This Time Forever (8 page)

* * * * *

Riley Hansen drove to work feeling very unsettled. He almost didn’t go to work at all, but that would mean seeing Mickelle’s cheerful face all day. How could she be so happy when his world was falling apart?

Everything was slipping out of control. He’d experienced another seizure last night in the truck, his wife wanted who knew what, and his job sucked. His lips twisted in a wry grin. Mickelle hated it when he said something sucked.

Not that he didn’t want her to be happy; it was just that things were changing too fast. He needed to get a handle on his life. But how? Turning up the radio, he tried to tune out his thoughts.

Come to think of it,
he
hated the word suck—especially when the children used it. But it made him feel better now . . . a little rebellious.

Mickelle was so beautiful, so loving and caring. He often wondered why she’d married him in the first place. Over the years, he sometimes worried that she would leave. And now she had finally come right out and admitted she would seek a divorce if he didn’t treat her better. But what was he doing wrong?

Riley’s heart beat rapidly, and it was suddenly difficult to breathe. He took in a ragged gasp of air. He couldn’t lose Mickelle! Sometimes he thought she was the only reason he continued to live.

She said she loved him. Was it true? It had to be.

I’ll do better,
he vowed silently.
I’ll do whatever she wants.

A part of him that rebelled at this admission, but his love and need for his wife gradually overcame his darker thoughts. Mickelle seemed to believe there was hope for their relationship, and he had to at least try, though he didn’t understand her problem.

The positive thoughts erased much of his unhappiness. He’d been at work for an hour when he decided to call Mickelle to tell her he loved her. She didn’t answer the phone. Where had she gone? Was she outside or somewhere else? What was she doing?
She should be there,
he thought with gritted teeth. His breath came more rapidly. Fighting his anger, he returned to work.

When he called her again after lunch, she finally answered. “I tried to call earlier,” he said. He knew his voice was accusing, but he couldn’t help it. Now she would be hurt, and that meant he would have to comfort her. Maybe not a bad thing after all.

He was wrong. “I’m sorry I missed your call,” she answered cheerfully. “I’ve been at my mother’s and then at the college, looking into financial aid. So is something up? Why did you call?”

Riley was astonished. Why wasn’t she resentful of his checking up on her? Just what had she been doing at that college, anyway?

He couldn’t lose her.

“I just called to say I love you,” he managed.

“How sweet! I love you, too, Riley.” There was unfeigned happiness in her voice, and Riley’s terror diminished. “Hey, I was just thinking about going grocery shopping,” she added. “Is there anything special you’d like?”

“No. Nothing.” He told her goodbye and hung up. Instead of being content at her words, he began to worry about who she might see at the grocery store. Would she leave him? Why was she acting so strangely?

Riley put his head in his hands to fight a sudden onslaught of dizziness. Was he having another seizure? The thought scared him senseless.

“You okay, Hansen?” It was his boss, Monte Williams.

Dumb jerk. This is all your fault. If you’d given me the promotion instead of Greg, my life would be so much better. I detest you!
He stood up, grateful that he was able to do so. “Yeah, I’m okay. Just a little tired.”

“Good, because your department is looking shabby. Better get it straightened. There are two customers by the lawnmowers who need your help.”

Riley wished he could tell the man where to go. “I’ll get right on it,” he said, making sure his voice held none of the venom that was in his heart.

What a terrible day!

CHAPTER SIX

Rebekka had mentally packed her suitcases a million times over the week as she waited for Brionney to call. Everything was settled at work. She hadn’t talked with her family yet, but she would as soon as Brionney called.

She hadn’t seen Marc since that fateful day when she had realized that he would never love her as she loved him. He’d called the apartment and had even come over a few times, but she’d either pretended to be out or indisposed. Her mother couldn’t understand her attitude, but accepted it at face value, as she did everything else.

Rebekka went through the motions of living, sometimes feeling numb and other times enduring such agony of heart that she didn’t know if she would survive another day. Her dreams had vanished, and all she wanted to do was to run and hide, to lick her wounds until she was ready to face the world again.

The world, but not Marc. She thought she might never be able to look into his eyes again, and if she couldn’t do that, what was the use of living at all?

The only person who had an inkling of her plight was her only sibling Raoul, who was twenty-six, two years her senior. The week after Rebekka had made her horrendous discovery, Raoul answered the phone in the living room when Marc called. She refused to talk with him. “What do you want me to tell him?” Raoul asked.

“I don’t care,” Rebekka said bleakly, “but I’m not talking to him.”

Raoul made an excuse and hung up. He gazed at her sympathetically as she sat on the couch, clutching the
Liahona
. “So you know about Marc and Mom.”

Rebekka stared at him for a few seconds. Raoul had her father’s broad shoulders and lean face, and her mother’s auburn hair—though a bit lighter—and also her gray eyes. The kindness in those eyes made a lump come to her throat. She nodded miserably. “Mom doesn’t know.”

Raoul shrugged, coming to sit beside her. “Mom’s a perfect innocent. Nothing can touch her. I think she had to be that way to love Dad.”

She knew what he meant. Despite the religion and values that separated them, Danielle loved their father deeply and totally. Over the years, he had learned to return that devotion. But he hadn’t always been so doting. Once he’d almost left her.

Raoul touched her shoulder tentatively. “I’m really sorry. I know you like Marc.”

She forced lightness into her voice. “Just a childish crush.” She turned her face away from him and added, “I’m not a child any longer.” To her disgust, her voice shook slightly. She hoped he wouldn’t notice.

“The guy’s a fool,” Raoul replied. “Thirty-four years, and he hasn’t made any progress in his personal life. He should have moved on a long time ago.” He paused, and what he said next showed Rebekka that Raoul had not only heard but understood the tremor in her voice. “Like you’re doing.”

She turned back toward him in surprise. “It’s so hard.”

“I know.” He hugged her like he had when they were little and she had cried because she couldn’t tie her shoe. If only that were her problem now. Raoul gave her a final squeeze and stood. “I hope you know that I’m here if you need me.”

“Thanks.” Rebekka did want to talk further, but she dared not put too much trust in her brother. He worked with Marc every day at their engineering firm; something might slip accidentally. She couldn’t bear for Marc to understand her true feelings now, when it was too late.

“Are you going out with Desirée tonight?” she asked, noticing that he was dressed in his Sunday best.

Raoul grinned sheepishly. “Yeah.”

“She’s a nice girl.” In fact, the only flaw Rebekka saw in the girl was that she wasn’t a member of their church. But that could change; she was very sweet and seemed serious about searching for the truth.

“I know.” His face grew serious. “I don’t plan to let her get away.”

“Good.”

Rebekka watched him go with tears in her eyes. How she wished it could be her and Marc.

But no! She couldn’t think that way. Somewhere there had to be someone who would love her for herself. Someone who wouldn’t pat her on the head and call her a pest.

The phone rang, and she let the answering machine pick up, fearing that it was Marc again. She sat stiffly, waiting to see if the person on the other end would leave a message.

“Hello, this is Brionney Hergarter. I’m calling to talk to—”

Rebekka snatched the portable receiver from the charging unit. “Hi, Bri, I’m here.”

“Good. How are you?”

“All right.”

“You don’t sound all right.”

“Just stress. So what’s the news?”

“We don’t have an exact date yet, but you can leave anytime. I would have called sooner, but we have some friends here whose baby has been terribly sick, and we’ve been holding off because of them, but she’s out of danger now. As soon as everything’s wrapped up, we’ll leave. Meanwhile, my mother said you could stay at her house until I get to Utah. She’s excited about having you. I had to remind her that you were
my
guest—but that was before something else came up.”

“What do you mean? She can’t have me stay?”

“No, no, not that. It’s just that I was wondering if you could help out a friend of ours—Damon, Jesse’s partner. He’s also moving to Utah, but his nanny doesn’t want to leave her family here in Anchorage. Damon’s five-year-old daughter, Belle, is upset because this nanny has been with them since Belle’s mother died two years ago. Damon’s looked around for another nanny, but so far he can’t find anyone suitable. So I—now, don’t hate me—I suggested you. Not for anything permanent, mind you; just temporarily until he can find someone in Utah that he can trust with his kids. There’s so much going on right now that he doesn’t have much time to find a good nanny. He promised Belle one she’d like, and he doesn’t want to let her down. He pays well, too. Do you think you’d be willing? I mean, I know it’s not what you expected, but after they find someone else, you can come stay with me and teach French or something at the . . .”

As Brionney talked, Rebekka considered. She imagined what it would be like to be needed by someone—anyone. Maybe taking care of these children was exactly what she needed. She wouldn’t have Marc, but in a way she would have a family of her own, something to keep her busy until she found another means of supporting herself.

“Sure,” she said. “I’d be glad to help out until they find someone permanent.”

“That’s wonderful! I don’t think you’ll regret it, although
I
probably will. I was looking forward to having you stay with me. But we can get together during the day. Tanner—that’s Damon’s older boy—will be in school though May, and you’ll only have Belle. You’ll have evenings off after Damon gets home. But, oh, you are just going to fall in love with little Isabelle. She’s very petite and beautiful. She can be a bit of a stinker sometimes, but she’s so cute, you have to forgive her.”

Rebekka was imagining the little girl already. How she would enjoy dressing her up and taking her places! Of course, she really didn’t know much about children, but surely it couldn’t be any harder than double majoring in college.

Or being rejected by Marc.

She sighed inwardly and tried to listen to Brionney.

“If you’ll tell me your flight number when you have it, I’ll have someone meet you at the airport in Salt Lake—probably my parents. You can stay with them until—”

“Couldn’t I come to Alaska and help you?” Rebekka interrupted. “I mean, flying to Utah with five kids won’t be easy.”

“What a wonderful idea! Of course, there’ll be seven children, actually, since Damon and his two are flying with us. Which is perfect, because then you can meet them. And I can use an extra hand with the twins—even with Jesse along.” She paused. “Oh, but that’s a much longer flight for you, and it’ll be more expensive.”

Rebekka shrugged. “Money’s not an issue. Besides, I’ve always wanted to see Alaska.”

“Well, Damon’s already volunteered to pay for your flight to Utah, and I’m sure paying for an extra flight won’t be a problem. Like I told you before, the guy is loaded. And he’s really sweet.”

“I’m sure he is,” Rebekka said dryly, understanding the hint. “So when do you want me to come?”

“As soon as you can.”

“What about Saturday? I already know what I’m taking, and I’ve given notice at the Embassy.” Since it was Wednesday now, that would mean she wouldn’t have to elude Marc again at church on Sunday.

“Perfect! I’m so excited.”

Rebekka laughed with delight at Brionney’s exuberance. “Me, too.” And she was.

“Look, Damon has a service he uses to book flights. Since they’re doing our flights, I’ll call them up and let them worry about getting you on the same ones we’ll be using. They’ll let you know about your ticket, and I’ll be at the airport to pick you up.”

“Good.” Rebekka paused. In the background, she could hear one of Brionney’s twins babbling something at the top of his baby voice. “Thanks, Bri,” she said. “I owe you one.”

Brionney laughed. “Just wait till we’re on that airplane with the kids. Then we’ll see who owes who!”

Rebekka hung up, smiling. What would she do without a friend to help her through this time? Tears filled her eyes, but she didn’t let them fall. She would not cry for Marc.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Wednesday and Thursday passed by like a dream. Mickelle could hardly believe the change in her life now that she no longer gave Riley—or anyone else—the power to control or hurt her. At times, when Riley would do some small spiteful thing, she felt herself slipping back into the crevasse of fear and hurt, but each time she prayed hard and schooled herself not to show Riley her true feelings. Before long, her contentedness was unfeigned. Then it was with some amusement that she watched him flounder with questions, accusations, and finally with apologies. He never again asked her if she wanted a divorce, already knowing the answer. Between his episodes of suspicion, he treated her well enough.

Riley had even agreed to attend counseling, although he insisted that he didn’t need it. “
I
need it,” she told him, “and that should be reason enough.” He hadn’t agreed on a date to start the sessions, and he complained about the money they would spend, but Mickelle was content with the baby steps they had taken.