Till There Was You (22 page)

Turning and stomping back to the truck, her head clouded with her anger, she didn’t even get time to react when her foot slid out from under her. Hitting the ground on her side, she scrambled to get back up, gathering the bag containing Linc’s things as she did.

“Fucking asshole,” she wept, distressed that even after she’d fallen, he didn’t have the decency to come out and check on her. Righting herself, she twisted at the hip and flung the bag back toward the house. “Asshole!” she yelled as it hit his door, the contents spilling out on impact and one of his heavy boots cracking the front window.

Serves him right,
she thought as she stomped the rest of the way to her truck, slamming the door as she got back in. She left Linc’s place feeling worse than when she had gotten there. Too angry to cry again, she screamed out her frustration, thumping the steering wheel when she ran out of breath.

Just as she rounded the corner, a wave of despair flooded her body. She’d lost him. As a sob forced its way out of her chest, her thick tears blurred her vision and she didn’t see the deer.

––––––––

T
he cracking of the window caused him to flinch in the darkness he stood in. Lily was right, he was a coward—scared to live, scared to be happy, scared to fall in love... He’d heard every word she’d screamed through the door and knew he was being an ass. But he had to turn her away. Seeing that folder, whether she read it or not, simply reminded him he was living a lie. And it was a happy one—he was pretending he could be alive again. But seeing that photo, seeing his girls laid out on the road, simply reminded him he was dead, too. He’d died long before that day and had no right trying to act as though he could live now.

He needed to stop things between him and Lily before they went too far, and perhaps they already had—she’d said she loved him, after all. In truth, hearing those words from her had meant the world to him. They’d given him hope and made him feel as though he was doing something right. He even had a brief moment where he considered himself happy.

But it had been selfish. His entire relationship with Lily was selfish. He never should have let her in. He never should have allowed her to be the Band-Aid that put his pain on pause. He needed that pain. It was a part of him. And it was his curse to live with. He’d checked out and stopped caring when his family needed him to be there. He needed to spend his days understanding the consequences of his actions—not basking in happiness with Lily. No, he didn’t deserve a second chance. Losing comrades on the battlefield was one thing. When you were at war, good men fell, it was a given. But losing your family to a drunken decision—that was unforgivable.

He’d lost sight of why he’d moved to Newsham, and the file served to remind him of that. Lily was a distraction. He needed to let her go.

Sliding down to the floor, Linc sank his face and fingers into the thick fur about Shade’s neck, breathing in the familiar scent that had been his only comfort for so long. Loneliness tugged at his heart, telling him to go after her and bring her back. His heart wanted the light, but he knew in his soul was little more than darkness.

Sitting on the floor, Linc allowed his demons to run rampant in his mind, driving out the hope, stamping out the happiness, pushing his mind back to the darkness where he belonged. All the while, he told himself he was doing the right thing. It would hurt for a while, but in time, Lily would realize he did her a favor. He sat there as Shade howled, trying to get him up off the floor, but when he didn’t move, the husky simply lay down beside him and rested his head on his lap.

T
he cooling temperature and the absence of light seeping in from around the windows told Linc he’d been sitting on the floor for hours. When he shifted his stiff legs, Shade spoke to him in low husky grumbles that told Linc he’d interrupted the dog’s sleep. Standing to stretch, Linc opened the front door, deciding he should probably pick up his things from the stoop and check the damage on the window.

Flicking on the porch light, Linc jumped backward when Shade bolted through the front door, a high-pitched howl drawing his attention to the cop car as it pulled up to the gate. Shoving his things in the bag, Linc pocketed his wallet and keys, then set off after Shade, who was eying Matt through the window, pinning him with his ice blue eyes.

“Taught him some new tricks since last time I was here?”

“No. He just doesn't like you.”

Matt gulped. “Fair enough. Is it safe to get out?” he asked, looking at Shade, who was now seated at Linc’s side.

“Depends on what you want.”

“I need to talk to you about, Lily. It’s important.”

“I already know it was you who gave her that folder.”

“This isn’t about the folder.”

Releasing his breath, Linc stepped out of the way.

“He won’t do anything except lick you. Huskies are shit guard dogs,” Linc said, motioning for Matt to get out and talk face to face.

Heading to the house, he set about checking Shade’s water before putting out some food for him. The sound of footsteps behind him let Linc know Matt had followed him in.

“Well, start talking,” he said, keeping his back turned.

“She’s in the hospital, Linc.”

Linc stopped what he was doing, his heart frozen in his chest as he turned to look Matt in the eye.

“What happened?” he asked, keeping his voice even. Inside, he was freaking out and berating himself because he knew this would happen. People weren’t safe around him—not those he cared about.

“A deer jumped out in front of her truck and she lost control.”

“Is she okay?”

Matt wiped a hand over his jaw, the rough stubble scraping against his palm as Linc noticed the worry lines around his eyes. “I don’t know yet. They’re running tests.”

Linc grabbed his coat. “Take me to her,” he demanded as he walked out the door and got straight into the car.

The hospital was a couple towns over and most of the drive was done in stony silence as both men kept their focus on their destination. In Linc’s mind, a mountain of guilt settled upon his shoulders. She’d left his house angry and upset. If anything happened to her, it was on him.

“It’s my fault,” Matt said as the signs directing them to the hospital appeared overhead.

“How?” Linc asked, the one word almost a bark. He wasn’t interested in talking, or listening to Matt find a way to make Lily’s accident about him. “None of this would have happened if I’d listened to you both. You told me you’d tell her in your own time, and she told me she was willing to wait, but I had to push that file on to her.”

Linc said nothing in response. While he was pissed at Matt for digging where he wasn’t wanted, he knew it was his reaction to finding the file that had been the catalyst. Lily was yet another victim of his inability to control himself when things got too tough for him to face.

“You need to understand this was all me. That folder...Lily had nothing to do with any of it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the trouble I caused between you. This was never what I wanted. I just wanted her to be informed...” His voice trailed off as the hospital came into view and he turned into the parking garage.

“You did the right thing,” Linc said eventually. It pained him to voice the words, but he knew, deep down, if he had a sister dating a guy like him, he’d have probably done the same thing.

“I should have stayed out of it.”

“No,” Linc shook his head, “you were right. I should have been honest, and if I couldn’t be honest, I shouldn’t have gotten involved. This mess...it isn’t on you. It’s all on me. I’m the one who upset her then let her drive away.”

The moment Matt pulled into a parking space, he looked at Linc with weary eyes. “My sister might not know what was in your file, Linc, but I do. You can’t go through life collecting people’s tragedies and taking them on board as your own. Not everything is your fault.”

“Isn’t that exactly what you were just trying to do?” Linc pointed out before he opened the door and stepped out, striding toward the entrance without bothering to wait for Matt.

L
ily heard the beeping first, followed by the soft murmur of voices as she opened her eyes and looked around the room at stark white walls. “Wh-where am I?” she rasped out, her throat dry as she tried to piece together her memory from before. The last thing she remembered was leaving Linc’s.

“Hey, little sis,” Matt said in a hushed tone, leaning over her as he ran a gentle hand down her hair. “You’re in the hospital. That deer did a bit of a number on you.”

“Deer?” she asked, trying to sit up, but failing when a sidesplitting pain forced her to lie back down.

“Yeah. You and the truck got in a fight with the deer. I’m not entirely sure on the details, but I think the deer won.”

She let out a groan as the memory of the buck jumping out in front of her resurfaced. It was like it thought the truck was after him so it attacked first. “My truck is wrecked?” She loved that truck.

“Yeah. The whole front end is caved in.”

“Shit,” she grumbled. “And I have cracked ribs?”

“Yeah, and a concussion. They want you in here a couple days to make sure the swelling goes down. You got off pretty light considering the state of the truck.”

“I guess so.” Looking around the room, she reached her hand out to indicate she wanted the water sitting on the hospital table at the end of her bed. “I need a drink.”

“Oh,” Matt said, about to fetch it when a certain large-framed mountain man moved into view and poured a cup for her.

“You’re here.” Lily touched Linc’s hand as he brought the cup to her lips, relief flooding through her to have him with her again.

“I needed to make sure you were okay,” he said, although something about the way he avoided her eyes told her her relief was short lived.

“And now that you know?” She watched as Linc lowered his eyes and pressed his lips together, shifting uncomfortably on his feet.

“You’re not staying, are you?” she asked, her voice turning cold as realization dawned on her. He was doing it again. He was pushing her away.

“I’ll give you two a moment alone,” Matt said, excusing himself from the room as Lily continued to glare up at Linc.

“Well?” Lily prompted.

“No,” Linc said simply. “I’m not staying. I just needed to make sure you were okay.”

Pressing her lips together in a sad smile, Lily blinked rapidly to keep her tears at bay. “Then why did you come? Why didn’t you just stay away?”

“You know why I came,” he answered, his voice hoarse.

“Why, because you
care
for me? I find that hard to believe, Linc. You seem too eager to end things between us.”

“It’s the way it needs to be.” She could hear the way his voice was thickening and couldn’t reconcile the idea that he was getting choked up when he was the one breaking up with her.

“That’s bullshit, Linc. This has got more to do with the fact that I told you I love you than it has anything to do with you finding that file. You’re just so scared to let yourself be happy—and I mean truly happy—that you’d rather throw it all away and not even try. Well, Linc, it’s not going to work, because I’m still going to love you anyway. It doesn’t matter if you’re holed up in that cabin or lying next to me in bed, I’m still going to love you.”

Leaning down, Linc pressed a lingering kiss on her forehead. “Goodbye, Lily,” he murmured against her skin before walking out of the room.

Closing her eyes, Lily choked back her tears, telling herself she had to be strong. Fighting him to come back wasn’t the way to win this. She had to let him go and hope he’d realize he needed her as much as she needed him.

“He just gave me the keys to Tim’s car. Said you’d need it more than him,” Matt said as he approached.

“Fine,” she whispered, squeezing her eyes a little tighter. Next thing she knew, he’d be dropping a box of things off containing the toothbrush and clothes she had at his place. The thought made her chest ache a little more.

“You okay?” Matt asked, settling in the visitor’s chair beside her bed.

Opening her eyes, she nodded. “Yeah,” she said in a whisper, reaching out to take his hand. “You did good today.”