Authors: Mike Sanders
“Fuck yeah, I’m fa sho’!” Monk’s anger-filled voice blared through my Bluetooth as I listened to him describe what had happened at the restaurant.
From what I was gathering, he was telling me that Carlos had been behind it. If what he was saying had any validity to it, then it meant that Carlos had been responsible for what had happened to Cross and Sapphire as well.
I was in my car heading to my condo. I had been at the hospital with Sapphire for the past few nights eating that nasty ass food, showering in that small ass bathroom, and sleeping in that tiny ass chair. Each day I’d prayed harder than the day before for Sapphire to come around or to at least attempt to open her eyes to show some signs of life, but it was all to no avail. My own eyes were so swollen and bloodshot from shedding tears for her; I looked like I’d been up for two weeks straight.
Now, Monk was on the other end of my phone telling me
this
mess and I couldn’t take anymore. I was on the verge of losing it.
Anger crept into my system for a brief moment.
“Fuck y’all do to him, Monk? Don’t lie to me gottdammit!” I knew Carlos wasn’t just reacting for nothing. It had to be a reason.
“I ain’t did shit to that nigga....
yet
! He just got the game fucked up! He got
me
fucked up!”
He sighed deeply. I could tell he was heated.
“It’s gotta be behind that shit that happened to Mark.”
“Mark!?” I asked with confusion, and then my mind flashed back to the last time I’d been with Carlos and I remembered him telling me about Mark getting robbed.
“Justice, I didn’t do it. But evidently he think I did ’cause I was fuckin’ with Cross,” Monk stated.
“Cross!? Cross robbed Mark?”
“Yeah, him and some mo’ muthafuckas. Justice, I swear I didn’t find out until a few weeks back. Hell, I still don’t know who went up in there with him.”
“Why didn’t you…. I mean, why...” I was at a lost for words.
“Cross, two more niggas and a female did it. Justice, it wasn’t me. I seen that nigga Los at the park after that shit had happened. You think I would’ve sat there and talked to that nigga if I had been the one that had jacked Mark? Cross did that shit with somebody else, it wasn’t me and D.C.”
“Don’t try to sit up there and act like you ain’t never robbed somebody then turned around and act like you ain’t did nothin’ wrong to them the next day. Look at you and that damn Mexican girl Tan. You takin’ her out to eat and shit like you ain’t go up in her house.”
“Justice, I put that on mama’s grave. I swear I didn’t rob Mark.”
I wanted to trust his words but I didn’t know
what
to think at this point. I knew my brother was a dirty nigga out there in those streets, but he was far from being a fool. He knew that robbing Carlos’s people was just too close to home. If Carlos would’ve found out it would have been a straight up Kamikaze suicidal mission.
“Ice, I want you to listen to me. These niggas ain’t fakin’ out here. These muthafuckas is fa real! D.C., Cross, and Phire is testimony to that. They want me dead and I’m pretty sho’ if they think it was me then you already know they think you had something to do with it too ’cause th—”
“Hold up”, I said cutting him off. “Fuck you mean they think I had something to do with it too? I ain’t did shit to Carlos!” My voice had risen and my head had begun to throb.
“These niggas ain’t playin’ no games, Justice. Carlos know how me and you get down. You do the math on that shit.” He paused, then continued, “Tell me, when was the last time you hollered at Carlos?”
I tried to think back to the last time I had spoken with Los, and remembered that it had been a minute. He had been calling but I hadn’t answered any of his calls nor had I returned any of his messages. Shit!
“It’s been a minute. He been callin’, tryna get at me but—” “Lemme guess, you been dodging that nigga, right?” He was speaking matter-of-factly as if he already knew my answer before I gave it.
I took a deep breath and let out a long exasperated sigh as I stopped for a red light. I thought my avoiding Carlos’s calls had probably made him think that I had definitely been in on that nonsense or at least I had knowledge of it. I knew I had done some grimy stuff in my days but I had nothing to do with Mark getting robbed. Now at this point it was probably too late for me to try and smooth things over with Carlos and convince him that I was innocent. But knowing Carlos and his method of madness, his mind would be made up to go all out.
“Ice? Ice?” Monk’s voice blared through my earpiece and at the same time a car was behind me blowing the horn. I snapped out of my daze and looked up and saw that the light had turned green. I pulled off and turned into the parking lot of KFC, which was only blocks away from my condo. There was an empty space so I pulled into it and parked because my emotions wouldn’t allow me to drive any further. My mind started reeling a mile a minute because all of this was just too much for me to bear at one time. Then came the tears.
“Justice!” Monk screamed. “I know yo’ lil’ gangsta ass ain’t sheddin’ tears! Don’t get soft on me, sis. We gotta get the shit strai—”
“I’ll call you back.”
I took my earpiece out as Monk continued to call my name. After ending the call, I let my head fall to the steering wheel as I tried to figure out what the hell I’d gotten myself into. I lost track of how long I sat there sobbing with my head buried in my steering wheel, but it seemed like an eternity.
After what seemed like ages, I heard a tapping noise on my window. I jumped from the sound and then turned my head to see who it was. My heart was beating like bass drums; my nerves were shot and the figure standing at my window made matters even that much worse.
I was still sniffling and I could’ve imagined what I must’ve looked like at that moment.
The police officer standing next to my window was a tall, thin black guy with graying sideburns. His eyes were surveying the interior of my car as he opened his mouth to speak.
“Are you okay? I got a call from a concerned citizen saying that you’ve been sitting in this same spot for quite some time without any movement. You looked quite...what’s a good word?”
He looked towards the sky as if he were searching for the right word.
He looked back at me and continued, “You looked sort of lifeless in the position you were in. Catch my drift?”
He was looking at me suspiciously.
“You haven’t been drinking have you?”
He was staring into my bloodshot eyes.
What I wanted to say was, “No, I haven’t been drinking. I’m drunk with fear! Scared of a nigga who has killed two people I know and attempted to kill my brother and best friend because he thinks we had something to do with his drug money being taken!”
But what actually came out was, “Crying? Yes. Drinking? No. Look, I’m okay. Thanks for the concern. I’ll be gone in a minute; I just need to pull myself together. Long night, ya know? Had a fight with the boyfriend.”
I saw it in his eyes that he believed me and was now looking at me with a little pity.
The scorned girlfriend.
“You sure you’re gonna be okay?” he asked. Concern was evident in his voice.
I wiped my eyes and sniffled again, “Yeah, I’m sure. I just need a minute.”
“Okay, just take all the time you need, maam. Drive safe.” He tipped his hat and strolled back to his squad car. I watched as he pulled off.
I left a few minutes after the police officer. During the ride home I tried to somewhat calm my nerves with the wishful thought that maybe Carlos didn’t blame me or he didn’t think I had anything to do with this mess. I knew I needed to call him to see where his head was at and to let him know that he was after the wrong people, but I had no idea of what to say.
A few minutes after leaving KFC I was pulling into my condominium complex. For such a beautiful day, the complex was quite quiet. A few of the neighborhood kids splashed around in the complex pool and a few of my neighbors were walking their dogs so nothing seemed out of the ordinary....until I reached my condo!
As soon as I walked up the steps I noticed that my door was slightly ajar.
“Oh shit!” I mumbled as I looked around with my heart beating a mile a minute.
Although I had never actually had to use my “baby” before, I snatched it out of my handbag and cocked it back just the way Monk had taught me. It was broad daylight and there was activity going on all around me, but I was still scared shitless. I hesitantly pushed the door all the way open and prayed that no one was inside. For a moment I stood there, afraid to enter my own home.
When I finally mustered up enough courage to venture inside, the first thing I noticed was that both my living room and my kitchen was just as I’d left it days earlier. I walked over to the keypad on the wall and saw that my alarm had been turned off but not reset. At that instance I knew Carlos had been in my condo. The code to deactivate my alarm had been the same ever since before Carlos and I had started seeing one another. He was the
only
person other than myself who knew what it was.
How the hell did they get past security?
I silently questioned as I checked every room for occupants. No one was present and nothing was missing. That let me know that he had come for one reason and one reason only…ME!
When I was satisfied that no one was in my space, I immediately began packing bags. I packed as many bags as I thought could fit into my trunk and carried them down to my Chrysler. It took three trips but once the last bag was secured I hopped in my car and left my condo for what would probably be the last time. I didn’t know where I was headed but I was certain that I would not be returning to this condo anytime in the near future. I refused to literally get caught sleeping like Sapphire had done.
I pulled out onto W.T. Harris Boulevard and headed towards the highway, thinking that maybe I’d go to South Carolina and get a hotel room until I could calculate my next move. As I drove I broke down crying again while thinking about how fucked up my life had become in such a short period of time. I was on the run from a man who once held my heart in the palm of his hand, my girl was laid up in a hospital bed clinging to life and now my brother was about to go to war. All because of a damn misunderstanding.
I thought that maybe if I tried to talk to Carlos he’d see just how out of control the situation had gotten. I definitely didn’t have anything to lose at that point and I thought it wouldn’t have hurted to try and contact him. I was truly trying to give myself hope. I turned down the volume on my radio and reached for my cell so I could call Carlos and try to plead my case. I dialed his number and waited for him to pick up. It rang three times before it was answered.
“What it do.” I heard Carlos’s calm voice.
My throat became dry and my palms began sweating profusely from extreme nervousness as I held the phone in silence.
“Hello?” he spoke again.
“Carlos, it’s me…Justice.” I was still sobbing and wiping my nose as I spoke.
Silence.
“H-h-hello?” I thought maybe he’d hung up on me.
After a long silence Carlos calmly asked, “Justice, do you believe in miracles?”
“Huh?” I asked. He had me confused.
“I said do you believe in miracles?” he asked again.
I had no idea of where he was going with this, so I went along with him. I was thinking that I’d be able to plead my case after he’d had his words.
I sniffled, “Ye-yeah, I believe in miracles Los.”
“Me too. ’Cause that’s the
only
way I can justify talkin’ to a dead bitch on the other end of this phone!”
“Nooo! Los! Los! Hello! Carlos!” I screamed into my phone but it was to no avail because he’d already hung up on me.
I redialed his number and as expected he didn’t answer. Tears streamed down my cheeks and my vision was momentarily blurred as my car swerved slightly. I could not drive any further so I pulled onto the shoulder of the road and tried his number again and got the same results—no answer. This time I waited for his voicemail to kick in. At the sound of the beep I tried my best to speak with as much clarity as my trembling voice would allow. I then commenced to explain to his machine how the whole ordeal was nothing but a misunderstanding.
After hanging up I called my brother back and told him what had happened at my place and also about my conversation with Carlos. As anticipated, Monk was concerned about my safety and wanted to know where I was headed. I told him I wasn’t sure where I’d end up but I would call him as soon as I had gotten situated.
Once I had pulled myself together enough to continue driving I proceeded back onto the road and hit I-77, driving blindly. I was headed down the highway with no definite destination. On the run for my life.
On impulse, I opened my phone again, this time I dialed J.T.’s number and prayed he would pick up. After four rings I heard, “Yo!”
I knew he was in his truck because I could hear those loud ass tires.
“Hey you,” I spoke, trying my best to sound calm.
“Hey, Chyna Doll. How you doin’ ma?”
I tried to hold back the tears and all of the emotions that were at a boiling point, but I lost the battle and broke down again.
Hearing me crying, J.T. became concerned, “Justice, baby what’s wrong? You alright?”
I couldn’t even answer him. I just continued to cry into the phone like a lost child.
“Baby, where you at? Look, I want you to meet me at my house
right now
! You hear me?” His deep voice boomed with sympathy. “If you beat me there, you wait on me ’cause I’m on my way. We’ll talk when you get there.”
I was still sobbing as I listened to his commanding voice giving me orders. Under normal circumstances, bossing me around like that would have been a no-no, but at that moment that was exactly what a sistah needed. I needed someone to tell me not to worry because they’d take care of me and make sure I would be safe. At that moment I was a chick with no direction. I was misguided, undecided, and on the verge of self-destruction. I needed some sort of balance and I needed it fast.
Hoping I’d find what I was looking for in the comfort of J.T.’s strong arms, I told him “I’m on my way,” and then I closed my phone.
I got off on the next exit, then changed directions and headed to J.T.’s place.