This Man Confessed (4 page)

“Delightful!” she sings in my face.

Patrick grasps his wife’s elbow and guides her away. “We’ll get a drink.” He rolls his eyes, and I smile fondly at my boss. I know he finds his wife exasperating.

“Interesting woman,” Jesse muses, looking a little alarmed at her leopard-print body, wobbling away from us.

I laugh. “She makes Patrick’s life miserable.”

“I can imagine.”

“Here’s John,” I say, glancing past Jesse at the big guy strolling over, wraparounds in place and his usual menacing expression plastered all over his face. His stare is pointed at the cuffs before he gives me the nod. I nod back.

“A word, Jesse,” he rumbles. He’s too serious. I don’t like it, and Jesse’s quick flick of his eyes to me doesn’t make me feel any better.

Jesse reaches into his pocket and pulls out the key to the handcuffs, and I watch as he brings it to my wrist. “What are you doing?” I ask, yanking my arm away.

“John wants a quick word.”

“Oh no.” I laugh. “You don’t get to release me when it suits you. No way, Ward.” I look at John, who’s still expressionless.

“Ava, I’ll be back shortly.” He pulls my wrist back to him.

“No! Where are you going?” I look at John. “Where is he going?”

“’S’all good, girl.”

“No. It’s not all fucking good!” I yell, a bit too loudly, earning myself a frightening scowl from Jesse. I don’t care. He doesn’t get to do this. He doesn’t get to brush me off when it suits him. It’s my wedding day.

“Watch your mouth!” he grates, leaning into me. “I’ll be a few minutes. You’ll stay fucking put, Ava.”

I recoil at his animosity, completely stunned as he makes quick work of the handcuffs before striding out with John. I’m perched on a barstool, the bride in a stunning gown, adorned with diamonds, all of our guests laughing, chatting, and drinking, and I want to go home. I feel tearful, slighted, and very, very hurt. I lower myself from the stool, deciding to escape to the toilets. I might have a little cry, too. I need to get away from these people before the tears start flowing freely.

“Where are you going, darling?” Mum asks as she makes her way over.

I spread a fake smile on my face. She’s had too much Most Marvelous. Her hair isn’t perfect and she doesn’t seem to care, a clear indication that she’s feeling a bit squiffy. “Toilet. I won’t be long.”

“Do you want some help? I’m not sure where Kate’s gone.” She looks around the bar.

“No, I’ve got it.” I leave my mum and head for the toilets, looking forward to some privacy.

Pushing my way through the door, I place myself in front of the mirror to look at my sorry face. I’m not a blushing bride anymore. There is no twinkle in my eye or happy smile on my lips. I sigh heavily and pinch my cheeks in an attempt to get some color back into them.

“Ohhh myyy Goddd!”

My head flies up and my body swings around to face the source of the long moan. I still myself, holding my breath as I hear shuffling and shifting from one of the cubicles. Someone is having sex in the toilet? No! I quickly gather my dress up to leave. This could be embarrassing. I take my first urgent step, but then freeze when the door swings open and Kate stumbles out.

I gasp, my dress dropping from my hands. “What are you doing?” I blurt, shocked. I know Sam was slightly miffed that all things kink have been removed and stored temporarily, but they could’ve waited.

She stiffens from head to toe, her red hair a wild mane of curls, half covering her shocked face. “Oh shit!” she says quietly, rearranging her dress.

“Couldn’t you have waited?” I ask, horrified but relived that I haven’t just caught one of our guests in the act.

“Ava…” she begins, and then a man strolls out behind. And it’s not Sam.

My mouth falls open. “Dan?” I don’t believe this. “What the hell are you doing?”

He shrugs, refusing to look at me, keeping all of his attention on refastening his trousers. My eyes are batting between them, waiting for an explanation, but I get nothing from either of them. They’re just standing there, both looking anywhere except at me.

I throw furious eyes at Dan. “I told you to leave it!” I shout, before turning my fury on Kate. “And you’re pissed! What’s the matter with you two? Haven’t you learned?”

“None of your business.” Dan says flatly, and then strides out of the ladies’, leaving me and my delinquent friend alone.

“Kate?” I push, but she’s still refusing to meet my eyes. “What about Sam?” I ask. The poor bloke is out there, completely oblivious. “I can’t believe this.” The heel of my hand meets my forehead, my brain aching with information overload.

She hiccups and giggles before reaching for the sink to steady her swaying body. “Fun,” she says haughtily. “And it’s got nothing to do with you.”

“Oh, okay,” I exclaim, lifting my dress. “I’ll leave you to have your
fun
in that case.” I turn and leave the toilets, heading straight to Jesse’s office. Today couldn’t get any worse.

The summer room has been cleared of tables but is now full of people, the band enticing everyone to the dance floor with classic Motown. I skirt through our guests, smiling, trying my hardest to look like the elated bride and cutting any lengthy conversation very short. I’ve fallen out with my brother, and now Kate, too. I want to escape with Jesse and be alone when we’re at our happiest—when the world and its problems are not interfering with our little bubble of contentment, where we have only our own
issues
to contend with.

I steam down the corridor and straight into his office, my heart falling straight into my Louboutins as soon as I lay my eyes on the occupants.

There are just two people.

Jesse…and Coral.

M
y day just got a whole lot worse.

They’re seated at opposite ends of a couch, and both heads fly toward me while I just stand there feeling a little lost. All of my anger, all of my frustrations of the day have just transformed into unbearable pain. I can feel my eyes welling up with tears and my heart is thundering in my chest. I feel completely crushed.

Not knowing what else to do, but knowing for certain I don’t want this woman to see me break down, I slowly step back, closing the door quietly behind me. I walk numbly down the corridor in a haze of misery and escape the happy chatter and dancing bodies of our guests, heading down the gravel pathway toward the woodlands.

Sitting my defeated arse on an old log, I start picking at the dried bark, crumbling it into grains between my fingers, while the cool evening air spikes at my exposed skin. They were just talking, but he knows how I feel about her—how I feel about any other woman who Jesse’s had—yet he still sacrificed time with me on our special day to see her. I want to scream at him, bash my fists on his chest, and yell in his face. But I don’t have the energy. All of the fight has been sucked out of me. My spirit has been stripped down by drama, mine and others’, and it’s left me feeling exposed and vulnerable. And doubtful, too. On my wedding day of all days, I’m doubtful I can maintain the strength I need to spend my life with Jesse—spend my life fighting off women and problems…
issues
. The tears I’ve been holding back jump straight from my eyes and onto my lace. I’m powerless. I can’t make these women go away, I can’t strip Jesse’s past from him, and I can’t control other people and what they do. The one thing I could do, though, is take my pills so I don’t get pregnant. I drop my head in my hands and sob quietly to myself. I’ve not even got the energy to cry properly.

Through my low, pathetic weeping, I hear him approach behind me. I can smell his fresh water and minty scent. Even through my total numbness, I can still feel his presence. Every part of my being senses him, but I don’t want to look at him.

I brush my tears away. “I know you’re there,” I say quietly, keeping my gaze downward.

“I know you do.” His evenly spaced steps crunch over the ground, getting louder as he nears, and in my peripheral vision I see him lower himself next to me. But he doesn’t touch me. His hands are clasped in front of him, his thumbs circling each other slowly. I can hear the tail end of his heavy breathing subsiding from where he’s been running around the grounds like a madman trying to find me. And now he’s just sitting next to me, all silent when he should be explaining himself, explaining why he abandoned me on our wedding day so he could see a woman who’s in love with him—another woman who’s in love with him.

I laugh to myself. “Isn’t it funny how we’re so in touch with each other, yet you sit here now and don’t know what to say to me?” I see him shift next to me, and then his hand drifts across the space between us and rests on my thigh, his heated touch doing things I really don’t want it to do. I look down at his spread fingers, his flat, platinum and diamond band sparkling as he flexes his hand and squeezes my thigh. “So he touches me,” I say quietly.

“He loves you,” he whispers. “He wishes he could eliminate the past that’s hurting you.”

I turn my face to his and see green puddles of regret. “Then why did you see her? Why did you desert me on our wedding day to see her?”

“I couldn’t leave her at the gates with guests arriving, Ava.”

“So tell her to go away.”

“And cause a scene?”

“What did she want?” I ask. She was here for a reason. “Did she know we were getting married today?”

His frown line crawls across his brow and sets firmly in place, his lip disappearing between his teeth. “Yes, she knew.”

So he’s spoken to her? “And she still came? Was she hoping to stop it? Was she going to barge into the summer room and declare that we shouldn’t be joined in holy matrimony?” This is laughable.

“I don’t know, Ava.” He looks away.

“When did you speak to her?”

He sighs. “She’s been calling and turning up at The Manor. I’ve told her repeatedly I’m not helping her. I’m not sure what else I can do, Ava.”

“What’s your definition of an affair?” I ask.

His eyes swiftly return to mine, all confused by my question. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, she’s in love with you, and you’ve said it was only sex. It was obviously more to her.” I assess him, trying to gauge his reaction.

“Baby, I’ve told you before, just sex. They always wanted more, but I never gave them any reason to expect it. Never.”

I wince at the referral to
they
. He means many—many women who want him, many women who’ve had him, many women who have fallen in love with him. I want to tell him what Coral said about him making her need him, but then he’ll know that I intercepted her call. And after having him, who wouldn’t want him again, maybe even think they need him? I know that
I
did, but now my need is a lot deeper than his physical touch. Now I need him to breathe. “I don’t want you to see her again.”

He returns his eyes to mine. “I’ve no need to.”

I take a deep breath and return to scanning the ground. “I’ve had enough of my wedding. I’d like to leave.”

“Ava, look at me.”

“Jesse, don’t start making demands when I’m feeling like this.”

“Perhaps you didn’t hear me right. I said, look at me.” He’s not asking gently now, but my despondency prevents me from defying him.

“What?” I ask, following through on his unreasonable order.

He falls to his knees in front of me and takes my hands. “I’ve fucked up. I’m so sorry, but I was trying to keep her away from you. I panicked. I didn’t want her kicking up a stink on your special day.”

“It’s your special day, too,” I remind him quietly. “You should’ve just told me.”

“I know.” He leans up and wraps me in his arms. “Let me make it up to you. What do you want me to do, baby?”

I relax into him. “Just take me to bed.”

“Deal.” He stands me up and reinforces his apology with a deep, meaningful kiss. “We’ll make friends properly.” He scoops me up and starts back toward The Manor.

We enter the summer room and are immediately attacked by my mother’s infuriated glare. “There you are!” She scuttles toward us, still tipsy, but obviously annoyed. “You’ve not cut the cake and you need to have your first dance. Tell me, are we having a wedding?”

I want to do none of those things. Evening guests are here, and we should socialize, but I just can’t be bothered.

“I’m taking Ava upstairs. She’s tired.” He doesn’t stop for my mum, and he doesn’t put me down. I’m being carried through the summer room, through all of our guests, and he isn’t stopping for anyone.

“But it’s only ten o’clock!” She’s horrified, as I expected. “What about your guests?”

“There’s a bar, a band, and plenty to eat, Elizabeth. I’m sure they’ll survive.” His tolerance of my mum is lessening by the hour.

“Ava, please. Talk some sense into him.” She’s pleading, and I suddenly feel terrible. This is a special day for her, too, and my Lord has trampled all over it.

I clamp my palms around Jesse’s cheeks as he continues with his long strides, and Mum continues to flank us. “A little longer,” I say quietly, and he halts in his tracks.

“You’re tired.” He’s frowning a little. Yes, I am tired, but not physically. I’m mentally exhausted. “Let me take you to bed, baby.”

“Dance with me.” I run my nose up his cheek and take a full-on hit of fresh-water loveliness. “Let’s dance.” I feel him turning, while pushing his cheek into my nuzzle.

“Thank God!” Mum cries, following keenly behind.

I’m placed on my feet in the middle of the dance floor before he makes his way over to the band and speaks into the lead singer’s ear. He nods and smiles, and then everyone clears the floor, and it’s just me, feeling conspicuous and exposed. And then the singer removes himself from the stage, along with all of the other band members, and Snow Patrol breaks the silence with “Chasing Cars.” He turns to face me and just stands there, watching me for the longest time. I’m tearing up, and I know that if I look at Mum she’ll be blubbering, so I don’t. I keep my eyes on my husband and watch as he slowly crosses the floor and takes me in his hold, pulling me close to his chest. My cheek rests on his shoulder, and he starts swaying us, holding me firmly in his big, strong arms. My hands slide around his back and my eyes close, my body naturally following his slow, soft movements.

“I’m sorry, baby,” he says quietly into my hair. “I’m sorry I left you earlier.”

I sigh and squeeze him a little, a silent indication of my forgiveness.

He exhales and pushes his lips to the back of my head. “The harder I try not to hurt you, the more I do. I’m hopeless.”

“Be quiet.”

“Okay, but I’m still sorry.” He holds me firmer still. “I can’t wait to crawl into bed with you.”

“Me either,” I agree. Once again, everyone is in our way. “Tomorrow, we stay in bed all day.”

“We need to go home first.”

I sag in disappointment at his reminder. We’re staying here tonight. All of the rooms have been prepared for guests, mainly for my family. “We go home first thing in the morning, then.” I know it’s rude, leaving our guests, but I don’t want to face Kate, and I definitely don’t want to face Dan.

“We do,” he agrees, “after we’ve soaked in the bath and had breakfast with your parents.”

I let him gently rock me, my eyes closing again and my mind relaxing a little, letting Jesse draw all of my stress away. “I wish you had taken me away. Somewhere quiet, just us.”

“I wish I had, too. But your mother would’ve had something to say about it.”

I smile to myself. Opening my eyes, I see her pull my reluctant dad to the floor, and then Kate and Sam follow with Victoria and Tom. I let my eyes close again and melt into Jesse and his movements.

“Mrs. Ward, are you falling asleep on me?” he asks quietly.

“Hmmm.” I’m far too content, held tight in his arms, all of the other couples around us invisible as I remain in the dark, just feeling him, smelling him.

“I love you.” He pushes his nose into my hair and inhales deeply. “I love you so fucking much.”

“I know,” I whisper, turning my head into him and capturing his lips. He hums happily, pulling me up from the floor so I’m locked tightly against his chest, our tongues gliding softly between our mouths. “Mr. Ward, you’re drawing attention.”

“Fuck them. Wherever, whenever, baby. You know that.” He pulls away. “Let me see those eyes.”

I show him immediately. “Why do you always demand to see them?”

He only smiles mildly, but his greens still twinkle madly. “Because when I look into them, I know for sure that you’re real.”

I match his faint smile. “I’m real.”

“I often wonder. I didn’t tell you how beautiful you look.” He pecks my lips and keeps swaying us gently. “I thought it, but my beautiful girl renders me stupid every time I lay my eyes on her.” He searches my eyes and sighs. “You keep my heart beating, baby. And it will only ever beat for you. Understand?”

I really do understand. I nod mildly and move my hands to the back of his head, relishing the feel of his hair between my fingers. “I need you to take me to bed.”

The corners of his lips tip a little. “Will my delightful mother-in-law allow that?”

I shrug. “I don’t care. I just want you to myself. Take me to bed.”

“Deal.” He drops me to my feet and swoops down to kiss me chastely. “You don’t have to ask me twice, Mrs. Ward.”

“I just did.”

He frowns. “That’s your fucking mother’s fault.” I’m turned in his arms and led from the floor, sidestepping all of the couples in tight clinches.

“Oh, look at Clive and Cathy!” I say, spying our concierge and Jesse’s housekeeper stuck together as Clive shuffles her from side to side. They look so sweet. I hear Jesse laugh a little as I spy Kate being held up by Sam. And then I spot my brother in the distance, his attention and scowl pointed directly at my best friend. Jesse gives me a little tug, and I look up to see he’s noticed who I’m focused on.

“It doesn’t look like history to me.” He raises his eyebrows, and then lowers his body to pick me up, just as Snow Patrol fades out and is replaced with something else—something much louder and upbeat. I can feel my face breaking out in a smile as I watch Jesse freeze midbend. And then the male’s voice kicks in.

“Hello, Justin,” I say quietly, watching him straighten up. He steps back thoughtfully and grabs the lapels of his suit jacket, giving them a little tug before brushing them off and hitting me with wide, excited eyes.

“Oh, Mrs. Ward.” He shakes his head mildly. “I’m about to tear that floor up.” He grabs my hand and pulls me urgently back to the dance floor, weaving us through the crowds of drunken dancers until we’re right in the middle of them. I’m grinning like a complete idiot as I watch him shrug his jacket off and dust his hands down before I’m seized and reminded of my god’s moves. He does, indeed, tear the floor up.