TICEES (73 page)

Chelan thought back fondly of that wondrous day many Earth months ago. Though initially distressed and confused by what has happening within her, now all she could remember was the beauty of the act. Shan had fully explained how the Northern Iceanean men changed during insemination, and the biology was amazing. It was no wonder she was pregnant. Since she had bled only ten Iceanean days earlier, he would have never dreamed she was receptive. And because she was an alien, he had not picked up on her foreign scent marking her ovulation. The result of both their mistakes now resided lovingly within her.

Chelan lumbered over to her etchings, running her fingers over the little nicks, and counted. She was approaching her eighth month, and she figured that for the most part, things had gone well. But one thing was not going well, and that was her size. She had seen enough pregnant women to know that she was big, way too big. But that was to be expected given the size of the Iceanean men, and in her present situation, with no medical assistance, there was nothing she could do. She was at the mercy of nature.

Chelan sat quietly, staring at the cavern ceiling. The day after Shan had left, Chelan had prepared for a trip of her own. Shan had told her once of a tunnel that opened into another large cavern deeper down, and not long after his departure, Chelan had set about finding it. It had not taken her long, and shortly thereafter, she had relocated to it. She had been anxious to move out of the old cavern that had harbored so many memories of him and his love. She needed to get away, to concentrate on her baby and her love for it rather than being haunted by a love that was no more.

Soon after she had settled, the small animals had returned and were just as abundant in the new cavern as the old. This cavern was slightly larger, but not nearly as pretty, as it was devoid of most of the solution features that adorned her old home. But Chelan did not mind. Her thoughts were only of the baby, and the appearance of the cavern was now irrelevant.

Shan had left her two of his knives and his lazgun, and with them Chelan felt secure. She spent most of her time sewing furs for the baby, as she was now too cumbersome to do much else. She found that as she grew, simple things became more and more awkward, and now even walking was a challenge. Her legs ached, and if she stood too long she was riddled with sharp pelvic cramps. Lying down was a chore in itself also, as the pressure of her pregnancy rendered nearly every position uncomfortable.

The new cavern’s pool was smaller than the previous one, but it was slightly warmer, and Chelan spent long hours supporting her heavy body in the buoyant water. She had once heard that bathing during pregnancy was not wise, but for her emotional wellbeing and comfort, it was a must.

She had begun using the concentrate she had saved, adding extra nutrients to her diet and to the life within her. But she was not so sure that the baby appreciated her efforts. It was definitely active, and at times it kicked her repeatedly until she felt black and blue internally.

As the days marched on, Chelan was becoming more and more agitated. She knew nothing about pregnancy and even less about birth, and she was becoming deathly afraid of what was to come. Even though she knew that the actual birth would not be for a while yet, she feared the fact that she would have no help.

The only thing that preserved her levelheadedness was her thoughts of Shan. The life within her was as much him as it was her, and even though his impregnation of her had been an unexpected event, the baby was conceived in love, and she wanted it badly. It was her link to Shan and her deliverance from loneliness. It was a reason to live, and she felt optimistic about the future for the first time in a long time.

Deep down she wished that Shan could have seen the baby, but she knew that it was for the best that he never know about it. She was also aware that with each passing day, Shan had kept her secret and Korba was safe. Chelan knew that his trip back to the Empire was riddled with dangers and that it was just as likely that he would succumb to the planet or the fighters as make it home. But she never thought of that. He was a great Imperial warrior, and thanks to her love and care, he was in superb condition. In her mind, he had made it. And for sanity’s sake, that conclusion was indisputable.

Chelan spread out the clean furs by the pool’s edge and eased down into them. It had been well over two Iceanean years since she had seen Korba, almost four long Earth years, and still she wondered how he was. She smiled to herself, feeling that he was well, and because of her, hopefully, Shan was also looking out for him. But Chelan did not have long to bask in her warm and comforting thoughts as the first painful cramp seized her.

She gasped, clutching at her swollen belly, her eyes wide with terror. “No!” she cried. “It’s too soon,” and she struggled to her feet. Her heart was pounding, and she gasped for air. Then she stood very still and the pain began to recede.

Her face was drenched with moisture from her ensuing panic, but slowly she regained control. She wiped the hair from her face and then smiled as she felt the baby kick. “It’s okay,” she soothed, and she took a deep breath. “Please be false labor, please be false labor …”

Chelan began to walk around the cavern slowly and then approached the pool. She was just beginning to feel better when her body was racked by another violent spasm. Chelan sank to her knees, her tears gushing forth. “Oh god, no. It’s too soon,” she whimpered. What do I do?” She panted as she waited for the pain to subside.

Then, quickly, she began gathering all her possessions around her. She had no idea why she felt the need to bring all her belongings together, but it gave her comfort.

As the third cramp took her, her back began to ache terribly. Chelan sat down and simply waited for whatever was to come. There was nothing else she could do. Her body was no longer hers, and now only time would dictate the outcome.

Chelan bundled her shroud and lay her head on it. She instinctively stroked her hands over her bare belly in soothing circles. Then, suddenly, she wished with all her heart that Shan was with her. She missed him desperately, and Chelan closed her eyes. It was midmorning, and she just hoped that the baby arrived before the blackness of night.

Chelan pulled a large fur blanket up over her naked body and clenched her jaw as the fourth contraction hit. She gritted her teeth and worked through it, relieved when it finally passed. For a moment, she was excited about the baby, but dread kept gnawing at the edges of her happiness. Chelan shook her head. No, everything was going to be okay, it had to be. This baby was her life, and without it, she would wither up and die.

She curled up into a ball and braced herself. It was time to pay attention to what her body was telling her. She knew that first births could take a lot of time, and she was going to need all her strength. She took in several deep, calming breaths, and then she smiled. She needed to focus on the positive. She needed to banish her worries and look to the future. She was having a baby, Shan’s baby, and everything was going to be fine.

Korba paced back and forth across the large room that was Dar’s quarters. Dar sat watching him, smiling to himself. “Will you sit down and relax?” he chuckled. “You’re worse than a caged animal.”

Korba looked at Dar with icy eyes. “It’s an absolutely horrid mission,” he exclaimed as he resumed his pacing.

Dar looked down. “We’ve organized them before,” he stated tonelessly.

“It’s always a waste,” retorted Korba as he slumped into his chair.

Dar’s doors opened suddenly, and Fremma strode in unannounced. “Well, she’s up, and the refit is almost complete.”

Korba shook his head. “It’s about bloody time.”

Dar chuckled. “Oh, come on, Korba!” he shouted as he stood up. “You’ll live. A few days on Iceanea hasn’t killed you yet, and you know that I more than anyone, save Fremma, empathizes with your anxiety. But RIBUS 7 needed the work, and you know it. You’re only more agitated than usual because of the mission.”

Fremma looked at Korba. “How many men are there?”

Korba pushed back in his chair. “There are twenty-four, but more volunteered.” Korba paused. “It’s hard to believe that the day after tomorrow they will be off to a certain death.”

Dar shifted in his seat. “That’s why we asked for volunteers. Their mission is imperative even though the odds of their survival are nearly nonexistent.”

“That reminds me,” interjected Fremma. “Toran is upset about one of the volunteers. He would prefer that we replace him.”

“Who’s that?” asked Dar.

“He used to be one of Toran’s First Officers. His name is Shan.”

Dar nodded. “Ah, that’s the man who spent so long in the Dead Zone after being shot down by a Southern fighter.”

Fremma nodded. “Yes, he’s the one. And from what I’ve heard, it’s a pretty bizarre story.”

Dar nodded. “So what’s the problem with him?”

“Well, Toran feels that he is quite capable of regaining his previous rank, and even more. But for some reason, he’s always on the verge of going off the deep end. Toran had him checked thoroughly and the doctors say he’s fine, except he’s probably suffering some sort of mental trauma from all his months alone in the Dead Zone.”

Dar shrugged. “That doesn’t make sense. An officer could easily endure years of isolation in the Dead Zone or any inhospitable environment.”

Korba finally looked up. “I had heard that he wasn’t alone, but was attended by a Southern woman.”

Fremma nodded. “So the story goes. And from what I understand, no one knows the whole tale. Shan isn’t talking. But I guess that his psychological profile may have more to do with the accident and his injuries than his isolation. Anyway, Toran says that he seems to have a death wish and that he jumped at this mission.” Fremma faced Korba directly. “Toran seems to think that you can talk him out of it.”

“Why me?” asked Korba.

Fremma took in a deep breath. “Toran’s not sure, but for some reason, just after Shan’s arrival back here, he was in a panic to transfer to RIBUS 7, but Toran halted the requisition.”

Korba looked to the floor, and he rested his head on his fist. “Why?” he asked wearily.

“According to Toran, he was one of the best wingmen he ever had, and with time he felt that he would have him back in his full capacity. Toran still wants him.”

Korba squinted at the floor as he thought. “Yes, I remember the transfer request. That was the first time I had heard of his story. Actually, he worked under me originally when he was in training. He was very good, but then he was assigned to RIBUS 6.”

Dar looked at Korba. “Well, do you want to talk to him?”

Korba looked up and shook his head. “It’s his choice. He knows about the mission. Why should I deny a man the right to choose how he dies?”

Dar hesitated. “I agree, but maybe you should talk to the man as a favor to Toran. Besides, I’m dying of curiosity over his experience in the Dead Zone. Maybe he will shed some light on the mystery.”

Korba nodded absently and then looked at Dar. “When do you leave?”

“Within the week. It’s a short mission, only a few months. How about you two?”

Korba sighed. “I’ll head back to the ship after we oversee the men’s departure. Then we spend about six weeks in orbit, going through a complete weapons and systems check. Ticees hasn’t issued any formal orders yet, but I surmise that we will be on our way after that. And it’s about time.”

Fremma glanced at Dar. “Well, enough idle chatter for me. I have to get back to RIBUS 7 this afternoon.” He turned to Korba. “Do you want me to send Shan to you on my way out?”

Korba looked up at Fremma and then finally nodded. “I guess. What the hell? If he’s such a good man, the least I can do is try to save his bloody hide.”

Fremma smiled. “My Lords,” he acknowledged, and they both smiled at him as he left.

Both men remained silent for a moment and then Dar looked at Korba. “How’s Fremma doing?”

“He’s the best Second-in-Command I’ve ever had.” Korba chuckled. “I think Tarn’s getting edgy, and I’m afraid he has reason to be. Fremma’s every bit as competent and he’s a lot younger.”

Dar smiled and then looked toward the doors in response to a knock. “Come in!” he shouted.

Shan walked in and then stood very still in front of the two seated Warlords. He nodded to them. “My Lords,” he acknowledged respectfully.

Korba rubbed his jaw wearily and then noticed the man’s extremely rigid stance. Korba pushed himself out of his chair. “You’re Shan, right?”

“Yes, my Lord.”

Korba looked at him closely. “I understand that you volunteered for the Vixen mission?”

“Yes, my Lord.”

“You probably won’t return from it,” Korba stated bluntly.

Shan finally looked at him. “Yes, my Lord. I understand that.”

Korba took a deep breath. “Do you mind telling me why you volunteered for this, Shan? I know that you are a good man with a lot of potential.”

Shan flinched. “Is that an order, my Lord?”

Korba was surprised, and at the same time he caught Shan’s muscle betrayal of his anxiety. “No, it is not,” he replied softly.