This Regret (22 page)

Once we get inside, Jen starts tugging on the sleeve of her red shirt and I can’t help but to notice. “I would’ve picked your butt up if you even tried staying home,” she says, but I’m not listening. I’m too preoccupied.

I silently stare at her arm while she’s not looking, trying to figure out if my eyes are deceiving me. There appears to be finger shaped bruises on her arm and I have a feeling they are from Nate.

With ninja speed, I reach over and yank her shirt sleeve up, wanting to kick the shit out of Nate. Only a coward put's his hand on a woman. She doesn’t even have to tell me, I already know it has to be from him. “What the hell is this shit, Jen?” I pull her out of everyone’s view and into the hallway. “How did you get those bruises?”

Jen laughs nervously as she pulls her sleeve back down to cover the bruises on her bicep. “It’s nothing, okay. I almost fell down the stairs and Nate had to grab my arm to catch me.” She narrows her eyes and flares her nostrils at me. “You’re not suggesting my boyfriend abuses me, are you? That’s just crazy. I’m smart enough to leave an abusive relationship. He may be a liar and possibly a cheater, I don’t know, but he’s not abusive.”

“So let me get this straight. You fell more than once then? You know, because there is more than one bruise imprint. It looks as if he had to catch you multiple times.” I look her in the eye to let her know she can trust me. I would never do anything to hurt her. “You can tell me the truth. I am always here for you. Always.”

“Yeah, I know,” she whispers. “Just trust me. I’m not stupid.”

“Hey, girls. Hurry up. I’ve been waiting on you two.”

We both look over to see Luna step into the hallway with a smile. She’s decked out in an American flag mini dress, with blue stilettos. It looks as if she literally just wrapped a flag around her. Somehow, she even makes that look hot.
Damn her! That lucky bitch.

“This moron with chewing tobacco shoved in his mouth, looking like a damn chipmunk won’t stop asking me on a date,” she c
omplains. “I need your assistance.”

Jen must find this as her time to make an escape because she takes off, speed walking over to where Luna is. “That would be Travis. I would be glad to assist you.” She looks back at me and exhales. “I’ll be in here with Luna. She needs me. We all know how persistent Travis is. I might just have to knee him in the balls again. How can I resist that?”

Luna may be new to town, but she is pretty damn good at making friends and drawing people in. That girl has mad skills. Not that she needs them to draw Travis’ attention.

“We’ll continue our talk later,” I warn Jen. “It’s not over yet.”

“Sure sweetie,” she mutters. “We do have a lot to discuss.” She smirks as I join them. “Let’s just have fun for now. I’m starving.”

By things to discuss, I know she means the boys and me so I just let it go for now. We’ll have our time later and I will get it out of her.

I spend the first hour, making small chat with friends and family, everyone seeming to be in complete shock that I decided to make an appearance at the party. I don’t blame them. I’m surprised myself, so I can only imagine how they feel.

I make it a point to speak to Nancy, to show her I kept my word and showed up. When I find her alo
ne, I approach her. “Hi, Nancy. Thanks for having me. Everything is great. I love the band.” It's a band of some kids around town just out of high school. They've played at the bar a few times.

“It’s so nice of you to show up.” She wraps her arms around me, squeezing me in a hug. “Just remember that you’re still welcome here as often as you like. Some things have changed.” She looks sad now as she squeezes my shoulder and gives me a sympathetic smile. “Not all of them. You’re still like family to us.”

I nod and look into her blue eyes. They’re just like Kade’s and I remember them so well. This woman had always been like a second mom to me growing up, but over the last eight years, I have only seen her at gatherings and occasionally at the bar. Looking into them know, makes me feel horrible for shutting her out. It wasn’t intentional. “Thank you, Mrs. Haze. I’m glad to be here.”

From the smile that spreads across her face, I can tell I really did make her day just by showing up. Somehow, that makes me smile a real smile for the first time today. “You can still call me Nancy.” She laughs. “Mrs. makes me feel old. I have a lot of guest to tend to, but just know that I’m happy you can be a part of our party this year. I’ve missed you dear. Now go and have a good time.”

Watching her walk away, I get the feeling I’ve made myself present for as long as I needed to and maybe now is a safe time to escape. I don't think I can bring myself to see the fireworks. Jen has been busy keeping up with the kids and Kade seems to be keeping occupied with a group of older women that can’t seem to keep their hands to themselves. I’m kind of thankful for them keeping him busy. I really don’t know how to act around him right now.

I walk back inside, away from the party guests, into the huge hallway and press my back against the bur
gundy painted walls in relief. The loud chattering that once filled my ears dies down and my heart has finally slowed down enough for me to calm down. For a moment, I almost thought I was going to break down into some kind of anxiety attack in the presence of so many people, while waiting for the moment to speak with Nancy. Luckily, it came just in time.

Taking a deep breath, I push myself away from the wall and get ready to make my move towards the door, when out of nowhere, it swings open to none other than Kellan Haze.

He steps through the door, his eyes instantly landing on mine. They show no emotion as he closes the door behind him and shakes his hair out of his face. He looks a little stunned, but hides his emotions well.

My heart races against my chest as my eyes move from head to toe, taking in the perfection of all that is Kellan. He’s dressed in a black tank, revealing his sleeve tattoos, with a pair of dark denims that hang to his slender waistline, topped off with a studded belt. He’s even wearing his Converse shoes tonight and matched with his tattoos, that makes him even sexier. I should turn away, but I can’t. I’m drawn to him like a moth to a flame.

His full lips slightly part and his chest moves up and down as his eyes take in my body, demanding every bit of my attention as he makes his way towards the staircase, that leads up to his father’s office. His stare has me in some kind of daze, as if his eyes are telling me something he isn’t.

I stand there, breathing heavily, watching him as he makes his way up the stairs, his eyes still glued to mine. I’m not sure why, but my body finally moves, making its way to the stairs as he rounds the corner, leaving my body wanting more of him.

My fingers brush the polished wood of the railing, as I slowly make my way up to the top. The door to his father’s office is open and when I take the step that has me standing in the opening, I see Kellan standing with his back facing me. I can see the muscles in his back tense as he leans over the desk and grips the edge in his hands.

“Kellan.” I take a step inside and watch him, waiting for his next move. My heart is going crazy and my breathing is becoming uncontrollable. I have no idea why I followed him up here or if he even wanted me to.
Maybe he wants to be alone.

He stands up straight and turns around
to face me. “I’m surprised you’re here,” he says, breaking the silence. “I have spent the last two hours trying to decide if I should come here. I don’t want to be here, you know. I don’t want to celebrate this day, but . . .” he breathes heavily as he turns to face the window. Then as quickly as he turned away, he turns to face me again, making my heart stop. “I was hoping to get to see you.”

His words shock me and as he pulls his eyes down to meet mine, there’s a look in his eyes I’ve never seen before. It makes me wish I had a lifetime to stand here and figure it out, without him running away. “Don’t you think it’s time we both make a new memory for this day? Sometimes, if a good memory is almost as powerful as the bad, then it can ease the pain of the bad. That’s what I want to do with you. For you.”

“I don’t know . . .” My words trail off as he takes a step toward me, his nostrils flared and his jaw clenched as he pulls me into the office, shutting the door. He turns me, facing the closed door and walks again until my back is pressed against the desk. “I can’t think of anything good enough to make this day any better,” I whisper, unable to breathe. Him being this close is almost too much to handle.

A look of hurt flashes in his eyes before he grabs my waist with force and pulls me to him so we’re only a breath apart from kissing. “I almost hate myself for what I’m about to do to you.”

I swallow hard as my eyes connect with his. They are so full of a passion I’ve never seen before and he’s breathing so hard, I’m afraid he’ll have some kind of asthma attack like when we were kids. “What,” I swallow hard losing myself. “What are you about to do to me?”

He runs his hand up my side from being cupped around my waist, stopping right beneath my breast, then over my heart, and the pain in his eyes deepens. His breath comes
out in heavy bursts and I can feel his heart beating fast against my chest. “Make you fall in love with me.”

I gasp as he presses his lips against mine; his lips searching mine as if he’s been holding back for years. His lips are soft and smooth and the feel of his lip ring is foreign against my skin, making my body feel as if it’s on fire. He runs his tongue over my lips before sucking in the bottom one, nibbling and tugging, begging for entrance I instantly grant. In this moment, I feel as if I could die in his arms, as his tongue smoothly rolls around with mine, both of us breathing each other in.

His hands cup just under my ass, picking me up, setting me on the edge of the desk. This causes both of us to gasp and before I know it, one hand slowly trails its way up my thigh, underneath my skirt, until my panties are twisted around his strong fingers. “I love the way you taste and I want to pleasure you in ways you have never known,” he breathes into my ear, making me wet. “Running my tongue along every inch of your body has been flooding my thoughts for days and I promise you I would do things you never even imagined.”

He leans back in claiming my lips again and as he presses his body between mine, spreading my legs wider, I can feel the stiffness of his penis digging into my body. It causes my body to tremble under his touch as he runs his fingers up the
inside of my thigh, inching its way closer to my pussy. All I have to do to feel his fingers inside me, is move just a little to the left and the anticipation is killing me. I want him inside me. My body is screaming for his touch.

Pulling away from the kiss, he bites his bottom lip while thrusting his hip further between my legs so his stiffness is rubbing my swollen clit, making me moan. “If only I could do these things without a guilty conscience but I can’t.” He pulls away suddenly looking terrified. “Shit! What the hell am I doing? You’re Adric’s little sister and I’m no good for you. For anyone.”

I sit there fighting to catch my breath as I watch him run his hands over his face before running his fingers through his hair, tugging it.

“That’s all I’ll ever be to you, isn’t it? Adric’s little sister,” I say stiffly. “I’m not a child anymore and I have taken more pain than you know. You think you’ve been hurting over the years, well fuck you Kellan because I’ve been hurting worse.” I stand up from the desk and pull my skirt down. I’m in so much heartache right now, especially after getting to feel those lips on mine, just to take the feeling away and never give it again. It hurts like hell, but I refuse to show it. “Oh and don’t ever kiss me again. I don’t think your brother would like his lips to be where yours has been.”

The look on his face is as if I’ve just slapped him. Kade had given me the same look when I called him by his brother’s name. I don’t even know why I just said what I said. Maybe I want to hurt him just as bad as he has hurt me over the years.

He rubs a hand over his mouth and looks me in the eye. “You’re right. I don’t think he would like that either.” He stares me in the eyes while walking over to stand in front of me. His eyes trail down to my lips as he speaks again. “But I think I fucking hate his lips on yours more.”

Before I can speak, his lips crush mine again as he backs me up against the wall. This time he doesn’t even ask for entrance, he just takes it. He places his hand on my chin and pushes my head back, causing me to gasp as he slips his tongue into my mouth. His tongue hungrily caresses mine and this time, I feel the coolness of the steel in his mouth as he swirls his tongue around mine, before sucking it into his mouth. “Fuck the rules and fuck what Kade wants. Here’s to making this day better. Today, you’re mine.”

I look at his mouth as he runs his tongue over his lip and looks me in the eye. “Kellan, you don’t have to-“

“Come with me,” he breathes. “I have places I want to take you.”

His Adams apple bobs as he looks at me waiting for a response. “What about the party and your family?”

“Screw the party, Phoenix. This day is about you and being sure you never have to suffer on this day again. Give me a chance to change your mind.”

He looks at me pleadingly and I can’t help but to give in. A part of me doesn’t even care where he’s taking me as long as I’m with him. “Okay, take me anywhere you want.”

I hope this is the right decision or I’m in for a world of hurt.