroked the top of her hand as she spoke. It explained a lot. Both of them were a pair. Hurt, damaged. Yeah, he knew he was. He didn’t like to admit it to anyone, not even himself.
“You think I’ll hurt you, don’t you?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered in a voice so soft he barely heard the words.
“Live for today, Ronnie. That’s all I can do.”
“So what are we, Nick? Are we seeing each other? A couple? Because I’ll be honest with you, what we shared last night is rare. I don’t want to walk away, I want to explore it. See where it leads. Am I afraid? Damned straight, but I’m also not a coward. I’m willing to go forward at your pace, take one day at a time, live for today as you say.”
Nick sat back in his chair and pulled his hand away.
“I don’t know if I want that — ever. A relationship.”
“In other words, you can’t pledge any kind of fidelity here, is that what you’re saying? I know about all the women, Nick. If I’m just another notch on the bedpost tell me now, so I can avoid that hurt.”
Nick’s heart clenched in his chest. “No, you’re not another notch. I never would’ve asked you to stay all night.”
Ronnie bit her lower lip. “At the bakery in the alley, after we — you were distant, cold even. You got what you wanted, you could’ve moved on, why didn’t you?”
Nick shook his head. “You want an honest answer? I don’t know. It was my original plan to walk away. I’m a cold-hearted bastard, Ronnie. No use denying it. Emotions and feelings don’t factor much into my actions, especially where sex and women are concerned. I like sex, I always have. It’s not natural for men to be faithful. It’s not the nature of the beast.”
Ronnie laughed a short, dismissive sort of laugh. “Oh, please. That’s what men say to justify their behavior. Is there another woman already?”
He noticed the slight tremble in her voice, as though she fought to keep control.
“No, Ronnie. There’s been no other woman since we hooked up. But I can’t say there never will be. I would be lying if I did, and I don’t want to lie to you, ever.”
“Yes, you’ve been honest. Then let me be honest as well. There is something between us, perhaps it’s only great sex and maybe it’s more. I’d like to find out. If you can’t pledge fidelity then neither will I.”
Nick exhaled.
Jesus
. His brain was swimming. Swirling, confused emotions enveloped him. She deserved honesty. Hell, the time had come for him to be honest with himself. He didn’t want her seeing other men. The mere thought of it made him want to pound the unknown guy into hamburger. His heart thudded in his chest just thinking about the possibility. He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. So he would lay off the women. Or try to.
“Okay, I’ll move forward, Ronnie. We will be an exclusive couple — for now. But I can’t be rushed or smothered. Can you let me move at my own pace here?”
Ronnie stood, and kissed him gently on the forehead.
“That’s fine. I’m in no rush either. You decide when you want us to see each other again. You better take me home.”
Suddenly, the thought of her leaving squeezed his heart, which felt strange because only an hour ago he wanted her the hell out of here.
“Don’t you want to finish your coffee? Talk a little more? I don’t have to open until noon. Stay, Ronnie.”
She cocked her head at him, her hand on her hip. “Are you sure? I don’t want to smother you.”
He laughed and pointed to the chair. “Sit down, relax. You know, that took guts what you did. Quit your cushy corporate job, move back home, and start a business in this economy.”
Ronnie sat. “Yes, I suppose it did. I always loved baking bread and rolls. Never do I feel more at peace than when I am up to my elbows in flour and dough. I’m creating something. God, it’s such a rush. I’ve had more satisfaction in my work the last two weeks than I did the whole eight years at Byant Consulting.”
Nick reached for another cinnamon bun.
“I know what you mean about being at peace. That’s how I feel when I ride my bike. Was it a well paying job?”
Ronnie tucked her leg up and took another sip of coffee. “I walked away from big money. But I suppose I wanted to distance myself from William Titus and the hurt and humiliation. Besides, I never intended to stay in California. I went out to university there with every intention of coming back after I graduated, but the job opportunity came up. The position was too good to pass up,” she sighed. “The years got away from me, then Dad passed — and Mom moved to Florida to live with her older sister. I just put it off, didn’t want to face the fact Dad was gone. I still can’t believe it.”
A tear trailed down her flushed cheek. Nick took her hand.
“I was at the funeral.”
Her head snapped up. “You were?”
“I figured you didn’t know who I was so I paid my respects from a distance. I saw how devastated you and your whole family were. I’m sorry.” He leaned forward and brought her trembling hand to his lips and kissed it tenderly. “You loved him very much, didn’t you?”
“Yes,” Ronnie sobbed. Tears were flowing freely now. “I’m truly sorry you never knew that kind of love. My father was everything to me. He was my hero. I miss him so much.”
Nick’s heart clenched once again. Damn, the feelings and emotions roaring through him were staggering. He stood and walked to Ronnie. Lifting her up, he then sat her in his lap. His thumbs brushed away the wayward tears.
“No, I’ve never known that kind of love. But I’m glad you have. You’ve wonderful memories, cherish them. It’s rare.”
Ronnie slipped her arm around his neck and buried her face in his naked chest. She sniffled, the crying slowed to muffled hiccups.
“Have you ever been in love Nick? Or loved anyone at all?”
He didn’t answer for many minutes. She’d ripped open his heart. He could shut down as he always did when talking or thinking about emotions. But with her, he found he didn’t want to, at least not in this moment.
“Once — long ago,” he whispered. He took a tendril of her hair and absently played with it and then pushed it gently behind her ear. “A woman took pity on a boy who was starving for love and affection. She was four years older than me. I thought her attention meant she loved me. When she threw me aside, I was devastated. I thought my life was over. The feelings were intense as only a first love can be. That’s when I drove off and got in trouble.”
“The bar fight? Jail?”
“Yeah. It all stemmed from that. Just another rejection. You think I would’ve been used to it. But, it was the sex. Like what you described with William Titus. So intense, I thought I was in love. I haven’t made that mistake since.”
Ronnie cupped his cheeks and gazed at him.
“Don’t you ever think you’re not worthy of love, Nick Crocetti. You are. You’ve so much to give if only you would let yourself — feel.”
She gave him such a gentle and tender kiss. A soothing kiss that a mother would give a small boy who had scraped his knee. Her kiss deepened.
“We could — you know.” She inclined her head toward his bedroom.
He couldn’t, not now. Not with the way the feelings overwhelmed him. He knew if he took her to his bed he would wind up weeping in her arms. He kissed her nose.
“I’m tempted, but I’d better get dressed and take you home.”
He tried to stand, but Ronnie still had a firm hold of his face.
“You’ll call Nick, won’t you? When you’re ready?”
He smiled, or tried to. His lips felt paralyzed from her caring kiss.
“Yes, I will.”
• • •
An hour later, Veronica stood at the front entrance of her bakery as Nick roared off down Waterloo Street.
He kissed her goodbye, a deep, soul-stirring kiss of deep desire. Right, he was keeping emotion out of it. Veronica had the feeling they were both fooling themselves. What they shared last night was beyond her experience. It wasn’t just sex, as much as they might pretend otherwise. He won’t be rushed or smothered, she could live with that. She wasn’t exactly sure what she felt herself.
As she stuck the key in the door she realized they didn’t order the kilt before she left. A small sigh of disappointment blew out from her pursed lips. So much for that.
A few days passed and Nick didn’t call her, he needed the time to think. When he woke up each morning, disappointment washed through him because Ronnie wasn’t curled up next to him. He never thought he would be a cuddler, but Ronnie proved him wrong. He missed her curves and her warmth. She brought him peace, never slept as deep and as serene as he did the night she lay in his arms.
Nick didn’t know what in hell to think about any of it. He walked behind the bar to grab a couple of beers. Lorcan had returned as he had a few times this week. He found he liked the Irishman for all his blarney, he seemed intelligent and they shared a lot of interests. Lorcan was a year younger, but somehow seemed older. Nick had the feeling Lorcan had done and seen plenty.
Nick walked to the table and placed two cans of Kilkenny on it. He sat opposite Lorcan who cocked an eyebrow at him.
“Kilkenny? Why, Nick mate, thanks. You’re going to have one as well? Will wonders ever cease?”
“I’ve had it before. It’s pretty good actually. Full bodied, lush, but not overpowering.”
Lorcan laughed. “Aye, much like the Irish countryside, lush but not overpowering.”
Nick raised his can. “Or perhaps like Irish women?”
Lorcan laughed again. “Bang-on mate. Cheers.”
They both took a long swig. They’d just finished another game of pool. A Jefferson Airplane song played quietly in the background. There were only a few other guys in the bar as Wednesday was Nick’s slowest night.
“So, what brought you to Rockland?” Nick asked.
Lorcan glanced up, his blue-green eyes hardened. “I’ll be honest with you, Nick. I’m working for the De Luca’s. You know them?”
“Yeah, I’ve heard of them. Who hasn’t?”
Christ. He didn’t expect that response. The De Luca’s? Lorcan was mixed up in that? He never would’ve guessed. The alarm in his gut began to ring.
Lorcan took another drink. “My cousin Ronan and I came over with Sullivan McDermott; he’s a cousin to the De Luca’s on the mother’s side. We run the strip club outside of town, The Playpen
.
You’ve heard of it?”
Nick sucked air through his teeth. “Yeah, I’ve been there a few times. I wasn’t aware the De Luca’s owned it.”
“Apparently it’s a recent acquirement. They want to expand their legit businesses.”
“And that’s all you are in, the legit side?” Nick murmured.
“I can’t say, Nick. I’d rather not. I like you mate, for the sake of our new friendship its best not picked at, you follow?”
Nick shrugged. “Listen, I’m no innocent here. I worked for the Lucci family in Jersey for four years, so yeah, I follow. Just let me say my place is clean. I want to keep it that way, understand?”
“Fair play, mate. We understand each other.” Lorcan’s dimples danced teasingly. “Now, tell me about your wee girl. How’d the date go?”