Authors: Luigi Pirandello
MARA-MARA
. We could always light it again, but at least you could tell us …
DOCCIA
. Who these people are.
COTRONE
. Yes, right away. [
To the
COUNT
] And the Countess, may I ask?
COUNT
. She’s here, but so very tired …
BATTAGLIA
. She can’t even stand any more.
QUAQUÈO
. Is that her on the cart? A Countess? [
Clapping his hands and raising a foot
] Now we get it. You’ve set up a surprise performance for us.
COTRONE
. No, my friends, let me explain …
QUAQUÈO
. Of course. And that’s why they took what we did as a performance.
COTRONE
. Because they belong to our family, more or less. You’ll see. [
To the
COUNT
] Does the Countess need some help?
DIAMANTE
. She could make the effort to walk up here by herself.
COUNT
[
suddenly angry, shouting in her face
]. No. No, she can’t!
CROMO
. Lumachi is bracing himself …
BATTAGLIA
. Calling on his last reserves …
CROMO
. For this last haul.
COTRONE
[
solicitous
]. But I can lend a hand as well.
COUNT
. No, there are two others there with Lumachi. But there is something I’d like you to tell us; [
looking around, seeming lost
] I can see that we’re in a valley, at the foot of a mountain …
CROMO
. So where are the hotels?
BATTAGLIA
. And the restaurants?
DIAMANTE
. And the theatre where we’re supposed to act.
COTRONE
. Give me a moment and I’ll explain—to you and to my own people as well. We’ve all got it wrong, my friends, but we shouldn’t let such a little thing bother us.
From offstage come the voices of the
YOUNG ACTOR, SACERDOTE
,
and
LUMACHI
who are pushing the haycart with the
COUNTESS
lying on top
.
OFFSTAGE VOICES
. Go on!! Heave! Heave! We’ve made it! Gently, gently now; not too hard!
Everyone turns to look as the cart appears
.
CROMO
. Behold the Countess!
COUNT
. Watch out for the cypress! The cypress! [
He and
COTRONE
run to help
]
When the cart reaches the lawn
,
LUMACHI
lowers the two props attached to the shafts so that the cart remains upright without any other support. Then he comes out from between the shafts and steps aside. All the others look anxiously at the
COUNTESS
who is lying with her warm copper-coloured hair spread out dishevelled on the green hay; she wears a sad and sober dress of violet voile, low-necked and rather worn, with long ample sleeves that easily fall back to bare her arms
.
MILORDINO
. My God, how pale she is!
MARA-MARA
. She seems dead.
SPIZZI
. Silence!
ILSE
[
after a moment’s pause, sitting up on the cart and speaking with deep emotion
].
If you would stay to hear this tale,
Not heard before,
Look on these rags and mark them well,
Wretched and poor.
Mark even more these eyes that flow
With tears I shed for a cruel fate,
A cruel fate …
*
At this point, as if reacting to a cue, the
COUNT, CROMO
,
and the whole
COMPANY OF THE COUNTESS
burst into a many-voiced chorus of incredulous laughter. Just as suddenly they stop and
ILSE
continues:
ILSE
.
This is the way they laugh at me,
The clever folk, who see me weep
And are not moved …
COTRONE
[
recovering from his astonishment
]. But you’re acting!
MILORDINO
. How splendid!
MARA-MARA
. They’re acting!
SACERDOTE
. Quiet. Now she’s got started, we should go along with her.
ILSE
[
continuing
].
Instead, it grates upon their nerves:
‘You stupid fool!, you fool!’, they cry
And shout it in my face because
They can’t believe it’s true
That my dear son, my lovely child …
And yet you must believe me now;
For here I bring you witnesses;
Poor mothers all of them, like me—
Neighbours, who know each other well
And know that this is true.
[
She gestures to call them
]
COUNT
[
bending over her, gently
]. No, my dear, no more now …
ILSE
[
with impatient gestures
]. The Women … the Women …
*
COUNT
. The women? Don’t you see? Right now there are no women.
ILSE
[
as if awakening
]. No women? Why not? Where have you brought me?
COUNT
. We’ve just arrived. Now we’ll find out …
MILORDINO
. How well she performed!
LA SGRICIA
. Pity she stopped, I was enjoying it.
DOCCIA
. Especially hearing them laugh together like that.
QUAQUÈO
[
to Cotrone
]. You see I was right; it’s true, isn’t it?
COTRONE
. Of course it’s true. They’re acting. What else do you expect? After all, they’re theatre people.
COUNT
. For heaven’s sake, don’t say that in front of my wife.
ILSE
[
climbing down from the cart, with a few wisps of hay still in her hair
]. Why shouldn’t he say it? Let him say it! I like to hear it.
COTRONE
. Forgive me, I meant no offence.
ILSE
[
as if delirious
]. Theatre people, yes, theatre people! Not him! [
indicating her husband
] but me, yes, by blood, by birth. And now he’s been dragged down to my level.
COUNT
[
trying to interrupt her
]. No, for God’s sake, what are you saying?
ILSE
. Yes, dragged down with me, from his marble palaces to wooden sheds! And even in the public square, out in the square! Where are we now? Lumachi, where are you? Lumachi? Go and sound the trumpet. Let’s see if we can get a bit of a crowd. [
Looking around, delirious and terrified
] O God! Where are we now? Where are we? [
She takes refuge in the arms of
SPIZZI
who has drawn near
]
COTRONE
. Have no fear, Countess, you’re among friends.
CROMO
. She’s feverish. Delirious.
QUAQUÈO
. Is she really a countess?
COUNT
. Is my wife a countess!
COTRONE
. Shut up, Quaquèo!
MARA-MARA
. Well if you don’t tell us anything …
DOCCIA
. To us they seem crazy.
COUNT
[
to
COTRONE
]. We were directed to you.
COTRONE
. Yes, dear Count; please forgive them: I forgot to inform them in advance. I used that expression for their benefit, but I do understand that …
SPIZZI
interrupts him
.
SPIZZI
is hardly more than twenty, pale, with sad sick eyes and blond hair that may once have been dyed but is now discoloured; a rosebud mouth rather spoiled by the large overhanging nose; pathetically elegant in his faded sporting outfit; knee-breeches and thick woollen stockings
.
SPIZZI
. You understand nothing. You can’t possibly know anything about the heroic suffering of this woman.
ILSE
[
suddenly resentful, breaking away from him
]. Spizzi, I forbid you to speak. [
Then, still quivering with anger, attacking
CROMO
] If only I hadn’t been born an actress, you see. Here’s what disgusts me: that it has to be you, of all people, you lot, who are the first to believe it and to convince others … ‘You want a good contract?—Sell yourself!’, ‘Clothes, jewels?—Sell yourself!’ Even for a wretched write-up in some rag of a newspaper!
CROMO
[
stunned
]. What do you mean? Why are you turning on me?
ILSE
. Because you said it?
CROMO
. Me? I said it? When? Said what?
COUNT
[
imploring his wife
]. Don’t lower yourself by speaking of such things. Not you. It’s horrible.
ILSE
. No, dear, it’s good to speak of them, now that we’ve come to the end of the road, mere shadows of what we used to be … [
To
COTRONE
for a moment, then to all the others
] You know, we all sleep together … in the stables …
COUNT
. Not true.
ILSE
. Not true? Only yesterday …
COUNT
. But it wasn’t a stable, my dear. You slept on a bench in the railway station.
CROMO
. Third-class waiting-room.
ILSE
[
continuing, to
COTRONE
]. As people stretch and toss and turn, the words just come out, the words that hurt … [
To
CROMO
] Because you can’t see in the dark, you think nobody can hear either, but I heard you.
CROMO
. What did you hear?
ILSE
. Something as I lay there, wrapped in those webs … maybe they were spiders’ webs …
COUNT
. No, Ilse, where could that be?
ILSE
. Or shreds of the darkness flapping cold in my fevered face … yes, yes, breathing on me. [
To
CROMO
] As soon as I heard you … hehee, hehee … I laughed like that, but then suddenly I shuddered and clenched my teeth, holding myself in so as not to howl like a beaten dog. [
Suddenly turning on
CROMO
again
] Didn’t you even hear that laugh?
CROMO
. Me? No.
ILSE
. Oh yes, you heard it all right. But you didn’t think it could be me. There in the dark you thought it was someone else, someone who agreed with you.
CROMO
. I don’t remember a thing.
ILSE
. I remember everything.
SPIZZI
. So come on, what did he say?
ILSE
. That instead of this heroic suffering, as you call it, and instead of making the rest of you suffer along with me, it would have been so much better, he said …
CROMO
[
understanding at last and protesting
]. Oh, that! Now I get it. But we’ve all said the same thing, not just me. And those who haven’t said it have thought it. Him too, I bet! [
Indicating the
COUNT
]
COUNT
. Me? What did I think?
ILSE
. That on this noble brow, my darling [
taking his head in her hands
], ‘with a quick deal’ [
turning to
CROMO
], that’s exactly what you said, isn’t it?
CROMO
. Yes, with a quick deal, a quick deal. And we wouldn’t all be starving the way we are now.
ILSE
. —That on this brow I should have planted a magnificent pair of horns. [
She is about to reach out to his forehead with the standard cuckold gesture when she is seized by an overwhelming impulse of anger and disgust
] Ah!
She quickly changes the ugly gesture into a loud slap on
CROMO
’
s cheek, then staggers and falls to the ground in a violent spasm of laughter and tears
.
CROMO
nurses his cheek in amazement. Taken aback by the sudden violent action, everyone starts to talk at the same time, some commenting and some running to help. They split up into four groups. In the first, trying to help the
COUNTESS
,
are the
COUNT, DIAMANTE
,
and
COTRONE
;
in the second
,
QUAQUÈO, DOCCIA, MARA-MARA
,
and
MILORDINO
;
in the third
,
SACERDOTE, LUMACHI, BATTAGLIA
,
and
LA SGRICIA;
in the fourth
,
SPIZZI
and
CROMO
.
Each group should complete its four lines of dialogue at the same time
.
COUNT
. Oh God, she’s going mad. Ilse, Ilse, for the Lord’s sake. We can’t carry on like this.
DIAMANTE
. Calm down, Ilse, calm down. At least for your husband’s sake.
COTRONE
. Countess … Countess. Let’s take her inside. That’s the best thing to do.
ILSE
. No, leave me alone, leave me alone. I want everyone to hear.
QUAQUÈO
. What a wretched play! And she says it isn’t.
DOCCIA
. She’s terrific. She doesn’t mince her words.
MARA-MARA
. She gave that bully what for!
MILORDINO
. Who on earth let these people loose?
BATTAGLIA
. Dig, dig, and you make your own grave.