Since Raw Ink had free tickets, Dex and Emmy had also come out to see the event. It was drizzling and gloomy, lending to the uncomfortable feeling in my chest, and I was glad that Dex had given me a lift.
I had tried to reach out to him the last couple of weeks. Apparently his brother had gotten in an accident involving a drunk driver and that seemed to have finally woken his ass up.
Oliver had given him a couple of days off to visit his family and he came back more sober than ever. He seemed alert and clearheaded and even though I wished it had been caused by better circumstances, I was glad that he’d had a wake-up call of sorts.
The arena was crowded and as we took our seats, I looked around for Jude, who was meeting me there. He was standing in the back row behind a skateboarder who was probably a decade older than him. He was completely focused on the bowl, watching the warm-ups as competitors donned their helmets and elbow and knee pads.
This sport attracted all kinds, so it was amazing to see dudes older than me spinning alongside teenagers in the concrete enclosure. Lean bodies, muscled calves—no matter the age, all of these skaters were physically fit and up to the task.
“You see him?” Emmy asked.
“Yeah,” I said keeping my hand low as I pointed to the far end of the tent.
“Lots of cute guys,” she said, looking around dreamily. Even though she was into Tristan, Emmy wasn’t dead. Even I could recognize that the guys were hot. Still, the hottest guy here was standing clear across the room and I hoped he’d make his way over here soon.
“Definitely some hard bodies,” I said.
“But you only have eyes for one man.”
As if he’d heard her, Jude looked up; his eyes met mine and softened.
I didn’t raise my hand to wave, only tipped my chin because I knew Jude didn’t like to draw attention to himself in public. I noticed how his eyes darted around the arena looking for signs of trouble.
“And he only has eyes for Cory,” Emmy said, sighing.
I smiled despite my nerves because it was nice to hear.
As Jude headed toward us in the stands, I studied the arena corner to corner, my neck prickling with watchfulness. Thing was, plenty of people can appear suspicious for perfectly common reasons. I didn’t really know what to look for, but I sure as hell wanted to keep Jude safe, so I kept my eyes peeled for anything out of the ordinary.
Jude sat down and threw a wave to Emmy and Dex on the other side of me. This was the perfect setup, given Jude’s vigilance. It made it seem like he’d run into some friends. I felt the heat from his thigh briefly pressing against mine and I had the urge to link our fingers together.
Before we knew it, the competition was under way. It was really cool to watch. The sport had rabid fans and they collectively held their breath and cheered for their favorites. The skaters performed impressive twists along the walls as well as in the air, some of which appeared gravity defying.
“This guy’s going to perform that trick I was telling you about,” Jude said. “He’s quite brilliant.” The skater seemed flawless in the bowl, and as he performed his three-sixty stunt by hanging upside down, the hairs on my arms stood at attention as I waited for him to fall back down to earth.
The crowd went wild afterward, jumping to their feet and clapping for him. When he was finished, he simply nodded and waved to the stands, before returning to the bench with the other skaters.
“Damn,” Dex said, still on his feet. “That was way cool.”
“That guy was amazing,” Emmy said in an awed voice. “Do you know him, Jude?”
“No. Only heard of him,” he said, a bit of wonder in his eyes, and I couldn’t rip my gaze from my beautiful skater boy even if I tried. I could only hope that one day he’d get his chance to perform his stunts and reach any goals he’d dreamt of, even if they were death defying.
As the next skater approached the lip, Jude’s entire body tensed.
“Holy fuck,” Jude whispered to himself as the skater held his board firmly and had his helmet securely in place, awaiting the signal.
I turned and studied the guy, who was short with a wiry stature. His face was so attractive, with long eyelashes and full lips, that he almost looked feminine.
Jude had turned ashen and his movements were jerky as his gaze stole toward the exit.
“I have to go. Will explain later,” he grunted as soon as the skater began his time in the bowl. “Stay right here. Do not follow.”
What the hell was going on? Were they old friends from another life? My stomach churned as I watched Jude’s retreating form.
Dex and Emmy were enjoying the guy’s performance and weren’t even cognizant of the alarm that was sounding off in my body.
I kept looking at my phone, hoping Jude would text me that he was all right.
“What happened to Jude?” Emmy said, after the skater’s performance ended.
I tried to keep my voice steady. “He had to leave early, I guess.”
“Bummer,” Dex said, though he looked as if he didn’t quite believe me.
The skaters in the category lined up to hear how they had placed and I stood up, so filled to the brim with nervous energy that I could no longer remain seated.
Through the tent entrance, I noticed that the sun was now peeking behind the clouds. The strangest thought occurred to me in that moment. That rain or shine, the earth would still rotate on its axis without Jude. But it would be
my
center of gravity that would remain off-kilter. Permanently.
My phone finally buzzed with a text and I shakily withdrew it from my pocket.
Jude:
Sorry that I had to leave. That was him. Mateo. The guy that I told you about.
My stomach hollowed out as my eyes darted across the way. But the competition had already ended and everybody was filing out of the tent. I didn’t see Mateo anywhere.
When we got to the parking lot, I immediately spotted Smoke, who shook his head as if in a warning not to react to anything.
Jude was nowhere to be found and as we got to Dex’s car, I almost felt compelled to stay, but there was nothing I could do. I didn’t even have my bike.
Jude never responded to my text questions so as soon as Dex dropped me home, I got on my bike and rode.
I drove past his house, the marina, and then the Board Room before finally pulling into the back lot near the Hog’s Den, because I didn’t know what else to do.
The first thing I noticed was Chopper tied to the bike railing out back, and I strode toward the dog, my mind a flurry of activity. Was Jude inside or had he abandoned his dog?
“What are you doing here, boy?” I asked, kneeling down and petting his scruff.
I swallowed back my despair and fear and stormed inside the Hog’s Den heading straight for the bar.
“Should be temporary,” Vaughn said before I could get any words out. “He’ll be at the compound until Mal gets the all clear.”
My pulse skittered in my veins.
“Chopper stays with me,” he said, filling up a glass of beer as if nothing at all had happened. As if my entire world hadn’t just spun out of control. “If it’s longer than a day, then I’ll take him to Jude.”
“Why can’t I . . .”
“This is club business now,” he said. “Let it play out.”
My fingers shook as I gripped the edge of the bar. “That guy at the event?”
“Pretty big coincidence. That he was only in town for the competition. They have to see if his story checks out.”
“And if it doesn’t?”
Something dark passed through his eyes and my stomach dropped to the floor.
“He had to pitch his phone, so he left you something,” Vaughn said as he reached under the bar and pulled out a folded sheet of paper that was some sort of dingy receipt with the Hog’s Den insignia embossed at the top.
Jude had scrawled a note on the back.
Cory,
I pray this is a false alarm and I can lay eyes on you again.
I realized a bloody ton of things on my ride here.
I didn’t understand my heart back then.
Not until I met you.
And goddamn do I love you, Cory.
If I could, I’d ask you to spend forever with me.
Always,
Jude
I gripped the bar, overcome with warring emotions. A visceral flooding of love that welled in my soul, but also a sorrow that ached deep in my bones. The air in my lungs felt trapped by the weight of my despair and I choked for a decent breath.
“Don’t worry,” Vaughn said, studying me. “For now he’s safe.”
I blew out a breath.
“So he’ll be coming back?”
“That’s not up to me, Cory.”
Vaughn walked down the bar to hand some drafts to a couple of guys watching the game on the big screen.
When he came back my way he looked pointedly at me. “You’ve fallen hard for him, haven’t you?”
I nodded even though I was certain he saw the answer plainly in my eyes.
“Well, shit,” he said. “I don’t envy you, my friend.”
That was comforting. But what the hell did I expect with this crew?
It’d been the most excruciating forty-eight hours of my life. I didn’t know if I’d see Jude again, and the not knowing was pummeling at my heart. It was almost like grieving David all over again. Except this time, I could still hold on to the hope that he’d come walking through the door.
After my shift at Raw Ink, where I attempted to hide from the probing eyes of Emmy and Dex, I headed home. I planned on checking in with my grandma and then riding to the Hog’s Den for any news once I fed the dogs.
I sat on the couch stroking Patch, who had curled up on my lap. I sank my head against the cushions and shut my eyes. I had barely slept all night and it was catching up to me. I ignored my aching back because I knew it was probably stress related, and until I knew Jude’s fate, the anxiety wasn’t leaving anytime soon.
I heard the sound of a motorcycle barreling down the street and my eyes flew open. Would that reaction ever leave me?
Next there was a tap on my door and my heart descended to my ribcage. I walked to my entryway, fearful of what I’d find. Maybe Smoke was giving me the courtesy of an update about Jude.
I pulled open the door and sagged against the frame as I saw Jude standing on the stoop with his hands shoved deep in his hoodie. Goddamn he knocked the wind out of me. He bit his lip, as if uncertain of himself or of how I’d respond.
Immediately my defenses heightened at the same time that something inside my chest latched closed. I looked around the yard and then down the street for any signs of danger. I noticed Smoke driving off in the distance.
“Cory,” he said, his voice filled with anguish.
“Jude.” I stayed back, as if terrified of allowing my heart to believe it was truly him. “I’m . . . goddamn I’m glad you’re safe.”
I wanted to bury my head into his shoulder, feel him, smell him, and unleash all of my emotions onto him.
I wanted to shove him away at the same time.
Because he felt like the sand in an hourglass. Always slipping through my fingers.
“Can we talk?” he said, taking a tentative step forward.
“I thought . . .” I moved sideways to allow him to get by, my chest tightening like a screw as an overwhelming well of panic arose inside of me. Like maybe Jude was only here for a brief visit and then he’d be on his way again. I was having great difficulty believing he was actually standing inside my house. “I figured you were probably gone. You know, for good. Like . . . like everybody else.”
He stepped toward me, lifting his hand partway before letting it fall. “Like everybody else?”
“Yeah, you know.” My head dipped, my shoulders hunched. “Like the other people in my life who’ve left me.”
“Fuck, Cory. I’m not. I would never—” he said as if struggling to get the right words out. “I would never leave you. Not unless I was forced to. This was only a precaution. I wouldn’t want to be without you.”
I studied him, as all the air occupying the space between us seemed to pulse and vibrate.
“So then everything stays the same?” I mumbled and then swallowed roughly, still not quite believing his words. Not yet. “You don’t have to go?”
“Alex and the club figures I’m safest here,” he said.
I stared at the floor, attempting to gain control of my pounding pulse.
“Can you . . . can you look at me, Cory?” he said. “Allow me to explain.”
My gaze snapped to his and he blew out a sharp breath.
“When I saw Mateo skating at the event . . .” he said. “I was shocked as well as confused. I hadn’t seen his name in the lineup.”
I remember the program they handed out at the door and didn’t recall any skater named Mateo, either, not that I was looking.
“Alex cross-checked government records and found him living on the East Coast. Apparently he’s also under witness protection using an alias.”
My eyes widened at the news.
“They needed to make sure the fact that he was at the same event was pure happenstance.”
My heart was battering in my chest. “And was it?”
“His story seemed to check out,” he said and I released a jagged pant. “He’s done a couple events under his pseudonym; no way he could’ve known my name or the town I was staying in. Besides, I’m not even sure if he saw me.”
I remained silent as if awaiting the upshot. For everything to come crashing down around me. I still couldn’t inhale a goddamn decent breath.
“We used to . . . we’d skate together,” he said. “It was the thing we had in common.”
“So he left that life behind, too,” I said, trying to piece it together. “Do you feel like you want to—”
“He means nothing to me, Cory,” Jude said, stepping into my space and backing me against the door. “And you mean everything.”
My chest felt crowded and uncomfortable; I wanted to touch him so badly. But I still needed to get some things square in my head. He kept his distance, understanding dawning in his eyes.
“I’m sorry. This must be difficult for you to deal with,” he whispered. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You don’t have to do this—be with me.”
My gaze snapped up to his and I saw profound sadness in his eyes. I didn’t want to hurt him any more than he wanted to hurt me.
My fingers reached for his chin, grasping firmly. “How can I not be with you?”
He gasped but remained silent, allowing me to get my thoughts out. “You mean everything, too.”
My forehead rested against his as I breathed him in, and the scent of cedar made me heady.
His eyes searched mine as he reached up to remove my cap and run his fingers through my hair. He grazed his lips against my forehead and then my cheek.
I felt myself falling into him.
Impatient to kiss him. Touch him. Be with him.
I placed one hand behind his neck and the other on the small of his back before my mouth rushed over his. My lips traced over his, top to bottom, before my tongue parted his mouth and nudged inside.
Just that small taste of him brought the universe back in alignment.
He brushed his tongue against mine, slow and sexy, until I could barely catch my breath. My fingers dug into his hip; I desperately needed him closer.
My tongue twined along his, exploring his mouth, while my hands skimmed up and down his spine. I wanted to slide beneath his skin, dissolve into his bones. To make absolutely certain that he would never leave me again.
His breaths were heavy and hard as I wound my fingers through his hair, pulling him even nearer. He drew my tongue inside his mouth and gently sucked on it until he dragged a whimper from me.
I tightened my hold on his hips and tugged him forward, bracing myself against the doorframe. He slanted his head to deepen the kiss and I felt every place on his body that touched mine—our thighs, our stomachs, and our chests.
He traced a fragile line with his thumb along the small of my back, above the loop of my jeans, and I groaned into his mouth.
“Jude,” I said and we broke apart, breathing heavily.
I warily turned my gaze to him, my heart bouncing all around my chest.
“Cory?” he asked, no doubt seeing the agony in my eyes.
“I just . . . I need to know that this is real. That you’re real,” I whispered. “Do you understand?”
His eyes held mine for entirely too long as he read something in them.
“I understand.”
We didn’t waste any time after that. Or clothes were wrenched off in the hallway. And by the time we made it to my bedroom door, Jude had me facing the wall, my hands above my head, and he was talking in that bossy, commanding voice that I’d fantasized about.
His groin was rubbing against my hip as he bit and sucked my neck.
“I need you inside me, Jude. Now.”
Without saying another word he drove his hard cock against my back and took my mouth in a fervent attack of teeth and tongue and mouth. If he was nervous about topping for the first time, he didn’t show it. He must’ve read the desperation in my eyes.
“Second drawer,” I whimpered after his tongue dug deep in my mouth and shockwaves ignited through my body.
“Don’t move.” He backed away from me and I heard the crinkling of a condom wrapper as he suited up and returned to me.
His fingers were already lubricated and he found my crease, rubbing around my puckered hole until a guttural groan ripped from my throat.
“Fuck, I missed you,” he said, pushing one finger inside. I arched my hips and drove back against his hand as he added a second digit.
His hand reached around to fist and pump my cock. He swiped a finger across my tip, sending needy pinpricks of desire across my spine. His wet tongue and the small nips on my shoulder drove me to the brink. “Please.”
“Bend over for me,” he growled against my ear. “I need to take that arse.”
My legs trembled as I thrust my hips out. He parted my cheeks and I felt a whisper of lips across the small of my back.
“Fuck,” he shouted as he pushed inside me inch by magnificent inch. I lost my breath and braced my forearms roughly against the wall. The stretch and feeling of fullness was almost too much to bear.
He stilled, his forehead digging into my shoulder, as he hissed through his teeth. Jude was inside me, and holy fucking Christ it felt unbelievable as flames of heat licked over every square centimeter of my skin.
“This is too good, Cory,” he grunted. “Fucking brilliant. So damn tight.”
“Give it to me, Jude,” I said, as the friction and burn transformed into tingles of pleasure rippling across my limbs. I wanted to feel the tightness, the fullness, the blistering sting all the way into next week. “I need this. I need you so much.”
“Do you believe me now?” Jude’s teeth bit into my shoulder and then he licked the stinging skin to soothe the ache. “I’m fucking real, Cory.
This
is real.”
He growled and thrust inside, my shoulders making contact with the hard surface. He fucked me with such determination that stars began to flare in front of my eyes.
It didn’t take long before I blew completely apart, shivering and shaking and melting against the wall, as Jude’s hands dug further into my hips.
After Jude chased his own release, his groin propelling against my ass, two thoughts clicked solidly into my brain. Jude York in fact was real. And I’d just had the most intense sex of my life.