Three Way (13 page)

‘Right. Yeah.’ Long silence before she says the inevitable.

‘How are you?’ I’m devastated you Scandinavian bitch. Heartbroken. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy again. With anyone. You ripped my fucking world apart. I’m with two girls now, that’s how fucked up you made me.

‘Okay. Not bad,’ I say. ‘How are you?’ Wrecked? Destroyed?

‘Well it hasn’t exactly been easy,’ she says. Why would it? You’re attempting to get over me, most never do. ‘But I think, slowly, I’m getting there.’ What? How can you be ‘getting there?’ Getting where? It’s only been six months. How can you be ‘getting there’ already? What the hell? Am I that forgettable? We were together for two and a half years, and you get over me in six months…I mean Jesus.

‘Good. That’s good,’ I say.

‘Yeah.’ Another long, awkward silence. ‘So is there a good time to pick up the stuff?’

‘Just the books and CD’s?’

‘There’s some cutlery and plates that I need as well. And the Playstation.’ Abso-fucking-lutely not.

‘Oh come on, you want the Playstation? Give me a break.’

‘No, you bought that for me for Christmas. It has a Blu Ray player. I’ve got all these discs and nothing to play them on.’ This sucks. So she breaks my heart, rips it from my chest, nukes the shit out of it with her stupid pink retro microwave and now, on top of all that, she wants the fucking Playstation?

‘No,’ I say, a slight menace in my voice.

‘No? No what?’

‘I’m sorry Svetla, but you can’t have the Playstation. I don’t mind giving you everything else but you’re not having that.’

‘Ollie…’

‘I mean it. I use that almost every day.’ Parker uses it every hour.

‘But you bought it for me,’ she replies, a little too quietly. For a second, I almost feel guilty but I’m on a warpath now, nothing is going to stop this freight train.

‘Yes well, that was when you loved me.’ Stunned silence.

‘I…we don’t work, Ollie. We didn’t work for a long time. I should have done something about it sooner. I never stopped loving you, but surely at some point you’ve got to say enough is enough.’

‘You can’t have the Playstation,’ I say. I hear her sigh.

‘I really didn’t want a big fight. You want to keep the Playstation then fine, keep it. But I want the rest of my stuff left in a box outside your flat and I’ll come and pick it up.’

‘You want me to pack your shit up so you can just take it away? Fuck you.’ Another silence. I’ve gone too far, I know I have. I should apologise. Go on then, say sorry. I can’t bring myself to do it.

‘I thought we might be able to behave like adults about this. But I guess I was wrong,’ she says.

‘I guess you were.’

‘Keep the stuff, if you want it so much. I just thought…doesn’t matter.’ I have nothing to say. I swing between venom and regret. I want to tell her I know I’m being an arse. Can’t she see what this is really about? I’m on the fucking edge here. Because of her. ‘I have to go.’

‘Wait, Svetla…I’ll pack the stuff. Pick it up on Wednesday, okay?’

‘Okay. Thank you. But do me one favour?’

‘What?’

‘Don’t be there. Just let me pick it up. I think we’ve had enough dramas.’

‘What dramas?’

‘Please, Ollie,’ she says. I breathe out, a crap attempt at calming the shitstorm pelting down on me.

‘Okay,’ I say.

‘I’ll be over on Wednesday morning.’

‘I’ll leave the box outside.’

‘Okay. Thanks. Bye.’

‘Bye.’ She hangs up. I think that went well, all things considered, don’t you? What? Oh, you think I’m going to do what she’s asked? That I’m not going to lie in wait for her? You are so wrong. So, so wrong.

After an unfulfilling day, I arrive back at the flat around six-thirty. The shock of speaking to Svetla on the phone still pulsates through my soul. She sounded so…normal.

The flat’s deserted, no one in the living room. Ashley must be at work. I look down the corridor to see Parker’s door is ajar, no one home. Nice. For once, I have the place to myself. I walk into the living room and collapse on the sofa. I can’t even be bothered to take my jacket off. I flick the TV on and channel-hop, looking for something to watch. My mind replays some of the conversation with Svetla. I know she said she had moved on and everything but she still sounded like she missed me. I don’t blame her, I am pretty missable.

Not sure what I do about Lauren. I like her. I mean, she’s stunning to look at and I’d be up for something physical but do I want to head down that alley? Am I being responsible or is she just a distraction from Svetla? What do I want? That’s the question that has become a recurring theme. I hear the front door open and voices echo around the corridor. Parker and…another female. I sit up, suddenly interested. The door to the living room opens.

‘…exactly which is why I said to her-’ Parker stops in mid flow. ‘Oh…I thought you were seeing that girl.’ Behind Parker stands a girl I have never seen before, wearing a light grey pleated coat. She has long dark hair, naturally long eyelashes and thin lips. In summary, she’s pretty but not like amazing. I look at her then over to Parker who’s already rolling his eyes.

‘Nope, that was last night. I’m sorry, we haven’t been introduced,’ I say, standing up and offering my hand to the addition to our little family. ‘I’m Ollie.’

‘This is Nicola,’ Parker says. She smiles but doesn’t say anything as she shakes my hand.

‘Nicola, nice to meet you,’ I say.

‘And you,’ she says. Suddenly everything feels awkward. Parker apparently wasn’t expecting me to be here and now appears to be unsure what to do about it.

‘Maybe we should…go to my room?’ Parker says, glancing at her. She nods and looks over at me.

‘So, how do you two know each other exactly?’ I ask.

‘I’m an old school friend,’ she says at exactly the same time as Parker says,

‘We used to work together.’ They both glance at each other.

‘Right,’ I say.

‘Shall we..?’ Parker indicates for Nicola to leave.

‘It’s funny ‘cos, I was at school with Parker and I don’t remember you at all.’ Look, I know I’m bad but I’m enjoying this.

‘Well, I went to a different school and we’d meet up after,’ she says, more confidently. I frown.

‘Ah. So are you two..?’

‘None of your fucking business,’ Parker says.

‘Parker!’ Nicola says. He looks at her then to me. I am beaming at this point, a big smile right the way across my face.

‘Sorry,’ he says. ‘We’re now going to go to my room. So, I’ll see you later, yeah?’

‘Sure buddy. Hey, nice to meet you Nicola.’

‘You too,’ Nicola replies, walking out. Parker gives me his evil stare which tells me I’m dead, then follows her out. I hear his door close. Blimey. Where did she come from? I thought Parker just sat in his room all day writing poor prose and masturbating. Instead he’s got a bit on the side that I knew nothing about and they seem to have known each other for a long period of time. Parker obviously wanted it kept secret and now I’ve just managed to torpedo the whole charade. Brilliant. I can’t wait to interrogate him when she’s gone. Awesome. What a tossa.

I’m halfway through another repeat episode of Planet Earth when I get a text from Lauren. It says ‘Hi there, wonder if you fancied coming to a BBQ on Sat PM? Few people from work, could be fun, what do u reck? L x.’ Hmm, BBQ eh? Another one of those work things where the only person I know is her. If that cock James is there I’ll probably have to make chit-chat with him. Can I be bothered? It would be another ‘date’ with Lauren I guess. Maybe we could sneak off and mess around in the bushes somewhere? I’m guessing the place will be large enough for such a venture. I suppose it could be fun. I click reply and say, ‘Hi L, BBQ sounds fun. Where/when? Maybe we can get into some trouble? The Olster x.’ I send it and throw the phone back on to the table. Before I turn the sound on the TV back up, I suddenly hear a female voice. I listen, straining to hear. Nothing. I wait, convinced I heard something worth listening out for. Then I hear her again. A moan. Oh Christ, Parker and Nicola are having sex. Another moan, then again.

‘Ooo yeah,’ I hear them clearly.

‘Shh,’ Parker’s unmistakable tones. My hand, clutching the remote, hovers in the air. I’m unsure if I want to listen to this but morbid fascination stops me turning the TV back up. The room has gone quiet again. Then,

‘Oh fuck! Right there, don’t stop you fucking arsehole!’ I hear Nicola say. Jesus. Nicola didn’t like it when Parker used the ‘f’ word before and now she is either suffering from tourettes or the man is screwing the swear words out of her. ‘God, don’t stop…don’t you ever stop…oh no…Parker come on!’ I can’t help it, I’m laughing now. My hand is over my mouth. ‘You’re kidding me?’ then I hear Parker say,

‘I’m sorry darling but you said…(something unintelligible)…and you know when you do that, five minutes is my record.’ Oh this is classic. The ridicule is going to last for years. No wonder he never brought her back here before.

‘It’s on my jumper, have you got a towel or something?’ Oh guys, really? Come on.

‘Yeah, hang on.’ I quickly hit the volume up button. David Attenborough’s voice suddenly fills the room. It couldn’t be more obvious if I’d tried. I hear Parker walk into the kitchen, then the tap starts running. That is so nasty, I’ve got a good mind to tell him so. In fact-

I jump up from the sofa and walk into the kitchen. Parker turns from the sink. He’s wearing a light pink dressing gown. It looks…silly.

‘Having fun there?’ I ask, smiling.

‘Don’t say a word. I don’t want to hear a fucking word from you.’ I hold my hands up.

‘Hey, big guy. I never said nothing.’

‘Yeah, keep it that way.’ He’s holding a small tea towel under the tap. He turns the tap off and squeezes the tea towel.

‘What’s that for?’ I ask, smiling.

‘Please fuck off, Ollie. Please.’ I nod.

‘Sure. Yep. I hear you. No more questions from me.’

‘Great.’ He goes to leave.

‘If it’s wool, you might have to put it on a delicate wash if the tea towel doesn’t do it.’ Parker stands, frozen. His back turned towards me. I wait for his reaction and some possible form of physical harm to come to me. Instead he just walks out and back down the hallway to his room. I’m trying not to laugh but it I can’t help it. Absolutely brilliant.

I hear my phone bleep again and walk back into the living room, wiping a tear from my eye. Lauren’s replied. ‘Hi The Olster?? trouble sounds like fun. It’s at James Kennedy’s apartment in Rotherhithe next Saturday. I’ll email you the address. Looking forward to seeing you. The Batester x.’ Fuck yeah.

Of course, before the BBQ, I have another little matter to take care of. Svetla.

Wednesday comes around fast. I have to call in sick as it’s not my day off. Paul is dubious about the cold/flu I have suddenly developed but doesn’t question it. I have packed all the items Svetla wants into a box which I carry into the living room. Ashley sits, watching the TV in her pub uniform. Parker’s not around, I assume he’s off with Nicola, the sex-swearing fiend.

‘Thought you were working today?’ she says.

‘Uh, no. Day off,’ I reply, putting the box on the table.

‘Yeah? You have more time off than Santa Claus, you know that?’

‘Thanks for that.’

‘It’s true. I marvel they actually still employ you.’

‘So do I mate.’

‘You know about Parker’s bit on the side?’ she asks.

‘Nicola? Yeah. How do you know about her?’ I reply.

‘I was doing a bit of spring cleaning, which doesn’t happen often enough,’ she says. I nod in agreement. ‘Anyway, I was replacing the bin liner in the bathroom and I saw a used condom. Figured it couldn’t have been you. But I admit, it was…disturbing.’

‘Yeah. I imagine it would be. That’ll teach you to start cleaning.’

‘Rookie mistake,’ she says, glancing over at the box. ‘What’s in the box?’

‘Uh, just some stuff I’m getting rid of.’

‘Can I have a look?’ She gets up and walks over to me. Before I can respond she says, ‘unless…you don’t want me to?’