Their Wicked Wedding (18 page)

“I’m sorry, but—”

“I don’t think you are,” he says. “I think you want to get rid of me again as fast as possible. You have no sense of responsibility to your own family.”

He’s not completely without a point, but at the same time, I resent that accusation. I’d do anything to protect my family, which is exactly why I’ve been so hesitant to trust this man all along. But I try to fight down my anger, to let him finish.

“You say you’re not my father, but you did exactly what he did,” Taran says. “You didn’t want to hear me, didn’t want to look at me, didn’t want to deal with me. But I’m not about to sit back and let you treat me the same way your father treated my mother.”

“I haven’t even had time to process this yet,” I say. “I didn’t know you existed. I don’t know what you expect me to—”

“I expected you to at least make some kind of amends!” he says. He tries to wriggle out of my grip, but I hold on to him. “Your whole life, you had everything you ever could have wanted. That should have been
my
life! Instead I spent most of my life struggling. My mom got fired from her job after your father knocked her up. She had to raise me on her own, doing anything she could to get by. Do you know how many times we were evicted? How many times I had to skip meals or she had to work double shifts so we could survive? Why did you get everything and I got nothing?”

It’s all I can do not to punch him again.

“I don’t have everything,” I say through gritted teeth. “I haven’t had everything for some time.”

“Oh, fuck off!” he says. “Look at your job. Your car. Your fancy fucking clothes. Look at this estate. You’re getting married in a fucking mansion! You’re in there sipping champagne and I’m out here shivering in the garden like a lunatic. He was my father, too. Why is all of this yours?”

“Is this some kind of sick joke?” I say, barely controlling my temper now. “I lost this place when my father died. I lost
everything
when he died. In the end I had to make a choice—I could spend the rest of my life moping about it like a pussy, or I could be a man and actually make something of myself.” Not that he’d believe it if he saw some of the choices I’ve made this week, but my point still stands.

“Poor you,” he scoffs. “Your life must be so hard.”

I’m about to show him how hard my fist can be, but at that moment I hear footsteps behind us. A pair of flashlight beams hit me, and beyond the light I see that Lily has led a couple of police officers out here to us.

A few minutes later, Taran Harker is in handcuffs. I expect him to argue, or even to accuse me of attacking him, but he stays silent. His expression, however, says everything. If there was ever a chance of a happy reconciliation between the two of us, it’s unlikely to happen now.

Lily takes my hand as we follow the officers back to their cruiser. She doesn’t say anything either, and her fingers are cold. But her grip is firm, and I squeeze her hand in return as I watch them take my brother off to jail.

* * *

For the second time in a year, I’m posting bail for a sibling.

This time, though, I’m partially responsible for the arrest, though I’m still not sure whether or not I feel bad about that.

Even though it’s nearly 4:00 AM, Lily is still here with me, curled up in the seat next to mine. She’s trying to stay awake, but her head keeps falling against my shoulder. I wrap my arm around her and hold her close. I’m glad she’s here, even if I hate the fact that this is happening now, on the morning of our wedding day. She should be in bed, dreaming of the promises to come, of the lifetime we’ll share.

Some way to kick off that lifetime together.

Finally, the door that leads back to the holding cells swings open, and an officer leads Taran Harker out to us. When Taran sees us, he stops dead in his tracks. I’m not sure who he thought was bailing him out, but he looks shocked.

Lily sits up and rubs her eyes. I stand and go over to Taran.

I clear my throat, trying to remember the words I’ve spent the last two hours preparing in my mind. But now that he’s standing in front of me again, my anger and confusion and shame surge forward and I’m not sure whether I meant to apologize or threaten him with more bodily harm should he ever come near this family again.

As I look at him, though, as I take in the hair and eyes and features that look so much like the ones I see in the mirror every morning, I find new words rising in my throat. Maybe these last few hours have given me the perspective I need to start accepting the very real possibility that I might be related to this man.

“Maybe we should start over,” I say carefully, holding out my hand. “I’m Calder Cunningham.”

For a moment, he stares at my outstretched hand as if I might punch him again. But he must sense my seriousness, because finally he nods and clasps it in his own.

“I’m Taran Harker,” he says, his voice just as uncertain as mine. “Nice to meet you.”

It’s strange, talking to him so calmly. But I suppose I should make the effort. We have a lot of unanswered questions between us.

“I think perhaps we might have some things to discuss,” I say after a moment. “Not today. We both could probably use a little time. But sometime in the near future.”

He’s silent for a long time.

“I’ll consider it,” he says after a moment. “But honestly, I’m not sure this family has very much to offer me. Maybe it will be better for everyone if we leave things here.”

“You have my number,” I say. I can’t bring myself to insist that he maintain communication with us. I’m not sure whether or not I ever want to see him again. After everything he said in the maze, I strongly suspect he acted out of bitterness and frustration rather than any malicious intent. There’s a reason he contacted me and not Louisa—had things been slightly different, he might have had my life. We’re so close in age and looks that it was impossible for him not to make the connection. In his eyes, I was merely the luckier version of himself.

I’m not sure how to address that issue, so I don’t. Instead, I pull my father’s handkerchief out of my pocket and hand it to him. “I thought I might return this to you.”

And that’s as much conversation as I can manage with him right now. For a moment about an hour ago, when I was at my most remorseful, I considered inviting him to the wedding, but in the end I thought better of it. Better to let our tempers simmer down for a while before we start playing family. And better to learn a little more about this man before I welcome him fully into our lives. In the meantime, if I ever believe he’s a threat to Lily or Louisa or even to Ward, I won’t hesitate to handle things as I did this night.

He seems to agree that this conversation is over.

“We’ll talk,” he says, and I’m not sure whether or not to believe him. He gives me one more nod before turning and walking toward the door. On the way, he pauses by Lily’s chair.

“Congratulations,” I hear him tell her. And then he’s gone.

Lily stands and comes over to me. Her arms go around my neck and I bury my face in her hair. Exhausted and emotionally drained as we are, neither of us can seem to do anything but hold each other right now, but it’s enough.

By the time we make it outside, there’s no sign of Taran. He must have caught a cab or a bus. The car ride back to the estate is a quiet one, but Lily keeps her hand on my thigh, and the soft caresses of her fingers through my pants are a comfort.

I don’t know what to think right now. I don’t know what to feel. But I know I’m marrying Lily today, and that’s the most important thing. Nothing will ruin that. Nothing will take it away from us.

We’ll figure out the rest as we go along.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

LILY

Morning comes too soon.

I’m regretting asking the hairdresser to get here at 10:00 AM. I manage to roll out of bed at half past nine, but one glance in the mirror reveals that I look as exhausted as I feel. I’m going to need a crap ton of concealer if I don’t want bags under my eyes in all the wedding pictures.

Calder looks even worse, but that’s because of the fighting he did last night. There’s a huge bruise on his jaw and one of his eyes is slightly puffy.

Fortunately, the answer to that comes at a quarter ‘til ten, right when I’m trying to shoo Calder out of the room so I can get ready. There’s a knock on the door, and when I open it I find Lou and Ward standing there. Lou has her dress and makeup bag with her, and she strolls right into the room, grinning as if she’s completely forgotten about the events of last night. Ward, on the other hand looks a little worse for wear. He’s sporting his own set of bruises.

For a minute, I’m worried that he and Calder will go at it again, but then he grins and holds up an ice pack.

“Apparently I’m in charge of making you presentable for this whole wedding thing,” he says to Calder.

I laugh out loud at the shocked expression on Calder’s face. But then he smiles, too.

“I’d be grateful for the assistance,” he says.

“Don’t worry,” Lou tells me. “Ward’s had lots of experiencing in making himself presentable after a fight. Plus I left him some makeup, just in case. I’m not going to let some boys ruin your wedding pictures just because they can’t control their tempers.”

I throw another glance at Ward and Calder, wondering if it’s a good idea to leave them alone—after all, they haven’t had much of a chance to talk since they beat the crap out of each other last night. They probably have plenty of shit left to resolve.

But if anything, at least judging by the way they’re behaving right now, that fight was the best thing that could have happened in their relationship. I’ve never seen them look so relaxed around each other. Maybe they just needed to throw a few punches to get things out of their system and they can go on behaving like normal adults now.

Convinced that they won’t kill each other the moment my back is turned, I shoo them out of the room so Lou and I can get ready.

The preparations go by in a blur. My hair is done up in loose curls and arranged in a cascade down my back. Lou helps me touch up my manicure and I help her do her makeup. At some point Regina brings us lunch—a huge, gorgeous salad and a bowl of fresh fruit—and pops open the first bottle of champagne. She shares a glass with me before returning to the lunch buffet Martin and his crew laid out for our guests downstairs.

When we’re finally alone again, I sit on the edge of my bed and look over at Lou. She’s on the window seat, munching away at her salad.

“How are you doing?” I ask her softly.

She looks up at me in surprise. “You mean the baby? He’s been fine. Very active today. I think he knows something exciting is going on.”

“And what about… everything else? I mean everything that happened last night?”

Her eyes drop back to her salad. “I should be asking
you
that. You had to deal with a lot more than I did.”

“But I’ve also had a few more hours to process the idea that the two of you might have a brother.”

She tilts her head to look out the window. After a moment, she says, “I have no idea what to make of it. It’s just so… ridiculous that I’m not sure it’s even sunk in yet. Maybe it won’t sink in until after we know for sure that he’s related to us.” She sets her fork down in her bowl. “It’s creepy to think he was out in the maze all week, though. Ward called the security company right when we got up this morning.”

“That’s probably a good idea.” I take a long sip of my champagne.

“Lily?” she says.

“Hm?”

“Do you think Calder’s going to be okay? With everything?”

I think back to last night, to the way we clung to each other after we finally stumbled to bed. We didn’t make love. We just held each other. And though I know we were both exhausted, we stayed awake for some time, just touching and comforting each other. I cried, I was so grateful just to be in his arms. And though Calder never made a sound, I felt tears on his cheeks as well. It was heartbreaking and beautiful and I’ve never felt closer to him.

I found peace in my dreams. And when we got up this morning, in spite of the fact that I’m sure he felt as drained as I did, the look in his eyes when he kissed me told me he found some peace in his as well.

“Yes,” I tell her. “I think he’s going to be okay. And if he isn’t… well, I plan on spending the rest of my life helping him heal.”

She smiles and nods at my response, apparently satisfied. “Good.”

* * *

In a few minutes, I’ll be Lily Cunningham.

I take a deep breath. My hands are sweaty, but I have nowhere to wipe them. I readjust my grip on my bouquet of lilies and pray that they don’t slip out of my fingers as I walk down the aisle.

My dad shifts his weight from foot to foot beside me. He looks as nervous as I feel—maybe more so. But when he turns and meets my gaze, his eyes sparkle. And he smiles as he slips his arm through mine.

“Are you ready?” I ask him.

He chuckles. “I think
I
am supposed to ask
you
that.”

I’m ready. I’ve never been more ready for anything. We’re standing behind a row of hedges, just out of sight of our guests and the altar, but I can hear everything-- the swell of the string quartet’s song, the rustle of people shifting in their seats, and the soft murmur of voices. I tighten my grip once again on the bouquet.

I close my eyes and tilt my head back, smiling up at the sun. The weather is beautiful today, just as I hoped it would be. The air smells like spring.

The breeze teases the loose strands of hair around my face and dances through the gauzy folds of my veil.

As the strings transition into the familiar bridal march, my heart quickens.

It’s time. I’m getting married.

Dad’s hand tightens on my elbow and he gives me one more smile. I take one more deep breath.

Everyone is on their feet by the time we come into view, so I don’t see the altar until Dad and I are standing at the top of the aisle.

And then all I see is Calder.

I’ve seen him in a tuxedo before. I’ve seen him with a black bow tie and his hair smoothed down and his shoes polished to perfection. I’ve seen him look at me like I’m the most beautiful, precious thing in the world. But today is different.

His eyes lock on mine. And in those eyes I see everything—every memory we’ve ever created. Every emotion we’ve ever shared. Every piece of our lives—our life. Then. Now. And forever.

I’m not aware of walking down the aisle. But I must move. I must let Dad lead me between the rows of smiling family and friends. I must manage to hold on to the lilies in my hands. Because suddenly I’m in front of him. Suddenly we’re only a couple of feet away from each other, and his eyes are boring deep, deep into me, as deep as they’ve ever been.

And then I’m forced to look away—because my dad is kissing me on the cheek. I hug him. Kiss him. Lou takes my bouquet from me, and Dad passes my hand to Calder. Warm, loving fingers encompass my own, and a shock runs through me. Our bodies know what this day means. Every strand of hair on my head, every cell in my body, every finger and toe and little piece of me knows.

Our fingers are tangled together into one hand. The officiant goes through his script, and I must listen because I hear myself respond to him, hear myself laugh with our other guests at one of his jokes. But I see only Calder’s eyes, feel only his hand in mine.

At some point I realize Calder’s fingers have tightened. And that his lips are moving.

The vows.

“Lily,” he says, his voice so warm and tender it makes me melt. “When I first sat down to write these vows, I couldn’t imagine what I might say to you that I haven’t said a hundred times before. You already know that I was yours from the very first moment I saw you. You already know that your love has changed me. Saved me. You loved me when I didn’t understand what love was. Some might say you loved me when I didn’t deserve it.”

He pauses, and his fingers twist slightly in mine, but he never breaks my gaze.

“I’ve told you before that you’ve made me into a better man. One who isn’t afraid to love, or to hope. One who tries every day to deserve you.” He swallows. “The truth is, I’ll never deserve you.”

My heart stops.

“I’ll never be worthy of the love you’ve shown me. I’ve promised you before that I’ll spend my whole life trying, and that promise remains. But if our time together has taught me anything, it’s that I still have a long way to go. And so I’d like to add a few new promises to that list.

“The first promise is this—that you are now, and will forever be, the most important thing in my life. No matter what mistakes I make, whatever foolish things I say or do, I will always love you. I’ll love you when you look at me the way you’re looking at me now, like I’m the only person in your entire world—and I’ll also love you when you’re so angry with me that you can’t bear to look at me at all. I’ll love you when you hate me. When you can’t stand to be in the same room with me. No matter what, you’ll still have my whole heart.”

His words are so beautiful that tears fill my eyes. I blink them back, determined not to cry.

“But this isn’t just about my feelings,” Calder continues, “or what I deserve or don’t deserve. Or even about how much I love you. My second promise is this: that my life is yours. This life is no longer just about me, about my dreams and desires and needs. It’s about
us.
About the things we share. The ways we can make each other stronger. The pleasures we create together. What we have is deeper than love. It’s a connection I never thought possible. And I promise I will spend the rest of my life nurturing it. You aren’t my other half. You’re my whole life.”

I can hardly breathe. But I squeeze his hand, and his smile—already so bright—deepens.

And now it’s my turn.

It takes me a minute to find my voice.

“I thought I knew what love was before you, but I was wrong,” I say. “Love is… beautiful and terrifying and horrible and… the most wonderful thing I’ve ever known.” For a moment, I lose myself in his eyes again, but then I remember myself and go on. “Since I met you… I’ve never laughed as much. I’ve never cried as much. I’ve never been as angry as I’ve been at you, and I’ve never been as happy as I am when I’m by your side. Sometimes I think I never experienced any of those emotions at all until I met you.”

I smile at him, and the look on his face is everything.

“I want to spend the rest of my life experiencing those emotions with you,” I say. “Every single one.”

The vows I prepared went on from here, but after everything he said to me a moment ago, I find new words falling from my lips.

“I hope you love being angry with me as much as I love being angry with you, because I promise to make you experience all of those emotions, too,” I say. I’m vaguely aware of our guests laughing in response to this, but it’s Calder’s laugh, Calder’s smile, that lights up my world. I go on. “And when I do make you angry, I promise I’ll do everything in my power to make you deliriously happy again.”

The tears are swelling once more, but I try to blink them away. I want to at least get through this part before breaking down.

“I promise to love you no matter what. To stumble through this adventure of a life with my hand in yours. To give you my trust. My hope. My forgiveness. And my passion. Once, you told me I was your
everything.
Now it’s my chance to tell you the same. You’re everything to me, Calder. Everything.” The last word is so quiet that I don’t think anyone hears it but him. But he’s the only one who matters in this moment. And he’s staring back as if he believes the same thing about me right now.

The officiant is talking again, but my eyes are still glued to Calder. It’s not until Calder shifts and turns toward Ward behind him that I realize it’s time to exchange the rings. We’re forced to let go of each other, but I don’t even mind because the next moment he has my left hand in his grip and he’s sliding my wedding band down my finger. I don’t look at the ring. It’s enough to feel that warm circle of metal against my skin. I just keep looking in his eyes, which are dark with desire and with love.

Then it’s my turn to do the same thing for him. I have to break his gaze, but it’s just for a second. Just long enough to take the ring and get it around the tip of his finger. Once I’m sure it’s in the right place, I look up at him again, and I watch his expression change as I slide the band down his finger. His eyes gleam and his devilish smile deepens at the corners.

The rest of the ceremony is a blur. I’m not even convinced I hear the officiant say “man and wife.” But Calder’s suddenly pulling me toward him, tilting my face up, lowering his mouth to mine. When his lips meet mine, all the emotion I’ve barely been keeping in check rushes to the surface. I grab at the lapels of his tux as my knees nearly collapse beneath me. I gasp against his lips, so overwhelmed by happiness and love that I can’t do anything but hold on for dear life. The tears I’ve been holding back finally fall down my cheeks.