To Love and Protect (54 page)

“Yes, child.
 
Clarissa, have you had any sort of pain lately?”

“She mentioned a backache this morning.”

“Was it a normal, being tired type of backache?”

“No,” Clarissa said.
 
“Sometimes it would take my breath away.”

“I’m afraid it is going to be a long, hard day.
 
Help her change and walk with her.
 
It will help everything along.”
 
Justin left Clarissa on the bed and walked to his grandmother.
 
“What are you not saying?”

“The backache was labor starting.
 
It can be the worst kind.
 
The pains she’s having now are too hard and fast.
 
They are not consistent.
 
Nothing has really happened yet.
 
I’m afraid she is going to tire long before the babe is ready to make an appearance.”

“She will live.”

“I’ll do my best.”

Justin helped her change into a soft, old nightgown and walked her around the room.
 
He held her when the pains came and she cried.

“If I die, promise to take care of the baby.
 
You’ll be such a good father.”

“You’re not going to die.
 
Let’s walk some more.”
 
By the time the sun had set on the day, the pains were still hard, but sporadic.
 
When they came upon her the intensity had her doubling over, or holding onto Justin, but they did not seem to be getting closer together.

“Help her to bed,” his grandmother ordered.
 
“Let her rest while she can.
 
If you are going to stay with her, you can come get me if anything changes.”

“I will,” he promised.
 
He held her when she slept. When a contraction came over her, he would rub the rock hard firmness of their child.
 
Once when he thought she slept, he talked to the baby, while gently rubbing her stomach.
 
“Your mother loves you very much.
 
I do, too.
 
You have to help her through this.
 
She can’t do this all alone, and I can’t help her like I want to.”

Tears welled in Clarissa’s eyes.

“Dear Lord, please keep them both safe.
 
I can’t lose either one.
 
Amen.”

“I love you,” Clarissa said, caressing his cheek.

“I love you, too,” he said, and kissed her lips.
 

She pulled back, caught up in another contraction.
 
Clarissa thought this felt a little different than the others.
 
“Walk,” she panted, as it passed and she caught her breath.
 
Dawn was beginning to break as he helped her up once more and they began to pace the confines of their bedroom again.
 
Clarissa could tell the pains were becoming more regular and were more consistent in the time they lasted.
 
She walked most of the second day, with naps interspersed when she could.

The sun was setting and casting long shadows across the room.
 
Clarissa merely measured time in pain, and Justin could only watch and encourage her.
 
She had been laboring for a day and a half and was beginning to become weaker as every hour passed.
 
As darkness entered the room, she could no longer walk she was so exhausted.
 
Pain was a constant wave that coursed over her body, never letting her go.
 
She no longer cried out, but only whimpered.

Matilda came up to check her with Maureen and Gertrude in tow.

“Justin, it’s time.
 
You really should leave the room now.”

“No.
 
I won’t let her face this alone.”

“Clarissa,” Matilda got her attention.
 
“When you feel the next pain, push with all your strength.”
 
Clarissa felt the old woman’s hand low on her belly.
 
She knew she would feel the tightening of her muscles when Clarissa did.
 
“Now, push now.”
 
Clarissa lay there, fighting against the pain.
 
“Clarissa, did you hear me?”

“What’s wrong?”
 
Justin looked worriedly from his wife, whose eyes were glazed with pain, to his grandmother.

“She’s not pushing.
 
She’s fighting it.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.
 
Ask her.
 
She’s your wife,” his grandmother raised her voice at him.

“Clarissa, you are putting yourself in danger,” Justin looked at her as he spoke.
 
Tears ran down her cheeks.
 
“You have to push.”

“Not until midnight.”

“What?”

“Midnight,” she bit off as another pain racked her body.

“Bloody hell,” Justin leapt off the bed and raced down the stairs.
 
“Where’s Clarissa’s father?”
 

“How is she?” he asked stepping away from the group.
 
His silver hair stood up at odd angles and his eyes were bloodshot.

“Trying to kill herself because of your stupid will or trust or whatever you want to call it.
 
Have you not told her about the change?”

“She never lets me.
 
She always cuts me off and leaves the room before I can explain.”

“You have to tell her now.”

“Why?”

“She and the babe are dying,” Justin said, not truly knowing if they were, but she certainly looked close to death when he left her.
 
“She refuses to have it until after midnight.
 
She is fighting it being born!”

“I can’t go in there.
 
Not since seeing my wife die in childbed.”

“Damn you!
 
Then yell from the door, but she has to know!” Justin yelled before rushing back to her side.
 
Fear took over as he sat beside her and half raised her into his arms.
 
“Clarissa, your father has something to say to you.
 
You must listen.”
 
Her eyes glazed with pain, she could only nod.
 

“I made a mistake.
 
When I was still in Scotland, after you left, I met with a solicitor.
 
I rewrote the will and made a new trust.
 
I know you don’t want any money from me after what I have done, but I want your children to have what they need.
 
There is no deadline.
 
I’m sorry for all I have done, please don’t leave me like your mother did.
 
I couldn’t stand to lose both of you.”
 

“Don’t want it,” Clarissa whispered.
 
“Orphanages,” she told Justin, before another pain ravaged her body.

“What did she say?” Hamilton demanded to know.

“She wants you to donate the money to orphanages.”

“Whatever she wants.
 
Consider it done.
 
I love you, Princess.”

“Love you, too, Papa,” she said after months of not saying much of anything to the older man.
 
The Duke of Hamilton quietly closed the door leaving the room to its occupants.

Clarissa bit her chapped, lower lip, causing a bloody spot to appear.
 
Her eyes met Justin’s.
 
“I’m sorry I accused you of using me as stud service,” he whispered for her ears only.
 
He stopped as she was gripped once more with pain, this times a harsh moan escaped her lips.
 
They were giving her no rest now.
 
“I was hurt because I loved you so much.
 
I didn’t want a baby to be the only reason you wanted me.”

“Never was.”

“Deep down, I knew that.
 
And then when there was no baby, I was disappointed.”

“Love you, too, that’s why,” she broke off as pain racked her.
 
“That’s why the baby has to wait.
 
I had hoped it would make a late appearance.
 
And now, after all this time,” she broke off.
 
“I have to prove the money doesn’t matter.
 
You do.”

“No, dammit, you have to push, Clare.
 
I will not lose you.
 
We have both been fools for so long.
 
You matter.
 
Please, sweetheart.
 
I love you.
 
I don’t want to become like your father and have to raise our baby alone,” he whispered, tears gathering in his eyes as he thought of what a bleak future it would be.

“You’re crying.”

“What do you do when you are about to lose everything that matters most to you?”

“You aren’t going to lose me,” she broke off as another contraction took over.
 
“I’m so tired.”

“You can do this.
 
Just don’t fight it.
 
Grams said you have to work with them.
 
Push when they come.”
 
She nodded weakly.

“Get behind her and prop her up,” Matilda commanded.
 
She would have made an excellent general.
 
She barked commands that finally got through to Clarissa.
 
He whispered in her ear how much he loved her and that soon the pain would be over.
 

“I can’t do it anymore,” she cried sometime later.

“How much longer?”
 
Justin directed the question to his grandmother.

“Talk to her,” Matilda commanded.
 
He did, talking about anything and everything.
 
“Still too high.
 
We are going to have to try something else.”
 
Matilda gave more instructions, and instead of balking as most might do, Justin merely nodded, trusting his grandmother completely.
 
Clarissa believed in her as well, for she followed along with the new plan.
 
Justin helped her to stand beside the bed.
 
Justin held Clarissa braced against him and after several long pushes like this, Matilda happily announced, “I can feel the head.
 
It’s almost over.”

“Did you hear that?
 
I love you. I know you can do it.”
 
He watched a look of fear cross her face.
 
“No, don’t be frightened.
 
You are going to be a wonderful mother.
 
Now, push with all your might.
 
I want to see if I have a beautiful daughter just like her Mama.”
 
He wiped her brow and wept along beside her when almost five minutes after Midnight their handsome, squalling, healthy son was born.

“Please, don’t ever do that to me again,” Justin begged hours later as they lay admiring their son.

“What?” she asked, her voice still weak and tired.
 
She had napped a little, but the baby had awakened her.

“I can’t lose you.
 
I never want to come that close to it again.”

“I’m sorry I scared you.
 
I was frightened, too, but also very determined.”

“You almost ruined the rest of my life.”

“Truly?”

“You doubt it?
 
I love you with all of my heart, for richer or
poorer
, it matters not to me, only that you are with me.
 
I will love and protect you, and our child, for the rest of our lives.”

“I love you, too,” she whispered as tears of joy fell from both of their lashes.
 
Their lips met in a life-affirming kiss over their precious son, Jace Alexander Southerby.

Epilogue

Twenty-two months later

Clarissa and Jace lay on the grass near the gazebo.
 
King and Prince lay not far away from their young master.

“Bird,” Jace said, giggling, ending it with a giant yawn.

“Oh, look, there’s a butterfly.
 
Be very still, Jace,” his mama said.
 
The little boy stopped squirming and watched curiously as the butterfly few closer to him.
 
“He wants to land on your nose and see what you’re about.
 
Be verrrry stilllll,” she drew out softly.

Jace remained as still as a two-year-old boy could.
 
The butterfly landed softly on the little boy’s nose making his eyes cross.
 
“Tickles,” he said, giggling, and rubbing his nose as the butterfly flew off.
 
A movement caught the toddler’s attention, and he pushed himself up and quickly ran towards the approaching man.
 
“Papa!
 
Papa!”
 
The dogs jumped up and barked, following him to their elder master.

“There’s my little man!” Justin exclaimed.
 

Clarissa watched contentedly from her prone position on the ground as her husband bent down and swung their son up in his arms.
 
He tossed him into the air causing him to laugh uncontrollably, before he held him close and blew a kiss on his cheek, causing more giggles.
 
Warmth suffused Clarissa at how wonderful a husband and father Justin had become.
 
He even made certain the dogs felt his affection when he rubbed their heads in turn.

“Butterfly on my nose!”

“Was there now?”

“Yes!”

“And Mama didn’t chase it off?”

“No,” the little boy giggled, then placed his head on his father’s broad shoulder, yawning.”

“I’m going to have to take her over my knee,” he teased before lowering them both to the ground and arranging his son between himself and Clarissa.
 
He bent over his son, “Hello, Mama,” he dropped a tender kiss on her lips.

“Hello, Papa,” she said back, a sleepy, lazy smile on her lips.

“Kiss,” the little boy demanded.
 
Both parents placed smacking kisses on his cheeks.
 
The dogs settled near the trio.