To Mend a Broken Heart (32 page)

I wasn’t sure what I had done to deserve them both, two of the best men in the world. I wouldn’t have one without the other and I love them both and in very different ways. I truly believe, everything happens for a reason, and no matter how dark it seems, how awful it feels at the time, there will come a time when the light comes back on and the warmth returns. I am Daniel’s light and he is my warmth.

As I step closer and finally reach my Groom, that feeling of warmth that is forever present when I am near Daniel washes over me along with a feeling of a gentle kiss on my forehead, a gentle kiss of encouragement, of protection.
Richard.
I come to a standstill next to Daniel and Ginny squeezes my hand. I turn to look at her and she has tears in her eyes. There is no one I want to give me away more than Ginny. She is to all intense and purposes my sister, so much more than a best friend to me. She leans in, brushing away a tear I don’t realise has fallen from my eyes and whispers to me.

“Today is about the two of you, but I
feel
him here, Katie and he is
so
happy for you.”

“Thank you.” I whisper back.

“Now turn around and marry the man who worships you more than anyone has ever worshiped anyone in their life.” she grins, before she kisses my cheek and gives Daniel my hand.

“I won’t tell you to look after her, because I know you will,” she tells him smiling, “I trust you with my best friend, Daniel.”

He takes my hand from Ginny and squeezes it before he looks back to me. There are tears in his eyes too. He has never looked so beautiful to me. Dressed in a navy suit and white shirt with a silver tie and waistcoat, he is perfect and in a few minutes, he will be mine.

The ceremony passes by in a bit of a blur until it’s time to say our vows. I take Daniel’s hand in mine and look up into his eyes, vowing to love him fiercely for the rest of my life. Thanking him for bringing me back to life. And promising to always keep the light burning bright for the both of us. When it’s Daniel’s turn, he crouches just a little so his eyes are level with mine, just like he did the first time we met, and so many times since. He promises to treasure every moment we have together. To never take anything for granted and that he will keep me warm on the coldest of days. I break down completely when he reaches into his pocket and along with my wedding band, slips a heart locket around my neck. He leans in and whispers to me;

“Inside are two photos. I don’t need to tell you who they are of. Together we live in your heart, in your very bones. And together we will protect you and love you always.”

When he pulls back and wipes his thumbs under my eyes, I cling to him, unable and unwilling to let him go. The ceremony is concluded with us in a tight embrace. I vaguely remember hearing the words
you can now kiss your wife Mr Lambert
before I feel Daniel’s lips on mine and everything completely vanishes. We are the only two people in the world. Surrounded by so much light and warmth I feel it in my bones. I know what an angel’s love and touch feels like, because I have two of them. I think I float back down the aisle, to the song Daniel chose. And as the song plays and the lyrics sing out, we walk out into the conservatory which is filled with the most beautiful December sunshine.

* * *

After having photos taken and chatting briefly to our guests, we have something very important to do. Daniel takes my hand and leads me out into the darkening December day. I look back and see everyone is there, waiting to wave us off.

“We’ll be back very soon,” I tell everyone, “We just have to visit a very special person.”

Daniel helps me into the car he has organised and gets in beside me. Everyone waves us off before heading back inside, into the warm for mulled wine and canapés. We drive the short distance to Poppy’s grave, the bouquet we had made for her clutched safely in Daniel’s hand. The car pulls to a stop and we get out, Daniel scooping the train of my dress off the floor and taking the blanket he has brought with us in his arms. We walk along the path until we reach Poppy. He lays the blanket on the ground and kneels down like he has so many times before. I kneel next to him, leaning in to his body heat.

“Pops, today is a big day for me,” he smiles, squeezing my hand, “Today, I married Katie, I got the other half of me I’ve been missing my whole life.” He holds the flowers up, almost like he is showing her. He smiles and turns to look at me before he speaks again.

“Poppy, today I married the love of my life. I wish you were here. Today, you get the mother I know you always wanted. I’m just so sorry it’s too late,” I reach over and wipe away the tear making its way down his cheek, “I’m sorry I couldn’t find her sooner for us both. But she is here now, and I know you love her like I love her. I know, because you sent her to me. You sent her to me.” he whispers.

“I love you both,” I whisper, closing my eyes as I feel a featherlight touch on shoulder, “She is here, can you feel her?”

“I can always feel her,” Daniel whispers, “But you can feel her too?”

“I can feel her too,” I sob, the emotion suddenly overwhelming me, “Poppy? I promise you, I’ll look after your Daddy. I’ll treasure him, I’ll love him so completely forever I promise you.” I tell her.

“Pops, I wish I could see you today.”

“I wish you could too.” I tell him, wrapping my arms around his shaking shoulders.

“I love you, Katie,” he tells me, turning to press a soft kiss to my forehead, “I’ll always love you, of that I’m sure. If what the song says, and a dream really is a wish your heart makes, then my wish came true. I dreamed of you. Someone who would make me the man I wanted to be and not the man I had to settle for being when Poppy died. You changed that, you changed me.”

“I love you, so much.” I tell him.
He draws in a shuddery breath and rests his forehead to mine.

“I dreamed you. I lost my heartache, now do I get to keep you?”

I lean into him, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him impossibly closer, so close I can feel his heart beat against mine, feel his breath on my face.

“Yes,” I smile tearily, “
You do get to keep me forever.”

* * *

“
Mrs Lambert
, are you ready for our first dance?” Daniel whispers to me, his hand snaking around my waist.

“I think I am, yes,
Mr Lambert
.” I grin.

We take to the floor just as the DJ announces the Bride and Groom have chosen to have two first dances. It is our wedding after all, we can do what we want can’t we? When Daniel asked if we could get married in December, that Christmas had always been so special to Poppy and then when she passed it took all the joy of Christmas away. That when we spent that first Christmas together, the joy came back I didn’t hesitate to say yes. I love Christmas too. Later when Daniel came to me and pulled me into the dining room and pressed play on song that he said, if I had no complaints, would be our first dance, I had smiled and let him twirl me around our lounge and when the song had ended I told him yes. On one condition. that we did in fact have two first dances because I had found a song that I desperately wanted to have as our first dance too.

So as Daniel’s choice begins to play, I let him pull me into his arms and move us to the beautiful Christmas song. With the Christmas lights twinkling and the spotlights surrounding us, I look up and into my husband’s eyes and feel so happy I feel like I could burst. It has taken a lot of patience on both our parts to get here, it has taken understanding and strength. It has taken one of us to have faith when the others has faltered. But we have made it and I am so very glad we have.

“I know I’ve told you already today, but you really are breathtaking. Your dress looks like it was made for you and you alone. I’m the luckiest man in the world.”

“Yes, you are. And I’m the luckiest woman in the world. No one has even a pinch of what we have, Daniel. Not a drop of the love we share. Not a grain of the trust. What we have, everyone dreams of, but it is so rarely found.”

“You’re my world.” he whispers, before he presses his lips to mine just as the song finishes and everything goes quiet.

“Okay ladies and gentlemen, are we ready for take two? This one is a little more upbeat and the Bride and Groom have asked that you join them on the dance floor for this one.”

My song choice begins and I grin at Daniel. When I found this song, it seemed to say everything I wanted to, everything I felt. It was perfect to me, much like the man who I am so proud to call my husband. Lucky for me, Daniel can dance, but to make sure, we have practised. I don’t want to be that awkward couple who shuffles on the dance floor together.

“I love you so very much, Mr Lambert.” I tell him as he spins me out and back into his arms.

“I love you.” he grins, kissing me,
“Today is just the beginning gorgeous, just the beginning.” he murmurs against my lips.

Epilogue

Eleven days. Eleven days and I still can’t stop watching them together. I’m not sure I will ever be able to stop watching them together. Have you ever felt so much love for someone that you could scream? Well, that’s how I feel every time I see them. Do you want to know who
them
is? Daniel and Hope.
Our daughter.
Our eleven day old little bundle of warmth, light and our love.

Hearing how Daniel spoke about Poppy is something special, but actually seeing him as a Daddy, well that is just breathtaking. He really is a natural, everything came so easy to him. I can see why he found coping with a newborn alone so easy. Some men were born to be policemen or doctors. Daniel was born to be a father.

Right now, they are snuggled under our blanket in the reading room and Daniel is fighting sleep because he wants to get to the end of
Cinderella
. Does Hope understand what he is saying? No. But does she love the deep tone and sound of her Daddy’s voice? Absolutely. It lulls her to sleep like nothing else can, just like it does me. I stand in the doorway and watch him reading her the story, his eyelids drooping with each word, but he refuses to go to sleep until he’s finished. He has done this ever since we brought her home. This is his time with his daughter and if I’m honest I think it is his time with
both
his daughters. For the time it takes for him to read the story, Poppy is there with him too, he must sense I’m there because he looks up and smiles.

“You’re exhausted, please go to sleep.” I whisper to him, walking over and sitting next to him.

“I’ve just finished.” he smiles, placing the book next to him.

“Let me take her and you can go to bed, or better still, come upstairs with me and we’ll all sleep.” I yawn.

“Sleep? With my two girls with me? Sounds perfect.”

“Well, it’s certainly my idea of perfect.”

“Come on then, Mrs Lambert, let’s go get snuggly.” he grins.

We walk up the stairs, Daniel’s hand resting on my bottom the whole way. It isn’t a sexual thing, it’s a protective thing. We head into our room and I pull back the duvet and settle into our fluffy cloud of pillows. I watch Daniel carry Hope into the room, she is curled into his chest, her little legs pulled up, her tiny bottom pushed out. She always sleeps the most soundly when she’s in his arms, like mother like daughter.

“You look tired.” he whispers as he carefully climbs into bed.

“We have an eleven day old, who likes to feed, of course I’m tired. You’re tired too.” I reach out and run my hand under the dark circles under his eyes, even exhausted he is still the most gorgeous man in the world.

“But isn’t she the best?” he coos.

“Yes she is. And she has her Daddy wrapped around her little finger already.” I yawn, snuggling into him.

“Of course she does and she always will.” he shifts down the bed a little and puts one arm around me.

“She is perfect isn’t she?” I sigh, looking at them both.

“Beyond perfect. Can we have another?” he grins.

“Can we just let this one grow a little first?” I laugh softly.

“Yes, but can we? I want to fill the house with perfect little versions of you and me.”

My mind can’t help but imagine a house full of little Daniel’s. They will all be perfect and beautiful, just like he is.

“We’ll work on it.” I tell him closing my eyes.

“The working on it is something I’m really looking forward to.” he whispers.

“I’m sure you are.”

“Let’s go to sleep, who knows how long we have till Little One wakes up.”

I turn my body into the two most precious things in my life. My husband who is my heart and soul and our daughter, Hope, who is our little miracle, our reminder to never give up.

“I never dreamed life could be this good.” Daniel yawns before he falls asleep.

“Neither did I.” I smile.

Daniel once told me, that maybe the ones we love the most are taken from us before we're ready, before they have lived because they are the most deserving of the paradise that is Heaven. Maybe he’s right, I can't help but think no matter how cruel, how unfair and how heartbreaking, everything happens for a reason. Maybe the reason I lost Richard is because my path in life was to find Daniel, to help him heal and become whole again. Maybe my purpose in life is to mend his broken heart and make it beat again, and maybe, just maybe, somewhere, we have no idea where, Richard is a father too. Maybe he was taken from me so Poppy has a father there. I don’t know, but I have to believe in something good, I have to believe something good came from all this heartache, and as I look over at a softly sleeping Daniel, cradling our tiny daughter in his arms, I know what my something good is and it’s laying right beside me.

Life is trying, life is difficult, but it’s also full of love and happiness. I know as long as I have Daniel by my side, life will always have light and warmth. Life will always be safe because he is my safe place.