To Mend a Broken Heart (27 page)

“Our friends are here.” I whisper.

“Yes they are. Awful timing.”

“Just a bit,” I grin, “But we get to share our exciting news now, come on.” I take his hand and lead him to the front door. I open it up and welcome Ginny and Ryan in. Ginny comes prepared with two bottles of ginger ale and her slippers.

“Please don’t take it personally, I just feel sick all the time and this is the only way I’ll ever be able to eat anything.” she holds up the ginger ale.

“And the slippers?” I laugh.

“Are because my feet get cold and sore on the wood floor.”

“Perfectly reasonable,” Daniel says, “Let me take those.” he takes the bag containing the ginger ale and heads into the kitchen.

“Can I have ice please?” Ginny calls, following him.

“How is she?” I ask Ryan.

“She’s really good. Apart from the sickness. Bloody amazing my wife is.”

“She really, really is.” I agree.

“If a little over emotional right now, she cried before we left because her bag wouldn’t close…”

“Oh dear, let’s go save Daniel then.”

When we reach the kitchen, Ginny has Daniel looking at something on her iPad. Walking over to them I rest my hand on the counter and lean closer.

“What are you looking at?” I ask.

“We’re looking a—” Ginny’s voice trails off when she looks at my hand, “What the hell is
that
!?” she exclaims.

I look down at where her eyes are trained and Daniel does too, a huge grin spreads over his face and he wraps his arm around my waist. Ryan, still a little behind comes to look at the iPad too.

“What?” he asks, completely unaware of what Ginny was talking about.

“That!” she squeals with delight, pointing at my hand.

“Oh. OH!” he smiles.

“You’re getting married!” Ginny yells, standing and wrapping her arms around both of us.

“Eventually, yes.” I giggle as she squeezes us tight.

“Oh, you two. You’re so perfect together! You’re going to have the most beautiful wedding and the worlds most gorgeous children and live happily ever after!” she tells us, tears falling down her beautiful face.

“Let’s slow down a little shall we, Gigi. They just got engaged!” Ryan laughs at his wife, wrapping her in his arms, “Congratulations, both of you. I know you’ll be very happy together.”

“Thank you.” Daniel smiles, the pride evident on his face.

“We should celebrate!” Ginny announces, wiping her eyes, “Our best friends are getting married, that means we need to celebrate!”

“That is kind of what tonight is, Ginny.” I smile at her.

“With champagne?” she asks excitedly, then frowns, “Oh. I can’t have champagne.”

“Well, how about I put some of your ginger ale in to a champagne glass and you just pretend?” Daniel suggests.

“Mr Lambert, I like your thinking,” she sits back down, “Can you put some ice in it? I can’t drink it without ice!”

“Ginger ale in a champagne flute with ice coming right up!”

“Let me study the ring,” Ginny holds out her hand for mine, “Oh, it’s so beautiful and so perfect. I know how much you love Daniel in blue.”

“I knew you’d get it!” I whisper excitedly.

“I think it’s perfect. I think he is perfect, for you,” her eyes move to where Daniel is getting drinks ready with Ryan, “This is your happily ever after, Katie Koo.” she smiles.

“I really hope so.” I whisper.

“I know so.” she tells me holding my hand.

Chapter Twenty-Five

I don’t know a lot about photography. I can’t tell you what ISO means or what exposure is right for what setting. I just know what I think is a good photograph and the one filling Daniel’s screen right now is a very good photograph. He looks calm, yet there is an edge to him. His pose says relaxed but his face says something completely different. His face says,
I want what's over there.
I would have been jealous, except, I know what had been 'over there'. Me.

“Wow.” I breathe leaning a little closer to the screen.

“Wow?” He asks surprised.

“Yeah, like, really wow. You look…Amazing.”

“Do I?”

“Daniel, you have to know how attractive you are?” I tell him, turning so my bottom is resting on the edge of the table, “You have to know that when we go out, women's eyes and libidos follow you.”

“Don't be ridiculous.” he laughs.

“I'm serious. I've seen it. I see it every time we go out. Especially,” I lean closer, “When you're dressed like that. In a suit. All sophisticated and gorgeous. Like the man who knows what he wants and will go to any lengths to get it.”

“I have what I want.”

“Do you?”

“Yes.”

“And what's that?” My breath hitches in my throat as he scoots his chair closer, opening his legs so he cages me in.

“You.” he murmurs right before he kisses me.

I let myself be kissed by my fiancé, I let him pull me to him and I let him kiss me till I’m breathless. It’s a hard life. When we both pull back, panting and a little flushed I laugh. We’re hopeless right now. Since Daniel slid his engagement ring on my finger, we can’t get enough of each other, we spend hours in bed just worshipping one another, the need to be close to each other never quite going away. I have to focus though, I have a busy week leading into next weekend. A big weekend. I’m moving in with Daniel.

“Stop, we need to focus.” I hold my hand up and stand.

“Focus? I was completely focused just then, you distracted me.”

“I need to go back to my house and I need to pack. You can either come with me,” I stop and raise an eyebrow at his cheeky face, “and help me pack. Or you can stay here and I’ll be back later.”

“We both know, if I come with you, we won’t get any packing done.”

“You’re right.”

“So I’ll see you later?”

“Yes. I’ll be back about seven. Don’t misbehave while I’m gone.”

“I’ll be getting these photos ready, I don’t really know why they need photos.”

“The article is about you, about your work, of course they need photos of you.” I shake my head, kissing his cheek.

“I see now why I take the photos.”

“Man up, Mr Lambert! I’ll see you later.”

“I’ll miss you!” he calls as I walk out of the room.

“I’ll miss you too!” I call back.

* * *

I don’t know what makes me decide, I don’t know where the idea comes from even, but tonight I find myself standing with Daniel in his garden, surrounded by darkness and preparing to say goodbye to the two people who bought us together. Daniel hasn't spoken since we stepped outside ten minutes ago. I know he is struggling right now, but I also know, we need to do this and we need to do it together.

“This won’t ever make it easier, Daniel. It won’t diminish your pain, it won’t lessen your longing to have her back. But it might help you to say goodbye, something meaningful to you both.”

“I’m not sure I can, Katie.” his voice comes out in a cracked whisper.

I step in front of him and wrap my arms around him, resting my head on his chest. I can hear his heart beating frantically.

“You’re the bravest, strongest man I know. You’re full of courage and love and kindness. I know you can do this, Daniel, and I’m going to be right here with you. I’m saying goodbye too. We’re saying goodbye together.”

After a few minutes I feel him nod his head, then he says one word. One word that proves his courage to me. One word that shows me just how incredible he is.

“Okay.” He takes the balloon from my hand and ties his message to Poppy onto the cord. He brings the message to his lips and places a long kiss right in the centre. His eyes are closed and there are tears rolling down his cheeks, just visible in the moonlight.

“I love you Pops, I think of you with every beat of my heart, you’re everything I’m proud of in this world. You would love Katie, she helped me breathe again, she turned on the light you took with you when you left. I hope you’re safe and happy wherever you are. I hope you’re proud of me, because I’m so proud of you. I’m so proud to be your Daddy.” his voice breaks then and he doesn’t say anything else. He lets go of the balloon and in the moonlight and the light from the house we watch it float up and away.

“I’m so proud of you.” I whisper, standing on my tiptoes to kiss his wet cheek, “I’m so fiercely proud of you, Daniel.”

“I love you, I love you so much.” he chokes out through his tears.

“Now I need you to help me, I need you to help me say goodbye.”

He holds out his hand and lights the inside of the lantern. When it’s lit I hold it up high and speak the words I’ve been going over and over in my head for days.

“Richard, this is for you. I never made my peace at your funeral, nor in the months that passed after. I grieved for you every day, the pain so strong some days I couldn’t get out of bed. Then you sent me an angel, a man so good and pure and loving. I will always love you, I loved you then. I love you still. I don’t know where you are, but wherever you are, I hope you’re safe. I hope you’re whole and happy. Will you look after Poppy, please? Make sure she is okay? Her Daddy is so important to me. He is my world now. My life,” tears pour down my cheeks and I take a deep breathe and let go of the lantern, “I love you and I love Daniel too. Be happy for me.”

Daniel wraps me in his arms and we both cry silent tears. Tears for Poppy and for Richard and maybe even tears for each other. When I look back, I can see the light from the lantern and as it moves higher and higher up into the sky I can see Poppy’s balloon too. They are going wherever they need to be together.

We stand, huddled in the garden for a long time, just holding each other. Together we have helped each other heal, we have been there for each other when no one else could have been, because to be there, you have to understand the pain, you have to know what it’s like to have someone so precious taken from you, and sadly, Daniel knows that pain, probably more than I do. The pain that broke us and tore us apart also made us unite, it made us become friends and from that friendship love bloomed. A love that is built on kindness and respect, on trust and on friendship. It is a love that grows stronger every single day, a love that will continue to grow as we do, both as a couple and individuals.

“Do you think we can go in now?” I whisper, feeling frozen to my bones.

“I think we should.” his voice is thick with emotion.

“I love you so much more than I thought I could ever love someone again, Daniel.” I tell him.

I look up at his tear stained face, even with tears still in his eyes, his face wet from the many tears that have rolled down his cheeks, he is the strongest man I know.

“And you’re the only person I’ve ever loved like this, the only person who I will ever love like this.”

I smile tearily and lean up on my tiptoes to press a kiss to his lips. His arms encircle me and pull me to him. The heat radiating from him seeps into my bones and I know, right there and then, as long as I have Daniel, everything will be okay. As long as I feel the warmth I’ve felt since the first day he walked into my life, I’ll know I’m okay, I’m alive and I’m whole.

“There is a mocha with my name on it in there.” I grin.

“Is there now?” he grins back.

“Yes, can you hear it? It’s calling to me.”

“God, I love you.” he groans, resting his forehead to mine.

“Not half as much as I love you.” I whisper.

“No, it’s even more.”

* * *

Today is moving in day for me. My whole life is packed into boxes and I’m preparing myself to leave the house I have lived in with Richard and then alone for, so many years. I feel a little sad, there are so many memories here and they are part of the reason I have to be the one to move. The other part being I can’t bear to make Daniel leave the handprints. I also can’t make him live somewhere surrounded by memories of another man.

So today, as I wake up for the last time in this bed, I wipe away the tears that are falling and remind myself, that Richard isn’t here and leaving this house doesn’t mean I’m leaving him, the memories come with me, but that Im about to make a whole load of new ones with Daniel, with my fiancé, with the man who put me back together. Life is funny, you think you're made for one person, that you can only love one person so completely in your life, but that isn't true for everyone. What if for some people, there are more than one person? What if their heart has three parts and not two? That's me, I had my soul mate in Richard, but I have my soul mate in Daniel too. The only possible explanation is, my heart and soul was split into three the day I was born. All my life and the events in it, no matter how traumatic, lead me to both of them.

Daniel wanted to stay with me last night, but I just needed this one last night in the house alone. In an hour, the removal men would arrive to pack everything up and I will hand the keys over to the new owners. A lovely little family who will love the house like I do, probably more so. I swing my feet out of the bed and head downstairs for a coffee, I put the kettle on and stand there waiting for it to boil. My phone chirps on the counter alerting me to a text.

Daniel:
Good morning beautiful, I hope you slept okay. I didn't get a wink of sleep, I was too busy worrying about you all alone and then getting excited knowing the next time I fell asleep it would be with you in my arms. In our house. That just made me more determined not to sleep, to wait until I had you with me. I'm going to shower then I'll be over. I hope you’re okay, Katie. I can’t wait to see you, to start this new chapter with you. I love you. See you soon, your D x

I can’t help but smile as I read his message.
He didn’t even need to be near me for me to feel that warmth I now associate with him. I grin and send him a message back.

Me:
I slept a little. Amazing how much I’ve grown used to having you with me. I can’t wait to start our new chapter either. I love you more every single day for everything you have given me. See you soon, your K <3

I make myself a coffee then take it with me as I wander one last time, through the house. When I finally head back upstairs for a shower, my emotions are a little more in check and I feel ready to start my new chapter. I’m just finishing pulling my hair up and off my face when there is a knock on the door. I head downstairs expecting the removal men and find Daniel standing there, a tub of what looks like pastries in his hand and two travel mugs filled with, what I know, is the most delicious coffee.

“I love you.” he tells me in way of a greeting.

“And I love you.”

“Today starts our new chapter. There is a huge space in my life, in my home, that has been waiting for you. Today, it gets filled. I’m ridiculously happy about that fact, Katie.”

“So am I.”

“Breakfast?” he holds his hands up.

“Please, I had to suffer an instant coffee already today.”

“Absolutely disgraceful.” he laughs, following me into the house, “I bring you proper coffee and some of your favourite pastries.”

“Absolutely grateful.” I grin as I take the tub from him.

“Are you okay?” he asks sounding concerned.

“Yes,” I sigh, “I’ve had a cry, I’m ready. I’m ready to live with you. I’m ready for my life with you.”

“I’ll always try to make you happy.”

“You do. You make me happier than anything.”

We tuck into breakfast and when the removal men arrive, I watch as they load the things I’m taking with me to Daniel’s, when the van is loaded, I get into my car and drive over to my new house. I sit on the drive and wait for Daniel and the removal men to arrive, I look up at the front of the house that is now my home and I let the smile that is trying to escape out. It’s a beautiful home, one I’m sure is going to be filled with love and kindness. A house that one day will be home to our children. Daniel arrives and the removal men unload everything. It’s dark and fast approaching midnight before we’ve finished unpacking a lot of my things. We order pizza, open a bottle of champagne and dance together in the lounge surrounded by boxes. I’m unpacking my books in the reading room when Daniel comes to stand next to me, a box in his hand.

“I have a moving in present for you.” he holds out his hands.

“Thank you.” I grin, taking the box from him.

I unwrap it and gasp. He remembered. With shaky hands I take out the framed print and place it gently on the padded bench. We saw this months and months ago on the day we went to Brighton as friends. We are much more than friends now. I stood there, gazing at this particular print for ages, so caught up in it’s beauty and it’s declaration. I wanted it, but couldn’t justify the price.