Authors: Iva Kenaz
Then, to my surprise, various faces emerge from the depths of the water. It reminds me of the faces in the clouds that I have seen in my dream, when I was introduced to Algíz for the first time. I ask the faces, in my mind; why are they are here and who they are.
“If one loves a place so much and wishes to stay behind
He might decide to protect it, even in the afterlife.
But the faces from your dream?
Soon you will see.”
When I reach the shore, a trodden steep path comes into the view. I look at the daunting mount above me and realise that I'm right below the Cursed Mount. Its presence is magnetic. The forested labyrinth woos me into its untamed kingdom and my head spins when I try to focus on the top. I become aware that the Mount has its own strong persona and the ancient spirit that possesses it, whispers to me in a deep mysterious tone:
“
Talitha....Talitha...
Do not be afraid
I’m showing you the way
Do not hesitate
Your life will never be the same again.”
I'm pulled in, but my fear keeps my feet stuck to the ground.
“Talitha....Talitha....
I have been waiting for you...”
I shake off the overpowering voice in my head and run off to the place where I left my clothes. I don't dare to look back at that God-forsaken mount, I decide that I shall keep my distance and never let it tempt me again. My pace slows as I struggle to make my way back home. Life and all its magnificence does not tend to amaze me now. The child-like excitement seems to have vanished with the bleak mood that has taken over me since I stumbled upon the path to the Cursed Mount.
I linger before I enter my haven, the familiar surroundings of the cave. I know that it is safe there, but I also wish I could explore the enigma of these lands some more. I catch myself wishing that I could undergo a real adventure. The vital power of new beginnings that has begun with the first scent of spring now awakes in me as well. Perhaps it's time to let go of the fear which imprisons me in my temple of solitude. The women up there can’t be dangerous. They must be nice if they have managed to establish such a harmonic unity. I pull myself together and decide to go to the mount.
*
The way to the top is rocky and the forest here is dim and quiet. The melodies of life’s diversity vanished as soon as I passed the old ruins, which most probably used to be part of the ancient village. Algíz is not by my side and neither is the voice of this mount that lured me to come here. Maybe I shouldn’t have decided on this, God knows what awaits me on the peak. I keep my pace slow, dubious, and confused by my scattered mind, when the sound of fast running shatters the tense quiet. I can’t tell whether it was an animal or a person. I linger before I set off again. Then, in a dazing hurry, someone dashes out of the bushes next to me and falls to the ground. A young girl. She could be fourteen or fifteen years-old, slender, tall, dark haired. She gets up instantly and sets off without noticing me. I remain standing on the spot, still in shock, when another woman darts out and crashes into me. I stagger and finally fall. She looks worried and as soon as she catches her breath, she says:
“I’m sorry.”
The young girl starts giggling. They seem to have been just playing, chasing each other I suppose. The woman next to me could be around thirty years old, much thinner than the girl, almost too thin I think. She has a small pointed nose, her eyes are grey and her reddish hair tied up in a roguish knot. Her head bends towards me on her emaciated neck as she helps me stand up.
“Talitha?”
I’m even more baffled.
“Yes? Hello.”
All of a sudden she hugs me, as though we were old friends. I freeze, still as a rock, taken aback by her warm-heartedness.
“We were hoping you’d come! My name is Otama and this is Rita.”
The young girl catches up with us.
“Is this the sorceress?”
Even more bemused now, I turn to the older woman with an unspoken question in my eyes. She puts up an affable smile.
“Let’s take Talitha to our camp, Rita.”
Rita grabs my hand and starts pulling me forward. I finally recover a bit and manage to shake off the awkward bashfulness. It's easy to get used to the two, for their company is naturally friendly. I come to the conclusion that these women are not to be feared and allow myself to speak.
“What were you doing before?”
“Just fooling around, Rita tends to provoke me a lot these days.”
Rita pokes me in a friendly way.
“You came at the right time, Talitha. Edana has finally found the magical mushrooms that I long to try since I have learned about their miraculous power. We have prepared a feast for tonight!”
I like that they are also interested in mushrooms. These women and I have more in common than I thought.
After a long difficult hike we finally reach the small camp that the twelve women built by the ancient cave. The dominant fire ring is surrounded by four tall pillars made of tree trunks that have been inscribed with symbols, similar to those in my cave, only the ones that are supposed to be facing up are facing down. There are many carved wood blocks as well, and other wood and rock-like seats around the fire, and variously sized wrought iron pots, bowls and spoons, and piles of branches and bark. The cave is different to mine, the stone is darker and the entrance stretches up, pointing sharply to the symbol carved above. The shape is authentic to the one above my cave, but it's facing down.
Otama guides me, explaining in a quiet, secretive tone:
“Edana told us that her ancestors used to inhabit this cave. It’s sacred to her way beyond measure. She said she has found guidance since she entered these walls.”
Rita summons us to the cave and so we follow her, although if it was up to me, I wouldn't dare, for I have a hunch that something dreadful awaits me there.
I behold a group of ten women seated around a big stone table. They are withdrawn, silently holding hands. Edana is the only one standing and the natural respect she radiates, and her concentrated stone-like face, makes me wonder whether she in fact conducts this strange contemplation, prayer or perhaps some kind of a ritual.
There are twelve simple stone-like beds along the walls, similar to the one in my cave, only they are covered with a generous layer of hay acting as blankets. The cave truly has a very strange atmosphere; it is dark, chilly and seems barren in some way, although many people live here.
Far back in the dim nooks, in the recess of the humid wall, I behold an altar-like shape. It’s empty, yet I feel that a latent presence dwells there. It has a magnetic pull and for a while it feels as if it is tempting me to come over. I would not give in to the lure though, because I sense that something repulsive and ill possesses it. I get scared. The void. It is near, I feel. Edana abruptly breaks the silence.
“Talitha! What a nice surprise!”
All the women instantly recover and scrutinise me. I become too self-aware and thus also anxious. I don’t like this cave and I don’t like these gaping faces. There is something perturbing about all this. I start to feel weak in my knees. My hands harden. Discomfort spreads all over my body. I must go outside otherwise I'm certain I will faint. And so I dash out, inhale the fresh air. As I exhale, I start to shake. I sit on the grass and cling to a nearby birch for support. It welcomes me in its comforting arms, calm, majestic and strong. My limbs feel heavy and I start to shake even more now. It’s uncontrollable, way beyond my power. Although I can’t perceive why, every part of me seems to have utterly disagreed with that cave and what lingers inside. I gaze at my hands, it feels as if they aren’t part of me anymore, they feel hard like stones. And as I keep my eyes focused on my skin, I start to comprehend the convoluted shapes it shows.
I detect the secret alphabet letters among the web of crossing lines and curves. The symbols seem to be inherent in every part of it. For some inexplicable reason, this realisation actually calms me down, and as I focus on those token marks on my body, my hands ease and become part of me again. Only now I notice that the women have assembled at my side and hover over me like birds that search through the ground. My distrust perseveres even after some of the faces smile at me. Edana touches my forehead with an amiable concern.
“Are you all right, Talitha?”
I dread telling them the truth, for it might offend them, and so I remain quiet.
“You must be overwhelmed. You’ve become too used to being alone and suddenly there are so many people around you. Do not worry, just take your time and get used to us. Whenever you feel ready and comfortable, you may come and join us.”
Edana squeezes my hand encouragingly and summons the women to their duties. Rita lingers, but finally leaves as well. I remain sitting on the ground and as I continue breathing deeply, I finally find myself adapting to the new environment. I wonder why such an uncomfortable weakness has overpowered me. Was Edana right? Am I really in shock because of the human company? I move closer to the birch trunk and settle down, seating myself in the safe, comfortable space. Then I start to observe the bustle around me. Some of the women are preparing the fire, others food. Edana and Otama meanwhile discuss something, and Rita has been talking to a woman that I haven't noticed before – she is the oldest of the group, she could be around eighty to ninety years-old and she wears a dark rag over her eyes. I suppose that she is blind.
I take an interest in a young woman who keeps to herself, like me. She is sullen, lost in her own world. Her eyes are wide open and she rocks herself back and forth, as if lulling herself to sleep. I can’t tell whether she is mad or in some sort of a trance, but she makes me both curious and nervous. I tilt my head up to the various tree crowns above me. Some of the branches have been decorated with ribbons. A festive night. I wonder why and what they are about to celebrate. Could it be just the fact that they are going to eat the magical mushrooms?
The blind woman looks in my direction and smiles. Could she also be using her inner sight, like I do sometimes? Her innocent, genuine face lures me over to talk to her and I obey. She senses me approaching and frees a space for me on the carved trunk that she has been sitting on. I notice the symbols – moons facing down, five pointed stars facing down, and again the token that protects my cave, facing down.
“Are you feeling better, child?”
“Yes, thank you.”
“Are you going to dine with us?”
“I think so. I'm wondering about the effect of the mushrooms.”
“Oh yes, the mushrooms!”
She laughs.
“Have you ever had them? ”
She touches the basket by her feet and I notice that it’s full with red and white mushrooms. She grazes at the tops lovingly as though they were her pets. Are all these women insane? These mushrooms are poisonous! Are they planning to commit a group suicide tonight?
“You're planning to eat THESE?”
“No, just have a small bite. For desert.”
She laughs again and her deep rough laughter soon becomes a cough. I comprehend that she suffers some disease.
“These red beauties are great medicine. For the mind. If used wisely. They give you lucid dreams and visions into the future.”
She starts coughing again and the cough becomes severely dry. I pat her back instinctively, without the intention. The blind lady wheezes, exhausted, and most likely also in pain.
“Oh thank you, child, thank you, but this won’t help.”
She gratefully squeezes my hand.
“You're still not used to this, are you? Don’t worry, you will learn to embrace the gifts you were born with, eventually.”
Before I even manage to ask, she answers.
“I was born with a gift too. I see into the future. At least the imminent future, the future that one has already decided on. And I envisioned that you would come here and illuminate this Mount. Like the sun. You had to go through a long sleep before you woke. And now you can see - no, almost see. There is something or someone you fear, but before you accept her, you won’t become what you're meant to be.”
She caresses my face.
“And the one that we need...”
I remain speechless, too taken aback by what she has just told me.
“...a sorceress.”
“No. You must be mistaken. I'm no sorceress.”
She just laughs again and pats my hand.
“We will see about that.”
Her last word wanes into a cough. I intend to pat her back again, but she stops my hand persistently.
“No child, I have tried everything. Otama has a healing gift as well. Nothing has helped so far. And it is because I want to keep this disease. It will allow me to pass sooner. I don't enjoy living this life any more, you see? I have witnessed enough, suffered enough. I just want to join the goddesses and gods in their eternal realms.”
I watch her with empathy, but then I notice Algíz standing close by. She looks indifferent, she appeared just to calm me down I suppose, but still, she keeps giving me the chills.
“You have powerful guides. I used to be in touch with mine, but I have lost the ability a long time ago.”
“How come?”
“Too much has happened in my life. I got bitter and angry with certain people - with the whole world. I've been trying to connect with them again, but without luck. I have been retaining my gifts though and I do feel the guardians next to me, I just can’t see them with my inner sight any longer. That is why I want to leave this world, to re-join with them fully.”
“Were you born this way?”
“Oh no, I was able to see until I was forty years-old.”
She un-wraps the cloth and reveals – two dark voids. Pain squeezes my heart, it aches to realise that she must have suffered through some horrid torture that caused her to lose her eyes.
“Let’s not talk about how it happened, dear child, each time I talk about it, I vivify the memory. And believe me, nothing hurts more than the memory.”
I spot Edana smiling at me. She seems glad that I have finally joined their company. The blind woman eventually introduces me to the twelve women and their sad stories.