To Love a King (Court of Annwyn) (2 page)

The doctors who’d told her fairies weren’t real had never been confronted with the truth—the truth that was walking steadily closer to the counter as if it wanted to order a cup of coffee.

Last time, it had been hard to say anything with her mother standing there. He’d never come back and given her the chance to speak or explain what had happened. And she’d never had the chance to ask him to send the monsters away. Everyone had just thought she was crazy. Then, as the years had passed in drug-induced grayness, she’d begun to hope that she would never see him or any fairy again. It hurt too much.

As he strolled toward her, the old doubts began to rise. Why was he here now? Had he come back, thinking it wasn’t too late, that maybe only days had passed when it had been years? Or had he come to take her to Annwyn? Why would he bother chasing her? He could have any woman he wanted. She was just the girl who he believed killed his baby.

If he wanted revenge, he was a little late. She’d been to hell and back, and she had nothing to say to him.

He glanced at her and looked away as if he didn’t recognize her.

Maybe he didn’t. She’d grown up and changed. She’d had to.

He hadn’t changed a bit. His cheekbones could still weaken women’s knees, and the curve of his lips could melt hearts. But it was the way he acted, as if he didn’t know women were watching him over their coffee cups. The trouble was she knew it wasn’t an act. When he’d been with her, his attention had always been on her. He’d made her feel like the most beautiful woman in the room even if she wasn’t. He’d had a confidence she’d always lacked.

He’d seemed stable, calm, and wise, while at the same time he’d craved freedom from Annwyn. That her parents had hated him had been the cherry on top. He’d been her rebellion. Even though he knew that her parents didn’t like him, he’d always insisted on being polite and behaved himself around them, as if he thought he could eventually win them over. He believed family was important. And she’d lost his baby. She’d never forget the look on his face when her mother had said it was gone. Felan calling her name even as the door shut. She’d cried until her mother had forced her to take a sleeping pill. She’d slept so many hours away, hiding from reality.

He really had no right to be here, messing up her new life with his charm and looks.

Ash almost raced around the counter to take his order. Her eyes were bright and unable to look away from the fairy. That had been her once, stumbling into his arms, head over heels in love. Crawling out had been much harder than getting in. It was kind of like those coils of barbed wire and the mud pits army recruits have to slog through and over, only it had lasted for years.

She busied herself wiping the coffee machine and filling the next order on her list. It was better this way, that he didn’t recognize her. Easier if she never had to explain herself or listen to his reasons for abandoning her. Love. Fairies didn’t know the meaning of the word.

“Latte, please.” His voice was soft and smooth, just the way she liked to remember, not the tortured cry she’d heard last from his lips.

Jacqui had to close her eyes to hold back the memories. She opened her eyes, expecting him to be looking, but he’d taken his table number and found a seat by the window. Then he busied himself reading the newspaper. He had always liked to follow news from around the globe.

She frowned. How long had it been since he’d been in the mortal world?

Ash slapped the order in front of her. “How gorgeous is he? I bet he’s an actor or something.”

Or
something
was closer to the truth. “Trouble I bet.” Jacqui glanced at the till, wondering how he’d paid. When they’d been together, she’d helped him set up a bank account. Did he still use it, or had he simply tricked Ash into thinking he’d paid?

“I wouldn’t mind that kind of trouble.” Ash sighed.

Jacqui looked at Ash. She wasn’t even twenty, but she was pretty—she’d be prettier if she didn’t bleach her hair to within an inch of its life and she quit the fake tan. She looked like every other girl here. Didn’t everyone go through that phase of trying to fit in? Jacqui had dyed her brown hair black and straightened it every day through high school, partly to fit in, but mostly because her parents had hated it.

“You would when he left you heartbroken.” The words came with more bitterness than she’d planned.

Ash raised her eyebrows. “You have to kiss toads to find a prince.”

“I don’t want a prince.” She’d had that once, and she wouldn’t make the same mistake again.

Felan tried to concentrate on the day’s headlines. The death toll in Africa from a new strain of Ebola. The overcrowded hospitals in China from a SARS variant. Russia was controlling the smallpox outbreak by shutting borders. The humans were trying to stop the spread of the plagues, but how could they fight what they only half understood? He felt the weight of every death. He could’ve prevented it all if he’d taken bigger risks and played a better game.

That Sulia had been one step ahead of him rankled. His mother’s protégé was still one step ahead of him. Perhaps he didn’t deserve the throne if he couldn’t win it. But it didn’t feel like a game anymore when so many lives were at stake—his included.

From the corner of his eye, he watched Jacqui and her friend. The blond was cute, but could never hold his attention the way Jacqui did just by being in the room. Her curly brown hair was pulled back, but a ringlet kept falling out and brushing her cheek as she made the hot drinks.

She’d been studying business management. They’d been in the same ethics class—all fairies could do with lessons in ethics. He’d gone to college to learn more about the mortal world and start looking for a Queen, and had found more than he’d ever expected. So what was she doing making coffee?

His leg began to bounce with nerves, but he shut it down. He was the Crown Prince of Annwyn, yet around her he was nothing except Felan. This time, that wouldn’t be good enough. He forced out a breath. He was here for answers only. Nothing more. Although, given the way she was carefully not looking at him, he was willing to bet that even getting answers would be difficult.

Did the past matter so much that he couldn’t get beyond it?

He glanced at her again, and the scar that she’d left on his heart tore a little. He wasn’t over her. How could he move on and find a Queen when he was still thinking of her? It wouldn’t be fair to anyone. Was she over him?

It was hard to tell.

And if she wasn’t, was there anything worth saving?

He turned the pages of the newspaper and hoped to find some celebrity gossip, anything to distract him for just a few moments from the wreckage of the world and his relationship.

He lifted his gaze as footsteps approached. He’d expected it to be the blond girl, but it was Jacqui. He let himself be caught in her blue eyes, deep as the ocean. He’d once believed he could happily drown in them. Seeing her in the flesh was different from watching through the mirror. Here, he could see that she’d lost the wild edge; she was more careful, more restrained, and getting closer by the heartbeat. But her eyes didn’t look dull, the way they had the last time he’d seen her, and that gave him hope. There was a flicker of recognition and a shimmer of fear she was trying to hide.

He drew in a breath and hoped she wouldn’t toss his coffee in his lap.

***

Jacqui placed the coffee down without meeting his gaze. Her hand betrayed her by shaking just a little and the cup clinked against the saucer. He’d watched her walk over, but his face had revealed nothing. Once, she’d been able to read his mind just by looking at his lips.

She wasn’t angry anymore, or hurt. When it came to Felan, all she had left were the hollow ache and the knowledge of the damage he’d caused. Did he realize or care? Or was this a game to him and she was just the gullible human who’d fallen for his act? She wasn’t that girl anymore and it would take much more than a pretty face and a killer smile to get her to fall into any man’s bed.

Carefully, she lifted her gaze and met his stare. He didn’t look older, but he had changed. There was something in his eyes, a razor-edge she hadn’t seen before—or perhaps she hadn’t cared to notice. He didn’t blink or flinch away, and for a second, she thought she saw something more familiar before it was smothered. If he wasn’t here to torment her, why was he having coffee by the sea? She knew fairies didn’t like water; it was one of the many reasons she’d moved to California. That it was miles away from her parents and had great weather were all excellent features in her book. California had been her fresh start. Somewhere Felan shouldn’t have been able to find her.

“Why are you here?” She kept her voice calm and low. No one needed to realize that she knew this overly good-looking man. No one, especially him, needed to know that her heart had beat a little harder at the sight of him. She blamed her fear of fairies, but she might have been lying to herself.

Everyone
can
see
him. I am not crazy.
But she was still talking to a fairy, something she’d vowed never to do again. Fairies were bad news. Especially fairy princes.

He looked at his coffee, and she knew he had no good reason to be in this shop.

Felan glanced up. “I needed to see you.”

“Well, here I am. Have you seen enough?” She tilted her chin and tried to sound much braver than she felt. He could grab her and take her to Annwyn in a heartbeat and there wasn’t a damn thing anyone could do about it. Her necklace felt heavy against her skin, and while the iron gave her comfort, it wasn’t enough to stop him, just enough to give him a nasty burn.

He attempted a smile, but it had lost the luminescence it once had. What had happened to him since their breakup? “We need to talk.”

Jacqui shook her head. She’d wanted to talk to him every hour when he’d first left, prayed he’d return soon, and then…then she’d come to fear his return and what she’d say to him. Now she tried to tell herself she didn’t care even though she wanted to run and hide.

It was a shock to realize that he could still have an effect on her. Although it wasn’t desire anymore; it was fear. She didn’t want anything to do with him or any fairy. She swallowed and tried to appear cool and calm.

“You’re seven years too late.” Then she turned on her heel and walked away.

“Give me a chance to explain,” he said, loud enough that people lifted their heads and looked.

Jacqui stopped and cringed. She hated being watched. What if he used his glamour to make himself invisible, so it looked as though she was arguing with air?

He’s here and he’s visible.
She’d much rather he be somewhere else. She’d moved on; she had a new life that didn’t involve fairies, shrinks, meds, or anything out of the ordinary. She was normal. Normal women didn’t know fairies existed, much less date them.

Pretend
he’s a human ex.
No one else knew the details of what happened.

She glanced over her shoulder, not trusting him enough to get close. “Why should I?”

“You weren’t innocent.”

The hell she wasn’t!

How dare he insinuate… She spun and stalked back over to his table and placed her hands flat on the wood. She leaned close and looked him square in the eye. “It was an ectopic pregnancy. I almost died.” Her words were clipped as she whispered the things she’d wanted to tell him so long ago, in what seemed like another life, when she was someone else. “You strolled back into my life two months later and looked at me like I had killed our baby.” She swallowed the lump in her throat, but there were no tears left. They’d dried up long ago. “You never gave me the chance to tell you the truth, so no, you don’t get a chance now. You don’t have the right to come here and ask to talk to me.”

She straightened up. That had felt rather good. She’d waited seven years to tell him what had happened, and while she would never forget the look on his face when he’d realized she was no longer pregnant, at least she got to see the look on his face as he realized how wrong he’d been.

A frown formed, as if he was struggling to understand.

He’d never get close to the confusion and agony she’d gone through, followed by the realization that it was over. He could have fought his way into the house; he could’ve rescued her from her parents’ control. Instead, he’d left her there to drown in a medicated haze. She wanted to hate him for that. That would be so much easier than actually wanting to ask why. Why hadn’t he tried harder? She’d needed him and he hadn’t been there.

Had he cared more about the baby than her? It was an insidious thought that she’d had many times before. Maybe if she hadn’t already been on meds when he’d shown up she would have fought harder. She might have pushed past her mother and flung herself into his arms, but she’d been tired and listless, and it had been easier to obey. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Too many maybes and no answers.

She wanted to know why he hadn’t been there for her. Why had he stayed away for so long? Why didn’t he give her a chance? Would the answers change anything?

No, so she didn’t bother asking him. It was done and in the past, and she had moved on.

“It’s too late, Felan.” She left him sitting there with his cooling coffee.

***

Jacqui’s words echoed around Felan. He knew other patrons were looking and whispering, but he didn’t care what they said or assumed. This wasn’t Court, where he had to hide everything he thought and watch every step he took.

It
was
an
ectopic
pregnancy. I almost died.

He didn’t know what ectopic was, but obviously it had almost killed her and it was something to do with the baby. His knowledge of the mortal world, while better than most fairies, was inadequate.

He needed to know what she meant. In his shock, had he made a grave error of judgment? Had her mother deliberately led him astray? He closed his eyes for a moment and tried to examine those few fateful moments again. The dead look in her eyes, her smiling mother. His own grief that he’d allowed to blind him.

She was right; he’d never given her the chance to tell him more. He’d left before she could see him fall apart, believing that she had betrayed him unforgivably. Felan opened his eyes and glanced at her. She was cleaning the counter hard enough to wear a hole in the wood, determined not to look at him. If he was kinder, he might walk away and let her be. But he was fairy and on a very strict time frame. He didn’t have the luxury of nice.

His chair scraped over the floor as he stood; then he walked over to her. “Jacqui.”

She flinched and turned away from him.

He deserved that. He hated that his life in Annwyn had stolen the time he should’ve been here. Always the worst of both worlds. “Please.”

“I’m working. I have nothing to say to you.”

“I know you hate me, but I need to understand, and I don’t.” Admitting that wasn’t as hard as it should have been. Those words would’ve been dangerous at Court, but around Jacqui, he’d never had to pretend or plot or scheme. He’d never needed a poker face and a secret plan. Around her, he was able to relax. Her head lowered and she sighed. “I don’t hate you, not anymore. You can’t help what you are.” She turned and looked at him. “Do you really want to know, or is this a…trick?”

She’d almost said
fairy
trick—he could hear the unspoken word ringing in his ears. But there were too many people around for them to be totally honest—too many people pretending not to listen to their little drama. Their little drama was wrecking two worlds.

“I never played games with you.” Not once.

“Fine. I finish at five. If you aren’t here, you’ve blown your one and only chance to talk to me.” She pulled a pendant free of her clothes.

Iron. He almost laughed. A human drawing iron on a fairy lord was an act of war. At one time, it would have started battles that raged over Ireland until firstborn children were promised and human consorts were taken to sooth the bruised pride of the fairy Court. But back then, the Court had spent more time in the mortal world and humans knew who they were. These days, most lords and ladies never left Annwyn except to create a child. They had become pale, greedy shadows of what they once were. However, Jacqui was wearing iron because of him. Because she’d hoped it would keep him and other fairies away. That stung him to his core.

“I won’t harm you. My word.” A fairy’s word was their bond.

She snorted and shook her head. “I trusted your word once before. Not again.” Then she went back to work, dismissing him as if he were a servant of no consequence.

He’d never broken his word to Jacqui; he’d come back just as he’d promised…though he admitted to himself it had been too late and he hadn’t returned to her side and helped her. He’d fled. While he hadn’t technically broken his word, he hadn’t truly kept it either. In her eyes, he’d failed. Damn the Court dramas and plots to the river and the troublemakers with them.

He looked at the other girl, then at the people watching. He gave them a slow, steady glance that made them look away and mind their own business. He would not be gossiped about here. He got enough of that at home—and most of it wasn’t good. Too many thought he would fail to take the throne in time and too many backed Sulia. He should’ve realized she’d been acting against him sooner, but her tracks were well covered by his mother and her schemes. Not that his mother would be doing much now from her cell. Her games had turned and bitten her hard.

With measured paces, he went back to his table by the window. He pretended to watch the waves roll against the shore, as he drank his cool coffee. He could feign indifference; he’d rather do that than storm out of here. Yet he couldn’t sit here all day and wait for her to finish, nor could he go back to Annwyn, in case he missed five o’clock.

While his body was still, his mind was tumbling. His fingertips whitened against the cup. He didn’t know what to say to her at five. He glanced at the newspaper and the death tolls. It wasn’t about him anymore or what he wanted and needed. He’d thought Jacqui would make a good Queen once before, and even if there was no love, maybe it was a case of better the devil he knew beside him on the throne.