Authors: Emily Hainsworth
“
CAN
’
T WE STAY HERE
?”
VIV ASKS
.
I grope around the utility pole, eyeing the lightening sky.
“We can come back all you want, at night,” I tell her. “I just don’t want to risk someone spotting us.”
I frown and continue searching the air. I could swear the spot was right about—my fingers tingle in the right place at last. I don’t know why it’s so hard to find. I look back into Viv’s tear-stained face. Now she looks apprehensive.
“You ready?” I say. “Want to close your eyes again?”
She twists the hem of her sweater.
“What if … I don’t want to go home?”
I hesitate, unsure if she’s serious. “I can’t exactly take you to my house and hide you in my closet.”
She makes a face, but doesn’t say anything, doesn’t move. I frown and lift her chin.
“We can go out again tomorrow. I promise.”
She eyes the spot where I hold my hand, transparent green, and sighs.
“You go first.”
I take her hand and step into the electric air in front of me, turning the space bright green. I have to scrunch my shoulders to fit through. I step clear of the green light on the other side, turning to help Viv the rest of the way, when I see a figure standing on the sidewalk, watching us pass through. I panic, turn back, but I can’t warn Viv—she’s right behind me. I look around for somewhere to hide, but there’s nothing but knee-high bushes and the pole.
“Cam?”
My brain is still shedding the buzz of electricity, but when I recognize Nina’s voice, I sigh with relief. Viv steps through, one foot materializing out of the green light, and then the other. She’s still holding my hand, and when she’s all the way clear, she squeezes hard and gasps.
“That was kind of cool this time!”
With Viv safely through, I exhale and let go of her hand.
“Nina, thank God it’s you,” I say.
Her eyes flit from me over to Viv and she stiffens. “What are
you
doing here?”
I start toward her, but Viv tugs me back.
“It’s okay,” I tell her. “Nina already knows everything.”
Viv’s grip tightens on my left arm. “Oh?”
“I was um … showing Viv how it works.” I gesture to the utility pole.
Nina hasn’t moved. She’s wearing a light jacket and tight jeans. Her hair is down—she never pulls it back like at the diner. She stands with her arms at her sides, curling and uncurling the fingers of one hand. I still feel bad for what I said to her about the note in her yearbook, but for some reason I feel even weirder talking to her with Viv on my arm. The way they’re staring at each other, they’re like opponents at the line of scrimmage.
Nina shakes her head slowly, but her eyes never leave Viv.
“It’s not safe for you to be with her, Cam.”
I straighten, glancing hastily around. “We haven’t been seen.”
“What are you doing here again?” Viv says through her teeth.
Nina stares at her about five seconds longer than is comfortable. Then she looks me dead in the eye. “This is dangerous.”
“We know what we’re doing,” Viv says, stepping in front of me. “And it doesn’t have anything to do with
you
.”
Nina purses her lips. “Do you understand what could happen if either of you are seen?”
“Perfectly,” Viv says. “But it still doesn’t involve you.”
Nina looks to me questioningly. I wonder what the other me might have done. I edge closer to Viv and take her arm. Nina’s eyes widen. She sets her jaw, then turns on her heel and walks away. I move to go after her, totally confused, but Viv squeezes my hand
hard
. I wince and pull back, but before I can say anything, she starts off in the opposite direction.
“Viv, wait up—”
I chase after her down the sidewalk. When I touch her arm, she stops abruptly. Her eyes are hurt.
“What’s wrong?” I ask. “What just happened?”
“Why does
she
already know you’re alive?”
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. I close it again. Viv crosses her arms, waiting unhappily. What did I get myself into?
“It’s kind of a long story—”
“Did you go see her before me?”
I think about Nina standing in the ghostly green light that first night, then showing up at my front door. When was that? Last week? It feels like months ago.
“Nina came to
me
—I didn’t even know who she was. I didn’t know you were alive.”
She narrows her eyes. “What do you mean?”
I eye the pink sunrise to the east. “There’s no Nina where I come from. Well, there is, but I’ve never really met her....”
“You didn’t know her?”
I shake my head, holding my palms up. “I’m not sure I would’ve found you without her.”
She plays with her silk scarf, and takes off walking again. I follow. I can’t keep up with this.
“What was that about back there?” I ask.
She’s gliding again with her usual long stride. The sun breaks over the horizon and she pulls her sunglasses out.
“She was just obsessed with you when you were alive,” she says.
I trip over a ridge in the sidewalk. “Huh?”
“She was almost as upset as me when you died. I felt sorry for her.... I still do.”
“But … I thought Nina and I were good friends?”
She makes a face and tucks her hair behind her ears.
“She was in love with you for a while. She didn’t take it very well when you told her you just wanted to be friends—’cause you were with
me
, of course. Anyway, she got a little scary—showing up out of nowhere, trying to be seen with you in public, leaving you notes—a little too
stalker
…”
My leg starts to ache and I have to slow down. Viv adjusts her pace to match mine.
“Stalker? Nina’s not a stalker.”
“But if she helped you find me, maybe she’s finally over it.”
My head has gone into a full spin. It feels too late to tell her that Nina
didn’t
point me in her direction on purpose, so I don’t say anything. We’re back on the sidewalk in front of her house, which is still dark inside and out, though the sun is climbing fast into the sky.
“I guess I better go … before I’m recognized,” I say.
She grabs my jacket and pulls me close.
“But you’ll come back? For me?”
“Of course I will.”
A thin line forms between her eyebrows. “Will you be going to see Nina?”
“I … don’t know,” I say. “Would it be bad if I did?”
She drapes her arms around my neck and coos into my ear. “I just couldn’t bear it if she stole you away from me.”
I go still. Viv’s sweet smile makes me think she’s unaware of the sting in her words. But after all we’ve been through—what would make her even say that? I slip my arms around her waist and lean in, erasing the words from her lips.
I SPEND THE WHOLE DAY SUNDAY CLEANING MY ROOM. I HAVE PLANS
to sneak Viv over at the first opportunity, and I don’t want her to know what a total slob I’ve been. I clear a ton of crap from under the bed and out of my desk. Assignments from last year that I never handed in, old prescriptions, a couple dishes containing what possibly used to be food. I move on to the closet, only pausing when I run across the white football jersey with the big red number five. I throw it in the garbage can at first, but then I pull it out again. The first time I saw
PIKE
on the back of a Fowler Rams jersey was when Mike and I had just picked up our JV uniforms together. The printer had spelled
Liu
wrong, and we laughed all the way home about how the hell anyone could screw up a name with only three letters. I run my fingers over the stitching. I know it’s too late to make a comeback, despite anything Logan says, but I did have some good times when I wore the uniform.
I fold it up and put it in my dresser drawer.
Viv and I made plans for another blissful night together. She insists on coming through to my side of things again, and though Mom announces she’s home for the night, I slip out an hour later. I smuggle some blankets along and take Viv to the elementary-school playground where we fly back and forth on the swing sets until our noses go numb from cold. There’s this wooden castle-turret structure with slides twisting down from it, and we climb up inside where I stashed the blankets, and huddle in there together trying to keep each other warm.
“I want to stay here forever,” Viv says to me.
“It’s a little chilly,” I say, pulling the blankets tighter around us.
“Not here in the playground, I mean
here
, in your world.”
“Why would you want to stay here?” I let my fingers twist into her curls. “You have everything at home. Your parents, cheerleading—”
“But here I’m so
free
,” she says.
“Don’t be silly, what do you have to worry about there?”
“Well, I don’t need cheerleading!” She hesitates. “You said I gave it up to be with you here—obviously I was on to something.”
I look up at the stars through shapes cut out of the roof and remember how happy she used to look in her uniform, beaming at the crowd from the field.
“I always thought you missed it.”
“Ugh.” She curls her lip. “I can’t believe I’ve kept it up since the accident—well, my parents thought it would be better for me if I did.”
I hadn’t thought of that. Viv could be having as much trouble dealing with her parents as I’m having with mine. I get stuck with therapy, she still has to cheer.
“Are they the reason you want to leave?” I ask.
She’s quiet for half a minute, staring somewhere far away. Then she sits up and gazes deep into my eyes, tracing her finger over the stubble sprinkling my chin.
“It doesn’t matter why I want to leave.
You’re
the reason I want to stay.”
She leans in, and the night is so cold, our eyes pop open when our chilled lips meet. We both laugh. I pull her close and hold her, listening to her breath moving in and out with mine. She’s right, none of it matters when you already have the impossible.
“Where do you think we should go after we graduate?” I ask instead. “Find somewhere no one will recognize us?”
“Ooh, Tahiti—
your
Tahiti!” Viv says, and shivers. “Let’s go somewhere far away and eternally warm.”
I stare at her, surprised. “I thought you never wanted to see another beach after that trip to Hawaii with your cousins.”
“Hawaii?”
she asks. “I’ve never been. I think I’d remember a trip to island paradise.”
I shake my head, confused. “Sophomore year? You went for spring break when your cousin Amanda got into Harvard. You came home with such a bad sunburn, you swore you never wanted to see another palm tree again.”
Viv’s face goes gray. “Harvard?”
“Yeah. She’s still there—premed.”
She frowns. “Amanda’s on her second stint at a treatment facility.”
We both shift uncomfortably. The way I understood it, Viv’s cousin overcame a budding drug problem on her
way
to Harvard, but I’m afraid to say anything more.
“She
could
have been brilliant.” Viv sniffs. “Guess she handled the pressure better here. More points for your world.”
I cough in surprise. Viv always admired Amanda, even when she saw her struggle. It’s strange listening to her write her off now.
“Well, Tahiti’s a little far, anyway,” I say, changing the subject. “What if you wanted to visit home?”
She waves her hand dismissively. “I’ll send a postcard. How much postage do you think I’ll need to send it through the green light?”
I laugh, and we both shiver and cuddle up closer.
“We don’t
have
to wait till then,” Viv says after a little while.
“If you want to stay in my world, we do. My mom
will
find me and kill me if I stay in the same dimension as her and don’t graduate.”
She laughs and I lift her chin up so she meets my eyes.
“But if we went to your side …”
She shakes her head vigorously. “No way.”
I roll my eyes. She’s always been stubborn, and this is clearly becoming something she won’t budge on. “When school’s over, no one will care what we do,” I say. “We can figure out where to go then.”
She snuggles closer to me under the blanket, resting her cheek on my chest.
“You mean we can figure out how to both be
here
.”
WHEN I LEAVE FOR SCHOOL MONDAY MORNING, THE HAPPYMAIDS
are trooping single-file into my house. Mom actually took a day off work to supervise this. I didn’t tell her I thought it’d take more like a week. I have memories of our kitchen floor, and it’s white, not gray.
Still, it’s nice that she’s trying.
I get to the front doors of Fowler High before the bell rings for a change. I forgot how crowded it could be trying to get inside with the rest of the student body. Some freshman carries a poster-board project he constructed over the weekend; a girl I recognize from the smokers’ bus stop runs past me for a nic fix. Another girl teetering in front of me in ridiculously high pink heels almost tumbles down the stairs before I reach out and catch her.