This Time Around (Maybe) (6 page)

“
Taiya’s a good girl.”

“I know she is.”

“You need to talk to her about what happened that night,” he says, walking over to me and affectionately squeezing my shoulder. A lot happened that night. If I could have a do-over, it would make my life much easier. So many misconceptions and some seriously wrong timing. In the end, I did screw up, especially by not going after her and explaining. Just not as bad as Taiya thinks. She and I were high school sweethearts. We were each other’s firsts, and I was hoping lasts. When I proposed at twenty-one, and she accepted, it was the best day of my life. We had a small wedding, with just our close family and friends. Taiya’s sister, Claire, was her maid of honour, and Reid was my best man. Everyone said we shouldn’t get married, tried to advise us against it, but we didn’t listen. We were in love. More than in love. We were head over fucking heels, obsessed, couldn’t keep our hands off each other in love. I still feel the same way about her. If anything, absence has made the heart fonder and I crave her more than ever. Back then, we spent as much time as we could together, and we just got each other. I let her in—more than any other person—other than Reid. It’s true I kept her protected from a few things in my life, a few things from my past, but that was because I didn’t want to taint her with my shit. She was too good for that.

Everything was perfect.

Until I messed up.

After having an argument, I gave
Taiya time to calm down, while I gathered my thoughts. I went back the next day, hoping that I could explain everything to her. Except when I went to her mum’s house, she informed me that Taiya had left. Left as in, left the country. She had packed a bag, and run to South Africa, where I knew she had family. She did leave me a note. I still have that note, even though I can remember it word for word.

That note broke my damn heart.
The words run through my mind of their own accord…

Ryan,

All the best days of my life had you in them. Or maybe they were the best days of my life because you were in them. Either way, everywhere I look, I see you.

You are everywhere.

And everywhere hurts.

That’s why I need to leave. Because one look at you and I’ll want to forget. Forget what I saw, forget that you took my heart and stomped on it. That you broke me.

I don’t know who I am anymore, and that just pisses me off. There is no good way this can end. We both just need to move on with our lives, find out what we want. Well, find out what you want. I knew what I wanted
. I just didn’t know how to keep it. Move on without me, because I’ll be doing the same.

Taiya

“Don’t worry, I have a plan,” I tell my brother
, pushing her words out of my mind. If, not leaving her alone and grovelling, could be considered a plan, well, then, yeah, I had a plan.

“Just be yourself,” he jokes, trying to keep a serious face but barely managing.
I chuckle at his sage advice, closing my laptop and shoving all the papers in the top drawer.

“Have you spoken to her?” I ask him. Reid and
Taiya used to be pretty good friends.

“Well
, the first time I saw her she was too busy slapping you across the face,” he says, his lip twitching and his eyes alight with amusement.

“Good times,” I add dr
yly.

“The second time I ran into her with
Summer, we spoke for a few minutes. It was mainly Summer trying to get Taiya to go out with her. She can be very persuasive when she wants to be,” he says, pride evident by the glint in his eyes.

“Yeah
, she’s a firecracker, that one.”

He lifts his shoulder in a shrug. “I thought I’d tag along with them, keep an eye out. Even though I don’t fight anymore, you never know what kind o
f grudges those douchebags could still be holding.”

“Shit, I never even thought of that,” I mutter, scowling. Reid used to fi
ght in underground MMA, and in the past, things have gotten out of hand with other fighters. Fights have broken out. Once, a fighter made lewd comments about Summer, wanting to start shit; there was no stopping Reid.

“I don’t think anything will happen, but you know me, I’d rather be wherever
Summer is.”

“And you’re obviously man enough to admit it,” I say, grinning widely.

Reid flexes his ripped biceps. “Anyone have anything to say about it?” he mock threats, showing off.

“I could take you.”

He grins, all teeth. “It’s adorable that you think so, baby brother.”

“Baby? By like, a minute.” If that.

“Still counts,” he taunts, grinning.

“Are you two done?”
came an amused voice at the door. Reid turns around, and I look behind him to see Summer standing in the doorway, her eyes twinkling at our enlightening conversation.

“
We will continue this conversation at a later time,” I tell Reid, walking past him and nudging him with my shoulder. “Everything all right?” I ask Summer.

“Yeah. Tag just went home so one of you need
s to come help out front. But I can see you guys are busy doing something important, so…” she trails off, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m on it. Reid can handle the stocktake,” I call out, walking
past Summer and exiting the room.

Chapter Six

I don’t see Taiya at all over the next few days, and I’m sure that’s not by accident. That’s why I’m surprised when I run into her on the stairs.

“What are you doing here?”
she asks, her brows furrowing. Her curls are piled on her head, and she’s dressed in running clothes.

“What am I doing, on the stairs?” I ask, bemused.

“Yeah, you normally take the lift,” she says, grimacing when she realises what she just gave up.

“So that’s why I haven’t seen you around. You’ve been hiding?” I ask, feeling sad. I had guessed this was what she was d
oing, but I was hoping I was wrong. I can’t believe our relationship has resorted to this. “Taiya, you live here. You shouldn’t feel as though you need to avoid me.” It hurts; it really does.

She exhales deeply, looking down. “It’s just easier, you know.”

“I don’t want you to feel like you have to do that.” I wish I could tell her I’ll leave her alone. I wish I could, but I can’t.  I want to be near her. It’s as simple as that.

She glances up at me. “
Yeah, you’re right. Guess I’ll see you around then?”

I don’t want her to leave. “You want to come over for a bit, so we can talk?”

“Maybe later,” she says, her face falling. I see her look down at my hand, and notice that I’m now wearing my wedding band.

She stiffens.
“Bye, Ryan.”

“Bye,” I say softly.
I love you. So much it hurts.

With nothing better to do, I head into work
, even though today is meant to be my day off.

“What are you doing here?” Jade
asks as I walk in, blowing her chewing gum into a bubble.

“Hello to you too,” I say dryly, taking in the almost empty bar. We have three customers, which isn’t unusual for this hour.
“Thought I’d see if you need some help.”

Jade looks around the bar. “I think I’ve got it under control.”

“Well, now that I’m here you can do some cleaning,” I say, smiling evilly. She pushes her short blonde hair behind her ears, and rolls her eyes.

“I’ll get right on that.”

When she doesn’t move, I pick up the broom and hand it to her. She takes it with a sigh, and walks around the bar. I really need to stop hiring family and friends.

After telling Jade to make sure she does the bathrooms, I wipe the counters clean and stock up the fridge.
When the entire bar is sparkling, and I finish all the paperwork, I’m thrilled when Reid texts me asking me if I want to spar with him at the gym. Nothing like keeping busy to distract myself. Tag walks in just as I’m walking out.

“Hey,” he says, smiling. I slap him on the shoulder. “Everything al
l right?”

“Yeah, just came in for a bit.”

He looks at me knowingly. “Who’s in?”

“Jade.”

“Fuck me,” he mutters, and I can’t help it, I chuckle. Jade can be a huge pain in the ass.

“She probably would,” I tell him, just to be annoying. Jade has been ey
eing Tag for a while now, but Tag isn’t interested in the least. Something about the crazy outweighing the hotness. I think he’s been watching too much
How I Met Your Mother
.

“
How’s Bella?” I ask referring to Tag’s daughter.

“She’s good,” he says, his eyes brightening like
they do every time someone brings up his daughter.

“Bring her over,
she and River can have a play date again.” We did this last month. We took the kids to the beach and had a BBQ with everyone.

“Will do. Better get to work before the boss comes in,” he says, smirking.

“Ha ha. See you soon, bro.”

I get on my bike, and head straight to the gym.

*****

I walk up the stairs quickly, wanting nothing more than to get home and have a nice hot shower. When I hear the soft laugh of
Taiya, I come to a standstill.

“Ryan,” she gasps, sounding surprised and a little wary. Standing next to her is the guy I saw her with last time. The one who is still sporting a
slight bruise from where I hit him. His face pales when he sees me, glancing to Taiya as if looking for direction. My hands instantly clench, wanting nothing more than to pound him into the ground. It kills me, but I don’t. I force a smile, knowing it looks more like a grimace, but it’s all I have to offer, and I continue past them up to my apartment. I hear her say my name softly behind me, but I don’t reply or look back. I exit the stairway onto my floor, fumbling with my keys as I unlock my front door, slamming and locking it behind me. Pulling my shirt off as I walk into the bathroom, I toss it onto the floor, my shoes and socks following. Taking off my basketball shorts, I turn on the water, letting it run until it’s the perfect temperature. Then I stand in the shower, unmoving, replaying seeing Taiya and that fuckhead over and over again.

Chapter Seven

Taiya

I look over at Scott and sigh.
We’re sitting on the couch, and I can’t take my mind off Ryan. I don’t know why I feel guilty, considering Ryan and I are separated and Scott is just a friend, but I do. The look on his face… I scrub my hand down my face, wanting to go and talk to him. I don’t want him thinking that I would bring a guy and shove him in his face, even though I don’t really have to answer to Ryan. He’s been around the block and back while I was away. True, he hasn’t shoved any women in my face since I’ve been back, but does that change anything? I guess it does. To hear about something and to see it is something completely different. Scott is a family friend of mine, and we became close when he came to South Africa on holiday. There is nothing romantic about our relationship, and we’ve never so much as held hands. I tried to explain that to Ryan the last time, except he was too busy punching Scott in the face. I think Ryan was shocked at seeing me, and took it out on Scott. He held his temper in check today, but I could tell it cost him.

“You going to tell him we’re just friends?” Scott says, peeling the label off his beer.

“I’ll talk to him,” I say. I feel like walking over there right now.

“It’s probably a good idea for my health,” Scott replies, quirking an eyebrow. My lips twitch. Trust Scott to find something amusing about this situation.
“How’s your mum holding up?”

“She seems okay, a little tired, but in good spirits,” I answer softly. My mum loves Ryan. She was so upset when I decided to leave the country.

Running away won’t solve anything, Taiya girl.

Boy was she right. A year later and I still have a husband and a shitload of problems on my hands.

“Fuck. I need to talk to Ryan. Give me twenty minutes, okay?” I tell Scott, standing up and pulling at the hem of my shirt.

“Take your time
. I’ll catch up on some work,” he says, waving his hand. Scott’s a really great guy. I lean down and kiss him on the cheek.

“Wish me luck,” I mutter under my breath, knowing that I’m going to need it. Closing the door behind me, I take the stairs to Ryan’s apartment. I knock twice, shifting on my feet nervously. I knock again before he finally opens it, standing there in nothing but a pair of boxer shorts. I open my mouth, and close it. Only to open it again. “Been working out?” I squeak out, staring at his chiselled
six-pack of abs.

“What do you want
, Taiya?” he asks, not even amused by my obvious perusal.

“Can we talk?”
I ask.

“Oh, now you want to talk. No thanks, I’m really busy right now,” he says, moving to close the door. I put my hand on the door, pushing it open and walking
past him. I notice his apartment is a hell of a lot nicer than mine, and much more spacious. I walk into his lounge room and flop down onto his couch. “Make yourself at home,” he says, an odd tone to his voice. I stare up at him, but his expression shows nothing.