The Widow of Saunders Creek (23 page)

I scrubbed all four of the boys’ cabins—mostly a year’s worth of dust and cobwebs and animal droppings—and moved on to the girls’, which held more of the same.

Still, I couldn’t stop my brain from wrestling with these new questions. Feelings. I wasn’t sure how I could sit across from Eli at dinner and not feel awkward now.

While I scrubbed the cabins, I tried to think of a graceful way to excuse myself. After all, Eli was still the same guy he’d been yesterday when I’d grilled for him. I didn’t want him to know how confused I was.

I’d grown so accustomed to the friendly banter and boy-next-door feeling about Eli that romance seemed like the next step, I supposed.
Again, I remembered the strength of his arms the night of the tornado. I hadn’t felt attraction that night, just the need for someone to hold me and make me feel less afraid.

Two hours into scrubbing and knocking down cobwebs, I was ready for a break. I still had more cabins to clean, but I was going to die without water at the very least. I set the broom against the wall and grabbed the bucket to dump the grimy wash water outside. I opened the door and found Eli walking up the path toward me. He looked tired himself, but he smiled and held up a couple of bottles of water and a paper plate with chunks of cantaloupe. “I thought you might be ready for a break.”

I smiled. “Perfect timing,” I said. “I was just about to head up to the chow hall for something to drink.”

“I got you covered.” He handed me a plastic fork. “Mind eating off the same plate?”

“Nope.”

We sat on the wooden floor, drank water, and ate cantaloupe, and I felt my strength returning.

I motioned to the window unit blowing cool air. “So you got air conditioners for the cabins, I noticed. They weren’t here last night.”

He nodded. “I had them, but they were stored away. I thought I’d get them out so you don’t sweat to death out here.”

“I appreciate it. Even with them, all that moving around worked up a sweat.”

“Least I can do.” He motioned to my plate. “How’s the cantaloupe?”

“Sweet. Exactly the way it’s supposed to be.” I bit into another chunk. “So, Ava’s back again.”

His expression changed from a smile to a frown in a split second. “She is? She was just here a week or so ago. It’s unusual for her to come home this often.”

“She said something about her mom being sick and she came to help out in the store. What do you mean it’s unusual for her to come home so often?”

“She just doesn’t, that’s all.” He glanced away, as though he didn’t want to talk about it. Jealousy hit me hard and fast, surprising me.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”

He expelled a breath and looked at me again.

“You’re not prying. We have a history together. Ava moved to St. Louis after we broke up for the last time. That was three years ago.” He took a swallow of his water. “I’ve seen her four or five times a year since. Usually just for quick trips. That’s why I’m surprised that she’s come back so soon. It’s a nonissue, and I doubt she’ll even come around.”

In a flash, I envisioned the two of them back together and eloping all in the span of two weeks. I shook the thought aside but didn’t like where my mind had gone.

“Tell me about her.”

He looked at me as though I’d asked for the moon.

“Or don’t.” I laughed.

“Do you want me to?”

I didn’t mention that Sam had already given me the rundown on Ava. I was curious how he saw things. “Eli, sure. Tell me about Ava.”

I braced myself as he glanced pensively toward the window. Again, I was struck by the angst I felt.

“We knew each other from the cradle, practically. There wasn’t a
lot of interaction between our families because we were churchgoers and they weren’t. Our social community was church and family. But in school she and I became friends, and friendship naturally evolved into a crush and then romance by the time we were in high school. There’s a lot of history there.”

I was a little jealous of that history, I was ashamed to admit. I wanted to know all about Eli. I wanted to know what he loved and hated. What scared him and made him laugh.

I loved Jarrod. I ached for him. Still dreamed of him, felt him in my home. He was my soul mate, and we had been torn apart way too soon. Maybe that’s why I felt so close to Eli. Because he and Jarrod had been so close all their lives. Maybe I just felt protective and cousinly toward him. But even as the thought crossed my mind, I realized that it was a defense mechanism. As much as I still missed Jarrod, I was also starting to have feelings for Eli, and I definitely didn’t want another woman waltzing in and confusing him.

I realized he was staring at me as though it was my turn to talk. He’d said something about history. I sighed a little, stretching my legs out in front of me, leaning on my hands. “I understand having history with someone. It’s nice to have someone who knows what makes you tick. Someone to talk to who gets what you’re talking about.”

I chided myself a little on the inside because that pretty much described my friendship with Eli.

He sat silently, jabbing at his cantaloupe with his fork. I allowed him his silence and nibbled on mine. Finally, his eyes clouded over with what I’d come to recognize as his troubled look, and I couldn’t keep quiet any longer.

“What’s wrong?”

Sighing, he tossed his fork onto the plate and met my gaze. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just a little worried I can’t get everything finished in time for the first set of campers.”

Somehow I felt relieved that his pensiveness wasn’t about Ava. I knew from experience that sometimes a person needs to take a break and try to stop fretting for a while. I jumped up and reached out my hand to him. “Come on,” I said decisively, giving him no chance to protest.

His large hand swallowed mine up as I yanked him to his feet. “What are we doing?”

I grinned. “You’ll see.”

I stared at the creek and realized what Corrie had in mind. I was glad I’d worn cutoffs today.

“Peel off the shirt, cowboy,” she ordered, unbuttoning her own men’s shirt to reveal a black tank top. She snatched the rope swing from the large oak tree with overhanging branches. Jarrod and I had used this tree more times than I could count. I had replaced the rope so the camp kids could have the same fun I’d experienced as a kid, but I hadn’t personally used it in years.

I grinned as Corrie wrapped her arms around the rope, backed up, and took a running leap into the water. She squealed as she flew through the air and dropped into the cool creek. I caught the rope as it swung back to my side of the creek and waited while she swam to the surface. I wouldn’t want to land on her head.

“That was great!” she hollered up at me. “Get in here. It’s perfect.”

I followed her example, creating a splash as I landed in the water. As I surfaced, she grinned. “Let’s see if you can swim with that bum leg.” She took off swimming toward the other side of the river.

“That’s not very nice,” I said.

“Don’t think playing the sympathy card is going to keep me from kicking your behind.”

I caught up to her easily and reached the bank before she did.

She hung on to the rock edge and fought for breath. “Whew! I’m out of shape.” She glanced back at the other side of the river and groaned. “I guess I’m going to have to swim all the way back.”

“Unless you want a piggyback swim.”

“Don’t tempt me.” Her breath was beginning to even out, and she pulled in a deep breath. “I might be too tired to paint any more today.”

“Wimp.”

“Wimp?” Her eyebrows rose. “You realize of course that now I’ll have to beat you across the river. No more taking it easy on you.”

“I appreciate it.”

“I can hear in your voice that you don’t believe me.” Her eyes narrowed, but humor edged her tone. “Fine, mock me, but when you’re eating my dust, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Eating your dust in the river?”

“Semantics.”

I won easily again, and by the time she crawled up to the wooden slab Pop had put in for the grandkids years ago, I had already been there a full minute. Her words came in gasps as she collapsed on the deck. “You’re not a gentleman.”

I laughed out loud. “Sorry. Competition takes the gentleman right out of me.”

“Now you tell me. I should have gotten a head start before challenging you.”

“It wouldn’t have done any good. I’ve always been the best swimmer around, bum leg or no.”

“Well, I’ll never challenge you to another race again.”

“You could probably win if we were running.”

She raised to her elbow, resting her ear against her palm. “What happened to the leg, anyway? Do you mind telling me?”

I frowned. “Jarrod never did?”

She shook her head, then gave me a cheeky grin. “This may come as a surprise to you, Eli, but most of our conversations had nothing to do with you. What do you think of that?”

I chuckled. I knew exactly why Jarrod had never told her about my leg. But how did I answer her question without telling too much? Other than one mentor whom I’d confided in, only Jarrod, me, and God knew the truth about that day.

“We were riding and decided to take a shortcut. But we didn’t realize the ridge was so soft. He passed me and my horse lost its footing.”

She frowned, and for the first time I noticed a cute spray of freckles along her cheeks. “Your horse fell on you?”

I nodded, remembering the fear and pain of that day. “We fell down a pretty deep ravine.”

“Was the horse okay?”

“It was more merciful to put him down.” I smiled. “Good thing I’m not a horse, because my leg was broken worse than his.”

“I’m sorry,” she said softly. “Yours was really bad, wasn’t it?”

“It took a few surgeries to get me to where I could get around without a wheelchair, and then I had crutches.”

“I’m confused, though. Where was Jarrod during all this?”

“Depends who you ask.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Shame scorched through me. I had never set the record straight.
Had always allowed Jarrod to be the hero. But this time, for Corrie, I wanted to say exactly how cowardly Jarrod truly had been. How impatient and cruel he could be at times. I never really understood how he could have been so selfish. But I guess I had supported him and made allowances for him just like everyone else. Even now, as much as I wanted to set the record straight—to make Jarrod look like the bad guy he had been in this instance, make myself the hero—I couldn’t do it. I wanted to be better than that. Besides, I knew his relationship with Corrie and the disciplines of army life had changed him. The final sacrifice he’d made was proof of the fact that the Jarrod I grew up resenting as much as I loved wasn’t the guy we’d buried.

“So what did you mean?” Corrie asked again. “Where was Jarrod when you were falling down the hill?”

I pushed aside the real memories and told Corrie the version Jarrod told people. “He came down and helped me get back up the ravine, then lifted me onto his horse and got me to town, where someone called an ambulance.”

She sat up slowly, her hair wet and stringy around her face. She still looked pretty. She reached for her shirt, slid it on, and lifted her hair over the collar. “What aren’t you telling me?”

I pulled at a frayed string on my shorts. “What do you mean?”

“Come on, Eli. It’s obvious there’s something you’re not saying.” She stretched her legs toward the river, allowing them to swing over the side of the deck. I enjoyed her ease with the outdoors. I was kind of surprised by it.

“If Jarrod were alive, I would tell you to ask him.”

Something flashed in her eyes, but she turned away with a laugh. “Well, he isn’t, is he? So you’ll have to do the honors.”

But I couldn’t. I’d always protected Jarrod’s reputation. I couldn’t look Corrie in the eyes and undermine her memory of him.

“Hey,” I said. “Are you getting hungry? That cantaloupe didn’t stay with me.”

“You’re avoiding the topic, I take it?”

“Sorry. Maybe we can talk about it another day.”

She shrugged. “I get it. Jarrod told me you dreamed of military service yourself until that day.”

I gave a short laugh and stood, holding my hand out for her this time. “I dreamed about it a lot longer than that day. That was just the day I knew the dream wouldn’t come true.”

I pulled her to her feet, and she stumbled against me. I drew her to me to steady her. Her lovely face was mere inches from mine. “Eli,” she said, “I’m sorry life didn’t give you what you wanted. I know Jarrod would have done anything for it to have been him instead of you that day.”

“But if it had been, he wouldn’t have been there to save all those people.”

She took in a sharp breath. “And I wouldn’t be a widow.”

The sun had set by the time Eli and I finished our meal and I drove home, exhausted from the day’s effort. Lola’s rental was there, but I knew she would still be out to dinner with Joe, so I anticipated the silence as I walked around to the deck and unlocked the back door. I considered going to bed, as soon as I stepped into the mud room and kicked off my shoes, but the art room seemed to draw me. I went to the kitchen, poured myself a glass of tea, and headed upstairs.