This Girl Stripped (12 page)

“I’m going to be moving on in the New Year. Woodstock is nice and I’ve loved the time I’ve spent here, especially getting to know my beautiful niece, Magnolia.” I look over and give my little blonde angel a smile. She’ll probably be the only one I’ll miss. Star is used to me being gone, but it will hurt to leave this little girl behind. I don't want to, but this is what I have to do. I try not to cry thinking about leaving behind Diesel and River.

“I got places to go and people to see. Merry Christmas everyone!” I sit back down in my chair and, once again, my eyes fall back to River. Instead of seeing the relief I expected, his face is clearly pained. He’s hurt, and I just wish I knew why. I was almost positive this was exactly what he wanted. Either way, I’m not sticking around for a guy or two. No fucking way. I’m just not that kind of girl.

“Where are you heading to first?” Seven's voice fills the room. I should have known that Miss Jet Set herself would want to know my plans.
Think quick, Paisley.

“I think I’m going to hit up Vegas.” Lies! All lies! Although, I have always wanted to go to Vegas. Maybe I could make some good money at one of those upscale strip clubs. Girls out there make a fuckin' killing. Bad memories flood my mind of Daytona and that nasty strip club. I try not to let my face look as pained as my soul.

“I love Vegas.” River chimes in from the other side of the table. What fucking game is he playing? His dark eyes run along my body as I pick up the nearly empty glass of wine in front of me and chug the rest. I smile in his direction as the entire table watches us in silence.

“That's nice,” I add. I want to punch him. Would it be too much to do it over Christmas Eve dinner? Because I am pretty sure it wouldn't be a Bloom family Christmas without some kind of fucked up drama.

His chair pushes back, scraping loudly against the hardwood floor and he turns for the kitchen, but not before he stares straight through me, “A word, Paisley?”

Everyone turns to me waiting for my reply. It would be fun to push his buttons and ignore him, but I have a feeling it would cause more drama than I want to deal with from everyone watching me at this moment. Fuck, I hate being the center of attention! I push my chair back in a huff and reluctantly make my way to the kitchen. I don't want to do this.

“What the fuck, Paisley?” River starts on me the second I round the corner. I should be asking him the same thing. He runs his fingers through his hair and turns away. It looks like he wants to punch something. He continues pacing back and forth across the messy kitchen. What does he want me to say?

“What, River? What the fuck do you want from me?” He’s driving me crazy. Without even realizing it, I yell at him. I’m sure my voice is carrying throughout the entire house, but I don't know what else to do. I don't know how to handle myself, which is why I’m never good at this type of shit.

Before I see him coming, he’s across the kitchen and I’m pressed up against the wall. His lips crash against mine. He takes me off guard, and I don't know what else to do but kiss him back, and I do; with everything I fucking have. I pour out all the betrayal I felt today into the single kiss. His lips pull away, and his breathing is labored. His green eyes memorize me.

“Why, Paisley?” I don't understand his question. Why what? There are so many whys.

“Why what, River? We share a night together and you ignore me all day. Act like I don't fucking exist. What do you want from me?” All I wanted to do was give him what he wanted, uncomplicated. I silently plead with him internally,
please just let me go.

“Fuck! Paisley, I disappeared because shit...” there goes his hands into his hair again. Fuck, he is sexy when he does that. “I wanted to get you something, I fucking went out shopping at the motherfucking mall on Christmas Eve because I didn't want to let you down.” I blow out the breath I didn't know I was holding as he grabs my hand and pulls me against his body. His arm wraps tightly against me.

“I don't want you to go anywhere, Paisley. Ever.” His thumb rubs along my bottom lip, and my body quivers under his touch. He slowly pulls away from me and digs in his pocket, pulling out a set of keys with a heart shaped keychain. Certainly not what I was expecting.
What exactly was I expecting?

“You’re going to have to wait till the morning for your real present, so don't pout.” He laughs, and I smile. Not realizing my face had shown whatever upset look I just plastered on it without thought. “This is a key to my house. It is a little sudden, but I was thinking maybe you would want to move in with me. No pressure. It’s up to you.” Move in with him? I’ve never lived with a guy before. I mean, yeah, I’ve done a lot of sleepovers, but I’ve always had my
own
space to go back to. Is that something I really wanted to give up? Then again, this house isn't my space. Star owns it. This is her place that she shares with her child. Am I just imposing?

As I pour over all the details, I can’t help but think about Diesel and how he would feel about it. Would he be upset? Would he ask me to move in with him? Fuck. I need my own damn place.

“I'm going to have to think about it,” I’m honest, even though I’m tempted to jump in and say yes. It would be too much, too soon. Damn, we just fucked last night. What’s next? A trip down the aisle? Why is this on fast forward?

I’ve never been good at any of this relationship shit, and even though I don’t want to tell River, I am completely torn between him and Diesel. My body pulls toward him, and Diesel already has a piece of my heart.

“But, River, I want to spend time with you. I want this. I want
us
.” It’s the truth. “We just need time. I won't leave. I promise.” His face morphs into the biggest smile I’ve ever seen plastered to his face. I lean my face closer to his and press my lips to his. Our mouths meet in a mixture of promise and lust. I want to drag him back up to my bedroom and share a repeat of last night - Christmas Vacation and all. That’s when I realize it’s nights like this that I can share with him forever. No question in my mind. Confusing me even more. Why can’t I just have them both?

Behind us, someone clears their throat. More like an entire table full of coughs, sputters, and backhanded comments.
Like we should expect anything different from our families?
His fingers lace between mine as we turn to face our audience.

“Hey Ryker, you think we can trade chairs?” The gruff biker eyes him before he grunts like a caveman and moves to where River was sitting before our kitchen discussion.

“So my house just got even more cramped huh?” Chrome's voice crosses the table, and I instantly feel bad for telling River I would think about moving in. I didn't even realize that he lived with Chrome. I’m sure in passing conversation it has been discussed, but the past month has been a pretty big blur.

“I'm sorry. I can just stay here.” I interrupt. I feel my face turning crimson as Chrome starts laughing. Star joins him and soon most of the table is laughing. I’m not really sure what’s so funny though.

“Honey, Merry Christmas. The house is both of yours. Scarlett and I are moving in here with Star and Magnolia.” Star smiles like a lovestruck fool, and I know exactly how she feels because I’m wearing the same expression.

Both Magnolia and Scarlett screech like only tween girls can, jumping up and down, high fiving each other before flinging themselves into each others arms. “YAAAHHHHHHH!”

The only problem I now have is fielding my emotions and what to do about everything with Diesel.

After dinner, a ton of the bikers return to the house - even though Ryker was the only one technically not family to spend dinner with us. I sneak around the house looking for Diesel, hoping I can catch a moment alone with him and try to talk about everything that is going on; everything that has happened between us and where the hell I am supposed to go from here.

I’ve sidestepped River more than a couple times, and he is starting to look annoyed with me. His possessiveness is abundantly clear. It excites me and scares me all at once, because the one thing I am looking for right now is independence and I begin to wonder if that is something I will be able to obtain with him.

“What are you doing, Paisley?” River questions as he sneaks up behind me. His arms wrap around my middle and I debate telling him the truth. I’m not a liar. I hate lying actually. The little white lies I’ve told recently slowly eat me alive.

“Actually, River…” I turn in his arms to face him. His smile fades. “I am looking for Diesel. I need to talk to him about some stuff.” His bright green eyes darken, and I think I said the wrong thing.

“What would you have to talk to Diesel about?” I pull him toward the bathroom off the kitchen. Once we are inside I close and lock the door. We need privacy for this conversation.

“River, after that night in my room. We spent a night together. We were gonna give things a try until I found out he was
involved
with someone else. It’s complicated.” I sigh and turn away from him. My heart is beating so fast, I’m sure it is going to sprint right out of my chest. I’m worried about whatever is going to happen, but I continue talking.

“I care about him. I am torn between the two of you and I need you both to know that. I need to be honest with you, and with him.” My eyes start to pool with tears as I see River pulling away from me again. I hate that I just did that to him.

“Paisley, you gotta pick. You can’t bounce between us. I can’t share you.” I knew it was coming. I just didn’t want it to come so soon.

“I know River. I know. And I’m sorry.” I have to get away from him. I have to get away from everyone and everything. Maybe I should just talk to Star and see if she would mind loaning me money to get my own place - or even upping my hours at the art shop. Anything to just break away from this all.

I push out of the bathroom, and right into a giant brick wall of a man. I don’t need to look to know it is Diesel. When my body collides with his, he wraps his arm around me and pulls me close. My heart skips a couple beats and instantly my body is tingling from the simple touch.

“I’ve been looking for you.” I pull away from him, or at least try to. His arm tightens around my back. River picks that moment to walk out of the bathroom. He takes one look at us, and I just wait for the explosion. His fist collides with the wall behind my head, and I flinch. Did I think he was going to hit me?

Diesel pulls me away, and River just walks out the back door into the cold December night. I give up.

“You’ve been lookin’ for me, Princess?” Diesel chooses that moment to snap me back to reality - the reality where I do nothing but hurt other people. After being hurt so brutally myself, how can I live knowing what I’m doing to the men in my life?

“Yeah, we need to talk about some stuff.” I almost want to say
step into my office
and pull him back into the bathroom, but instead I take him to my bedroom. He takes a seat in the armchair by the closet, and I sit cross legged on the bed.

I don’t even know where to start.

“Diesel, I like you. I really do. But I’m so damn confused.” I want to cry, but I try desperately to hold it all back. “River and I, he helped me when I first came to town. I went through some bad shit and once you know what happened you may not want anything to do with me. But, I need you to know, I want you both. I can’t stop thinking about the two of you. When I’m with him, I think of you. When I’m with you, I’m thinking of him. It’s a constant.”

He’s calm, and cool. Everything River isn’t. He’s slowly becoming my safe, everything River was before we let shit get so complicated.

“What did River say when you told him this?”

“He said he wouldn’t share me. He couldn’t share me.” I wait, and watch his face. Looking for some kind of expression from the man that has genuinely captured my heart.

“Paisley, I can’t tell you what to do. But, what I am going to do is let you go. If you’re meant to be mine, you’ll come back to me.” His boots hit the floor and he stands, making his way for the door.

I feel like my heart was just ripped out and trampled on. But, maybe this is best? Maybe this is what’s supposed to happen? Maybe this needs to happen so we all can move on with our lives?

“Diesel?”

Without a word he turns around, and his deep carmel eyes meet mine.

“Thank you.” I take a few steps, and wrap my arms around his neck, place a simple kiss on his cheek and let go. It’s what we all need.