“I don’t want your money.” She was beginning to surface out of her stupor.
Really, what next? Was she going to come home to a personal jet parked on a floating runway in the Bristol Channel behind her house?
“Apparently I don’t, but I will,” Nate declared, this, Lily recognised immediately, was not a threat. It was a promise.
Without a word of good-bye, he hung up on her.
As promised, another seven million pounds (she called her bank, Maxine made her) was transferred into her bank account the next day.
“What are you going to do?” Maxine asked again that next evening as they were closing Flash and Dazzle.
“I don’t know,” Lily mumbled again, and still she didn’t even though she did.
“Sweetling –” Maxine said cautiously.
“I think I’m getting a headache.”
This was true. Although it wasn’t one of her migraines, she was definitely getting a headache. She felt badly using that ploy but she knew in her heart of hearts that Maxine wanted her settled and happy and not to be so alone anymore. And it helped that the person Lily would be doing that with was
impossibly
handsome, a romance novel hero come alive.
And at that moment, she couldn’t face the discussion.
At the mere thought of one of Lily’s headaches, Maxine backed off. “Get home, have yourself a nice bath and don’t think of any of this.”
Maxine kissed her cheek, got in her tiny, old Mini which she’d had painted pink and which she refused to part with even though it was a worse clunker than the Peugeot, and drove off.
Lily walked home and she tried not to think of “any of this”, but it was impossible.
As Maxine instructed, she had a bath. During her bath she allowed the thoughts and worries to crowd into her mind.
Then she made a decision. It took less time than she expected but then again, there wasn’t much to it.
Marry Nate or don’t marry Nate.
There were only two options and really only one, when you got down to it.
Fazire, who was living in a temporary fog of happiness that no further grand gesture had been made by Nate (he didn’t know about the money and Lily wasn’t about to tell him), made fish fingers and mushy peas for dinner, Tash’s favourite, though Lily detested it.
After dinner, Lily climbed to the top of the stairs to the unkempt room where they kept their computer. She’d had dreams, when she bought the house, of making that room her office and writing her bestselling novels there. It was at the back of the house and had a gorgeous view of the channel, the pier and Flat Holm and Steep Holm islands and, of course, the coastline of Wales.
However, the room was still dingy with old stained carpet on the floor and wood chip on the walls. Not a place to inspire a brilliant novel, to tell stories of war widows and genies, glamorous female photographers and their intense, loyal lovers.
She turned on the computer, got on the Internet, found the train times to London and planned her trip. She spent some time paying bills and filing away paperwork, just to keep her mind busy and to avoid the call she had to make.
With nothing left to do to delay the call, she phoned Alistair at home (he’d told her she could).
“Are you out of your mind?” he yelled when she’d told him her decision.
“Alistair, I’m thinking of Tash.”
“Marry me,” he returned instantly.
For the second time in two days, the wind was knocked out of her without a physical blow to cause it.
As if his words weren’t sheer lunacy (she barely knew him!), Alistair carried on. “If you want stability for Natasha, marry me. I don’t have as much money as McAllister but I want kids and you’ll both be well-provided for. And fuck knows there is no way in hell I’d ever let you go.”
She was silent. She didn’t know what to say. He’d asked her on a date but this was ridiculous.
“Alistair, Nate’s her father,” Lily reminded him.
“Two visits and you’re jumping at the chance to get back to him,” Alistair returned sharply.
At these words, she took a swift intake of breath.
“I may be paying your bills but you don’t have the right to speak to me that way,” she said quietly.
“Lily, I sat there listening to your story, listening to what he did, what he gave up, what you went through and…” he stopped himself, unable to go on. Then he said, “Think about it, Lily, just think about it. I’m very serious.”
He
sounded
very serious, that was not in doubt.
Then he hung up.
Resolutely putting
that
conversation out of her mind for she had far too much to deal with as it was, she then called Maxine and told
her
the plan, a little worried at what Maxine would say.
Alistair was a solicitor, he had a head on his shoulders and he’d blurted out a marriage proposal. Maxine was a character, she might shoot to the moon.
And what Maxine said
did
shock her.
“I think that’s wise,” Maxine said softly and without a hint of drama.
Lily sighed her relief then admitted, “I think I’m mad.”
“No matter what happens, Lily, you’ll always have Tash, you’ll always have Fazire and you’ll always have me,” Maxie replied.
Lily nodded, her heart moving directly to her throat so words could not come even if she had them to say.
Maxine, obviously, couldn’t see her nod but she knew it was there. “I’ll cover for you at the store tomorrow.”
“Thanks Maxie,” she whispered.
“It’ll be okay, sweetling,” Maxine returned. “This time, I think it’ll be okay.”
The headache she’d staved off with the bath came back with a vengeance so Lily went to bed early. She also did this in an effort to avoid telling Fazire of the plan. He’d begin floating, talking pompously, making grand statements or perhaps even dire threats and she wasn’t up for that.
The next morning, she kept it business as usual. It was getting close to the end of school and Tash was getting antsy for her summer holiday. Fazire walked her to school the mornings when Lily had to get to the store early which she told them she had to do that day and Lily watched them go.
Then she tore back into the house, not enough time to take off the little dress she had put on to bamboozle Fazire and Tash into thinking she was going to work. She would have preferred to wear something business-like and formal, like a suit but she only had one of those and she’d already worn it during a meeting with Nate. Therefore, the dress would have to do.
It was a dress she would normally wear to the shop, a deep raspberry colour with a crossed bodice and empire waist. It fit her body snugly all the way down the hem brushing her knees. She wore this with a pair of funky, strappy, matte gold high-heeled sandals that Maxine given her the year before for her birthday. They were fine to wile away the hours sitting behind the counter at the shop but there was no way she would travel to London or anywhere in those high heels. However, if she didn’t leave immediately, she wouldn’t make her train.
And if she didn’t leave immediately, she might change her mind. And if she changed her mind, what kind of mother would she be?
She took the Mercedes, the first time she’d touched it, mainly because she didn’t have the time to waste if the Peugeot decided to be ornery. She needed to get to London, talk to Nate and get back before anyone was the wiser.
She needed time and privacy to break the news to Fazire and to know from Nate that Fazire’s place in their family was solid or there was no deal.
She resolutely did not think about how different the Mercedes handled to her Peugeot. She would have plenty of time to think about luxuries, about how her life was about to change, about many things.
At that moment, she needed to deal with her situation. She needed to take measures to protect her daughter and different measures to protect herself. And she needed to do it soon before she lost her nerve.
During her two hour journey she thought of all the reasons
not
to marry Nate.
She barely knew him.
She wasn’t likely to know him because he rarely spoke.
He’d promised her important things and had reneged on those promises within weeks.
He’d made her wish from Fazire, something she’d waited for breathlessly for a decade, a nightmare and this hurt Fazire and Lily never wanted Fazire to hurt. Ever.
He had two siblings that where, clearly, Satan’s spawn.
He’d made her hope for a bright future and then did nothing when that was put in jeopardy which caused that hope to be snatched away.
She was still somewhat frightened at his father’s temper.
And, lastly, it was clear he would expect the marriage to be a
marriage
and all that entailed, not an arrangement.
Then she thought of the reasons
to
marry Nate.
He was Natasha’s father and he obviously, even after only two visits, adored her.
And every child needed a father.
Lily loved Will more than she could express and missed him every day of her life. If she had the chance to have Will back alive, breathing, walking, talking, she’d jump at it, she’d even sacrifice a little bit of herself (even a lot) to have him back.
And she would do no less for Tash.
Further, Nate would expect the marriage to be a
marriage
which would mean, at least for awhile, Lily would have a mate, a partner, someone to share the burden.
And then there were the other, definitely more pleasurable bits of being
married,
married to Nate. Bits, she could not deny, especially after the last two times they’d been alone together, that she very much wanted.
So she made her choice.
And she knew it was costing her. The stress and strain was sneaking up on her and she felt it.
As the train pulled into Paddington, she felt the pain coming.
The headache, luckily, was muted, not roaring. But it was there and she knew what it heralded. She didn’t find herself a snack for fear of it coming back later to haunt her if she vomited, but she took two pain pills and prayed she was wrong about her prediction.
She used precious money that a day ago she’d never have used but she was, of course, in high heels and trying to fight an imminent migraine and she took a taxi instead of The Tube to Nate’s offices.
He’d left a card with Tash, telling her to call him whenever she wanted. Lily didn’t know if Tash had taken him up on this invitation but she found herself hoping that her daughter did. It would have been the perfect conversation as Tash rarely kept her mouth shut and Nate rarely opened his.
She gave the driver the address and concentrated on keeping the headache in abeyance.
However, as she walked through the door to the plush offices, she felt the nausea building in her stomach and fought it back.
In her head, she tried to plan her strategy at dealing with the migraine. She tried to time the meeting with Nate. Would it take ten minutes? Fifteen? An hour? She hoped not an hour. And she tried to assess the possibility of the pounding intensifying to the point she was made invalid, wondering if she could make it back home on the train.
As the pain intensified, she decided she could not. She would need to get a hotel room for a couple of hours just to rest and let the migraine run its course. She’d be queasy and not herself when it was over but she thought she’d likely be able to get home hopefully in time.
Lily had not told Nate she was coming. She wanted the element of surprise. She was giving in but he had to give in too. She wasn’t stupid and she wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice. She wasn’t moving from Clevedon. If he wanted Tash, he’d have to come to them.
She walked up to the reception desk which seemed an impossible distance from the front doors. The walls were some sort of highly-shined wood panelling that Lily found way too bright for her sensitive eyes to take. The reception desk was a huge semi-circle made of the same wood that could easily have sat five. But only one very pretty woman sat behind it.
“Hi,” Lily greeted, fighting back the sick feeling in her stomach, “I’m Lily Jacobs, I’m here to see Mr. McAllister.”
The girl’s eyes travelled the length of Lily but Lily barely noticed. She had to put her hand to the desk to steady herself as she saw the flashes in her eyes.
No, no, no,
she thought,
not this soon
.
It was coming on her quickly, far more quickly than normal. Most likely the strain of the last few weeks, all the shocks, the emotions.
“Is he expecting you?” the woman broke into her thoughts.
“No, but it’s important. If he’s free, I’d like to speak with him.”
The girl watched Lily for a moment and asked, “Are you all right?”
With effort, Lily focussed on her, “Just a headache.”
She carefully assessed Lily and said, “I’ll ring his office, won’t be a second.” Her voice was kind and then moments later she went on. “Hiya Jennifer, there’s a Ms. Lily Jacobs here to see Mr. McAllister. She says she doesn’t have an appointment but it’s important.”