Authors: Katlyn Duncan
Jordan turns to Will and catches up with him a bit more. I spread my legs in front of me and lean back on my hands, tilting my head to the sky, lit up by the bright field lights. I inhale and drink in the moment. The kids behind us are laughing and tooting toy horns. Happiness fills me and I smile to myself.
Suddenly the lights turn off and everyone around us cheers. I blink away the phantom images of the lights in my vision. Jordan sits up and turns to me. The moon gives me enough light to see him grinning. I smile back.
My heart rate picks up as I take in everything around me. Another summer milestone. In two months I will be in the city and off to my next adventure. The thought sends a slow shiver down my spine. The days and summers spent at home will be just fond memories. Maybe I will experience what Will mentioned. Coming home will be reminiscent of all the good memories. Nothing will change here, only those who come back are changed.
A dull
boom
signals the first firework climbing into the air. The sky explodes in pink and purple dots. Everyone cheers.
I adjust myself until comfortably able to see where the rest of the show will follow. The next is in the shape of a blue star. The crowd responds appropriately and even Lily nudges my shoulder, giving me an exaggerated “Aww”. I mimic her and we laugh, until Eddie pulls her face back to his. I turn away, not needing any more of that show tonight.
Rough fingers move across mine. I turn to Jordan. Had I misread the signs? But his focus is on the sky and his hands are in his lap. I follow the fingers to Will’s hand as my skin breaks out in goosebumps. Even though he’s looking forward, a small lift of his lips lets me know he didn’t put his hand there by mistake. His thumb moves over my knuckles, leaving a trail of tingles that shoot up my arm. The fireworks form the background soundtrack to the steady thumping of my heart.
After what seems like an eternity, his head turns. It’s dark but his gaze rips through me. The next firework comes up, illuminating his face. His expression is serious, making my breathing sputter. The corner of his mouth twitches as his fingers continue to move over the top of my hand.
I should move my hand away. He’s not interested. Lily’s mantra repeats in my mind. No regrets. Starting anything with Will would end in so many regrets. But what if I don’t let my heart get broken this time? I already know we’re both leaving, what if I take it for what it is and just be open to whatever happens?
I put most of my weight on my free hand, rolling the one touching him so my palm is facing up. He doesn’t skip a beat, his fingers twine with mine and he squeezes lightly. It’s such a small gesture but intensely intimate. A burning heat surges through me, pooling in my lower abdomen. He licks his lips and turns back to the fireworks as if holding my hand is easy and right. I do the same, trying to burn that moment into my brain. I find it hard to focus on anything but our hands throughout the rest of the show. I glance around to see if anyone can see us but everyone’s eyes are on the sky. My head is fuzzy and I know it has more to do with Will than the alcohol.
His hand squeezes mine and I turn to him.
“Wait for it,” he mouths.
I smile. He remembered.
The finale is our favorite part. Even as kids we always made sure we experienced it together. I don’t need any assistance in making my heart race but when the rapid firing of fireworks explodes in the air my heart feels as if it’s going to beat out of my chest.
The last firework is a mix of red, white, and blue and the whole stadium erupts in cheers. As the last of the fireworks descend from the sky the lights turn on. And just like that, the spell is broken. Will takes his hand from mine and I moves it to my side as if I had it there the whole time.
“Awesome show.” Jordan leans over to me.
I nod slowly and smile at him.
Where I think Will is going to pretend like nothing happened, he surprises me when he meets my eyes and grins. I press my lips together, sealing the secret between us. Something between us has shifted. Just like it had that last summer. Maybe we can have a do-over. Even just for a little while.
***
Even though my world shifted the night of the fireworks, it’s apparent mine was the only one. I spend all weekend thinking about Will. Obsessing is more like it. Lily went home with Eddie that night and the only reason I knew she was alive was the one long text from her Saturday morning describing every detail. She didn’t mention anything about Will so it was a safe assumption she didn’t see us. Jordan offered to drive me home and Will had already parted from the group by then, offering me an indecipherably weighted look. Maybe I misread the moment? Jordan and I parted as friends, but I did put in a good word for the girl who’d been eyeing him all night.
Monday morning I get ready as usual, donning my counselor uniform. If Will is avoiding me, he can’t hide much longer. It’s ridiculous for me to think an innocent friendly gesture meant more. We are two old friends hanging out together. Of course our emotions are high.
This week is my turn to drive Lily to camp. I run into the kitchen and kiss Mom on the cheek before sprinting to my car. I avoid looking in the direction of Will’s house, slide into the car and turn the ignition. I’m out of the driveway in a few seconds and pulling away from the house. I glance in my rearview mirror and see his truck is still in the driveway. Somehow that doesn’t make me feel any better.
Twenty minutes later, Lily and I sit in my car in the parking lot outside the main building. In my effort to get away from the house we arrived over forty minutes before camp starts.
“How was the rest of your weekend?” I ask when I know she’s nearly awake enough for human interaction.
A sly smile spreads over her lips. “It was good. I stayed over at Eddie’s dorm all weekend.”
I turn in my seat. “You stayed with him?”
She yawns. “He’s taking summer classes at the college so he has a room to himself.” She meets my shocked expression. “What? It’s not like I’ve never stayed over at a guy’s place before? What’s with the look?”
“Nothing,” I say weakly. Sleeping over at a guy’s place has never been my thing. It took almost six months of dating for Carter and I to have sex.
“Anyway. It was good.” She snuggles into the seat and leans her head on the window frame. “What did you do this weekend?”
“Not much,” I say. Besides constantly thinking about Will. Why was I acting like an idiotic fifteen year old again?
“Did you talk to Jordan?” she asks.
I bite my lip. “Listen. It was nice of you to try to hook us up, but I don’t think it’s going to work.”
She blows a weak raspberry. “I could have told you that.”
My head snaps towards hers. “What?”
“I saw him on campus this weekend with one of those girls from the fireworks. Eddie said he was single so I assumed that you two would be great together. Even just as a summer fling.”
I turn my focus to the building. We probably would have been if I didn’t already have someone else on my brain.
Lily sits up in her seat. “What’s he doing here so early?”
Will and Dad are coming out from behind the building. Will nods as my Dad speaks. They enter the building without noticing us. I hadn’t seen Dad much that weekend but he never mentioned Will. Was that why I hadn’t seen Will?
“No idea,” I say, as nonchalant as I can, even though my mind whirls with possibilities.
***
Will is already with some of the early arrivals when Lily and I enter the gym. And surprisingly, he carries on as if nothing happened Friday night. We discuss our plans for the day and I find myself scrutinizing each word he says for a deeper meaning. But if guys are as transparent as Lily leads me to believe, then Friday must have been platonic in his mind.
Will excuses himself halfway through the Art elective and the teacher complies. I focus on my drawing, the side of my hand stained with colored pencil. With him out of sight, my stomach unknots itself and I can finally breathe, even though my chest aches with the wasted effort of thinking of him all weekend.
Our sport elective this week is horseback riding. I’m breaking up another lightsaber fight between Greg and Harry, using large sticks as their weapons of choice as we approach the far side of the park. The park houses a small zoo with mostly farm animals for patrons to pet and feed.
I take Greg’s “sword” away and I hear the steady trot of a horse nearing us. I glance up to see someone riding a beautiful reddish-brown horse in our direction. My eyes move up the legs, chest, and finally the face of the rider. A leather cowboy hat shields his eyes, but even at this distance I know Will’s looking straight at me. If it wasn’t for the camp uniform, he could have just trotted out of one of my mom’s western romance novels. Now I realize what the secrecy was about and I bite my lip, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of a smile for tricking me. Not yet.
The girls squeal as Will approaches with the horse. He expertly drops down and pats the majestic creature on the neck.
He adjusts his hat until his eyes are no longer shadowed. A knowing smile touches his lips. “This is Ginger.” A woman around my mom’s age comes up behind the horse holding a cloth bag and two small helmets. “And this is her handler, Rachel,” he continues.
The kids vibrate with excitement. As Rachel starts talking to the kids, Will makes his way to my side. My skin flushes and I keep my attention on the trainer.
“Nice entrance,” I say.
He grins. “I practiced it all weekend.”
“Really?”
He shakes his head. “I work on a ranch, remember?”
“Right.”
“But I did spend a lot of time with Ginger this weekend,” he says. “I needed to have her trust me enough for our grand entrance.”
“Hm,” I say, nonchalant. So that’s where he was this weekend.
“And I needed a little reminder of home,” he says wistfully.
Heat prickles my neck. I can’t fault him for that.
He lifts the hat from his head and runs his fingers through his hair. He looks at me appraisingly and drops the hat on my head. “I knew it would look better on you.” He turns away and listens to Rachel’s safety tips with the kids.
I adjust the hat, the warmth of Will’s head enveloping mine. I look over at him, his focus on Rachel. His unguarded grin reminds me of the eighteen year old guy I used to know.
When Rachel is done, the kids rush over to Ginger and reach out to pet her. The horse isn’t bothered, probably because Rachel is giving her carrots the whole time.
Will goes to Ginger, smoothing his hand over her mane. “We have enough time for two of you to ride today.” The kids groan. “But we have the whole week with Ginger, so everyone will get a turn.”
From the influx of hands in the air, Will picks Allison and Devon to be the first to ride. Rachel helps the kids with the helmets and Will assists Allison onto Ginger’s back, checking to make sure her feet are secure in the stirrups. Allison’s mouth drops open as they move forward. Will’s hand rests on her leg while the other holds the reins. His hand remains on Allison as they start their walk.
The kids sit in their groups watching the horse and Will walk further away. I sit near the back of the group, unable to take my eyes off him
“Are you two dating?”
Jaclyn’s accusation catches me off guard. I make a face. “No.”
“You’re wearing his hat,” she points out. “Boys only give gifts when you’re dating.”
The boys are wrapped up in their own conversation but all the girls stare at me. “His head was hot.”
“Ew,” she says, turning around again.
Am I that obvious with my feelings for Will that a thirteen year old can call me out? I take the hat off my head and smooth my hair away from my face.
“I think you would make a good couple,” Casey says in a whisper, her petite body leaning toward me. “He looks at you like my daddy used to look at my mommy.”
My heart breaks for her, but before I can say anything else she slides over and joins Jaclyn and Kelli in some hand-slapping game.
Will and Ginger are on their way towards the group and my mind wanders to what Casey noticed. My chest tightens as his eyes lock with mine. He’s still holding Allison steady but the desire in his eyes is unmistakable. I didn’t mistake that look from the fireworks. There was something there. But what? I had no idea.
Will
It’s too damn early on a Wednesday morning for this. My pulse spikes as the world closes in around me. I scoot closer to the window, counting down the seconds until I can get off this bus. Hadley sits next to me, calm and collected as usual. The shrill laughter and excitement from the kids around us makes me want to jump out of the window.
Her legs brushes against mine and for a minute I focus on that.
“Are you okay?” she asks, her green eyes wide.
“I’m fine,” I lie.
Her eyebrows pull together for a moment but I offer a grin to assure her. She smiles back and turns to Lily who is across the aisle from us.
She seems fine with ignoring what happened between us on Friday, and the last two days at camp prove that. We’ve gone through the motions and I’m happy enough that she didn’t want to discuss it. She wouldn’t have anyway. She’s still the same girl who avoids any tough subjects, which is fine with me. A momentary lapse in judgment made me touch her. But when I got home and received the call from Mabel, my selfishness was put on the back burner.
“The bank needs at least half of the loan by the end of the month,” she said. “I have a call out to the lawyer for an extension.”
“We’ve had too many extensions,” I said.” I guarantee that won’t go through. I’ll send you the paychecks I’ve received so far. I can push up the open house to next week to get the ball rolling. I’ll make sure all the cosmetic repairs are done and I can work on the rest at night.”
“Will,” she said, in her warning voice. “I didn’t call you for the money. I just wanted to let you know the progress. I will take care of everything. How are you doin’?”
The night with Hadley had felt fantastic, but the reason I’d come back was to sell the house and leave everything behind. I had to focus on that now.